Chapter 12
MADDISON
I thought walking around on the streets of northside at night was the most dangerous thing I’d ever have to be in. Never did I believe going to the Royal Academy would be what shattered my life.
But it did. If I could go back, I may not have accepted that scholarship. I doubt that would’ve stopped this from happening. No, regardless of how this went down, Everford blood runs through my veins, and that’s the most dangerous thing I’ll face.
I wish Elli had told me, though. At least I could’ve been prepared for this.
At least it’s happening with Finn, though, instead of a random stranger, or worse, Eli.
This is the second time I’ve kissed Finn, and what I notice is that he kisses like he flirts, intense and playful, which sounds odd considering the situation we’re in.
But that’s the only way I can describe the way his tongue teases mine before sweeping in deeply, where he steals a taste, then pulls back and bites my lip.
I groan, and he does it again as he starts to back me across the room with his hands on my waist. Part of me dissociates, just like I used to do when I was a kid and my parents would beat me, or put me in a situation no child should ever have to be in.
I know how to get through these moments, and I loathe that I do.
The strange part—well, one of the strange parts—is that if Finn had made a move on me first before River ever did, I think I would’ve eventually fallen for him. He just has that way about him. I’m not sure where it would’ve gone since he isn’t the dating type. And now he is married to me.
Oh my god…
I’m married….
For a horrifying moment, that reality seeps through the wall I put around my mind to protect me from having a panic attack.
Finn immediately senses my tension and pulls back. “Do you need a minute?” he asks worriedly.
It’s those careful words that help alleviate my panic.
I give an unsteady shake of my head. “No, I’m okay. Thanks for checking on me, though.”
He leaves his gaze with mine. “If at any time you need to stop, just say so. I don’t care about the timer he put on this. He won’t have that trigger pulled as long as we’re showing that we’re following through with this.”
“Are you sure?” I ask skeptically.
He nods. “He knows if he takes that away, he doesn’t have much to threaten us with.”
An exhale eases from my lips. “Okay. But you can kiss me again. I’ve collected myself.” I hope.
In the back of my mind, I realize we don’t actually have to kiss.
He could just screw me, and we could get this over with.
But as he kisses me again, for at least a few minutes, it helps me relax.
I latch onto that as best as I can as he lays me down on the bed, slowly, and then covers his body over mine, never breaking the connection of our lips as he props his weight onto one arm and kisses me even more intensely.
I know time is running out, but I let him kiss me for longer than I probably should. I let him kiss me until I almost forget where I am. Until I can’t even focus on breathing. I wonder what it would be like to have him kiss me under normal circumstances. Way better. Mind-numbingly better.
But then he stops. He doesn’t move away, his hips hovering above mine as he whispers. “I… I need to touch you for a bit. I don’t want this to hurt at all, so I… I have to touch you.” He gives a short pause. “You know what I’m talking about, right?”
I roll my eyes. “Yes. Dude, I may be a virgin, but I’m not na?ve.”
He lowers his forehead to mine before plucking a soft kiss from my mouth.
Then he undoes the button of my pants and unzips them.
My heart is beating so forcefully, I can feel it throbbing in every part of my body.
But all of my attention goes elsewhere as he sticks his hand down my pants and then slips a finger inside me.
I expected not to like it.
I expected it to hurt.
What I didn’t expect was for it to feel so good that a whimper flees my throat. I claw Finn’s shoulders as I struggle to get air into my lungs. Through the desire, though, my mind strays to the fact that Finn’s father is watching us on the cameras.
Again, he must read my mind, because he whispers, “It’s just you and me here. Don’t think about anything else, okay?”
I bob my head up and down and quickly get distracted as he pumps his finger in and out of me. My brain starts to short-circuit as he adds another finger inside me.
“Does that feel good or hurt?” he whispers, his lips brushing mine.
“A little of both,” I confess as I pull him closer, seeking comfort in his body heat.
“What about now?” he asks, then brushes his finger along my sensitive flesh.
Stars spot my vision as a gasp flees my throat, and my body arches into his.
“Fuck,” he curses, then pumps his fingers into my again.
He does this over and over again until my mind actually floats away to the damn stars, where I wish I could stay and never return. That’s not possible, and conclusively, my brain puts reality back in front of me as Finn shifts his weight.
He caresses my cheek with his hand. “Are you okay?”
Swallowing hard, I nod. My feelings are so conflicted. It felt good, but it also felt so wrong. I want to cry, but I also want to kiss him again.
“I’m going to do this as easily as possible, because I don’t want to give him a show,” he utters quietly. “Do you trust me?”
I don’t trust easily, but I do trust him. It’s weird, but I just know he’s going to get me through this as easily as he came.
I nod, and then he carefully removes my pants. He leaves my panties on, which is confusing, and then he slips his jeans and boxer briefs off. I try not to look at his cock, but it’s right there, and it’s big and hard, and I end up staring at it idiotically with wide eyes.
And then to add to the fucking awkwardness of this entire situation, I say in a horrified tone, “It’s so big.”
He fixes his finger underneath my chin and tips my head back to look at him. “I promise I’ll be as careful as possible. Just focus on me.”
I unevenly nod, but I keep glancing at his dick as he climbs back on top of me again. So he ends up kissing me to distract me—I can tell—as he slides my panties aside and lines himself up with me.
I know it’ll hurt, but it’s worse than I thought, and I cry out in pain.
He freezes and kisses me softly as he reaches between us and brushes his finger across my clit again.
My eyes roll into the back of my head as tingles kiss across my body, and for a moment, I go off into another reality where nothing but wonderfulness exists.
But then he sinks all the way in, and the pain returns.
I scratch at his shoulder blades through the fabric of his shirt as I struggle not to breathe.
He stays motionless. “Maddy…” He sounds torn.
“Just go quickly,” I sputter. “Please.
He nods and then complies, rocking in and out of me, his hipbones biting against mine.
At first it hurts, but then an orgasm begins to build inside me and bleeds away the pain.
As I fly toward the stars again, I can’t help thinking that if this were a moment between him and me, it would’ve been nearly perfect.
I try to clasp onto that as his movements become jerkier and I feel him come inside me.
That’s what breaks me, though, and my lip quivers as tears spill from my eyes.
Finn has his face buried against my neck as he clutches the blanket. He kisses the side of my neck, but when a sob escapes my lips, he jerks back. He takes one look at my face, and horror consumes his expression.
I’m about to tell him that it’s okay, that these tears aren’t his fault, that he was as careful as he could be with me in this situation when the door opens, and Mr. Averson strolls into the room.
He lets out a slow clap as he stalks across the room toward us.
Finn positions himself in front of me, blocking him from my view. “Get the fuck out of here until she gets dressed.”
“Quit being dramatic,” he tells Finn. “Both of you get dressed, and then Maddison will be seen by a doctor. Although after that performance, I know you fucked her.”
“Fuck you,” Finn snaps, then lunges at him.
Even though I desperately want to see Mr. Averson get hit, I don’t want his society brigade coming in here and beating up Finn, so I grab Finn’s arm and pull him back to me.
“He’s not worth it,” I tell him when he stares confusedly at me.
“He might be,” Finn mumbles with his lip curled.
“I need you,” I say more quietly. “So please don’t get your ass kicked.”
That softens his anger a bit.
We get dressed, then, and since Mr. Averson refuses to leave the room, Finn stands in front of me while I put my pants back on.
I’m sore, and blood is smeared on my thighs and on Finn’s cock, a reminder of what just happened.
I continue to try to disassociate the best that I can as we follow Mr. Averson out of the room and down a slender hallway that’s lined with closed doors.
However, I have a feeling that once I’m alone, I’m going to crumble.