Chapter One #2
“There weren’t that many people,” Tor told him once their mirth had subsided. “I, uh, was a little bored when I first got here. And a little resentful of my brother, who actually thought my behavior warranted royal orders.”
“No orgies, no drinking, no captaining the guard, and bonding with the wrong person,” Per recited. “It does seem rather personal.”
But maybe that was what happened when your twin brother was the High King of the United Realms.
Tor looked surprised. “I don’t actually remember us talking about that.”
“You had some feelings while you were drunk,” Pel said carefully.
The one time that Tor had broken his brother’s edict, after he’d confessed to Pel about an order gone wrong that had resulted in the death of a dozen guards.
“Ah,” Tor said, looking entirely uncomfortable for a moment, before he sighed and rolled his eyes. “It’s not easy having family who also technically rules over you, as I’m sure you know well. I was determined to obey the letter of the law but get a little creative with the spirit of it.”
“What does qualify as an orgy?” Pel asked with deliberate lightness.
Tor’s expression went both open and a bit outraged.
“Right? Because now you’re probably thinking that I went around having sex with a hundred people in a night.
And I never did—not once! Honestly, I think it can’t have been more than four or five, which”—catching sight of Pel’s expression, Tor clearly amended what he was going to say—“is more than one, obviously. But it wasn’t like we were all having sex at the same time, even.
It’s just… a night can be kind of long, and sometimes lots of people are interested.
But most of the time, it was genuinely only one or two other people.
I have a friend who was happy to join me when there was an interested lady. And that isn’t an orgy.”
Tor was very emphatic, and Pel had to admit that it wasn’t what he imagined if he thought orgy. But it was hard to still the faint churning in his stomach. Those four or five people were more than Pel had ever slept with, never mind in one night—and he would never be more than one person.
Tor’s expression shadowed. “I shouldn’t have said anything, should I?”
“What?” Pel said, surprised, and then alarmed.
“No! Please don’t think you have to censor for me.
I might not be altogether comfortable all the time, but I would so much rather you tell me the truth than that you lie to me.
I swear, Tor. I will figure out how I feel about all of this, but I don’t want you to have to hide from me, all right? ”
Tor stared at him for a long moment, as though gauging his sincerity, and then he leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Pel’s mouth.
“All right,” he said. “And just to clarify, these were people I was perfectly happy to leave after one night. It was something to do to pass the time. It was fun, but it didn’t have significant meaning.
I’ve cherished the time I’ve spent with you, and I don’t have any interest in moving on and finding the next amusement.
I know I’m not explaining it very well, but this is different. ”
Pel swallowed. There had been something raw and earnest about Tor’s voice, his gaze intent as he looked down at Pel, who might not have anything to compare it to, but this certainly didn’t seem to be something to simply pass the time.
This was one of the most enjoyable things he’d ever experienced, and Tor seemed to be telling him that the same was true of him.
Pel couldn’t compete with five other people in Tor’s bed, but Tor seemed to be saying… there wasn’t a competition?
Pel liked the sound of that.
“We’re not going to pay off the people you slept with,” Pel declared.
“No?” Tor asked, like it was still a perfectly reasonable offer.
“No,” Pel said firmly. “I’ll get used to the idea.”
Somehow.
“Think of it this way,” Tor suggested. “They might have had one night with me, but you’re the one who gets to keep me. If anyone’s going to be jealous, it’s them.”
Pel… had definitely not considered that way of looking at things. Did other people want more, and Pel was the only one who was getting it? He’d seen how Tor had acted with the stable hand he’d slept with, keeping things light and easy.
Somehow, it was hard to imagine Tor curled up with anyone else patiently addressing their insecurities in quite this way.
Pel had pushed him away for weeks, and Tor was still here.
Tor had thought Pel didn’t want anything beyond friendship with him, and he’d still taken what he could get.
They’d established now that they both very much wanted, but it still seemed more…
jumbled and difficult than Pel had been hoping.
Maybe that always happened at the beginning of a relationship.
“Did your brother happen to mention if he and his wife got to a point where everything was just… settled?”
Tor made a face. “We don’t talk about that sort of thing. My brother and I aren’t close—not anymore, at least.” His voice was carefully scoured of emotion. “And I can’t imagine talking about that sort of thing with Fernila. We talk as seldom as possible.”
“Why don’t you like her?” Pel asked curiously.
Tor sighed and climbed off Pel, shifting so that they were lying side by side, facing one another.
“She doesn’t like me.” His voice was still careful.
Pel was inclined to think that wasn’t an answer, but then he thought of Princess Terila. If he’d had any nascent feelings for her, they’d died an ignominious death when she’d made her disdain of him so plain.
Tor blew out a breath. “Everything changed when our mother died. I expected some of it. Obviously, there was a lot of upheaval. We lost our mother and the High Queen, and Varex became High King of the United Realms. Of course it wasn’t going to stay the same.
He took everything seriously. He wanted to be the best ruler possible. ”
Tor’s nostrils flared. “I tried to help in the beginning, but his advisor seemed to think I was interfering. Varex was being so serious, and I couldn’t really relate anymore.
And then when he started courting and finally married Fernila…
They were together all the time. Everything he did revolved around her or the United Realms. And she didn’t want to have anything to do with me.
She thought I was a waste of space, I thought she was a needy shrew, and we just… didn’t get along.”
Pel was silent for a moment and then said, “Do you want to know what I think?”
Tor blew out a breath, but his lips quirked up slightly. “Probably not, but tell me anyway.”
Pel half smiled. “It sounds like you’re jealous of her.”
Tor let out something that was half laugh, half bitterness, flopping onto his back so he was staring up at the canopy of the bed instead of meeting Pel’s eyes.
“Of course I’m jealous of her. Varex and I are brothers.
Twins. We used to do everything together.
I didn’t expect everything to stay the same forever, but I didn’t think I’d lose everything, not like that.
She always pulled him away from me. And I know it’s not a competition, but why could I never just talk to my brother?
” He swallowed heavily. “So, then, I behaved badly—not that she was much better!—until Varex evidently decided that getting me out of the castle was a priority.”
Pel suspected that was only one side of the story, but he could also hear how much that had hurt Tor.
“That must have been hard.”
Pel knew, after all, how difficult it was to lose your family, even if you were still in the same castle with them. Maybe he had more in common with Tor than he thought.
“We used to do everything together,” Tor admitted softly.
“Our interests varied a little as we got older, but we still spent so much time together. We cared about one another. We had fun together. Varex was always going to rule, but Mother should have lived for decades more. We thought there was so much time.”
“Instead, he stopped wanting to have fun and focused on being king instead,” Pel interpreted.
Tor let out another sigh. “Being king, being a husband, being a father.”
“All things that you couldn’t join him in,” Pel observed softly.
Tor didn’t say anything, so Pel reached out and twined their hands together.
“I’m glad you’re here.”
Tor squeezed his hand back and blew out a breath that didn’t sound altogether steady. “I’m glad I’m here, too.” And then he twisted so that he was facing Pel again, and the expression on his face was altogether a leer. He waggled his eyebrows. “I’m very glad to be right here, right now.”
Pel could only laugh. Apparently, Tor had decided to change the topic.
“Oh, yes?” Pel said, affecting unconcern. “What is it about this particular location that you’re enjoying so much?”
Tor crawled on top of him again, sprawling over him and bringing their groins into alignment. He set up a slow roll of his hips that had Pel sucking in a breath and Tor grinning with a fierce light in his eyes.
“Not so much the location,” Tor told him. “More the person I’m with.”
Pel couldn’t help but feel a warm glow at these words.
He knew Tor could be charming to all sorts of people in all sorts of ways, but when the man was looking at him like this, blue eyes so bright and intent, he was certain Tor meant it.
They were already in bed, after all. Pel was a sure thing.
Tor hadn’t just declared his interest, though; he kept declaring it.
Pel leaned up, and Tor eliminated the distance between them so they could kiss—and then Pel flipped them so that he was on top, grinding down on Tor, who didn’t seem the slightest bit perturbed by this change.
“Are you going to have your wicked way with me?” he asked, sounding delighted.
Pel hummed a sound of agreement. “If you’re naked.”
Tor’s smile was dirty. “Be my guest.”