Chapter 15
Joran watched Tila, his body aching to hold her, to reassure her that he could make this right between them. But how could he fix this? He’d left Tila at a time when she’d desperately needed him. How could she ever learn to trust him again?
“Would you like a glass of wine?” he asked, automatically moving towards the bar in their private suite. That was another thing, he mentally grumbled as he reached for the bottle of scotch. Tila still acted like a guest here, instead of someone who was prepared to live with him forever.
“Thank you, but I…” She gestured towards the sleeping babies.
“Right,” Joran sighed, feeling defeated. He clutched at the bottle, not because he wanted it anymore. But because he didn’t know what else to do.
“Joran, this…!”
He swung around before she could tell him that their living situation wasn’t working. He didn’t want to hear it. He’d already lost her once to his familial and royal obligations. He’d ached to feel her in his arms every night for all the months they’d been apart.
So no! He didn’t want to hear her state the obvious, that this tense living situation wasn’t healthy. Not for her, not for him, and certainly not for the twins.
“Marry me,” he blurted out.
Swallowing hard, he tried to hide his shock. He’d wanted to propose to Tila even before the shift in defense responsibilities from Khal to himself. Hell, he even had a ring! It had been in his pocket for the past several days, waiting for the right moment to ask her to spend the rest of her life with a man who had let her down.
Still, the horror dawning on her beautiful features wasn’t the reaction he’d been hoping for.
“Joran,” Tila started to say, but he shook his head and lifted a hand, stopping the inevitable rejection.
“I’ve asked for marriage before, but you haven’t agreed. However, before you say no again, let me explain the benefits of marriage to me.”
“Joran, we’re strangers now,” she said, her tone pleading with him to understand her point.
He paused, then shook his head. “You’re right, we are strangers.” He moved closer, careful to keep his voice low. “However, I remember what it was like between us,” he stepped even closer, noting the softness in her stubborn chin. “I remember the way you used to squeal with excitement when I knocked on your door.” He took another step toward her. “I remember how we were kissing each other and stripping off clothes before I could even close the door.” He took her hands in his, lifting them to his lips. Carefully, he kissed her knuckles. “I remember the way you used to moan and sigh and breathe my name when I touched you, when I was inside of you.” He sucked her finger into his mouth and immediately proved his point when she gasped and her body melted. All of the stubbornness was gone from her now.
“Joran, you can’t–”
He didn’t want to hear what he couldn’t do. He wanted her to know what he could do. So instead of waiting for her to list all of the ways he’d failed her, Joran was determined to remind her of all of the ways that he’d been good for her.
He kissed her then, his mouth moving over hers as he felt her lips tremble. When he deepened the kiss, she angled her head backwards so that she could accept his kiss, and demand more. He gave it to her. Hell, he’d give her everything!
While he continued to kiss her, his hands explored her body, reacquainting himself with her new curves. She’d both lost and gained weight in different places over the past two weeks and Joran was fascinated by every inch of her. She was heavier than she’d been before, but he liked the extra weight. Correction, he loved the additional curves. She was softer, her breasts larger, and her hips more lush. The soft, round globes of her butt cheeks fit into his hands perfectly and he wanted to tear off her clothes so that he could see every inch of her amazing body.
“You feel so damn good, Tila!” he groaned, cupping her breasts and letting his thumb drift over the tips.
She whimpered with the movement as her knees failed her. Joran loved that reaction. Easily, he caught her in his arms, pulling her against him.
“We should stop,” she whispered, her eyes closed, but she shuddered and slid her hand up his chest, brushing against his nipple before continuing upward, to wrap her soft, sweet fingers around the back of his neck. He felt her thumb caress that spot underneath his earlobe and his hands tightened, digging into her hips.
She knew what that did to him! Joran blinked, trying to remember what they’d been discussing. But she caressed that spot again and all thoughts evaporated from his mind. He lifted her into his arms, shivering slightly as her legs wrapped around his waist. Urgently, he carried her into the bedroom and laid her down on the soft bed. When he gazed down at her now, her gorgeous dark hair spread out over the comforter, he was entranced.
This bed had been so sterile, so cold ever since she’d arrived. But tonight, he was going to change that. He was going to make love to his woman in this bed and ensure that she felt so much pleasure, she wouldn’t ever want to leave him.
With that goal in mind, he unbuttoned her pink, cashmere cardigan, never so grateful for her need to nurse. The buttons released easily and he carefully, jubilantly, spread the sweater open so that he could stare down at…the ugliest bra he’d ever seen.
“Don’t say anything ,” Tila hissed, pulling the sweater closed again. She even tried to scoot away from him.
Joran laughed, genuinely enchanted by her embarrassment. “Love, don’t pull away from me,” he urged, grabbing her hands and gently prying them away from the cashmere. “I love the fact that you care for our sons this way. They are growing because you nurse them with your body.” He kissed the tip of one breast that was pressing against the faux lace material. He’d watched Tila fiddle with the clasps several times over the past couple of weeks before she nursed their sons, but for the life of him, Joran couldn’t see what she did.
So, he relied on the old ways. Rolling over, he shifted her so that she was straddling his abdomen within seconds. With determined hands, he pushed the cardigan off her shoulders, then sat up so that he could reach behind her, releasing the traditional bra clasp. The bra dropped from her body and Joran was able to feast his eyes on her glorious breasts.
“I’m fatter than I used to be,” Tila whispered, closing her arms, trying to hide herself from him.
Joran shook his head, grabbing her wrists to gently pull her arms wide. “You’re stunning,” he told her, honestly amazed at how lovely she was now. “You’re even more beautiful.” And with that, he couldn’t hold back. He leaned closer, kissing one taut nipple, testing to see if his touch hurt her. “Does it hurt?” he asked.
She laughed, her hands resting gently on his shoulders. “Hurt?”
One hand cupped her left breast while he focused on the right one. “Nursing our sons,” he clarified, his thoughts more than slightly foggy with the lust that was becoming painful now. “Does it hurt when they nurse?”
“It did at the beginning but not anymore.”
“Good,” he said, then lifted her breast so that he could tease that nipple. He knew from the past that she loved it when he teased her breasts. And just as in the past, Tila moaned, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him in closer.
“More,” she ordered, her fingers tangling in his short hair.
Joran couldn’t respond. Not with her fingers tugging at his hair like that. He loved it. He needed her to keep doing that, so he moved to her other nipple, teasing the tip with lips and tongue then stroking his thumb over the tip. He kept alternating between his wet tongue and his demanding thumb until she was shifting her hips against his erection.
“I need your shirt gone,” she whispered, her warm, soft breath tickling his ear. “Now!”
Joran kept his mouth on her nipple while he reached down and literally ripped his dress shirt off, tossing it away. His movements made her breasts bounce appealingly and he didn’t release her nipple. When his hands were free again, he reached down, pulling her hips more tightly against his shaft, eliciting a gasp from his woman.
“More!” she demanded, her hips already rolling against him urgently.
Joran reached up, sliding his fingers up her back. He knew what she was doing. In the past, Joran had stopped her from finding her pleasure in this way, just to drive her wild. But tonight, he wanted to please and pleasure her in every possible way. So, he not only let her shift against him, he helped her, reaching down. Her leggings were in the way, but the stretchy material was no match for his searching fingers.
Okay, maybe it was, he thought with a growl. The material was too tight. The leggings had to go.
“Wha…?” Tila gasped when he set her on her feet. She stood in front of him on shaky legs, her hands fluttering as she tried to make sense of what he was doing.
Joran didn’t have the mental capacity to explain. Instead, he simply tugged the leggings down without mercy. When they were gone, he lifted her back up and lay back on the mattress with Tila’s legs spread out around him. He pulled her hips down, causing her to spread her knees wide. With his hands keeping her imprisoned, he lapped at that nub, sucking and teasing it.