Chapter 23 #2
The thought of his father’s hand around her throat the way it had been around his—The glass crashing into her temple—
Better him than her.
“What are you going to do about it?” Aimilia recoiled at her own words, reaching back and grabbing the edge of the dresser, but she couldn’t pull out of his grip.
He couldn’t let go.
He hadn’t been able to wash the metallic taste of his own blood out of his mouth. He shifted closer and held her gaze. “Do you think I intend to marry you and leave you at their mercy? Aimilia, tell me truly, how little do you think of me?”
“You think you would be able to prevent it while they live?” Aimilia’s voice cracked. “You think I could ever marry you knowing I’m agreeing to add myself to their list of bones to break?”
She wanted to heap new objections onto him?
These…
“You never gave it a second thought when it was supposed to be Gavril you would marry.”
Aimilia closed her eyes, knuckles whitening before she opened them. “Then I was a fool in love. I was too wrapped up in having him to think of the consequences if I did get him.”
“Aimilia, I swear—I will make a binding vow on my vitae should you wish it—whether you give me the honor of your hand or not, I will not let them hurt you. I will not let anyone lift a finger against you.”
He’d do anything to keep her safe. He’d take any blow from his father, let Hypatia carve him up a thousand times, if that was what it took.
Aimilia shook her head and looked away, tears welling up. “Did you tell Faustina that too?”
Nikias’ hand finally fell from her side as he shifted back. “Faustina didn’t know about any of this.”
She sniffled, and a few tears rolled out as she scoffed. “Was she blind?”
“She suspected, I know that much, but that wasn’t until later. Certainly not before our marriage. I protected her—not that she was at risk. My parents—”
“Approved of Faustina and were more focused on Gavril at that point, I remember.” Aimilia faced him again.
“Fine. You didn’t have to convince her. I’m sure she would have trusted you even if you had.
We all make idiots of ourselves in love.
That doesn’t change the situation. Whatever goodwill my years of groveling at their feet have gotten me was gone the moment I refused you. ”
He could not lose what little progress he’d made.
“My father will die within the year, and I will win my mother over or send her away the second I have the power to do so.” He took her hand, brushing his thumb over the ring on her finger. “I will not let you spend a second at risk from them.”
“Nikias—”
“You don’t trust me, I know. I will earn your trust.” He squeezed her hand gently, hoping she could hear the weight of each word.
“You don’t think I can succeed now because I failed Gavril countless times before.
I do not begrudge you those beliefs. I am just asking for the chance to overcome those objections as well as the others. ”
Her voice shattered as the tears in her eyes spilled over. “Nikias, I can’t do this.”
“Two days, then we leave. Who knows how long we’ll be gone? Then—”
“Not that.”
“Then what? Aimilia, you can blame me for many things, but do not blame me when you lied to my face about my mother hurting you.”
Aimilia stepped forward, tear tracks still on her cheeks. “Why not? Why can’t I lie to you? What makes it so wrong?”
He reached forward to brush his thumb over her cheeks. “Aimilia, if you had been honest—”
She pulled her head back, eyes shining all over again. “What do you care about honesty as you stand here lying with every breath?”
Nikias hand stilled in the air. “What are you talking about?”
“You hypocrite.” She breathed out, reaching up and using the heel of her palm to wipe away her tears. “You want to berate me for hiding my injury while you stand here and hide your own?”
Nikias was the one moving back now. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Her other hand came up, fingers brushing the illusion and finding his black eye. Her voice broke again. “You have been hiding your injuries and lying for years. Drop the illusion, Nikias. There’s no point. You’re not fooling me about what happened after I left.”
The floor fell out beneath his feet all over again, but he couldn’t even move to catch himself. He had to be sleeping. This had to be a new nightmare come to torment him.
“Aimilia—”
Her eyes were still brimming, but her voice was solid. “Drop the illusion.”
How? How could she have possibly known?
But he was left with his own hypocrisy throbbing in his temples, so he did.
Aimilia’s hand fell along with the illusion. She sucked in a sharp breath, but otherwise her expression did not change. She hadn’t been bluffing.
“How… How long have you known?” Nikias whispered, shifting back.
Aimilia shook her head, voice thick. “All these years, you let me believe it was just Gavril. I’ve hated you for years because I thought it was just Gavril and you were the coward who wouldn’t stand up to them!”
He crossed his arms, digging his nails into his arms. “Did he tell you?”
Aimilia let out a sharp, nearly hysterical laugh. Her hands smacked her sides as her two little words pierced the air, small but excruciatingly sharp. “He knows?”
So clearly not then.
“He’s the only one.” Until now. Nikias was going to be sick.
“Oh—I—” A frustrated noise garbled anything she might have been trying to say. “Why?”
All he could do was stare at her as one of his worst nightmares came to fruition. The scar over his chest burned. This couldn’t also contain the worst of his nightmares coming to pass, could it?
Nikias could only stare at her.
She knew.
No one was ever supposed to find out. It was supposed to be over before anyone ever could. How could he have let this happen?
Faustina had never known and they’d been married. Aimilia had never once suspected it.
His skin burned like the sun had fallen from the sky and he was engulfed in it. The bile churning in his stomach kept threatening to rise up.
What had he done?
“Answer me.” Aimilia’s firm, but not harsh, voice cut through the silence. Then it wavered on her next word. “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
That one question ripped him out of his stupor. There had to be a way to fix this.
She was looking too closely. She was seeing more of him than she was ever meant to.
Than anyone was ever meant to.
“Why would I?” Nikias bit out, narrowing his eyes. “You hated me for no reason. How was I supposed to read your mind and discover the assumptions you made? The real question is, why didn’t you ask?”
“Because you’re their heir!” Aimilia let out a sharp laugh as her eyes spilled over again and she gestured at him with both hands, the ring on her finger glinting in the runelight.
“You’re the one they like! The one who can do no wrong!
Why would I have ever thought they treated you like they did Gavril when I only ever saw them treat you differently? ”
“You don’t think by the time we met I’d figured out what it took to be the one they liked?
Or that liking me has never actually stopped them from hitting me?
You thought they just took one look at Gavril as a toddler and decided then was the time to start hitting?
You didn’t think for a second they’d been practicing on me for years? ”
He was saying too much. He needed to stop talking, but it was all pouring out of his mouth, a waterfall he’d spent years trying to dam up and hold it back.
That one touch to his face had shattered his careful construction, his life’s work.
“You let me think that!” Aimilia shook her head, but the tears kept coming from her eyes.
He was torn between his innate desire to wipe them away and everything in him that screamed to escape before he opened his mouth again.
“You were going to marry me and never tell me that if you could help it. You married the woman you love above all else and you never told her what happened behind closed doors.”
Nikias stepped forward, four most damning words about ready to fall out, but he caught them before they could.
It would only make his shame absolute and complete.
Instead, he said, “Why do you care? You claim that you don’t want to marry me. That you hate me. None of this changes anything.”
And yet everything had.
Aimilia hit the dresser again, holding the hand with his ring on it to her chest. “I—How little then do you think of me? That this wouldn’t change anything? I told you that was why I hated you, and you said nothing as I rejected you. You would rather let me hate you for a lie than admit the truth.”
“How could I ever admit to you the truth? How could you expect me to admit to the woman I’m trying to marry, that I will vow to protect, that I can’t make it stop!” Nikias’ voice cracked and the tears that he’d long since numbed himself to came rising.
As if this couldn’t get worse. Now he was about to cry and Aimilia would never be able to forget how pathetic he was. The palace could come down on him right now and Nikias would consider it a blessing.
But it wouldn’t save him.
Nothing could save him from this.
Nikias kept his eyes squeezed shut, using every ounce of his willpower to push back the sob trying to make him even more of an embarrassment.
He took a long, slow breath. “I am a grown man. A commander. A widower. Regent to Imperia. My father is on his deathbed, and I still can’t make it stop. Is that what you want to hear?”
Soft, small hands gripped his shoulders. “Of course not.”
He opened his eyes, staring directly into hers. He would not crack. He could still salvage this. There had to be a way to salvage this.
“If you never suspected and Gavril never told you, how did you find out?”
Nikias had the suspicion her answer to this would either be his one last shred of hope or the final nail in his coffin.
“Nikias…” Aimilia’s voice cracked. “What do you think I’ve been crying about? How do you think I knew which eye?”
“No. You were gone. You’d left—You took the tray—” Then it hit him. He pulled out of her grip, nearly tripping on the rug as he stared down at her. “The passageway. That’s how you did it. I should have known Gavril told you and that’s how you did it.”
It was all starting to make sense.
Aimilia’s hands hung in the air. She took another step toward him. “I just wanted to know why they wanted to see me. I didn’t expect—I didn’t know what I was seeing at first—”
She saw.
She’d seen all of it.
He couldn’t breathe.
The pity in her eyes was the end.
“Nikias, wait! Nikias—”
The scar on his chest burned.
Inamatus.
He might be able to outrun Aimilia, but he couldn’t outrun himself.