Chapter 25 #2
Aimilia laughed softly. “I’m teasing you, not insulting you. In the past, I was absolutely insulting you. But now…”
The way she trailed off made Nikias more desperate for her words than a fish for water.
“Now what?” Nikias whispered, but Aimilia had dropped her gaze to the dirt. She scuffed the edge of her sandal in it.
When she looked up, she said, “Anyway, I was suspended for fighting. I got into it with two of the girls on the command track with me.”
“Now I’m insulted,” Nikias muttered. “I thought I was the only one you picked fights with.”
Aimilia shot him a grin and said, “Don’t worry, you’re still my favorite fight.”
He was?
“What…” Why was his mouth so dry? “What was the fight about?”
“A lot. And nothing at all. I don’t really remember everything they said.
I just remember what set me off.” Aimilia curled in on herself, wrapping one arm around her knees, the other reaching up and pushing her braid over her shoulder.
“They, uh—I see now they were just jealous, um, and catty. They uh—They were telling me it didn’t matter that Gavril and I were friends.
He was just using me because I was a good student to improve his standing in the class.
It wasn’t like I actually stood a chance of being his wife.
He’d never propose to me. He would never want his children to possibly end up with tomato hair and covered in unsightly freckles.
Of course, that would require him even being able to stand the sight of me to get that far, not that there’s anything to see other than my height. ”
Aimilia gestured toward herself.
Nikias kept his mouth shut as Aimilia took a deep breath, tilted her head back and then continued, “We were in the apodyterium and I took out a chunk of the wall. I even took out a few teeth of one of them. The suspension was worth it. Gavril… he doesn’t know any of this.
I never told him why the fight started. I never plan to. ”
Nikias didn’t know what to say. His marble tongue wouldn’t move.
Aimilia closed her eyes. “I think the worst part now is that they were right. I was just too blind and stubborn and in love to see how much my feelings weren’t returned.”
“They were wrong.” Finally, some words came out in an awkward, breathy rush.
Aimilia chuckled, reaching up and wiping at her eyes again, not looking him in the eyes. “I appreciate it, but come on, Gavril never proposed. He couldn’t bring himself to after our graduation tournament. He would have rather been beaten by your parents than marry me. So, they were right.”
“I should never have said that.”
But how could he tell her the only reason he’d said it was because he’d been sick with jealousy, desperate to grab her and make her stop looking at Gavril and to finally see him?
He couldn’t.
For whatever reason she was doing this, it wasn’t because she returned his affections.
Aimilia shrugged. “It was true. I just didn’t want to accept it at the time.”
“My brother is a fool.”
“Maybe, but it all worked out eventually.” She leaned back, letting her braid hang in the air as she looked up at the sky.
“Gavril meant well, he always did, but I won’t lie and say it’s not still a splinter in my heart that there was still something about me, no matter how good a friend I was, he could never stomach it enough to make me more.
But now we have Marcella, and we have peace—sort of.
” She turned to Nikias again and smiled, but he could still see the pain hiding in her eyes.
“What’s a little splinter in the face of all that? ”
“Why…” Nikias’ fingers curled into his knee before he did something stupid like try to pull her into his arms the way he had that day in the hallway, or worse, kiss her. “Why are you telling me this?”
Aimilia just pushed herself to her feet, taking a deep breath. “Goodnight, Nikias.”
They traveled deeper into the clan lands and closer and closer to Desero’s lands where Hypatia and Konstantin were at the moment.
The next day, Nikias rode at the front, alone save for the two guards who also rode point with him.
That was until a shock of blond hair trotted into his field of vision.
With a wave of his hand, the guards started to fall back slightly while Nikias and Gavril rode ahead.
Nikias looked over his shoulder, spotting Aimilia and Marcella together as usual, Marcella attempting to return the favor Aimilia had once done her, educating her in her tongue. Aimilia, however, was stifling a yawn.
Gavril immediately said, “You’re acting… Well, actually, this isn’t out of character for you, but you’re being more of it, and considering who we’re about to see—”
Nikias wasn’t in the mood to see anyone at the moment, but his brother was at the bottom of the list, especially considering Aimilia’s latest confession had just stoked Nikias’ jealousy and fury at Gavril.
“Aimilia ran her mouth off to you. You know exactly what this mood is for.” Nikias kept his gaze ahead, reins gripped tightly in his hands.
“Actually, no. Frankly, I don’t understand anything you’ve been doing lately. You were all over her before, and now that she’s seeing you differently, why aren’t you taking advantage of it?”
“Maybe I don’t want her to see me differently.”
Nikias shouldn’t have said that. He shouldn’t have said anything. He was not having this conversation with Gavril.
“If there is anyone who understands what you’re feeling right now, it’s me. And I know we don’t talk about it.” Gavril looked over his shoulder. No one was close enough to hear and a silencing rune would just arouse more suspicion.
Nikias still wished he would shut up.
“Believe me, the last thing I want to do right now is talk about this with you and help you at all with your insane quest to marry Aimilia.” Gavril steered his horse even closer and lowered his voice.
“When Marcella found out, I don’t think I’d ever felt so small before.
Like a bigger mess. Like the worst failure, exposed for the woman I loved to see how pathetic I truly was. ”
Nikias gritted his teeth as each word dug into the wounds he was still bleeding from. “You already had her good opinion. You’d already saved her from me at that point. She trusted you.”
He had none of those advantages needed to salvage his match.
“And for all that she claims to hate you, how did Aimilia react?”
“That’s not the point.”
“Then tell me what is.”
If it would get Gavril to go away…
“Aimilia saw—” Nikias took a deep breath. “Now she knows the truth. She might not believe me to be as cold and malicious as before, but what she sees is worse.”
“What are you talking about? She doesn’t think less of you. She didn’t think less of me. When Aimilia found out with me, she didn’t think poorly of me at all. She was enraged.”
“I’d rather take another glass to the face than have her see me the way she saw you.”
Gavril’s expression darkened. “What is that supposed to mean?”
Nikias fixed Gavril with a pointed look. “The last thing I want is for the woman I’m trying to marry to see me as a weak, frightened, pathetic little boy who needs someone to protect him.”
Gavril sucked in a sharp breath, face losing all color.
“Don’t worry. I’m sure she’ll remember soon enough every other day of the week you’re something to be protected from.
I see now this is just your wounded pride, like always.
I hope you manage to get it together because Hypatia will sniff it out on you like a bloodhound and we can’t pay the price if you let your pride get in the way of us working together.
Aimilia deserves far better, and I’ll be relieved the day you’re dragged down the aisle and Aimilia isn’t there with you. ”
Gavril brought his horse to a dead stop, and Nikias went on ahead, leaving him behind.
The next time he was on watch was the day before they would reach the Desero estate. The day before he would face Hypatia. He was doing a double shift. He wasn’t going to sleep anyway, so he might as well be useful.
One hand rested over his heart, outside his chiton, but if he pressed his fingers down firmly, he could feel the rough, raised edges of the intricate scar resting over his beating heart.
“You’ve done it before.”
At the sound of her voice, Nikias ripped his hand away and turned as Aimilia sat next to him, this time on a log.
“I don’t know why you keep coming out here, Commander.”
“You’ll figure it out.” Aimilia stretched her legs out as she braced her hands on the log. “Back to what I was saying, I’m not going to pretend to understand what you’re thinking and feeling right now, but at least this time you don’t have to worry about hostages.”
Nikias did let out of a soft huff. “I suppose that’s true.”
“And if Marcella is to be believed, we’re likely going to be dealing more with Konstantin than Hypatia. That will make everything go far more easily.”
“I’m still preparing for the worst.” Nikias’ couldn’t stop feeling his heart thud again and again against his scar. Hypatia, however little of her they saw, was going to relish this.
Gavril had a point. Hypatia was going to sniff out his weakness immediately. She had last time.
“I don’t blame you,” Aimilia said, but there was a weight to her words as if she meant them twice over.
Nikias didn’t know what to say.
At his silence, Aimilia nodded and said, “I’ve never told you this, but I used to admire you.”
Nikias’ heart was in his mouth, falling out in two broken words. “Used to?”
“Fine, I guess I still admire this about you, but it’s not a thing to be replicated, so it’s not the same as before.
The one thing I admired about you was the way you loved Faustina.
” Aimilia’s soft smile cut through him, carefully digging into every line of his scar.
“It was almost like you were a completely different person with her. A better person most of the time. I won’t belabor the point, but it was the only good thing I thought about you for the longest time.
At least you were capable of such selflessness and devotion. To be loved the way you loved her…”
Aimilia took a slow shaky breath. “You want to know why I tried to get under your skin with it? I was jealous.”
Once again she’d rendered him speechless. She didn’t mean—No. She couldn’t—
“Gavril never looked at me the way you did her.” Her eyes watered as she smiled. “He never loved me like that. Watching you love Faustina would make me sick with longing and I was certain there was something wrong with me if I couldn’t get that devotion from him.”
“There was never anything wrong with you.” No matter how many times he’d told her, she still didn’t seem to believe it.
“I appreciate it, Nikias—” Aimilia reached up, fiddling with her braid, but he caught her arm, turning her to face him.
“I’m not letting you go until you believe me.
It wasn’t your fault. It had nothing to do with you or your worth.
Those girls were wrong. They could never hope to be half the woman and commander you are.
As for the rest, you are breathtakingly beautiful, and as your prince, I command you to never let anyone make you feel less than your worth. ”
Aimilia reached up with her free hand, brushing her palm across her cheek to wipe away the tear. A smile broke out on her lips. “There he is.”
Oh. He couldn’t believe he hadn’t seen it. He’d been too wrapped up in his self-pity and wounded pride to be anything more than bewildered. Although, that was the point.
He caught her other arm, gently shifting her toward him as he also moved closer. Aimilia now froze, hand still in the air as he reached up. He cupped her cheek, sweeping his thumb right below her eye and wiping away the rest of the tears that had started to fall.
“Aimilia, have you really been coming out here, ruining your sleep, bringing yourself to tears as you tear open your scars just for me?”
Her breath hitched as he continued dragging the pad of his thumb softly across her skin.
“Well…” Her voice came out in a whisper, but she didn’t pull away. His other hand had slipped under her arm and curled around her back. “We need you at your best tomorrow.”
“And the only way to bring me back was to expose yourself and your pain?”
“It worked. You’re looking me in the eyes again.” Aimilia’s hand shifted, bumping into his leg, stilling immediately, but he could still feel the soft warmth as it stayed pressed into his. “I may not be able to take away the misplaced shame you feel, but I can at least give you a knife in return.”
“Is that what this is?” Nikias stared into her eyes, looking, always looking for just a hint that his feelings weren’t in vain. “Mutually assured destruction?”
This couldn’t be all it was. She had to feel something for him, right?
“I suppose so. I ended up with your darkest secret, now you have mine.”
If she knew that wasn’t even close to his darkest secret, still…
“Careful, Aimilia, I might start to think you actually care about me.”
Aimilia’s lips twitched, but she leaned into his palm instead of pulling away. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
“You’ve shed an awful lot of tears for a man you don’t care about then.”
“I…” Aimilia’s eyes were hazy, fluttering shut as his fingertips found her hair. “I don’t…”
He was a breath away from closing the distance between them. His lips were just about to brush hers, unable to take it anymore, when she let out a soft gasp and his arms were empty.
He looked up to see Aimilia stumbling off the log, brushing her clothes off, face violently flushed and matching her exquisite hair.
“Good—Goodnight, Nikias.”
Nikias watched her go.
Even when she was running in the opposite direction, she was breathtaking.
How could he ever marry another while she lived? If she only knew that love she was so jealous for was seconds away from spilling out…
Would it horrify her? Or would it save him?