Chapter 29
NIKIAS
Nikias woke up drenched in sweat, clutching his scar like it was burning as badly as the night Hypatia had given it to him.
Even though it was pitch black midnight with only a sliver of the moon in the sky bringing any light to the grounds, he could not stay in his room a moment longer and be haunted by the future.
Nikias still hadn’t had an official tour of the estate.
He probably wasn’t going to get one, but was just going to have to figure it out.
Intentional on Hypatia’s part, most likely.
Maybe if the woman wasn’t constantly worried about getting one over on Nikias, they would have already handled the Stonai for themselves.
Nikias hoped walking around the large courtyard on the northern end of the estate would wear him out enough to fall back into a dreamless sleep. He could only hope it was dreamless. His dreams were worse than his nightmares.
Nikias was halfway through his fifth lap when the sound of footsteps had his heart ricocheting off his ribs even faster.
If it was the demon again, Nikias could not be trusted not to react worse than before, but when he spun on his heel, across the courtyard in the faint moonlight, it certainly wasn’t a clan mage with wild black curls.
Instead, it was Aimilia, slightly out of breath, standing there. Her hair was in a loose braid compared to her normal, more structured styles. Now Nikias wasn’t even sure he’d left his room at all, or if this was another dream or nightmare.
When he came to a stop, she did as well. “Nikias?”
He took a few steps toward her.
On one side of the courtyard were a few trees with a bench between them, and Aimilia took a few steps toward it. He followed her lead and headed for it as well. He asked, “What are you doing out here at this hour?”
“That’s what I came out here to ask you about.”
She gestured toward the main building at one of the windows on the third story facing the courtyard. “My room is over there. I spotted you from the window.”
That pesky hope reared its head again.
How could she keep saying she didn’t hold any affection for him?
How could she one day tell him no one could ever love him?
“And instead of going back to sleep, you came all the way down here just to ask me, as opposed to asking me in the morning?”
Aimilia reached the bench first, taking a seat. “Well… you didn’t hear from me and I didn’t hear from Marcella, who didn’t hear it from a servant that Konstantin was overheard getting onto Hypatia for cornering you in the halls when she’d promised not to.”
And like that, all the hope was ripped out of him in one breath.
Maybe Aimilia was right. It wasn’t about any fondness for him.
It was concern for their peace. It was her fondness for Faustina.
It was her love for Gavril that all spurred on any semblance of care for him in the wake of an encounter with Hypatia.
“I see.” Nikias’ voice went cold, and he refused to sit beside her.
Aimilia rolled her eyes. “Don’t be mad. They’re not trying to gossip—well, Marcella and I aren’t. I can’t say the same for the servant—but I know this trip isn’t easy for you. I’d rather stay on top of what Hypatia’s doing than stay in the dark.”
“What Hypatia says to me is none of your business, Commander.”
For all that Nikias had wanted to see Aimilia after the encounter, now that she was there only because of a mixture of concern and care for everyone but him, and pity for him, something dark and ugly reared his head and choked out any relief her presence might have brought.
Especially given Hypatia’s latest weapon against him was Aimilia.
The last thing Nikias needed was for her to discover that too.
The scar on his chest ached.
Aimilia sighed. “Here I thought we were even. Don’t tell me you’re still pretending like you’re some marble statue.”
Nikias froze.
“I don’t know what you’re referring to, however, I assure you that I wouldn’t have come if I wasn’t more than capable of handling this. Hypatia has already done her worst to me twice over. I’m not some weak little child that she can harm me with a few worthless words.”
Aimilia raised an eyebrow. “Then what are you doing out here in the middle of the night working yourself up into a sweat?”
She’d caught him red-handed.
Still his pride demanded he deny the accusations.
“And if you hate me the way you keep saying you do, why are you out here ruining your good night’s sleep over me?”
Aimilia’s cheeks tinged pink.
What did it mean?
“Are you complaining?”
Nikias hadn’t decided yet.
He said, “You can save the pity for someone who actually needs it. Despite what you think, I am perfectly capable of handling myself against Hypatia.”
“Is that why you think I’m here?”
Now she was going to lie to his face and pretend she didn’t pity him when it was clearly the driving force behind all of her actions.
Everything had changed the second she had seen that glass break against his skull.
“If it’s not pity, what is it then? Because you wanted nothing to do with me before you saw—” Nikias’ voice cracked and he hated it. Every crack in his marble he despised. “Ever since you saw what you saw, you have been treating me differently. I would rather have your hatred than your pity.”
“I don’t know what to do.” Aimilia shot up from her seat. “What do you want from me?”
“I want you to respect me, not pity me.” Nikias stepped back, a breeze cutting through the air and sending the edge of his cloak brushing against his legs. “You can tell me all the stories you want to try and even the score, but there’s no undoing what’s been done.”
“You think I don’t respect you because of what I saw? Nikias, I would have had to respect you beforehand for that to matter.”
As if this couldn’t get worse, now she was openly laughing at him.
Nikias gestured at her. “See? You’re only proving my point.”
Aimilia stepped forward and grabbed his arms.
“Nikias, you don’t understand what I’m saying.”
Nikias grabbed her arms, fingers curling around her biceps gently as he said, “What else could you be saying?” His voice cracked.
“Before—at least before I knew you didn’t like me.
I understood your reasons for your claims that you hate me.
And while you may not have respected my character, I knew the reasons for it.
Reasons I could change and show myself worthy of your respect.
And if nothing else, I knew that you at least respected me as a commander, as a mage, and as a man.
If you didn’t, you never would have come to me and asked for my help for Gavril’s sake in your graduation tournament.
You never would have listened to me—wrong as I might have been—when Gavril came back with Marcella, but now—now you know the whole truth. ”
Aimilia held him by the shoulders, her grip firm and solid. “Nikias, I won’t lie to you and say that my view of you hasn’t changed radically based off what I know now.”
And it was a blow to his heart, but she had her hands on him, keeping him from running away once more.
Nikias’ eyes were filling with water, and he tried to shut them before she could notice and push the tears back down—the only thing that could make this situation worse than it already was was for him to start crying like a child.
Although with how low in her estimation he truly must have already sunk, he didn’t know how much further he could go.
If she already thought him pathetic and weak, how much more so would she if the sob that was threatening to come up his throat escaped?
He managed to hold it back just long enough to say, “See? This is exactly what I didn’t want you to know.
Why I want you to forget what you saw. How can you expect any man to want otherwise?
You are the last person I ever wanted to find out.
And not only did you find out, you saw it—you saw me at my absolute lowest. How can any man look the woman he wants to marry in the eyes again after she saw him let himself be reduced to such a state? ”
Nikias still couldn’t bring himself to say any of the specific details.
It simply wasn’t done. Not even with Gavril.
Aimilia’s fingers gently brushed his jaw, her soft touch drawing his eyes open. She whispered, “If you will only let me tell you one thing right now, let it be this: I have seen you at your lowest moment, and it was not when I was watching from that passageway.”
Nikias stared down at her, taking deep breaths, trying to steady his heart.
Aimilia took another breath. “You think your lowest moment was that? You think in that moment you were the pathetic one? You think in that moment you were the problem? If watching you drag Marcella away to make her pay for a crime she didn’t commit, half deranged with your grief and the ghosts that haunt you now wasn’t enough to make me even flinch or hesitate to meet your eyes, how then could this? ”
Nikias wasn’t following.
Aimilia’s hand shifted, moving to cup his cheek as she said, “You want to know the day I lost all respect for you? It was that day in the hallway. Do you remember what I said?”
Nikias would never forget their exchange.
“You disgust me.”
“That’s certainly nothing new.”
“I wish you had gone in first. I wish the Desero demon had killed you instead.”
“Finally. We have something in common.”
Had it been that moment that had sealed his fate? Had it been that day in the hallway that had ensured Hypatia’s horrific vision would one day come to pass?
Was Nikias’ misery inevitable?
“I do.”
“And did I ever once after that fail to meet you head on?”
Nikias remembered only a few days later when her illusion and shield fell.
He’d barely dodged the bolt of vitae that she had sent flying at him. She hadn’t gone quietly. The rage in her eyes and her savage grin made it clear she was going to relish the fight. It had taken him and several guards to subdue her enough to be able to arrest her for defying his orders.
Partially because even in his dark haze Nikias hadn’t wanted to leave even a single scratch on her. Could he ever tell her that while he did not blame her for her fear even then he’d loved her so much she should never have feared any harm to her coming from him?
“No,” he said.
She had driven him absolutely insane afterwards, fighting him on everything in the weeks and months following. Aimilia loved nothing more than to fight.
“So let me tell you this now.” Her grip tightened as she held his gaze.
She would not let him escape her. “What I saw when I was hiding in that passageway did one thing and one thing only when it comes to what I think of you. The day you rose from your seat and offered yourself as Hypatia’s willing sacrifice I regained some respect for you.
When I saw what you have been enduring in silence and suffering for years, what I thought I knew about you changed.
I didn’t lose any respect for you. I gained it.
” Her thumb brushed his cheek as her soft voice shifted with her smile.
“I’ve never respected you more than I do now. ”
Nikias couldn’t quite believe what he was hearing. His voice was still shaky, doing nothing to help his dilemma.
“That makes no earthly sense. How could you possibly have any respect for a man after you’ve seen him humiliated so?
” Still, he was unable to resist her siren song.
He tilted his head, leaning his cheek into her palm.
“When you saw a prince that can’t prevent a man on his literal deathbed from beating him into submission? ”
“Do you not remember why it even happened in the first place?” Aimilia shifted closer, looking up at him.
“All of that happened because you refused him. Not that it was your fault—don’t ever think any of that was your fault.
I only mean that you did stand up to him.
You knew what would happen if you did, and you did it anyway.
I thought—I hated you because I thought you could stand up to them and never suffer the consequences Gavril did, but chose not to.
I had no respect for a man who could do something and wouldn’t. ”
Nikias held his breath as she smiled at him, pained and full of wonder all the same.
Her eyes were welling up. Her voice cracked. “Gavril would rather have been beaten by your parents than ever marry me. Nikias, you would rather have been beaten than even think about marrying anyone else.”
That’s what she had seen?
“I had you all wrong from the start. That day, I saw a man who knows what standing up for himself and others is going to cost him. That is the man who stood up in that tent all those months ago. That is the man I saw watching from that passageway, and that Nikias? That is a man I can respect.”
Nikias was completely and utterly overwhelmed. He didn’t know which emotion came first. They were all flooding him, clawing and climbing over the top of each other.
It was all too much for him. He was torn between kissing her and letting the sob that was in his chest finally erupt after years of burying it beneath his father’s fists.
But neither of those was an option, not one he could take anyway.
But his marble was crumbling anyway, so he did the only thing he could do. Nikias pulled her into his arms as his legs collapsed. Aimilia’s arms came around him, crushing him to her as they hit the ground together in a tangle of legs.
Aimilia’s hand came up around the back of his head, fingers sinking into his hair as he buried his head in the crook of her shoulder.
His arms wound around her, one around her waist and the other her back, clutching her to him as her hand rested on his back, moving up and down, across his chiton.
Aimilia said nothing else. She just held him as he continued to clutch the rest of his marble shell to keep himself from making even more a fool of himself than he already had.
His entire focus was on not letting his emotions get the best of him and have his rasping, thick breaths turn into sobs. He wasn’t quite able to stop a few tears from spilling out of his eyes and falling onto Aimilia’s skin.
But they were of relief.
As Aimilia’s hand shifted across his shoulders, they had never quite felt so light.
Aimilia rested her head against his and held him in silence.
The thick, constricting hand that had wrapped around his heart when he had spoken to Hypatia that day relaxed.
The scar on his chest burned. Nikias’ fingers sank into Aimilia’s chiton and warm skin underneath.
Aimilia’s words and touch breathed new life into him again.
Nikias was going to stop at nothing to win Aimilia’s love now that she claimed he had won her respect, and when he succeeded, he would finally win against Hypatia.
Aimilia would marry him.
Hypatia’s vision would never come true.
Nikias would be loved if it was the last thing he did.