Chapter 31
AIMILIA
The next week Aimilia settled into a rhythm. She still only saw Marcella and Gavril in passing, often with Konstantin when they weren’t in their meetings.
Gavril occasionally appeared in some of the meetings, but Marcella never did.
Hypatia also wasn’t in all of them, but they never had one without Konstantin, thankfully.
Gavril and Marcella were completely occupied with whatever was keeping them busy—the one chance Aimilia had gotten to ask what they were up to, Gavril had only said that it was a project for Konstantin, the details involving family, so Gavril wasn’t at liberty to discuss it openly.
Aimilia supposed it might have something to do with Konstantin’s own ill family member, his father, who had been ill for a long time before his death.
Aimilia trusted Gavril not to divulge anything that connected her to the king’s ailment, or the fact that it wasn’t caused completely by natural disease.
It made sense for Konstantin to ask, given the similarities, and Gavril, while not a healer in the sense of being fully trained as a healer at the academy, was still rather skilled at it.
To Imperia’s credit and shame, their healing techniques were far more advanced than the clan mages.
While Konstantin may not want to consult a ‘heretic’ as the clan mages called them, consulting a mage like Gavril, a trustworthy friend, an ally, and even family, made perfect sense.
But why now?
Aimilia wasn’t sure. Didn’t they have bigger problems with Stonai? Although, she supposed if she were the one at risk of a genetic disease, she would rather begin the process of finding answers while she had the opportunity.
When Aimilia spotted Marcella coming from the healer’s wing of the main house, she finally got the chance to ask what was occupying Marcella’s time, since Gavril was caught up with Konstantin’s project.
Marcella had told her that she’d been busy mostly entertaining the children who lived on the estate. They often captured her and broke her into playing games, to entertain them, or having her recount pieces of the story. It wasn’t a surprise the children were fascinated with her.
She might have been a worthless soldier to sacrifice on the altar of saving the heiress when she left, but she’d returned as the reason for their peace.
Every parent who feared a little less now for their children to become soldiers, for their blood to water the ground or their bodies to litter the heretics’ tables, had Marcella to thank. She was a hero to them, and rightly so.
Still, it made for a lonely week.
Aimilia was happy for Marcella. She was happy for Gavril. She was happy for them both.
But she missed them.
She was stuck shadowing Nikias in these meetings.
She was stuck trying to decipher the minutia of Hypatia’s expressions as she stared Aimilia down every day without a word.
At first, Aimilia had been grateful for Hypatia’s silence, but now she was just suspicious.
Hypatia looked at her almost like the two of them were in on some grand joke together.
Nikias looked at Hypatia like he was going to crush her throat beneath his heel.
Konstantin looked at both of them like they were rabid wolves held back only by thin fraying rope, ready to rip each other’s throats out.
Aimilia almost missed Areator.
The clan mages weren’t her people. The estate wasn’t her home.
As much as she’d been wanting to escape Areator, now that she had, she was forced to admit that she missed it.
It had been more of her home than the Mitis estate ever had been.
And she was beginning to fear that there was no place that could ever feel like home.
Two weeks into the ordeal, and once more Konstantin had cut their work day short, this time at noon.
Aimilia had spent hours drifting aimlessly through the estate, debating whether she wanted to attempt to ride outside the grounds for the first time, but not wanting to get lost and cause any trouble, she had to ride with someone who knew the terrain.
Since it had been so long since she’d exchanged more than three sentences at a time with Gavril or Marcella, she’d been hopeful she might be able to catch one or both and guilt them into going with her.
When she caught Gavril all he had in response to her was an apology that he couldn’t that evening, but maybe another time. And then she watched as he joined Konstantin, who was waiting for him at one of the doors to the main house, and the two of them disappeared inside together.
Aimilia was left standing there alone.
Maybe this was all she had to look forward to. Marcella and Gavril having their own lives that didn’t include her anymore. If theirs ever really had, other than out of necessity in the first place. What was it going to be like when Marcella and Gavril did have children?
What would it be like if Gavril and Marcella never came back to Areator? If they couldn’t?
Nikias hadn’t budged when his father had insisted on him fulfilling his end of their bargain with another woman.
Nor had he said anything on their trip about marrying her or anyone else.
They would eventually return to Areator—it was the only way for Gavril to be able to return, at least while Nero lived.
Given how much time Marcella and Gavril were spending with Konstantin, they were almost as close as if they had been family all along.
Who was to say that even if Nikias finally caved and married someone of his parents’ choosing that Gavril and Marcella would even want to return?
So Aimilia returned to that bench beneath the tree and watched as the sun began to set, slowly painting the sky a brilliant orange and red, almost as vibrant as her cloak, behind the mountains.
That was how Nikias found her, the sun continuing to sink casting everything in its golden glow.
She saw him walking up out of the corner of her eye. She stayed perfectly still, like not moving meant he couldn’t see her and would eventually leave without a word despite the fact that she’d been looking out her window every night for him.
Instead, he just wordlessly took a seat beside her and followed her gaze out to the sun setting behind the mountains.
What was he after now?
He—
“I haven’t even spoken and your guard is already up.” Nikias laughed. “Can’t a man enjoy a sunset without it being some kind of attack?”
Aimilia scoffed, keeping her gaze straight ahead. “You’re not that man.”
Nikias’ eyes didn’t leave her, just slowly tracing over her face as his voice’s soft edge pierced her like a dagger. “What if I want to be?”
“Want it all you like, but whether your nature will ever change to match it is the real question.”
If Aimilia was being honest, she didn’t know what Nikias’ nature was anymore. She didn’t know what it ever truly had been. How did she reconcile what she knew now with what she’d always known?
His past didn’t erase his actions, nor did his current actions erase his past. If it was all true…
“Precisely.” Nikias didn’t even bother looking back at the sunset. He openly stared at her, a light in his eyes she didn’t really comprehend. “So what are you doing out here then?”
“I was thinking.” She looked at him out of one eye. “Now I’m having my solitude disturbed.”
She’d never admit to him the only reason she was annoyed was because of the fact that he’d successfully answered her silent summons. She wanted him there, but she didn’t want to want him there.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Why did she want him there?
“Not really.”
Nikias shifted, his cloak brushing her arm as he rested his hand on the stone, so close to touching her, but not quite. “Because you don’t want to talk about it or because you don’t want to talk about it with me?”
She glanced down at his fingertips, unable to stop herself before she looked back out at the sun.
“I don’t have anyone else I can talk about it with.”
Perfunctory, but no less painful for the confession to leave her lips.
Nikias watched her in the peaceful silence.
She blew out a long breath and turned to face him. She couldn’t believe she was doing this, but she couldn’t even confide in Gavril or Marcella because she couldn’t get a hold of them for more than two seconds.
And Nikias was there.
More than that.
For some insane reason he had looked at her and decided she was worth the humiliation of rejection—even more, she was worth whatever agony his parents’ could inflict on him.
No one had ever looked at her like that before.
“I’m lonely. Is that what you want to hear?”
“Of course not.” His fingers twitched. “What’s wrong? Do you miss Areator?”
Aimilia stomped out the flicker of desire in her to have that hand pull her into Nikias’ arms. She didn’t want that. She wasn’t supposed to want that. She was supposed to have forgotten that had even happened.
“Some. But more than that, I miss Gavril and Marcella. For all that I’ve seen them lately, we might as well be on opposite sides of the world, and soon enough we probably will be.”
Nikias looked down at his clasped hands. “I’m sorry.”
“Your father is the one who wants Gavril exiled.” The unspoken reality hung between them that they both knew he was really apologizing for. If he married, Gavril could return.
But the only woman he’d proposed to recently was right beside him.
As much as Aimilia wanted Gavril and Marcella in Areator, she didn’t love them enough to marry Nikias in order to make that happen.
“Not to mention, I don’t know that it would matter much.
I mean, let’s be realistic. Gavril and Marcella are married and soon enough they’ll start having children.
Maybe there’s still a little part of me that’s hurting that it’s not me,” Aimilia whispered, the words coming out before she could even comprehend the fact that she was admitting this to Nikias of all people.