30. SHAKY WALLS. CRUMBLED WALLS.
Chapter thirty
SHAKY WALLS. CRUMBLED WALLS.
“Someone is feeling quite cheerful this evening,” Vladya remarked as he approached.
Grand King Daemonikai turned, a smile tugging at his lips, one he couldn’t suppress no matter how hard he tried. “I don’t know about you, Vladya, but I am having such a beautiful day.”
Vladya arched a brow as he dipped his head in a polite bow. “Your Grace.”
“Spare me the bullcrap.” Daemonikai waved a dismissive hand resuming his pace, hands clasped behind his back.
“He whistles too,” Vladya noted, his voice carrying a teasing lilt.
Daemonikai stopped, the faint melody in the air ceasing as well. He blinked, surprised. Was that me?
He hadn’t even realized he’d been whistling.
“You know, you’re fortunate Aekeira doesn’t have our hearing,” Vladya said, moving beside him. “She would have come storming in last night, hearing her sister scream like that all through the night.”
“Why are you suddenly all over my business, brat?” Daemonikai smirked, giving Vladya a sidelong glance. “Come to think of it, someone does look even chipper than I am.”
“This isn’t about me—it’s about you,” Vladya shot back, rolling his eyes. “And with all due respect, could you quit trying to change the subject?”
“Your ears should be cut off,” Daemonikai muttered under his breath.
Vladya smiled. An actual genuine, unguarded smile.
Daemonikai noticed the subtle changes in his friend since his return. Little by little, glimpses of the old Vladya were surfacing. But this—this sincere smile—took the cake.
“You know, I think this is the first time I’ve seen you so… happy. It’s been a long time.” Vladya smiled.
Clearing his tight throat, Daemonikai resumed walking. “Took the words right out of my mouth.”
“And you can’t blame my ears for this.” Vladya tsked, grinning. “You were the one who moved from your well-fortified master’s chambers to another.”
That much was true. The Memories of Evie had been too much, too painful. And now… he didn’t regret it.
He liked his present chambers. But perhaps it was time he considered converting it into his main residence, fortifying it accordingly.
“Are you two finally going to give this thing between you a chance?” Vladya asked, his tone losing some of its lightness. “Has she forgiven you?”
“Not yet. But I like to think we are working toward that. Last night was…” Daemonikai exhaled, searching for the right word. “…incredible.”
Vladya stopped, turning to face him, his eyes scanning Daemonikai with a discerning gaze. “All these changes I see, they look good on you. The smiles, the easy air… even your aversion to touch seems to be fading. I like this for you, Daemon.”
“I like this for me too,” Daemonikai said, softly. “I didn’t think it would happen either. Who would have thought there would ever be a reason to smile again?”
“Not me.” Vladya’s own smile dimmed, leaving only the warmth in his eyes.
Daemonikai nodded, his voice turning reflective. “We were both too damaged. We were each other’s strength and destruction. We had to part ways to fight our demons.”
“We had to,” Vladya agreed, his tone flat but tender. A moment passed between them. “I missed the devil out of you.”
Daemonikai’s grin returned. “Huh. And the love-sick puppy is back.”
“Give me a damn break,” Vladya groaned, rolling his eyes again.
Daemonikai only chuckled some more.
They walked in companionable silence, following the path to the training grounds. The fresh breeze hit them as they stepped outside, crisp and refreshing, carrying the faint scent of flowers.
Paths cleared before them as people bowed, greeting them respectfully before hurrying out of their way.
Daemonikai’s gaze fell to Vladya’s paw-like hand. A reminder that, one day, he might lose his oldest friend to madness. Don’t even think about it.
Swallowing the tight lump in his throat, he cleared it with deliberate force. “So, are you going to tell me what’s going on with you? This whole cheerful mood of yours is… glaringly obvious, in case you weren’t aware.”
“I asked Aekeira to bond with me,” Vladya said, the faintest smile back on his face. “We will perform the bonding rituals.”
The words, so unexpected, hit Daemonikai with the force of a windstorm. He stopped walking, stunned.
For a moment, he said nothing, his thoughts scattering like leaves in a gale, staring at Vladya as though he had grown a second head.
“I know it will be hard,” Vladya continued, looking uncertain. “Almost undoable, but—”
“‘Almost undoable’ is putting it mildly. 'Impossible’ is the right word,” Daemonikai blurted out before he could stop himself.
Vladya’s shoulders dropped, sadness crossing his eyes.
Guilt filled Daemonikai. “I apologize for that, V.D. That was uncalled for—”
“It’s alright. You aren’t telling me anything I don’t already know.”
“I still apologize. I should not have said it. It’s just… I’m happy you have taken this step. Truly.” Daemonikai reached out, clasping Vladya’s shoulder. “Knowing how you swore off bonding for so long, it’s a relief to see you trying again. But if it doesn’t work…” he shook his head. “I don’t want you to go through that pain again. To watch you go through it all again when it’s—” he searched for the right words. “—when it’s bound to fail this time, terrifies me immensely just thinking about it.”
“I understand.” Vladya averted his eyes. “It terrifies me, too.”
“You know how the bonding ritual is performed. Your female has to be in heat on the seventh day, the ritual rites recited while you knot her womb. Your chest parallel to hers— soul to soul , body to body, binding you together forever. We are missing two vital elements here.” Daemonikai paused, his voice dropping. “Your soul and her heat.”
“I know all that.” Naked pain flashed in Vladya's features. “Of course I do. But…”
Daemonikai stayed silent, watching him.
Vladya inhaled deeply, his jaw tight. “But I still want to try.”
Daemonikai saw it then. Determination beneath the sadness.
“I’ve done this before. Taken every step and met every requirement for the ritual, yet it still failed. Every single one of them, except one.” Vladya held his eyes. “This—what I have with Aekeira—it’s different. It’s not perfect—far from it. It’s not all roses like my past connections. It’s stronger, more intense, more… real.”
The resolve in Vladya's eyes was the kind Daemonikai hadn’t seen in him in far too long.
“I gave this a lot of thought, and do you know the conclusion I came to?” Vladya's lips twitched into a sad smile. “I still want to perform the ritual anyway.”
Vladya was willing to try, to fight, to hope, even when the road ahead looked impossible.
“You know what? Fuck it. Go for it.” Daemonikai smiled softly, pulling Vladya into a hug, gripping his back with both hands. “Congratulations, brat.”
“Thanks, ancient one.” Vladya’s tone was light, but the fierceness with which he returned the hug betrayed his emotions.
The soldiers in the middle of drills glanced their way, curiosity quickly masked behind respectful bows.
“That girl is so good for you,” Daemonikai said as they pulled apart. “I only watched your interactions briefly, but it told me everything I needed to know. She’s changing you in all the right ways. I wish for you to be genuinely happy, Vladya.”
“Right back at you.” Vladya cleared his hoarse tone. “I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you and Emeriel. I trust you to wear her down—I want to see you remain this cheerful too. That smile on your face? Everyone in this city wants to see more of it.”
Daemonikai huffed a laugh, shaking his head, catching sight of a figure hurrying toward them. Her embroidered green gown swayed with her purposeful strides, the gold threading glinting faintly in the sunlight.
“Isn’t that Morina?” Vladya asked, curious. “I rarely see her these days. What’s she doing so far from Mabblewood?”
“We’re about to find out.”
Lady Morina approached, offering a graceful bow. “Your Grace,” she greeted Daemonikai before turning to Vladya with equal respect. “Your Highness.”
“Is everything all right, Morina?” Daemonikai asked. “Are you looking for Ottai? He came out of court with us but disappeared shortly after.”
“No, Your Grace.” Morina hesitated, looking sorrowful. “I was looking for you. My bondmate sent me here with a message.”
The unease in her posture set off warning bells in his mind. “What is the matter?”
“He said he gave his word not to tell you directly, so he asked me to do it instead.” Morina shifted nervously. “It’s about your woman. The princess, she…”
“Emeriel? She was still in my bed when I left for court this afternoon.” Daemonikai’s entire body went rigid. “Is she all right? What’s going on?”
“She, uh…” Morina's eyes flickered away, hand twisting in the fabric of her gown. “There really isn’t an easy way to say this. She has left for the human lands.”
***
Emeriel stood before the glimmering lake, its calm waters marking the first border leading to the great mountain. But the beauty of her surroundings was lost on her.
Her heart was heavy. As though a stone had been dropped on her chest, pressing her down.
She had slept deeply, like the dead, only to wake at the first light of evening to an empty bed, the grand king having gone to court.
At first, she had felt lightness in her heart, happiness in her soul. Last night was amazing. Magical .
But those memories brought the sobering reality of what today was. And with it came the pain.
Now, she stood before the first border, her feet refusing to cross. I made this decision to leave. It was the right choice.
So why did it hurt so much?
“Cross over, Princess,” Lord Ottai urged from the far side of the lake waiting for her. “We need to move quickly if we’re to reach the great mountain by nightfall.”
Emeriel took a step forward, only to wince, stopping.
She could still feel him. Every aching muscle, every tender bruise, was a reminder of last night.
Madam Livia had sent a concoction to ease the soreness, but Emeriel had only taken half. She wasn’t ready to forget. Not yet. Even if walking was uncomfortable, she welcomed the pain, clinging to it. It was all she had left of him now.
Tears prickled her eyes, no longer wanting to be held back.
Last night had opened a dam she couldn’t reseal. She had fought to keep her emotions at bay during the journey here, but now, standing on the edge of leaving him forever, they spilled over.
She stepped into the lake, a metaphorical dagger stabbing into her heart.
“Emeriel?”
She forced herself forward another step. The dagger twisted , hurting so bad . She stopped, clutching her chest tightly, tears streaking her cheeks.
“Why am I leaving him?” Emeriel whispered, lifting her tear-filled eyes to meet the grand lord’s. “Why am I leaving him, L-Lord Ottai? Because… for th-the life of me, I can’t s-seem to remember.”
His kind eyes held hers, but he didn’t respond.
“I wanted to protect myself. To protect my heart.” She tried to breathe through the heaviness in her chest. “But why does it feel like there’s no saving it from this? Why does it feel like I’m breaking it even more by leaving?”
She turned her gaze to the tranquil waters of the lake, her reflection rippling in its depths. “With every step I take, it’s like my heart is being crushed into pieces. Leaving h-him isn’t supposed to h-hurt this much, Lord Ottai.”
Lord Ottai stepped into the lake, water lapping around him as he crossed back toward her. She took a step back, giving him space, all the while fighting to keep the dam at bay.
“It hurts this way because you still love him, Emeriel,” he said gently. “You never stopped loving him.”
A sob broke from Emeriel’s throat, and her hand flew to her mouth to muffle the sound.
“It hurts this way because you have already forgiven him,” Lord Ottai went on, his voice compassionate. “You forgave him a long time ago, but you have been clinging to the remnants of anger that no longer exists. That anger was your shield, the wall you built to protect yourself from the pain—to block your love for him.”
Another sob escaped, then another, each one shaking her body. Tears flooded down her cheeks as she buried her face in her hands.
“But that wall has long since crumbled.” Lord Ottai took her trembling hand away from her face, holding it. “It’s gone, Emeriel. It hasn’t been there for a long time. Your feelings for him returned, no matter how hard you tried to fight them. And while you were with him again, those feelings only grew stronger. You’re hurting now because you’re trying to run from what you already know to be true.”
“I haven’t even crossed the m-mountain yet, and I al-already miss him so much.” She turned, tracing the path they had walked. “It hasn’t even been a full day s-since I saw him, and all I want is to go to him. To b-be in his presence for the rest of the day.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “How do I live without him, Lord Ottai?”
“No one can answer that question but you, dear child,” He gave her hand a comforting squeeze.
“I don’t want to live without him. I don’t want to go back to the hell of living without him again.” A choked, shaky laugh broke from her lips as she swiped at her eyes. “I thought leaving was the answer—that I wouldn’t survive if he broke my heart again. But now that I’ve thought about it… the truth is, I cannot survive a future without him in it.”
Lord Ottai’s gaze softened, and he tilted his head. “Have you ever told him that?”
“I’m too afraid…” Emeriel looked down at her hand in his, her voice barely above a whisper. “Terrified it’ll be thrown back in my face.”
“Sometimes, the best solution is to step beyond that fear. To take a single step of courage. Because what truly hurts is not trying, but giving up.” Lord Ottai said.
“Riel.”
Emeriel’s head shot up at that deep, unmistakable voice, her breath catching painfully in her chest. Had she heard that right?
“He’s behind me, isn’t he?” she whispered shakily.
“Yes, he is.”
“Lord Ottai…”
“This time, tell him everything. No running. No holding back. Face him and pour out your heart.”
Hope unfurled in her chest. Just hearing King Daemonikai's voice had taken some of the crushing weight off her heart. His presence alone made it easier to breathe .
I’ve been fighting a lost cause all this time, haven’t I?
“Riel, look at me.”
Her heart stuttered and she looked up at Lord Ottai.
“I’ll leave you two to talk.” Ottai released her hand, stepping back.
With her tear-streaked face, and breaths that trembled, Emeriel turned to face him.