Chapter Three #3
“You know my parents are pushing me toward marriage.” Domhnall stared at their joined hands.
“With the Ionróiran threat growing, they want the line of succession secured. They want a wedding the kingdom can be distracted by. They want a future ruler that will ensure a blessed future for our kingdom.”
The words were all too similar to the ones she had heard from her parents. A stronger alliance between Scáilca and álainndore, one that honored the love between their kingdom’s patron gods, Ríoghain and Tara, and would earn favor from the Draoi. A pairing blessed by the Treibh Anam.
“The next Scáilcan queen needs to be strong. Fierce. Unbreakable. A warrior like her people,” he continued.
“She needs to be great and inspire greatness. I understand their motives, and I also feel ready myself. I have been pushing off this next step—I think it just reminded me of all our future responsibilities as rulers—but I’m prepared now. ”
“I feel the exact same way,” Clía said, her voice now clear and firm. This was why she and Domhnall would work together—they were always on the same page when it came to their families and their futures.
“I’m glad to hear it. It’s important to me to have you there with me in this next step.”
She tilted her chin up. “You know I’m always here for you.”
He met her gaze and smiled, but the anxiety never left his eyes.
“I hope so. Clíodhna, our parents have been pushing a betrothal between us for years, since we were born. It would be an honor to be your husband, however—I can’t marry you.”
The words drifted around them before crashing to the ground along with Clía’s heart. She could almost hear it shatter.
She stared at him, unable to cover her reaction with her usual pleasant smile. Her mask was crumbling at the edges.
“Clía, you’re wonderful,” Domhnall rushed on. “Truly. But the Scáilcans need someone . . . formidable. A warrior. My kingdom needs a strong queen, a leader. And that’s not you.”
Her royal facade completely fell, and she pulled her hand back. “What?”
His eyes widened ever so slightly. “I—You must have known. With the growing threat of these attacks, we need a good ally. You must be aware of how you—I’m sorry—how your kingdom is viewed. We cannot tolerate any perceived weakness.”
“You think I’m weak?” Her voice was low, faint with disbelief.
The corners of his mouth dropped. “I didn’t say that.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, you said we’re perceived as weak. Because that’s so much better.” Needing distance, she stood up, back turned to him.
His boots were heavy against the cobblestone as he stood to follow her. “That’s not what I meant. I only mean—did you ever expect my father would let you run his kingdom? That you would meet his impossible standards?”
“Since when has it been a problem before? I seemed to be good enough for him a year ago.” At her last visit, there was a banquet and a ball. She played the part of the dutiful princess perfectly. Not one mistake. And now his father was saying she wasn’t good enough?
A voice whispered from inside her heart. Was it his parents, or just him?
It didn’t matter. Either way, she had failed.
She turned around to face him, only to find herself looking at his chest. She stumbled back. “And in all this, you hadn’t thought to stand up for me. Do I mean nothing to you?”
“Of course you mean something.” His head turned down to meet her sharp gaze. He took a breath as his mouth formed a placating smile. “You’re misunderstanding me.”
“No, I think I understand you quite clearly.” Clía lifted her chin.
She hoped her legs weren’t unsteady like her pulse.
“You have no understanding of strength—whether of person or of will. Until now, I was under the impression we would be married, an impression you encouraged. My parents are still under that impression. Everyone is under that impression. And now you come here to tell me you’re done?
That after our entire life leading up to this, you decided you needed someone better?
I’m sorry—not you. Your father decided. You won’t even fight for our future. ”
“Who said I wanted to fight for it?” His voice echoed throughout the courtyard. It was hollow and cold and nothing like the prince she had once known.
He continued. “Did you actually believe that we might find true happiness? We’re here for our people. To rule and guide. Nothing more, nothing less. Our lives belong to our kingdoms, not ourselves. And it’s these exact fanciful notions that show you could never be the queen my kingdom needs.”
The silence pressed down on her, its force crushing.
Clía tried to force his words out of her mind. To forget the hope she’d put in him, in them together.
“You’re upset, I can tell.”
Anger filled the cracks that grew deeper the more he spoke. She glowered at him. “Oh, really? What gave you that impression?”
“The Tinelann and Ionróir threat is real, and you would falter under the pressure of war. I need to be with someone who can not only survive the battles to come, but win. I need a strategic thinker, someone strong under fire. I need more than a pretty face by my side.”
The words slid into Clía’s chest like a dagger. Her entire life, she’d molded herself into the perfect daughter. The perfect princess. She’d worn the mask because it was what they wanted. She’d thought that was something he understood.
“Is that all you ever thought I was?” If anything, Domhnall should have known there was more to her than met the eye. He was her friend. Could he not see the truth beneath the act?
“No, no! Clía—everything is coming out all wrong. I didn’t mean for it to go like this.”
“Then how did you expect this to happen?” The anger that fueled her was so much easier to feel than the doubt that threatened to creep closer.
“Did you think I would be happy that you’re completely throwing away my—our future?
That I would be glad everything I had planned for was taken away without me even having a say?
Tell me, how did you expect this to go?”
His eyes were pleading; his hands stretched out into the space between them. “Let me start over.”
“No.” She closed her eyes, and when they opened again, she looked past him.
Everything she had planned, everything she had worked toward, had crumbled before her and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
And her friend, the man she thought she might one day love, was the one tearing it down. “I think I’m done.”