7. So, my mate is not dead?
Nevaeh
U nfortunately, I still didn’t remember the drink after Seiji made me one, but it was the best thing I’ve ever tasted, so there’s that.
On my third cup, Angel suggests I slow down before I'm pumped full of sugar.
To think back, I have been acting like a careless fool for the last two days. Staying in an unknown place, and drinking what they make for me.
But not once have I felt the need to protect myself. The familiarity of their Divines and their presence eases a knot in my stomach, so for now I’m letting my instincts guide me.
“So, uh, there’s something important I need to tell you.” Angel nervously shifts beside me until we are facing each other.
I’d noticed the four of them talking with their eyes and making faces at each other. I think this group of four friends/family thinks I’m blind. Why else would they think I can’t see their secret eye conversations?
It’s that, or they suck at being discreet.
Anxo is cautious, acting like he is about to reveal something that would make me spiral and it's triggering my anxiety.
‘I told you, they were dead.’
The voice I shoved to the back of my mind wiggles to the front, forcing me to acknowledge it.
It’s terrifying how every aspect of my life was once in her control, and her words were the only reality I knew.
The queen of all evil told me she ensured everyone I loved died in her attack. She said I had no one looking for me anymore. Said I was all alone in the world.
But now I'm sitting in a room, very high off the ground, surrounded by Horsemen. The reality she made me believe is starting to chip away, and I'm hoping every word out of her mouth was as false as her promise to never lay a hand on my monkey.
But I know I can’t dance around this topic forever. I need to know if whatever Visha did will be the final straw.
Taking a steadying breath, I ask, “Who’s dead?”
Angel pulls his head back like I struck him. Maybe he didn’t expect me to know about the attack or how no one in my kingdom survived. I wait for him to prove Visha right and crush my hope, but Angel keeps staring at me with his eyebrows knitted.
“No one. Why would you even ask me that?”
My head falls back with a deep sigh, and my heart slowly crawls back from my throat. My relief doesn’t go unnoticed, which only makes everyone more confused.
In a mess of broken sentences, Angel tries again.
“We are—uh, I’m your… well, you know how—”
“Oh God.” Grace shakes her head disappointingly and bites back her teasing smile.
I’m about to tell her Horsemen can’t take sides before I remember she is human.
The supernatural world might be divided in two about who they worship, but humans mostly lean towards God.
“Do you know about mates, Nevaeh?” Grace asks, seeing that our Horseman of Conquer is suddenly unable to form sentences.
“I know enough.”
I know the highlights.
While many species under King Lucifer’s rule gave up immortality for mates and procreation, some didn’t want to rely on the matchmaking abilities of the Fates.
Mythical creatures like werewolves, dragons, and centaurs consider mate bonds sacred . Even the thought of rejecting the bond is seen as disrespecting Fates.
Whereas vampires, demons, witches, and fairies think of the bond as more of a suggestion than a lifelong oath. They choose the modern art of courting their mates before making any permanent decisions.
Some species, like banshees, djinns, and gargoyles, denied the concept of mates entirely and only opted for the ability to procreate. They still openly express their distaste for anyone who values babies over immortality .
Us Horsemen fall into the category who respect Fate’s chosen mates and wait for them our whole lives.
“So, you know who yours is?” Seiji asks carefully.
It’s rare to lose your mate before you’ve even had the chance to meet them, so I don’t know how to answer him without looking pitiful.
Usually, Fates are not this cruel, but I’m always an exception to their generosity.
I wish I got the chance to meet him even for a second because then I wouldn’t be sitting here mourning someone I never knew.
After finding your mate, the two souls intertwine for life, so if one dies, the other follows not long after by sheer heartbreak. I hate that I didn’t get the honor to take my last breath by his side.
“He uh… he died.”
I expected them to be shocked, but I didn’t think the news would be this surprising.
Grace looks as if she’s trying to count how many brain cells I have left. Seiji and Hazel share a puzzled look before staring at Angel like he is a ghost.
Angel suddenly shoots up and starts pacing.
“No, he didn’t.”
“But he did.”
“Woman… I would know if he did.”
He knew my mate?
Thank Fates . Now, I will at least know his name.
Maybe Anxo can tell me more about him, what he looked like, who he was. I don’t want the only thing I know about my mate to be how he died trying to find me.
“You knew him? Will you tell me something about him?” I desperately want to know more about my mate, but Angel’s only response is his pained eyes as if he wants to take back what he said.
Fuck, what if he feels bad because he didn’t know my mate well enough to tell me any details.
My heart feels like someone stomped on it.
And here I was, hoping to find things about my mate to last me a lifetime with his memories. I would’ve made do with just his name or his favorite color.
Anything to ease this tight grip on my throat.
Angel looks heavenward and sighs long enough to find the right words. With a newfound determination, he walks over to sit on the floor before me.
Taking my hands in his, Angel says, “Oh, sweetheart. I am your mate . Just like you are mine.”
No. That can't be. His words feel like a cruel joke.
I’m cursed, always have been. I can’t be lucky enough to have this... have him in my life... as my mate .
This has to be a joke.
‘He is lying to you! You saw how the arm was torn out of the socket. Your mate is dead. They’re all dead!’
Visha's voice echo in my head, but it gets weaker the longer Angel rubs his thumb over my knuckles. He waits patiently as I absorb what he is saying, trying to pick apart her truths from actual truths.
I think back to the day Visha threw that torn limb into my cell and told me all the gory details of how she took another part of my future in her hands and crushed it.
But there was no scent. That should’ve made me question her, but the weight of my mate’s death on my shoulder, the guilt and agony over his death left no energy in me to question her.
She lied. Again.
Gazing into the pair of hypnotizing emerald eyes that had me spellbound since I first laid eyes on them, I try to imagine what this means for me. For us.
“She told me you were dead.”
My eyes pinch shut briefly, and I have to bite my bottom lip when it quivers. Running my hands over his arms and playing with his fingers, I blink rapidly to keep the tears at bay.
Angel's warm hands squeeze mine and when I look at him, his glassy eyes reflect both our pain.
Lowering his head, Anxo places quick kisses on my knuckles, and the rush of electricity that follows is proof of our right to each other.
Angel's large palm covers most of my face when he cups my cheeks to bring our heads together. With a wobbly chuckle, he says, “Not dead, sweetheart. I’m here. I’m right here.”
The spark from his touch runs down my spine, and I wrap my hands around his wrist to hold him there. Soaking in our proximity and how my soul hums in content, I forget about his friends watching me with my mate.
My mate.
‘How pathetic of you to believe everything you hear. So weak.’
The longer Anxo holds my face in his hands, the farther Visha's voice gets until it’s a mere whisper I can ignore. I want her out of my head for good. I can’t have her ruining anything else in my life.
“Need more proof, sweetheart?”
The teasing glint in his eyes makes mine nearly pop out. Every cell in my body longs for his touch, and suddenly I can’t breathe right without him by my side.
When Angel stands, my hopes of a small physical connection vanish until he plops down beside me with his arm wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me into his side. His fingers brush my hair behind my ear before lazily running along the back of my neck. The feather-light touch is so hypnotic that I lean into his side and hold still so he won’t stop.
“With that sorted, we have some important questions to ask you, sweetheart, and I'm sure you do too. Time to get to work.”
Angel’s warm breath fans my ear, and I forget my name, much less the million questions stashed in my head. Noticing how I’m dumbly staring at his side profile, Angel pushes me forward with a sly smirk and rubs my back to fix my mushy brain.
So now I know why my brain short-circuits at his touch.
“Questions... right… okay for starters, how are you both here together?” I point to Seiji and Angel, only to be met with the same confusion I’m feeling. So I elaborate, “Horsemen stick to their side of the human realm.”
Realization strikes Grace first, so she explains, “After what happened with you and Harvey, the previous leaders thought it was safer to combine kingdoms. The Tetrad kingdom is—”
“...in a new realm. And we have five bitching castles protected by ancient magic.” Seiji finishes excitedly.
“All four kingdoms together?” Angel smiles at my excitement. “Harvey must love that! He always wanted to unite the kingdoms and even had it all planned out for he took over. And I've been meaning to ask, where is that dumbass, anyway? I thought—” I trail off seeing their grim, crestfallen looks.
With pinched eyebrows pinched like he is trying to understand what I’m talking about, Angel carefully asks, “Sweetheart, why do you think Harvey is with us? We couldn’t find him in the cells and he wasn’t with you. We've been waiting for you to tell us where he is.”
I stop breathing when what Angel is saying finally dawns on me.
I look around the room urgently as if Harvey would pop out any second and laugh at my worry, but when he doesn’t, my heart falls to my feet, and it gets harder to take my next breath.
I can’t lose him.
“He didn’t come home? ”
Why? Despite his injuries, Harvey was strong enough to heal and find his way home. What if something happened to him? What if I made a mistake letting him escape alone? But I didn’t have another choice.
I don’t realize I'm hyperventilating until Angel holds my face in his hands, and the spark snaps me out of all the horrible scenarios running through my mind.
“We’ll find him.”
His determination should soothe my worries, but it only reminds me of the time we both believed that. That someone would find us, someone would save us, someone would protect us, but no one did .
Now he is out there. All alone .
“How? Tell me how? It took my own people a decade to find me, and I escaped on my own! He could be dead. Oh Fates, what if he’s dead—”
“He’s not dead.” Grace stops my downward spiral by thrusting a small box in my lap. When my shaky hands fail to open it, she does for me, and inside the box sits a ruby-red ring similar to Angels’.
“The ring still shines.”
With that, all my fear comes to a halt. Grace's logic helps me see reason quicker than any promise could. Gripping the box, I nod to myself and repeat the words.
The ring still shines .
As long as the ring shines, its successor is alive and capable. The bright gleam proves he’s alive.
Out of my reach, but alive.
A minute of silent support passes, and no one other than Angel tries to touch me, which I’m thankful for.
In the past decade, other than Harvey and my little boy, I have hated anyone being close to me. Where Angel is a surprising exception, I don’t want anyone to accidentally trigger me and get hurt. I know I’ll eventually have to work on my instinct to attack on touch, but for now, I’m happy to be touchy with just my mate .
“Nevaeh?” With a quick shake of my head, I hum to let Seiji know I’m listening. “How did he get out?”
I knew this was coming.
“And why didn’t you go with him?” Angel stops his hand on my back and squeezes my waist to bring me so closer. I’m almost sitting on his lap at this point but it's still not enough to ease the storm in his head.
“While we’re all asking for details, I want to know how in the sweet hell did the coven manage to get past protected walls and take not one but two kids, without a single witness. How does that happen, mini reaper?”
Grace gives Hazel a stern look before assuring me I don’t have to answer anything right now. I think about taking her suggestion since who wants to climb aboard my trauma train, but Papa liked saying the Horsemen are our fate family.
And family trusts and supports each other.
I want to give them a chance. I want to give myself a chance at all the good things in life. After living with my nightmares for years, I deserve to have what they do.
A friendship. A family. Loyalty.
Before I start, I warn them my story might have some plotholes since it happened years ago, and my memories are either all gone or severely jumbled up.
A shit ton of head injuries will do that to you .
“Harvey and I have been friends since birth so we spend a lot of time together as kids. We were training by ourselves like we did on the weekends while Papa and his parents—”
“Hold up, you were training when you were nine ?” Seiji asks, horrified.
“Well, my Divine has been wacky since I was born—”
The little Bookkeeper who's also technically my sister now provides ‘ Made ’, the accurate term for how I came into existence.
“Fine. Made . So, we were on the training grounds and that part of the kingdom was always cleared out for us because Harvey was a grumpy kid and he didn't like any company except mine. Then suddenly, Visha was there.”
I shift closer to Angel, who doesn’t shy away from kissing my head.
“She tried to get Harvey to leave because she only wanted me, but the overprotective dumbass wouldn’t let go of me. We fought, or at least tried to, but we were just kids against more than a dozen dark witches. And just like that, we were in that dungeon, tied up and bloodied.”
A bitter scoff escapes me before I can push it down.
“We waited, you know. Held hope for a long time that someone was coming to save us, but then weeks turned into months, and months into years. Eventually, we had to stop deluding ourselves.”
The hand on my back stiffens, and Angel’s guilt and shame pour into his features.
Taking his free hand, I intertwine our fingers to show that I don’t blame him. I know first-hand how difficult it was to escape the coven, so I don’t blame anyone.
But I can’t help the bitterness that comes with thinking about the days when our hope was beaten out of us. And now that I know they were still trying, even after a decade, the sting of betrayal fades inch by inch.
I can’t even comprehend what it must've been like to be on the other side of this.
To have everything but not the people you want.
“Maybe around six years ago, Visha came in gloating about attacking all four kingdoms and killing everyone... including my mate. Harvey believed her instantly, but he was too delusional at that point to think straight, so I asked for proof.”
“That’s when she gave you that arm,” Seiji concludes.
Nodding solemnly, I add, “After that night, I thought it was just us. Ghosts can’t free you from monsters, right?”
I’m aware of how tightly I’m clutching Angel’s arm, but I can’t seem to ease my grip. I need his touch to distract me from the emotions bubbling up from these memories.
Tracing the patterns on his arm, I remind myself that everything Visha said that night was nothing but a thread from her web of lies.
“Visha kept killing off anyone that threatened her future, and two years back when she wiped out a whole nest of griffens, there was a big celebration. The guards were stretched thin, and it was our first opportunity in years, so we took it. That night, we almost made it to the force field when we got caught. Again . I was—he…”
I don’t expect them to understand or support what I did next, but this conversation was bound to happen.
“I ran back. Back to the direction we escaped and straight towards the coven guards. Used every last ounce of my power to hold them back until Harvey crossed the protective shield.”
I steal a glance at Angel and immediately hate myself for his sorrow-filled eyes.
“I didn’t have a mate. I didn’t have a family to go back to—at least that’s what she made me believe, but Harvey did. He still had a mate somewhere, waiting for him. He could start fresh. He was the obvious choice.”
Angel ducks his head, and I can feel his hurt. Even if he understands my reasons, I can’t imagine it makes it any easier to hear your mate in the position.
Bumping his shoulder, I wait for him to look at me.
“He wasn’t okay, Anxo. Harvey was basically dead at that point. Another week in that wretched place, and I would’ve lost another person I loved. I had the chance to pay him back for every time he chose me. I owed him at least that.”
I hesitate to scoot closer, but to my relief, Angel wraps himself around me tightly and kisses my forehead three times. If anyone hears me say I don’t like his kisses, call an exorcist because I've obviously been possessed by a ghost.
Seiji shifts in his seat and rubs his hands together.
“I think we all know why Harvey never made it home.”
Grace throws her head back and groans, “The poor man doesn’t know we shifted his home!”
Uh oh.