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Nevaeh
B ringing the blanket over my head, I try to go back to sleep but the memories of last night keep flooding in, leaving me in a limbo between dreams and reality.
All I want is to bury my head in my pillow and pretend last night was just another bad dream.
Patting the bed on my other side, I shiver at the feel of cold sheets. That can’t be right. I've never woken up alone since Angel and I started sleeping in the same bed.
Where is he?
The absence of my mate gives way to a strange budding ache in my stomach. I don't like not being around him. Even as I fell asleep last night, I was so sure I would wake up to my mate pacing the room like a caged animal, going mad with worry.
Before I go looking for Angel, I decide to clean up and my muscles crack like I haven’t used them in months when I push off the bed.
My steps falter as I pass the bedroom window and see a dark storm brewing outside. Pushing the curtains aside, I take in the heavy clouds thundering in warning.
I know I complain about the sunshine and rainbows in this realm, but for once, the gloomy weather doesn’t bring me the peace it once did.
Brushing off my paranoia, I rush to the bathroom, and the scalding hot shower helps relax my muscles.
The burns I was covered in last night are nowhere to be seen, and the only scars left on my body are ones that don’t define me anymore .
Putting on Angel’s hoodie and my sweatpants, I leave the wet mess of my hair for Angel to deal with. My first stop in the living room is useless. Even the kitchen is empty. Now that I think about it, the whole floor is quiet.
Too quiet. It’s never this quiet in the Horsemen castle.
The absence of my family didn’t bother me when I woke up, but the longer I don’t find them, the faster the ache in my stomach crawls up to my chest.
Rushing up the stairs, I try to find the conference room, and for a change, it doesn’t take me four tries. But I don't find it because of my sharp memory but the sounds of screaming and smashing echoing in the corridor.
When I push the doors open, my sudden arrival halts their argument. I'm shocked at the state of the room. Broken wood and pieces of glass littered around.
A council meeting is not a surprise after what happened last night, but the way some of them are avoiding my eyes is feeding my anxiety.
Seiji and Grace run over to engulf me in tight hugs when August suddenly pops up from behind me and crashes into the back of my legs. The boy knows better than to eavesdrop on meetings, so what was he doing here?
The uncertainty and anger lingering in the air force me to stand straighter and pull away from the hugs. I hate feeling on guard in my own home, but my gut twists in a way that warns me to prepare for the worst.
Before the tension in this room can choke me, my eyes search for Angel. Only after I spot him standing in a far corner, do I breathe out. Finding his eyes already on me makes me smile so big my cheeks hurt.
I wait for him to come to me, but he doesn’t move. With every second Angel stays rooted in place, my smile slips off. The vacant look in his eyes is new... scary.
Holding my hand in her tight grip, Grace turns to glare at Angel. Her scowl takes me by surprise because she is not the type to glare at anyone, let alone Angel .
Pulling away from Seiji’s arm over my shoulder, I caress August’s cheek before going to Angel. Every cell in my body is aching for his embrace, and I don’t want to wait any longer. If he won’t come to me for some reason, then I will bridge the gap for both of us.
Showing me his palm, Angel stops my approach, and my heart sinks. This is the first time he has denied my touch and I don't like how the rejection makes me feel.
“Are you feeling better?” Angel asks. His tone lacks his usual warmth, but he’s still worried about me, so whatever he is angry at me about can’t be that bad.
I don’t let the hollowness of his expression get to me. Angel is stressed. What happened last night must’ve increased his worry and workload.
He’s just stressed, nothing more.
Titling my head, I finally ask, “What’s wrong, Angel?”
The deafening silence in the room only shatters when an elderly demon pushes his chair back to stand.
The ex-Warriorhead for Conquer has always irked me. When his lips twitch like he is holding back from smirking, my irritation only tenfold.
The demon nods his head at Angel, but my mate completely ignores the gesture, keeping his eyes fixed on the wall behind me. “The votes were clear, son. You know what to do.”
“Don’t you dare Anxo!” I flinch when Seiji yells from beside me.
The instinctual step back almost makes me trip over August, who I didn't know was hiding behind me. Looping my arms around his shoulders, I’m about to bring August to the front when my eyes fall on the two suitcases standing by the door.
Angel clears his throat, “I see you’re feeling better.” My hesitant smile completely vanishes when he steps away from the wall and gestures to the table of councilmen.
“The council took a vote about casting you out, and the vote concludes it’s in the kingdom’s best interest that you leave. We believe your presence is risking the safety of our people. If you and August leave, the coven won’t have any reason to keep attacking.”
What does he mean I need to leave?
I know last night was bad but I helped, and I fixed the mess, so why would he kick me out?
‘Because you’re not worth the trouble. All you bring is chaos and hurt wherever you go. They’re happy without you. Safer without you. They don't need you... never did.’
I hear whispers in my head and freeze. But something is different this time. The voice… that’s my voice.
I thought Visha was finding ways to slither inside my head at my weakest moments, but it’s been me all along. I’m the malicious voice inside my head, and as cruel as the words are… they are also true.
I’ve been the one ruining everything.
“They won’t let us vote because we’re too close to you. Not like these traitors here know anything about loyalty,” Grace’s voice trembles with hurt.
Some have the decency to look away, while others don’t hide their disgust. The lump in my throat becomes harder to ignore when I find Harvey and Hazel just sitting at the table, not saying a word.
Pushing off his chair, Harvey stalks toward me, and for a moment, I think he is coming to stand by me, but to my utter surprise, he brushes past me like I don’t exist.
Harvey leaves the room without a second glance, and when tears start streaming down Grace’s cheeks, I don’t know who I’m hurting for more.
He will come back. Harvey will never leave like this.
When my eyes meet Hazel’s blank ones, I still. Averting her gaze, she concentrates on the table in front of her. She's back to putting on a facade, I see .
I’m trying hard to figure out what I did for half the people I consider family to want to cast me out, but not a single reason jumps out. I’ve been loyal. I’ve protected them, picked their safety over my life every day.
Why am I still not enough?
“Why?” I ask in a hushed whisper to the man who's supposed to love me.
“I need to protect my people. This isn’t our fight, and I’ve had enough of putting my people in danger for you .” Angel says ‘you’ as if the word tastes sour on his tongue.
I thought I was his people, too.
‘He lied. I told you not to trust anyone.’
Every word out of his mouth, every disgusted look thrown my way, every time he turns his body so I can’t reach him, breaks my soul.
My eyes sting from holding back tears, but I nod my head, accepting that it’s his responsibility to keep everyone safe.
He’s right. This was never their fight, and I did put them in danger, but he knew all of this from the beginning, so why ask me to leave now?
A movement on my side catches my attention just in time to see the elder demon smirking to himself. His thrill turns into fake pity when he senses my eyes on him, but he’s not fooling anyone.
August pulls away from me to stand beside the suitcases, his stuffed dinosaur clutched in his arms. The action makes my head spin. Two suitcases. Two .
As if he heard my thoughts, Angel confirms, “August will be leaving with you, considering he’s your responsibility, not mine.”
My head snaps to him in disbelief. I wait for him to take the words back. To tell me it’s all a joke, and those bags are a part of some elaborate prank, but Angel doesn’t blink, much less regard me.
As if my hurt caused by his careless words makes him uncomfortable, Angel goes back to staring at the damn wall behind me, essentially ignoring me.
I shouldn’t have trusted him with my heart.
I can’t bear the thought of dragging the boy in my mess and risking us falling right into Visha’s clutches.
Steeling my spine, I match Angel’s blank stare with my own. “I request you let August stay.”
“Request denied. Now, get out.” Angel hisses, and the foreign act makes me take a step back.
Where did my Angel go?
“Anxo, stop this right now! She’ll be out there with no protection and a kid, you asshole!” Seiji fumes and I take another step back, realizing how firm his decision is if he doesn’t care about what anyone else thinks.
“What about her rights? You can’t kick her out of her own kingdom.” Grace steps forward, standing head-to-head with Anxo.
“Horseman Blackburn will come back soon. We were managing things just fine before she came along and destroyed our peace.”
I was so close to pleading that it was borderline pathetic. But my will to beg or demand answers goes colder the more Anxo talks about how I’m ruining his life. This isn’t about the dangers that follow me or the weight he has to carry so I don’t fall back. Anxo wants me to leave.
“What has gotten into you? This is heartless, Anxo!” Grace is furious, and I’ve never seen her like this.
She shouldn’t want me to stay, anyway. What happened yesterday will keep happening if I don’t leave. Nothing Anxo said is a lie. Every attack this kingdom has faced in the past six months has been my fault.
“You take it back, or I swear to Fates—” Seiji is on Anxo before anyone can stop him.
“Stop it!” Silence greets my request. “Horseman Alarie is right. This isn’t your fight… never was .”
I look into Anxo’s eyes, those emerald eyes that never failed to fill me with love and warmth, offer nothing today. Eyes drowning in emptiness start to pull me along the longer I try to find my Angel in them.
I can’t take the hatred and disgust anymore. My heart won’t be able to survive more of his hateful words if I keep standing here.
Using the restraints I learned the hard way, I erase every emotion on my face. This isn’t the time to break apart. I have a responsibility to find August a safe home.
A different, safe home .
Papa isn’t here, my mate doesn’t want me, along with my best friend and half of my family .
I don’t have a reason to stay, not when my presence is causing them despair.
Turning to August, I offer him a weak smile and assure him everything will be fine. I’ll be damned if I let him bear the weight of my hurt. My baby gives me a dull version of his bright smile and grips my hand tightly.
Keeping my voice vacant, I address the room, “We are grateful for the shelter and protection, and I apologize for any pain I inflicted. You won’t have to worry about seeing us again.” I keep my voice firm and sigh internally when it doesn’t crack like my heart does with every word.
My heart is beating in my head, and the throbbing is starting to blur everything, but all I can think about is if any of it was real. If I imagined it all.
Was it all in my head and never in my reach?
“Wise decision. Maybe after you leave, I will finally get some peace. And don’t even think about lurking around, my warriors have a kill on sight for outsiders.”
With those words, the last of my hope breaks.
I won’t beg Anxo to let me stay when he doesn’t want me here. I respect myself enough to not stay here and face his hate constantly.
I won’t beg for the love he has clearly forgotten.
Soft murmurs and sneers finally make it to my ears, and when I look around my heart falls to my feet.
Not only is my mate throwing me out like trash, but he also doesn't mind making me the primary source of entertainment for his people .
And here I thought he loved me.
Burning with embarrassment, I don’t focus on Seiji screaming and begging Anxo to change his decision—even threatening—but all his attempts are brushed aside.
Conquer’s ex-Warriorhead even claims Anxo is showing me mercy by letting me leave unharmed, after all the trouble I’ve caused.
I gulp the tightness in my throat when Anxo stands with his lips pursed as his warriors and elders berate me. He is acting like I’m his biggest inconvenience, not his mate. Not someone he said he would love until his last breath and made promises of forever, too.
Like I'm not his sweetheart.
Quickly composing myself, I wipe the corner of my eye. I feel the sleeve of his hoodie brush against my cheek, and I curse myself for wearing it today.
I want nothing more than to rip it off me, but it will have to wait until I’m out of this place for good.
I turn to leave when Seiji wraps me in his arms from behind. I don’t turn, refusing to fall prey to my tears and make an even bigger mockery of myself in front of them.
“I don’t care if he’s Conquer. I’ll beat the shit out of him if he doesn’t come to his senses,” Seiji whispers, his voice thick with emotion.
Taking a deep breath, I level myself before turning in his arms. “I need to leave Seiji,” I keep my voice low so no one except the two surrounding me can hear. “The coven is after me… us ,” I glance at August, standing next to the door, waiting for me. “Everything is my fault—”
Seiji cuts me off, “It’s not your fault. Something is wrong with Anxo. I don't know why he is acting like a complete jackass.”
“He’s just protecting his people. And I think I need to protect mine.”
I know Anxo’s primary motive is to protect his people; it has always been, and even when I agree with that, I will never forgive him for hurting and making a fool out of me in front of everyone.
“I’ll come with—” I stop Seiji and step back.
“No. We’ll figure something out. You need to stay where I don’t have to worry about your safety, too.”
Grace hasn’t stopped crying since I walked into this room, and I understand their concerns but I need to leave now. The staring, the snickering, and the underhanded comments are getting harder to ignore, not to mention how my soul is shattering with every glare from Anxo.
“I’ll take you to the portal,” Anxo comes forward, but Seiji quickly stops him.
“The fuck you will.”
“Only a Horseman can open them after they collapsed yesterday, so it’s either me or…”
“I’ll do it.” Akihiko Nakaya, Horseman of Famine strides to me. I didn’t notice him before but I was too busy dying inside, so what do I know. I search him for any signs of disappointment or hatred, but there’s only regret. For what? I’m not interested to know anymore.
I nod in answer. At this point, I will do anything to be as far from Anxo as possible. I just want this to be over.
I hug Grace one last time, trying to stay strong when she breaks down over my shoulder. Before I can say goodbye to Seiji, he storms off.
Fuck. The idiot couldn't even wait to give me one last goodbye hug before making a dramatic exit.
Grabbing the smaller suitcase with August’s things, I throw one last watery smile over my shoulder to Grace.
Grace calls out my name before I can leave and when I turn around she is running to me.
In her panic, she grabs my arm frantically and tries to wheel the other suitcase toward me. “You didn’t take your bag.”
Placing my hand over hers, I stop Grace. “I came here with nothing, and I’ll leave the same way.”
The only reason I’m not leaving August’s bag is because I will never let my pride come before his comfort.
Suddenly August breaks free from my hold and runs to Anxo. My breath falters, and pure terror grips me.
Releasing my essence, I send it flying to float around August and shield him, unsure how the Horseman would react to my son running to him. It takes August a mere second to put his toy near Anxo’s feet and run back to me, but that second is enough for me to panic for his safety.
Looks like I'm back to my old ways.
A flash of hurt passes through Anxo’s eyes. Instead of the toy near his feet, he keeps staring at my Divine circling August like my essence has offended him.
The realization that it took an hour to shatter the trust it took us months to build has me staggering back before I steady myself.
The emotion is gone as fast as it broke through Anxo’s defenses, and the version of him that broke my heart and family shows his face again. I feel a pinch in my head that grows into a throb the farther I walk away, but I squeeze my eyes shut and wait for it to subside.
Leaving the castle, I don’t look at anyone or anywhere, just follow the man in front of me to the closest portal.
When I think I can finally let go, a small hand squeezes mine, telling me there’s a long way to go before I can fall apart without scaring my boy.
I’m surprised when the portal opens to a house in the middle of nowhere. Papa Nakaya says it’s Harvey’s old house in the human realm, and he has allowed me to use it until I can find something permanent for us.
How very generous of him.
I would’ve felt something other than numb, but the ache in my chest from this morning has dulled everything to the point that I don’t feel anything. What would I even say to a man who calls himself my best friend yet didn't blink before turning his back on me?
Despite Harvey’s choices, I’m grateful for the house. I’m in no shape to search for a safe place.
Besides giving me a key, Papa Nakaya doesn’t stay longer, and I’m glad for it. When he reaches for a hug, I step away and walk into the house without looking back, slamming the door to that life shut behind me.
I’m always prepared to be left alone, so what happened is heartbreaking but not surprising.
I guess my fears were nothing but premonitions of the worst times to come. The voice in my head always knew I would lose him. It kept warning me, but I was too damn happy to pay any attention to it.
And now, the person I thought loved me snatched my entire world from under me, leaving me with nothing.
How na?ve of me to think I could have it all.