Chapter 38 Tell Her Again
TELL HER AGAIN
ROMAN
January in Florida brings a strange duality to Roman’s life. It’s not that anything bad has happened. Mornings are pale as he heads to the bar; nights drop fast and cold, bundling him and Lucy on the couch.
It’s not that there is nothing happening. There’s a lingering sensation of something missing—of someone missing.
But there’s nothing that he can do about it.
As Roman pulls into the hospital lot, the tires crunching over the rocks, he wonders how she’s doing. If she’s thinking of him the way he thinks of her. Turning off the ignition, Roman opens the car door and works to get Lucy out of her car seat.
“We’re here, pretty girl,” he says, unbuckling her and lifting her out. The wind blows her hair across her face, and she shoves sticky fingers into her curls, wrecking the parting he spent too long perfecting. “See?”
“We’re here!” Lucy echoes, clapping softly.
Roman sets her on her feet before crouching down to zip up her jacket and pull her hat down over her ears. Making sure the door is locked, he grips her hand tightly and they walk across the parking lot.
As they make their way to the doors, Roman sees a familiar hue of brown waves.
“Audrey,” he says, yelling as he picks up Lucy to walk toward her. She looks around, shielding her eyes from the sun before turning to him.
“Roman.” Her smile brightens when her eyes drop to Lucy.
He clears his throat, towering over her as he adjusts Lucy. “Say hi, baby.”
Lucy drops her head into his neck, waving saliva-covered fingers at Audrey. Roman shakes his head, turning back to look over at Audrey.
“I’m not used to seeing you without your dinosaur and sailor scrubs. You going out somewhere?” he asks as she moves to the driver’s side of her car, laughing.
“I … actually have a date,” she says, smiling up at him. He smiles, feeling genuinely elated for her.
“That’s great. I’m glad to hear that.”
Her cheeks redden as she looks at the ground before meeting his gaze. “Thanks. It’s new, but it’s going really well. I’m … happy,” she says, and he believes her. It’s hard not to when she looks like that. He shifts Lucy in his arms again, swaying her back and forth slightly.
“That’s great to hear, Audrey. Really,” he says, rubbing circles on Lucy’s back.
She pushes her hair behind her ear. “What about you and Jahlani? How are you doing together?”
Together.
It must show on his face because all the energy she had been radiating earlier seems to evaporate. He clears his throat, looking toward the hospital
“She moved to California for work about a month ago.”
Forty-four days ago, to be exact.
Audrey narrows her eyes, nodding slowly. “I see.”
He shrugs, rubbing his neck with his free hand. “It didn’t work out. The distance … and just the timing of everything with Lucy.”
Audrey closes her eyes, inhaling deeply before opening them. She crosses her arms over her chest, lifting her chin.
“So, if this were a different time and if I were the previous version of myself, I’d tell you that I’m sorry to hear that and that I hope you find your way back to each other. But, seeing as this is not, I’m going to be blunt as hell right now. Go get her back.”
He laughs, shaking his head. “It’s not that easy.”
Her eyebrows raise. “Did you cheat on her?”
His head rears back. “Jesus, no.”
“Did you lie to her? Manipulate her? Harm her in any kind of way?”
“No.”
“Then go get her back,” she says, raising her voice, looking as though she were on the verge of stomping her foot.
“Audrey,” he says, shutting his eyes before opening them. “Don’t you think I would if I could?”
“Roman,” she says, exhaling slowly. “If there’s one thing that I have learned from my mother’s death, it’s that life is too short not to tell somebody you love them while they still have air in their lungs. Skip the bullshit and tell them before it’s too late.”
“I did.”
She steps closer, her eyes blazing. “Tell her again, and again, and again. Tell her until she’s sick of you.
Tell her until you’re sick of your own voice.
Tell her until she believes you. Because one day you might not be able to,” she says, breathing heavily.
“Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a date to get to.
” She sends him one last pointed look before giving Lucy a sweet smile and sliding into her car.
As Roman takes the elevator up and sits in the waiting room, he replays her words.
Tell her again, and again, and again.
Tell her until she believes you.
Because, fuck, he misses her. It’s been over a month and he’s still stuck.
Dr. Newark runs through her routine check-up, turning to face Roman with a relaxed smile.
“The steroids are holding steady. Nothing in the urine; swelling is down. She looks good, kid. We’ll keep monitoring, but I think in the coming months we can start to wean her off,” Dr. Newark says, tapping his shoulder.
“Is she okay to travel?” he asks, sitting her up.
“Not yet. We’ll make sure to keep monitoring her and as soon as she’s clear for travel, I’ll let you know. Where are you planning to go?”
She’s your girl from the story.
Tell her until she believes you.
I’m not the girl the guy chooses in the end.
“California.”