Chapter 20
Twenty
AUGUST CURRENT DAY (MONDAY)
A s we walk into the office, everything is different from last week.
This time last week, I didn’t know Warren was in the same town as me and now he’s spending his nights in my bed. For us, this weekend changed everything, but to everyone else it was just another normal weekend.
Peter, Mac, and Clara all end up on the elevator with us, and the small talk about what everyone did this weekend makes me antsy. I can’t stand straight, shifting my weight from leg to leg, until a pinky loops through mine. I glance over at him slyly and instantly feel relaxed again.
“What about you two?” Peter looks back at us.
“It was a friend of mine’s engagement party,” I say, squeezing Warren’s pinky in mine.
He squeezes back and says, “I went to Boston to visit my mom.”
When they look back to the front, we both smile at each other conspiratorially. They don’t need to know that I also went to Boston and he also went to a friend’s engagement party.
The elevator doors open on our floor and Peter turns to Warren. “Have some time to discuss that paperwork?”
“Of course,” he answers but turns to me. “Did you need me for any of the work on the presentation?”
“There’s a few numbers I need from you, but I can get most of it done without that,” I say.
“I’ll come find you as soon as I’m done.” He smiles. He would’ve come to find me after even if we didn’t have any work to get done, but it’s a good public excuse.
In my office, as I get set up for the day, my stomach turns a little bit. It’s weird, but I feel like I’m doing something wrong. I don’t know if it’s because of how casual and professional we have to be in front of the others, or the fact that, last time, our relationship imploded because of work, or that the start of this week means he’s only in town for five more days, but this suddenly doesn’t feel so certain, so easy, like it was this weekend.
“Knock, knock,” Clara says at the door to my office. “Got a minute?”
“Yeah, come in.” I gesture to the chair and we both sit.
“Have you been able to find a solution?” she asks, biting her lip and wringing her fingers. “I feel like I’ve failed this company. You remember when I first came to you with the idea of starting a value-based care consulting firm? You were just as excited about the idea as I was, and even though I’m the president of the company, I’ve always seen this as our company. It would not be what it is today if you hadn’t been there since day one, running the strategy. But when I got the acquisition offer, I jumped the gun. I should’ve pulled you in sooner to make sure they’d be keeping the integrity of the company. I shouldn’t have found out they were considering layoffs in a meeting, after signing the deal. Anyone that gets let go—it’s on me. So please tell me you found a way to save our company, our people.”
With a tear in my eye and a huge smile on my face, I say, “I think I found a way to save it.”
She lets out a deep breath and just nods for a few seconds. “I’m going to hug you now,” she says, a tear in her eye too. It’s not until she’s holding me that she whispers, “Thank you.”
We’ve both gotten so busy that we lost some of the magic from the beginning, but right now, I feel it all again and I remember why I fought so hard for this.
And why I’ll never stop fighting for it.
When she leaves, I get to work on the presentation I have to give tomorrow. I want to show the financial projections of both companies in three scenarios: without the acquisition, with the assumptions they sent over, and then my proposed way. Mostly to outline that the current proposal makes no sense because of all the lost revenue and the lowered savings impact—it would be better for them to not acquire us and just contract out our services than to go through with the changes they modeled.
It really makes me wish I was part of the earlier conversations, because Clara either did a bad job of explaining how our company generates value, or they didn’t understand the business model. Even though value-based care has been around for a bit now, it’s still relatively unknown to those who aren’t directly involved with it, so it wouldn’t be surprising if it was the latter, or even a little bit of both.
I have all the numbers I need for my side, but I need to confirm a few things with Warren in regard to Vitality’s numbers. But by the time lunch rolls around, I’m happy with how far it has come and how clear of a story it tells.
* * *
“I just sent you everything you asked for.”
Warren’s been sitting in my office since lunch “helping” me with the presentation. He sent over the numbers I needed from him, but other than that he’s just been looking at me with that enamored, love-filled look that made it hard to work even back in our Triniti days.
“Thank you for finally being useful,” I tease with a smile on my face.
He smiles and his eyes spark. “If we were just in cubicles in the corner instead of an office, it’d be like nothing changed.”
“It’s kind of weird being back in a shared work environment and being together again.” I hesitate, and maybe it’s just my insecurities talking, but I don’t want to just assume things again this time. If this is going to work this time, we need to talk about our feelings and concerns, not ignore them and shove them under the rug. “It’s making me feel like we still have things we need to talk about.”
He frowns at that, and I continue quickly.
“Last time, everyone knew we were together and at the end of the day, it hurt us,” I say. “But now, no one knows, and it kind of feels like we’re trying to make sure they don’t find out. I don’t really know how to act. It’s so similar, but at the same time the complete opposite.”
He’s still frowning, but his eyes are soft and understanding. “Tell me what you’re feeling. I don’t want there to be any doubts, anything we’re afraid to say.”
I look down. Last time I wasn’t realistic about things. I won’t be so ignorant or naive this time. It’ll be better for both of us if we call it as it is and have hard conversations before they blow up in our face. “You’re going back to D.C. at the end of the week, Warren, and I’m staying here. We haven’t really talked about what happens after this visit is over.”
The hesitation and pain on his face slowly shifts into a small smile that grows on his face. It settles something in my heart, and I continue. “If we both want this, we need to figure out what it’s going to look like. I know we both love our jobs, but I’m about to be thirty and you’re thirty-two, starting a long-distance relationship with no end in sight isn’t what I had in mind either. I like certainty; I like being in control. But right now I don’t even know how to go about figuring out the probability of this working with all of these obstacles. And that scares me because last time there weren’t as many variables as there are now and we didn’t survive it then so what makes this time different?”
I want him. I want him in my arms each night. I want to see his sleepy smile each morning as he rolls over and kisses me. I want to have a life together , not together while in different cities living separate lives. We’ve already lost so much time, and this only prolongs the time it’ll take to get where we want to be.
Jason walks by the open door and frowns. He stands there watching us for so long it halts our conversation.
“Can I help you?” I finally say to him, but he just grumbles and stalks away.
I watch until he’s out of sight again before saying more, just in case. When he’s gone, I open my mouth to speak again but Peter pops in. “You guys almost ready to head out for dinner?”
We both smile and nod before he walks away and we both stand and grab our things.
Before we leave, Warren turns to me. “We will finish this conversation. I want to figure out a way to make this work. I don’t want to live without you again. Okay?”
He checks the door before reaching for my hand. I take it and he squeezes tight.
“Okay.” I squeeze back.