CHAPTER THREE #3
I greedily trailed my hands down his long body, eager to explore his chest, his narrow waist, and farther down to where I felt his need—
“Wait,” he groaned, turning his face away and cutting our kiss short.
I almost whimpered at the sudden loss of contact. My parted mouth pulled in air as his heart beat hard against mine.
Two crazed drumbeats pounding to the same rhythm.
“What’s wrong?”
His body had gone stiff above me. He released a dry chuckle and shook his head.
“It’s been a while, Daze.”
It took me a moment to understand him. His erection throbbed against my thigh. My hand was inches from the bulge in his jeans. I had been ready to touch him when he abruptly stopped, looking pained.
“How long exactly?”
His voice was strained, his answer vague. “Long.”
I wondered how that was possible.
Any confidence I had in who I thought he was kept proving misplaced.
My lips twitched. “How close are you?”
“Just give me a minute.”
He slowly—and stiffly—climbed off me. He lay on his side, still pressed against me, his eyes cracked open.
The most apologetic expression crossed his face. “I want to touch you so badly. You look so fucking beautiful right now. Face all sweaty, cheeks all pink…” He closed his eyes. “Just give me a minute.”
A sudden giddy laugh bubbled from my lips. I immediately clamped my mouth shut, but I couldn’t stop laughing.
He opened one eye. “This doesn’t happen, all right?”
I nodded, trying hard to look serious, but I rolled over and muffled my giggles against the flat pillow.
He let out a soft chuckle. “This is fucking brutal.”
Tears streamed from the corners of my eyes as I sucked in breaths, trying to calm myself.
I felt mortified and guilty.
“I’m sorry, Tristan.”
“You’re not the one who nearly came in his pants.”
I twisted around to look at him. “I’m not laughing at you. I promise.”
He rubbed his face, groaning again.
My laughter faded.
“I’m laughing because I’ve never gotten this reaction out of anyone before,” I admitted softly.
There was a strange emotion beneath the words. A vulnerability I couldn’t hide. He must have heard it because his eyes found mine and held on to every word.
“To be fair, I’ve only been with two other people, and the first hardly counts.
But even without sex, no one has ever looked at me the way you do.
” I licked my lips, thinking. “Maybe it’s lust. Maybe it’s the excitement of being swept into this one-night-stand situation.
I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. ”
He stayed quiet.
“The point is, I find it impossible to believe. And yet…I’m flattered that someone like you, with options and charm, has this terribly difficult problem around someone like me.”
He took a moment, staring at me with the most awed expression.
Then he said, “You’re a dream.”
He said it simply, as if those three words answered everything.
There was so much conviction in them that I believed him.
It troubled me that I didn’t want to. That accepting it might force all the years before this to mean something. That I had willingly remained a shadow, insignificant in the real world.
Tristan made me feel bold.
Bold enough to move closer and whisper, “Imagine you’re dreaming, then. Tell me what you want me to do.”
His chest slowed.
It was his turn to look flustered.
He searched my face before admitting quietly, “Very indecent things.”
“Indecent?” I echoed, suppressing a smile. “You don’t have to be gentlemanly with me, Tristan. I know that isn’t a word you commonly use.”
“I’d strip that dress off you with my teeth and taste you again until you’re screaming my name.”
I moved closer until our noses nearly touched.
He tried to close the remaining distance, but I pulled back just enough to say, “Not what you’d do to me. Although I like the sound of it.”
“Can I?”
“Later. I want to know what you’d like me to do to you.”
He closed his eyes and groaned. “Honest to God, you’re going to make me come in my fucking pants if you keep talking like that.”
I laughed weakly. “I could put you in my mouth.”
“Holy fuck.” He scrubbed both hands over his face. “Stop, Daze. I’m on a hair trigger.”
I stopped, biting my lip to keep from grinning. “It’s only fair that I return the favor.”
“Fair?” he echoed, scoffing softly. “You letting me do that—letting me taste you—we could stop right now, and I would never forget what you let me do. You don’t need to do a fucking thing to me.”
My smile faded.
The moment grew serious. The humor drained from both of us as he watched me, searching for my understanding.
I couldn’t make sense of him. Couldn’t make sense of what he thought I had given him. As though I were some treasure he had gone on a lifelong quest to find.
I was nothing, I wanted to say.
I was insignificant.
I was refuse.
A woman with an expiration date.
Outside this room, my life was over.
But this fucking man—
His stare pierced through the void inside me. My blood pumped hot and fast. The numbness I had depended upon for so long evaporated so quickly that I almost questioned whether I had grieved anything before this moment.
It would come crashing down.
I knew that.
When this ended, when he went his way and I went mine, I would feel everything again.
I didn’t want that hanging over me.
I wanted it to be only him and me.
“Kiss me,” I whispered. “And really mean it, Tristan. Make me forget everything.”
I had barely finished speaking when his mouth returned to mine.
This time the passion burned differently. It burned like fire but ached like a bruise I couldn’t stop pressing.
When he stripped the rest of my dress away, I was feverish to have him. To put him inside me. To make me forget everything.
But I also wanted to cry.
I didn’t know why, but I held him tightly. Wrapped my arms around him like he might disappear and leave me bereft.
Like a ship without its captain.
Like a lighthouse with nothing to guide.
He seemed to feel it, too, because his hold became just as tight.
He moved away only once to reach for his wallet. He pulled out three condoms, placed two on the nightstand, and tore the first open.
Then he was back.
Skin against skin.
His jeans gone, his hard length pressed between my thighs.
“I can have you?” he asked shakily.
“Please,” I moaned.
He whispered something. Passionate and full of yearning.
I think he said, “I’ve been waiting for you, Daze.”
Then he pushed inside me.
The stretch brought the perfect amount of pain mixed with an insatiable amount of pleasure. I was slick, my body ready, but the intensity of having him inside me still sent a shiver through my entire body.
We moaned at the same time.
His heavy breaths filled my open mouth. He paused to draw his tongue along my jaw, his voice tight when he growled, “Fuck, you feel so good.”
“And you feel big,” I whispered.
He released a rough laugh that died when he moved inside me again, sending another wave of pleasure through my body.
“I want to make you feel good, Daze. Want your legs trembling when you come.”
I could no longer respond.
My mind detached. My body took control, feeling everything he gave me. His strokes grew deeper, certain and controlled. I felt him watching me, listening to every sound.
He sucked at my throat.
I gripped his back and then his hips, urging him deeper. Faster.
He thrust into me and then paused suddenly, groaning.
“Can you do something for me, Daze?”
I would have done anything for him to keep moving.
“Yes?”