CHAPTER FORTY-SIX #2
My flight mode wasn’t kicking in, but I knew Tristan was done with me.
In his eyes, this was unforgivable. I saw the look of disgust in his eyes.
The raw anger. I’d seen it directed at others, but never me, and it left me breathless.
I lost so much in that single moment. I’d lost Tristan, and I was certain he would never have stars in his eyes when he looked at me again.
I saw the disbelief in his face and imagined everything he must be thinking: that every kiss and every laugh had been tainted by what I had withheld. He deserved someone free of this. Instead, I had let him fall for me without telling him the past still had its hands around my throat.
I wanted to explain that I had not left because I was brave. I had left because I was drowning, and Tristan had been the first clean breath I had taken in years. None of that changed what I had done to him.
I should have told him.
But I didn’t because I wanted to believe I could start over.
That I could be someone unmarked by the past. Someone who didn’t carry the weight of a name that hadn’t felt like mine in years.
I didn’t lie to protect myself—I lied because I was terrified that the truth would erase everything we’d built.
That he’d look at me and see the woman I used to be, not the one I was trying so desperately to become.
It wasn’t just shame. It was survival. I’d spent years learning how to disappear inside a life that didn’t want me whole.
And then Tristan came along, and for the first time, I felt seen.
Not as someone’s wife or mother or someone broken.
Just… me. And I clung to that feeling like a lifeline.
I didn’t tell him because I was afraid he’d let go.
I needed more time.
To let the past catch up so I could finally lay it out. I’d edged so close. So damn close.
I grabbed a shopping bag and quickly packed it with my few articles of clothing and hygiene products. I had some cash in my wallet from the little work I’d picked up along the way. It wasn’t much, but I knew enough of this lifestyle now to find more cash in hand work.
I quickly changed into my blue dress. I threw on a pair of sunglasses and a hat when the door to the camper opened. My anxiety tripled. I didn’t look at Tristan as he stepped in and slammed the door shut. I felt him close behind me, and my heart raced.
“What are you doing?” he demanded.
I held in my emotions as I forced out, “Packing.”
“What for?”
I still didn’t look at him. “You know why.”
As I leaned down to put my deodorant stick into the bag, the bag was ripped out from under me.
My heart jerked wildly as I looked back at Tristan.
My emotions swirled like a vortex as he tipped it upside down and all my things scattered to the floor.
His nostrils were flaring as he then threw the empty bag down.
He was pissed beyond belief. “You’re not leaving me. ”
Now my eyes were red and raw. “Tristan…”
He glared back at me and leaned down to my level, gritting out once more, “You’re not leaving me.”
Hot tears flooded out of my eyes. “I’m sorry, Tristan.”
“Sorry for what exactly?” he asked slowly, every word coated with ice. “That you were about to walk out on me too?”
“For not telling you.”
“Daze, put your fucking clothes away.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re not going anywhere! Now ask me why again?”
My lips trembled. “Why?”
His face inched closer. He pulled the sunglasses from my face and looked into my crying eyes. His were wild with anger and hurt.
“Because you don’t get to decide for me that this is over.”
He kissed me, angry and desperate, and for one startled second I went still. Tristan felt it. He pulled back immediately, breathing hard, his hands lifting away from me.
“Tell me to stop.”
I stared at him.
“Daze.” His voice broke around my name. “Tell me.”
I caught the front of his shirt and dragged him back. “Don’t stop.”
That was all it took. His mouth found mine again, but his hands waited until I took one and pressed it against my waist. I pulled him down with me onto the mattress.
“You’re not leaving me,” he said, his eyes red and glistening. “How am I supposed to let you walk out when you’re the reason I fucking breathe again? Goddamn it, Daisy. Look what you’ve done to me.”
His face tightened. He turned away and punched the mattress beside my hip, then stared at his own hand as though the anger in it frightened him.
Just as he began to pull away, I wrapped my arms around him. “Don’t.” Tears clouded my vision. “We wander this world together or not at all, remember? Nothing’s changed, Tristan. I still want it all with you.”
“You’d have left.”
“You looked at me like you hated me.”
“Hated you?”
“I deserve it.”
“Don’t tell me what I feel.”
“Tristan, I hurt you—”
“I’m furious with you.” His voice shook.
“I’m furious because I fucking love you.
Every day I think it might be the day you decide this life with me isn’t enough.
Then I find out there’s another man searching for you, and you were packing before I even got the chance to decide whether I could forgive you. ”