Nineteen
It was only when I blinked that the world seemed to surge forward, moving too fast for me to catch up.
Time didn’t slow just because I wanted it to. Days slipped into weeks, then into a month.
With every second that ticked by, my feelings for Elliot only grew stronger. At first, it was the little things that drew me in—his tattoos, his model-like demeanor, the way his jaw flexed when he was thinking.
Then, it became more.
The way he cared for his sister, the way he knew when I needed space and when I needed to be pulled closer, the way his face lit up when he was sucked into a game. Every lingering glance, every fleeting touch pulled me in deeper. It no longer felt fake—at least, not to me.
Kendra started calling us Romeo and Juliet , and eventually, even Andrew and Dani began to tolerate her presence after the initial silent treatment phase. But having Kendra back felt right.
What didn’t feel right, though, was Mrs. Hawthorne forcing us to deliver an argumentative speech instantaneously after pulling a random prompt out of a hat.
“Clarke, you’re up next.”
I flattened the creases of my peplum shirt and rose to my feet. My saliva became thick, lodging in my throat as I stepped in front of the class. I pursed my lips, staring back at the audience I never asked for, their eyes tracing my every move.
Reaching inside the Abraham Lincoln-like hat, I pulled out a small slip of paper and spoke aloud. “Villains are more compelling than heroes in literature. Agree or disagree? Defend your position.”
“Okay.” Mrs. Hawthorne clicked her nails against her wooden desk. “Your time starts now.”
Three minutes . I had to deliver a speech for three minutes. No big deal. I loved to yap, anyway. Easy-peasy. But as I looked out, the faces in the crowd blurred together into one giant mass of eyes, all locked on me.
Suddenly, it felt like a spotlight was burning down on me.
My confidence vanished in an instant, replaced by a swarm of restless butterflies stirring in my stomach.
What’s that trick people say when you’re nervous?
Picture everyone in their underwear? Yeah .
I could do that. Totally . A wave of unease washed over me as I opened my mouth.
“I believe heroes are more compelling in literature due to their inherent growth after surviving traumatic experiences forged by those who wish to do the unspeakable. One example of this is Atticus Finch in Harper Lee’s To Kill A Mockingbird .
Finch struggles with breaking free from social expectations in the 1930s as he defends an innocent African American man from persecution by his peers.
It is his embodiment of humanity, perseverance, and strength that creates the amazing dynamic that the story portrays.
” My mind raced as I scrambled to think of another literary example, and thankfully, within seconds, another one popped into my head.
Exhaling softly, I continued, “Another example can be seen in Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice .
The main character, Elizabeth Bennet, strays from the path she was forced to venture down as her family tries to pressure her to enter into a marriage with a man she finds repulsive simply for financial gain.
Her unwillingness to do so leads her to another man whom she originally disdains, but her sentiments change after she discovers his true intentions and allows for self-reflection.
This willingness to be outspoken in an oppressive society, as well as the ability to acknowledge her own mistakes, makes Elizabeth Bennet a compelling hero who is able to capture audiences much more than many one-dimensional villains throughout history.
All in all, I think heroes are…heroes can be…
they have the capacity to…” The sentence fell off my tongue, my brain losing momentum as my thoughts went blank.
All around me, people were staring.
You’re almost there, Clarke .
I pulled my lip between my teeth and curled my fingers into a fist.
A blur of movement in my peripheral caught my attention. It was Elliot. He flashed a grin, giving me a subtle thumbs up, and mouthed the words— You got this, nerd.
My lips twitch upward. Staring back out into the sea of eyes, I continued speaking.
“Heroes have the capacity to command the attention of audiences by appealing to the reader’s sense of self while fighting against obstacles and pushing through hardships.
They strive to obtain a happily ever after, no matter how hard they have to fight, which is a feeling we can all relate to. ”
I sucked in a breath, my chest heaving as the oxygen filled my lungs. Talking had never felt so…exhausting. You could hear the sound of a pin drop. Until—
“That was pretty good,” a nondescript voice whispered.
“How did she do that so easily? All those references were just in her head?” another kid muttered.
Elliot didn’t even attempt to speak quietly when he said, “Well, damn.”
“Mr. Keller, inappropriate!” the teacher scolded him. “And everyone else hush up! Ms. Taylor, well done. You may take your seat.”
“Thank you.”
I crept over to my desk, slipping into my seat as Elliot threw me a wink. He lounged back in his chair before shifting his focus forward.
I could finally breathe again.
My relief was short-lived when Mrs. Hawthorne summoned Elliot to the front of the class. Why was I nervous for him?
As Elliot strolled to the front, he seemed as cool as a cucumber. He rummaged through the hat before finally plucking out a prompt. “Is it better to be book smart or street smart? Why or why not?”
“After you take that hood off your head, you may begin.”
Elliot groaned, tugging at the fabric until it collapsed around his neck.
His gaze wandered up to the ceiling and remained there for a second as if he were contemplating his first words.
Then, with a sudden spark in his eyes, he snapped his head forward, turning his attention to the class.
“Street smarts play a large role in any human being’s life, especially those who are old enough to drive.
In order to get from place to place, it is important to have an understanding of our roads and the streets we live on.
Google Maps and navigational systems can only get you so far.
Street smarts also consist of understanding traffic patterns and following the law, so that we all drive safely. ”
His words caught me off guard as I struggled to mask the shock on my face.
What the hell was he talking about? How could he not understand the question? Shit. This would tank his overall grade.
I gave a small shake of my head, trying to catch his attention, but he didn’t notice. The students around me began murmuring to one another. Shit times two .
“Is he stupid?”
“What is he even saying?”
“No idea.”
I rubbed my forehead tentatively as Elliot continued.
“The last thing anyone wants is to hurt another person and get into a collision because they lack street smarts. This type of awareness is what shapes our integration into society, and although Summerville may be a small town, accidents can happen anywhere, which is why it’s important to be careful and learn about our roads.
” Elliot cleared his throat and paused briefly.
“Now, after hearing me speak, I know what you all must be thinking—none of that made any sense. Well, that was exactly the point, because my position is that book smarts are superior to street smarts, and now you can clearly see why. If you lack the general knowledge necessary to dissect and interpret data, you cannot function in any given community.”
So that’s what he was doing!
Thank. Fucking. God.
That was actually kinda brilliant. Elliot smirked, extending his arm in a mock mic drop. I let out a slow and measured exhale through my nostrils as the sound of soft laughter rippled through the room. I even heard an audible— Ohhhh.
“Well, wasn’t that a nice surprise,” Mrs. Hawthorne complimented. “You may take your seat, Mr. Keller. Next, Jacelyn.”
The impromptu verbal essays dragged on for another thirty minutes until the sweet chime of the bell finally cut through the air.
I pushed through the rest of the day, and thanks to Elliot, Kendra, Andrew, and Dani, it was far less unbearable than it could have been.
Meaningless conversations, shitty jokes, and gut-wrenching laughter were the perfect formula to get through it all.
I made my way through calculus, anatomy, and AP environmental science, clinging to the moments I’d gathered throughout the day, using them as fuel to keep going.
By the time the final bell rang and everyone else headed home, I still had to stay behind.
“Kendra, Andrew—ready for practice?”
“Nope.”
“Hell yeah.”
We all stepped into the locker room, dropping our bags onto the floor.
With the official cheer season over, the lockers were already occupied, packed with the soccer team’s gear.
I yanked open my bag, rummaging through it until I pulled out a pair of black spandex shorts and a plain t-shirt.
The air was thick with humidity, and muffled conversations drifted around me.
I peeled off my clothes, swapping them for my athletic wear. Lowering myself onto one of the benches between the rows of lockers, I leaned down and tossed my clothes inside.
My fingers gripped the zipper just as Meredith called out. “Clarke, Coach Smithson wants to talk to you.”
I stared at her questioningly before jogging over to the coach’s office and knocking on the door. When I stepped inside, her face lit up, only for her expression to quickly shift into a slight frown.
She motioned for me to come closer, gesturing for me to take a seat.
I settled into the chair beside her, resting my hands in my lap.
“So, you don’t think Andrew is fitting in well?”
“What?” I squinted at her while cocking my head to the side. “Why would you think that?”
“Meredith told me you said something along those lines.”
Figures. “That’s not true.”
“Mm-hm. I see,” she said, pressing her lips together. “Do you have any concerns about him?”
“No.”
“How do you think he’s doing?”
“I mean, a lot of the girls seem to like him, plus he picks up the routines pretty quickly.”
“And Kendra?”
“What about her?”
“I heard she’s been stirring up some drama on the team. Is that true?”
What. The. Fuck.
“No!” I shook my head furiously. Letting out a laugh of disbelief, I continued. “God no. If anyone’s causing drama, it’s Meredith.”
“Okay. Good to know,” she said, smacking her lips while wearing a tight expression. “Go on back—the team’s probably waiting for you. And remember, I’m here if you need me.”
As I stepped out of her office, I found everyone scattered across the gym, warming up with stretches.
My gaze landed on Meredith, and I shot her a glare, but she simply flipped her hair, tossing her brunette locks over her shoulder in response.
Dismissing her, I scanned the room until my eyes found the two least nauseating people in the entire room.
I made my way over to them, clenching my jaw before dropping onto the floor.
Without a word, I extended my legs and reached forward to grab my toes, stretching my calf muscles.
“You good?” Kendra asked, eyeing me with curiosity.
Andrew glanced at her, then back at me.
“You look pissed,” he said flatly.
“I’m fine.”
“You wanna try that again?” he prodded.
“Ugh,” I groaned as I scrubbed my face with my hands. “Meredith told Coach that I said you weren’t a good fit for the team.”
“Who, me ?” Andrew’s voice jumped an octave. He rolled his eyes, a scowl settling on his face. “That jealous fucking bitch...”
I shifted my gaze to Kendra. “She also told Coach that you were stirring up drama.”
“ Me ?” She huffed out a humorless laugh. “Oh, now I know it’s because she’s jealous. She’s just bitter I left her for you. What did she think was gonna happen? That I’d just sit back like some third wheel, watching her make out with Mason while she treated me like shit?”
I nodded. “It’s like she dropped everyone for him.”
“No, we dropped her,” she corrected with a wave of her finger.
“And for a damn good reason,” Andrew added. “You guys notice most of the cheerleaders avoid her?”
“She’s not exactly fun to be around,” she said with a shrug.
“Yet, for some reason, people still suck up to her,” I mumbled. “She snaps her fingers and boom—they’re there.”
Almost as if we had choreographed it, we turned our heads in unison, glaring at her with open disgust. In response, Meredith tossed a scowl back, then, like flipping a switch, a smile was plastered back on her face as she laughed, surrounded by a group of cheerleaders who clung to her every word.
Their eyes looked empty, their smiles forced—it was painfully clear they didn’t want to be there.
I rolled my eyes, sneering to myself. Deciding to grant them a little mercy, I pushed myself up and called the team together. Exhaustion crept in as I powered through each routine. I dug deep, pulling from my memories to keep myself going, using them as a well to harness energy.
With every cheer, my mind kept drifting back to one moment in particular—kissing Elliot in the computer room. The way my heart stuttered, the warmth of his hands on my jaw, the soft, deliberate brush of his tongue against mine. Technically, it wasn’t our first kiss, but to me, it was.
Kiss number one had been for Ryan.
Kiss number two was just for me.
At least, I hope it was, anyway. Does Elliot replay that kiss in his mind like I do, or was it just another act in our fake dating game to him?