Twenty-four
“Are you ready for this?”
“You mean my first and last cheer event of the year?” Andrew stroked his imaginary beard. “Yup.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Kendra said, tossing her braids behind her shoulder as she brushed a layer of mascara onto her eyelashes. “You cheered with us before.”
“Everyone knows soccer and volleyball don’t count. It’s all about football…well, I mean— that and pep rallies—because that’s the only time we get our fifteen seconds of fame.”
I frowned. “It’s fifteen minutes .”
Andrew slowly turned his head toward me, his eyes darkening. “I will literally drop you during the pyramid.”
“Have I told you how much I respect you, yet?”
“No.”
“Good.”
Kendra’s eyes flicked back and forth between Andrew and I. “It’s giving brother and sister.”
“I guess she is like the older sister I never wanted.” He shrugged. “But I am grateful to have her in my life…sometimes.”
“That’s like…the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“And it’s probably the last, so don’t get used to it.”
“You’re like a brother to me, too, Andrew,” I said as I shuffled toward him, wrapping my arms around him.
He groaned, causing me to expel a breathy laugh at his general unease. Kendra propped a hand on her hip, the corner of her lip upturned as she watched Andrew hesitantly pat me on the back awkwardly.
“Yeah, yeah.”
Minutes later, the other cheerleaders crowded into the locker room alongside Kendra and me. Andrew parted ways with us, heading to the boys’ locker room before offering one last— “See you on the other side bitches.”
As I stepped inside, everything blurred into a haze. My eyes glossed over as I watched the girls around me frantically getting ready—layering on pounds of makeup, dousing themselves in perfume, and obsessively brushing single strands of hair.
Everyone was lost in their own world.
Luna let out a shriek when she noticed the lace on her favorite bow was frayed.
Meredith snapped at a freshman for stepping on her blindingly white sneakers.
Even Kendra stood in front of the mirror overanalyzing her appearance as her gaze flicked up and down her figure.
In an instant, my eyes were wide open—the rose-colored glasses ripped from my face. These were the people I had been trying to impress. And for what?
My sister?
A Prom Queen title?
To reclaim my identity to hurt my past bullies?
There were so many other ways to prove myself.
I just wish I had realized it sooner. The lines dividing the cliques at our school only existed because we let them.
And as it turned out, the people sitting at the top of the hierarchy were probably the ones who deserved to be at the bottom.
As I looked around, reality finally sank in—this would be my last performance as a Honey Bee cheerleader.
I couldn’t help but think back to freshman year, when I performed at my first football game.
My nerves had been through the roof; I hadn’t slept at all the night before. As Meredith had put it, that was my first chance to make a name for myself. She had even created a list of do’s and don’ts to help boost my social standing.
Do command attention. Don’t beg for it.
Do smile like a model on the cover of Vogue . Don’t show every tooth in your mouth.
Do act confident. Don’t be overeager.
Do tastefully show some skin and highlight your figure. Don’t go overboard by being too slutty.
But today… today would be different . No more rules.
I plucked my black and white uniform out of my bag, pulling the fabric over my head.
My chest rose as I drew in a deep breath, bracing myself to face the entire school for the first time since my downfall.
My fingers trembled as I fidgeted with the zipper on the side of my skirt, a surge of anxiety threatening to crash over me.
Kendra gently placed her hand over mine. With one swift motion, she pulled the zipper up, fastening the skirt securely.
I gave her a small smile.
Once everyone was ready and lined up by the door, I found my voice. “Listen up! Just because this is our last performance of the year doesn’t mean we get to slack off. Now, are you all ready?”
Their quiet murmurs said it all.
The uncertainty in their eyes cut straight through me. They doubted me—questioned my leadership. I saw it in the way they challenged me during practice, the skeptical glances as I walked in, the barely concealed laughter when I gave orders.
I exhaled, wetting my lips.
Everyone loves to judge—until they’re the ones in the spotlight.
I wanted to disappear, to curl up in the corner of my room and shut out their piercing stares.
But that wasn’t an option. Not anymore. People had a way of twisting the truth, shaping a story to fit their own version of reality.
It was time for me to take back control.
I pushed the anxiety down, letting determination rise in its place.
I didn’t want to do this, but if there’s one thing that can bring people together, it’s a well-timed, sentimental speech…
“Look, I know you’ve all seen what was posted about me, but that needs to stay outside those doors.
Right now, it’s not about me, and it’s not about you—it’s about us.
It doesn’t matter if you’re popular or an outcast, black or white, girl or boy.
We’re all Honey Bees, and that’s what matters. So, are we ready to do this or not?”
I sighed at the silence that filled the air.
At least, I had tried .
Kendra squeezed my hand as we lined up before the double doors, gearing up for our final pep rally cheer. Within seconds, we had burst into the gymnasium, our arms high in the air as we shook our pom-poms. The students erupted into applause as we entered.
My eyes scanned the bleachers until I spotted Elliot and Dani, waving frantically, their voices cutting through the noise and anchoring me in the moment. Their energy fueled me.
We formed a tight circle, our backs pressed together, fingers interlocked.
As we turned our heads to meet each other’s gazes, I saw doubt written across their faces.
Their faith in me had wavered. But leadership wasn’t about status or popularity—it was about trust, about showing them we were stronger together.
“Strength isn’t about standing alone—it’s about lifting each other up. So, if you guys trust me, I’ll trust you too,” I whispered to them.
As the music began, so did our routine—an electrifying fusion of pop and hip-hop.
Cheerleaders faced outward in every direction, moving in sync as our arms alternated between high and low V’s.
We shifted seamlessly into a staggered line formation.
A right-side hurdle flowed into a pike and then a left-side hurdle. My breaths quickened with the rhythm.
Without hesitation, we transitioned into our signature diamonds—three in total.
I crouched, cupping my palm as my group launched Kalani into the air, mirrored by Meredith on the right and Kendra on the left.
In perfect synchrony, they soared, each executing a flawless kick full twist before descending back into our waiting arms.
“Yes!” I shouted over the music as they hit the stunt.
I caught a glimpse of a smile on Kalani’s face as she landed gracefully.
Andrew and Bella circled the group, flinging themselves into a round off whip back tuck with their movements intersecting effortlessly before they switched sides.
The rest of the team joined with a toe touch backward tuck, our bodies moving together like we were one. Andrew then took center, the rest of us parting in the middle to make way as he smoothly flowed into a standing full twist.
The crowd went wild, their cheers louder than ever.
I bellowed again. “Let’s go, Andrew!”
To the crowd, my words were drowned out by the music, but the team heard my voice loud and clear.
Andrew shot me a quick wink, and instantly, the energy in the room shifted.
With every pose we struck, every move we executed, and every stunt we performed, our usual pep was infused with laughter and genuine excitement. As we powered through the routine, our voices carried on, cheering each other forward.
“You’re killing it, Kendra!”
“We can do this!”
“Fuck, yeah!”
“Let’s go, ladies!”
That last remark came from Meredith—no surprise there—as she tried to downplay Andrew and his role on the team. But I let her words slide off me like water, and so did everyone else.
The music surged as Luna, Kendall, and I were lifted into a liberty pyramid, with me steady in the center, gripping their arms.
Luna’s knees wobbled, her torso tilting slightly, but I tightened my hold on her forearm, helping her regain balance. She glanced at me, a smile spreading across her face just as the music faded.
And just like that, it was over.
For the first time in four years, I felt like I was performing for myself. We exited just as we had entered, the girls buzzing with laughter and excitement as we spilled into the hallway. High fives flew around the group before Luna suddenly tackled me into a hug.
“Thanks for not letting me fall.”
“Anytime.”
She pulled away and dashed into the locker room, with most of the other girls following behind.
Then came Andrew and Kendra, piling on top of me in a crushing embrace.
The air was squeezed from my lungs, but I didn’t mind—I hugged them back just as tightly.
When we finally pulled apart, we locked eyes.
Kendra spoke firmly. “Clarke, you were fucking born to lead.”
“With all the talk about ‘faking it,’ I kind of assumed you hated cheerleading.” Andrew shrugged. “But out there, you actually looked like you were having fun.”
“I love cheerleading. I just hated what it became about.”
“Well, whatever the hell just happened today—I think you just found a new meaning for it.”
With a quick smile, they vanished around the corner, slipping into the locker rooms. I took a deep breath before trailing after them.
Finally, I could breathe again. The muffled cheers from the ongoing pep rally echoed beyond the doors.
Inside, the girls were a whirlwind of energy, hastily changing out of their uniforms and back into their usual clothes.
They grabbed their things and rushed out, still buzzing with excitement as they disappeared back into the gymnasium. I let out a breathy chuckle.
As I slid into my jeans, I caught Meredith staring at the floor near my feet, her expression unreadable. I followed her gaze. You’ve got to be kidding me…
“What? You wanna snoop through my stuff again?” I muttered.
“I was just wondering…” She trailed off while smacking her lips. “Got more plans to fuck another low life in there?”
My eyes formed thin slits as I took a step closer to her. “No, I think you’re already doing that for both of us.”
Kendra let out an amused laugh, earning a scowl from Meredith. Taking the hint, she stepped away, leaving Meredith and I alone. The silence was heavy, weighing down on the air around us. Slowly, Meredith moved toward me, her eyes filled with disdain and her breath coming out ragged.
“You’re destroying your reputation, so don’t come running to me when you decide you’re ready to clean up the mess.”
“Are you joking, right now? Why do you care so much about social status?” I asked, cocking my head to the side. “What the fuck does it matter, Meredith?”
“It just does.”
“But why?”
“Why doesn’t it matter to you?” she shot back, pausing before she added, “Anymore.”
“Don’t try to avoid the question…”
“I’m not!”
“Then, answer.” I shrugged.
“I don’t have time for this,” she growled, slinging her backpack over her shoulder.
“That’s what I thought,” I muttered, crossing one arm over the other. “Figures you’d care about something so shallow.”
“It’s not stupid, okay?” she yelled, her voice bouncing off the walls. “I’m not stupid!”
I furrowed my brows. “I never said that.”
“But you think it. Everyone thinks it…”
“I…that’s not—”
“I’m not the best cheerleader. I don’t have a huge brain. I’m not prettiest, which—by the way—was clear the second everyone saw you and forgot that I even existed,” she spoke, her eyes glistening. “Social status is all I have.”
“I wasn’t…I didn’t know—”
“Shut up!” she fumed. “Just leave me the fuck alone, okay?”
She spun on her heels and stormed out of the locker room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.
A heavy guilt settled in my stomach, making itself a home inside me.
My history with bullying began in middle school. It began the day someone took one look at me, made a snap judgment, and shoved me into a tiny, suffocating box—a box I had to fight my way out of.
And I swore I’d never do that to anyone else.
I swore I wouldn’t be a bully. Bullying was what triggered my anxiety attacks.
It was what led to Jessie’s death. And yet, for someone who hated being judged, I had a bad habit of doing the same to others without ever giving them a chance.
I had been so quick to put people in boxes—Elliot, Andrew, Dani, Kendra…
even Meredith . One moment, and I had already made up my mind about who they were.
Same with the jocks and the cheerleaders.
At first, I thought they were perfect—everything I wanted to be.
Then, after seeing the other side, I convinced myself they were nothing but villains.
But now? Now, I realize they’re just people.
People who I had to stop labeling based on fleeting interactions.
Don’t judge a book by its cover . I thought I had Meredith figured out, but maybe there was more behind who she was than the naked eye could see.
Mental health was called an invisible illness for a reason.
Meredith wasn’t perfect.
But neither was I.
And that’s when I knew—I had to talk to my parents. I had to tell them about my anxiety.