25
DAMIAN
I’m on top of Thea, my knees pinning the backs of her thighs down. I have one hand on her spine while the other’s on the bed for balance. “Say it again,” I groan out.
Sliding in and out of Thea, I wait for her desperate pleas, but this time, she stays silent.
She hasn’t been sleeping in my room much since Adrian’s taken up residence in the spare room connected to mine. When she crawled into bed with me last night and curled herself against my body, I couldn’t resist.
This morning, Thea looked too good to not take advantage of. So I pushed her onto her stomach, slid her shorts down, and took what I wanted.
“Say it,” I command. I’m barely holding myself together and I know her words will push me over the edge. I need to hear them. I slam into her, making her gasp.
“Get off me! Now!” Instead of laying there and taking the fucking I’m giving her, she tries to shimmy out from under me. It’s useless with my weight bearing down on her. But I like her attempt to get away—it’s getting me closer.
She’s purposefully resisting saying the words I really want. It’s starting to annoy me. “You know that isn’t what I meant, princess. Stop being a brat and give me what I want.”
Suddenly, it’s almost as if I feel her fully drop into character. I can’t explain it. Her whole body tenses—then I feel the rattling of her breath as if she’s truly scared. Oh, fuck. I pick up my rhythm.
“Stop, please. I have a boyfriend, please… please… ple—” Her voice cracks. We discussed this. I went over everything that might happen during a scene. Crying, begging, fucking her despite all of it. But something about the stream of tears rolling down her face through clenched eyes takes me by surprise.
“Red,” I say, pulling out of her. Climbing off, I lay down next to Thea and pull her close to me.
I stare at her bloodshot eyes. This felt too real.
“Did I do something wrong?” Her voice is still thick from crying. “You could have kept going.”
Kissing her forehead, I reassure, “You didn’t do anything wrong. It just felt like it was too much. I can’t explain it.” I wrap my arm around her, but she pulls away.
“I don’t understand, Damian. I wanted it. I was fine.” Her defensiveness takes me off guard. “I just don’t understand what the whole point of this was if you weren’t going to finish.” Her words have a biting edge. Thea pushes herself off the bed and starts pulling on her shorts.
Sitting up, I reach for her. “Hey. You know the rules. Either of us can use the colors. They aren’t just for you.”
Thea rolls her eyes, then takes a breath. “Sorry. I didn’t sleep well. I’m in a mood and I have to get to work.” She leans over and gives me a peck on the cheek. I pull her back.
“Are we good?”
She nods, although I don’t feel like she’s being truthful. She wanted this brutality this morning. And I get that, to a degree. But something’s off. Still, I kiss her on the mouth properly before letting go.
I can’t help the hollowness in my chest as I watch her walk out of my room. This isn’t like us. We always do aftercare. We always talk and cuddle. I want to brush it off. I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it needs to be. Thea’s allowed to have off days. So why do I feel so shitty? I’ve never felt like this before.
I lie in bed for a while, then decide to be productive rather than feel bad for myself. Pulling on my boxers, I head to my computer. I feel guilty for what I’m about to do, but I don’t see another option.
Clicking into a discreet folder I made for Thea, I open the tracking program. She has two—one on her truck and the other in her satchel that she doesn’t leave home without. She’s been taking my Audi lately, so I pull up the GPS app on my phone. Looking over everything, I don’t see anything out of the ordinary. Thea really only goes to the studio, the property at Olive Way, the grocery store, and home.
The shame hits harder as I pull up the app that’s tracking her text messages. I read through them, but again, I don’t find anything. Placing my phone on my desk, I rest my head in my hands. I’m torn between trusting my instincts and feeling like I’m overthinking.
All of this monitoring is exhausting. I may not have found anything on Thea, but I’ve made headway on Gavin.
I was able to hack into his email account, then managed to get access to his phone records and location data. While there was activity after we last saw Gavin at the carnival, it all stops the night that Cole kidnapped Thea. I’m not certain what happened to her ex, but I’m pretty sure the night of July fourth was his last night as a free man, possibly as a living man. There are only two numbers that received messages from his phone after that night. One is Thea’s. The other is his parents.
Cole kept them at bay all summer and they’ve become suspicious. That’s why the detective is snooping around.
I keep looking over all of Gavin’s info and nothing is clicking. I’m at a dead end, something I don’t say very often. I don’t take defeat well. There has to be another angle I’m not seeing. I’m sure of it.
While I know that’s true, I also know that I’m not on my A game right now. I’m balancing too much and it’s starting to take its toll.
Adrian’s nightmares haunt me, waking me up multiple times almost every night. I’m exhausted. Not to mention setting up his new business—that’s a full-time job in itself and I can’t have him do it. Keeping tabs on Thea and making sure she has everything she needs for her new business. Sutton’s family issues were unexpected. He seems to be handling it—still, I worry. Then there’s Wes.
He puts up a good front. However, I’ve noticed some strange things I can’t explain. On more than one occasion, he’s claimed to be meeting with clients, but it’s not on the calendar. He’s never had an issue with that, if anything, he’s meticulous about this client meetings. He even had a dinner meeting with a client the other day. That’s never happened.
I need three of me to keep up with all of this. My head starts its usual ache. The migraines have been coming more often, probably from lack of sleep and stress. I grab the nearly empty bottle of pain pills on my desk and pop three into my mouth.
This is all temporary, I chant silently. I wish those words helped. They never do.
THEA
I’m sitting in the back seat of Anthony’s black SUV. Today, we’re going to attempt to get a copy of Cole’s key during his morning stop at the gas station. There should only be one thing on my mind right now. Instead, I’m annoyed that Damian didn’t finish this morning and trying my best to forget kissing Adrian yesterday.
Why the hell did I kiss him? My face heats at the memory of pulling him toward me. I could feel his hesitation, but he gave in. He wanted it just as much as I did. And the catalyst was him smacking me back.
I should’ve been appalled. I should’ve gone straight to Damian. Instead, I felt a familiar throbbing between my legs and an intense need to feel Adrian’s mouth on mine. Something about him not being scared to hurt me felt… good. He didn’t hold back and I liked it.
This is all Cole’s fault. There’s no other explanation. I’ve never been this person.
I fight the opposing thoughts that try to tear down blaming him, but it’s useless. I’ve also never been the woman to have multiple boyfriends or stab a man in the throat. Yet here I am, becoming a stranger to myself. I wonder if I’ll always be at odds with this person I’m becoming.
Damian’s softness this morning only makes me want the roughness Adrian offered more. I don’t understand why he stopped. He said it felt like too much. How was it too much for him when I was on the receiving end?
The pang of guilt at holding him to a different standard hits hard. He’s right. He can use the colors, too. His using the safe word was as unexpected as him pulling me in close afterwards. We always cuddle when we’re done, but this felt different. It felt like he was being more vulnerable than usual. That makes my chest ache.
I was a bitch for leaving the way I did. Laying my head back on the seat, I compose myself. I can make it up to him later. For now, I need to focus on clearing these thoughts away so I can accomplish the task ahead of me.
Anthony backs into the parking space so that we can watch for Cole.
“He’s almost here,” Anthony informs us, breaking the thick silence. He points to the dot on the map.
My eyes flick up just as he turns into the gas station and parks at a pump. I can’t help that my heart starts racing as he gets out and starts filling up. This mundane activity is so different from when I usually see him—cloaked in the shadows, in a position of power. Now it’s my turn.
C’mon. Go inside. He looks around and I swear he must know I’m sitting here watching him. But that’s just my paranoia. He finally heads into the coffee shop connected to the gas station. Anthony drives over and parks at a pump close by.
“Ready?” Cassie asks. She calls the burner phone that connects to the headphone in my ear. “I’m going to let you know when he’s coming out. You have a bit of cover, but not much. Be quick,” she warns.
I nod. My mouth is desert dry and my throat is tight with anxiety.
There’s so much that can go wrong with this. What if his passenger door isn’t open? What if he took his keys? What if he sees me? One wrong move and it’s all over.
“Go,” Anthony urges.
I shut my brain off and hone in on getting what I need. Sprinting from one pump to the next, I grasp the handle of Cole’s passenger side door and say a silent prayer. I pull it and it opens. I want to cry.
Sliding across the seat, I make quick work of pulling the key imprinting tool from my pocket.
“You’re still in the clear.” I hear Cassie’s voice low in my ear.
I grab the keys that are still in the ignition, looking for a house key. A gold one catches my eye. Just as I’m about to press it into the mold, I see another. A silver key. They’re almost identical except for their color. Fuck. Which one do I choose?
“Thea, he’s coming,” she says urgently. “Hurry!”
Shit. Shit. Shit.
“Thea!”
I grab the gold one and press it into the imprint material. Closing the lid tight, I hope I’ve done it right, then I release it. I slide out of the passenger seat and press the door closed, but not all the way. Cole’s just on the other side.
“I’ll be there in the next few hours. Don’t worry about the money. I’ve got you.” His voice carries as I hear the distinct pull of the nozzle from his car. I press the door gently, just enough so it clicks closed. But I’m terrified that his open door light will go off and he’ll come around to find me.
I need to hide.
He’s still talking on the phone. I peek beneath the car and see his toes pointing in the opposite direction, but who knows for how long. It’s my only shot.
As silently as I can, I scurry toward the pump where Anthony is parked.
“Hey!” I hear Cole call out and freeze. Fuck. “I said I’m good for it. You’ll have your money today.”
My breath resumes when I realize that he hasn’t caught me. I hurry behind the pump, but I don’t dare open the door and draw Cole’s attention. Those seconds waiting for him to pull away are some of the longest of my life.
“It’s okay, Thea.” Cassie reassures. “He’s getting in his car now. Keep taking deep breaths.” I do as she says. “He’s pulling away.” I swallow around the knot in my throat. I won’t feel safe until he’s gone. “Get in the car.”
I jump up and pull the door open, throwing myself inside. My entire body is trembling. Looking up, I find Cassie staring at me, her eyes shining with wetness. She throws her arms around me, pulling me in tight. “I told you, you’re a fucking badass,” she whispers.
I wish I felt the same. I feel like a coward. A liar. A fraud. A weak woman who’s let men hurt her over and over again. I’m still letting this man hurt me. And to what end? Will it all be worth it? Yes , I tell myself. You’re protecting the ones you love. I’d sacrifice anything for them—my mind, my body, my freedom, and very possibly my life.
They’re worth it.