31

DAMIAN

Looking out through my bedroom windows at the trees, I recall when the view used to calm me. Now, it’s just a reminder of how insignificant I am. Not only in the world but also in my own family. At least that’s what it feels like these days.

I’m doing everything in my power to hold us all together, but it doesn’t seem to be working. Everyone is slipping through my fingers. Even when it feels like I’m getting things on track, something beyond my control derails our lives and there’s nothing I can do about it.

No. There has to be something I can do. Defeat isn’t something I can accept.

My mind travels to Sutton. His mom tried to bring by the monthly care basket filled with soap, treats, and coffee. He had me turn her away. I’ve known Sherry my entire life. I love her—she’s the mom I never had and fed me dinner more than my own did.

I could see the pain in her eyes, but she understood. She asked about Thanksgiving, too. Every year we go to Sutton’s parent’s house. I don’t think we’ll be doing that this year. Sutton made it clear that he wasn’t interested before I closed the door.

What his parents did was wrong. There’s no denying that and I can’t tell my brother to forgive them. That’s a decision he has to make. I can sympathize with him, but I’ll never truly know what it’s like to learn that your whole life is a lie. My parents were bastards from day one and didn’t care to hide it.

So I guess we’re hosting Thanksgiving here. Another thing to add to my plate. Taking a deep breath, I get off the sofa and head to my closet.

Sutton’s always been the easy one. Granted, he was bullied when he was younger, but his outlet became his motorcycle. Now, he doesn’t have that and while he’s always been an introvert, it’s been worse lately. Then there’s the drinking.

I can tell he’s trying to hide it as much as possible. Nearly every time I see him, I can smell the alcohol. Not only that, Jessie mentioned the bottles in his room.

Thea seems to be the only one he lets in these days. Normally, I’d be okay with that, but she’s not in a good place either.

Flicking through my shirts on hangers, I grab a gray one. Then, a pair of jeans. Thankfully, I don’t have any video meetings with clients today, so I can keep it casual.

Adrian overhearing Thea talk to Cass about being drugged is just another mystery I need to solve. It’s probably a case of some dick head wedding guest who thought she was hot and wanted some easy action. The drugging isn’t the only thing, though. Her visit to the random gas station in another town was strange. Other than that, Thea hasn’t done anything out of the ordinary. It’s just a feeling I have that she’s not being entirely truthful.

I want to ask her about these things, although I feel like it’ll push her away and I’d have to explain how I know them. She’ll be more guarded if I start digging, and if she knows that I’ve put a tracker on her key ring, she might already be onto me. The day she went to the gas station, she left her phone and satchel at the studio. I watched her get into Anthony’s SUV with him and Cassie.

Part of me wants to believe that she’s not up to anything at all. Cassie’s too sensible. She’d talk Thea out of any trouble she might try to get in. So maybe I’m just being paranoid. I don’t know anymore. My head starts aching and I reach for the bottle of pills on my desk after pulling on my shirt.

I’m wondering if I made a mistake giving Adrian the task of being an outlet for her anger or whatever it is that she’s dealing with emotionally. I’ve tried. But it’s killing me to watch her wanting to be hurt and not just for pleasure. I know that’s what it is now after seeing the footage of them in the gym.

Watching her fully submit to him and him treating her like she was nothing was hard. Watching her like it was even harder. I’ve come to the realization that he’s offering her something the rest of us can’t. We care for her too much and he doesn’t care about her at all. At least I don’t think he does.

Him checking up on her today makes me wonder. I can’t go down that rabbit hole right now.

For me, this deal I made with Thea was about gaining her trust and the need to keep her close after revealing the truth about Adrian. For her, it’s something entirely different. It’s almost like she thinks she deserves to be hurt. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This has never been a problem. I’ve never cared about the reason a partner has wanted more impact or if they’ve fallen deeper into a scene, making it more real.

But I’ve also trusted my other partners to tell me when they’ve had enough and I don’t trust Thea, not fully. I hate that. However, it’s the truth.

I just hope that Adrian can handle her. I’m torn. I feel like I need to coddle him, after all, he’s spent his entire early adulthood locked up. He doesn’t know what he’s doing. Then, I think that giving him some responsibility is the better option, so that he won’t feel like an outcast in his own family. I guess the only way to know for sure is if he has the opportunity to prove himself. If he can be an outlet for Thea and handle his tattoo business, I’ll know that I can trust him to step up.

I sit down at my computer chair and click my mouse. The screens come to life. Pulling up the shared calendar between all of us, I look over the dozens of entries. Thea’s client appointments. Sutton’s therapy sessions. Various meetings for Adrian’s tattoo shop. My client meetings and deadlines. Wes’ client outings.

That’s another mystery I haven’t solved.

Wes’ unscheduled client meetings of late are unusual and I can’t make sense of them. I know he’s not forgetting to put them on the calendar. It’s something else. But in the grand scheme of things, this is at the bottom.

Closing the calendar, I open up something much more important. Gavin’s folder.

I couldn’t make much of Gavin’s accounts. Then, I decided to retrace his steps after we saw him on July fourth. That got me somewhere.

His GPS location showed him going back to the hotel he was staying at before going dark for a few hours. Then, a new location popped up in the early hours of the morning before his phone was turned off again. The location was our house. That’s the night Cole did something to him.

There was some relief that came with that revelation. It’s a step closer to the truth, but that also means the police will see it too.

I need to find him.

The weight of the guilt for not seeing the signs that Cole was losing his grip on things is still heavy. I’ve always been the one to know when things are off with my brothers. How did I miss this?

The memory of Cole going off the rails ten years ago surfaces. It was right after Adrian’s conviction. He’d been so sure that our brother would get off or at least get a slap on the wrist since he was only nineteen. We all thought that the judge would give leniency, considering the circumstances. It was a rude awakening when that didn’t happen.

“I’ll kill them all. I’ll fucking do it.” I don’t think I’ll ever get those words out of my head or the images of him waving a gun around in his tirade. Wes blocking the door and Sutton trying to talk sense into him float into view. I’d never felt so out of control in my life. I’d never felt so worthless to my family.

Two of my brothers needed me and I couldn’t do anything to help them. Adrian was given ten years in prison and I had to send Cole away to a facility until he was stable. I felt like I was abandoning them both in some way. I wonder if they felt the same—if that feeling never went away. It’s a stark reminder that our pact doesn’t protect us from everything, that we’re not invincible.

I push those thoughts and memories aside. I have more important things to focus on.

Pulling up the location log of Gavin’s phone, I look over it again, hoping something will stick out. The hotel, then our house, the Evergreen Inn, our house again multiple times, then the cabin Cole took Thea to. Nothing after that.

A thought pops into my head. I may not have much in the way of Gavin’s location, but I still have Cole’s location log up until he went missing.

My fingers fly across the keyboard, pulling up Cole’s GPS history from June to September. The list is long, but I have all day. There has to be an answer here. There has to be.

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