Chapter 20
TWENTY
Two drinks, I tell myself. Two drinks, and then you can head out.
The fact that I feel an all-consuming dread as I park behind the bar my brother owns to get drinks with my best friend, her boyfriend, and my date can absolutely not be a good sign, but I push myself to smile as I step out of my car.
Kevin is standing beside his car and gives me a small wave as he makes his way toward me, and I fight back a sigh.
It’s not that he’s not nice: he is. Incredibly. Sweet and kind and everything I should want. Wren did well, setting us up, and I wasn’t lying when I told Jesse we had a lot in common.
The problem is, he doesn’t make my heart flip when he looks at me, and I don’t feel butterflies when he gives me a small, polite hug or tells me I look beautiful. When I slip on ice in the parking lot, he asks me if I’m okay.
“Oh, yeah, I’m good. I really shouldn’t be wearing these shoes, not with the storm that just came through,” I say as we walk around to the front, gesturing to my Uggs.
He tips his head at them. “They look warm,” he says.
I give him a nod. “Yeah, but they have no grip. I’m toast on ice.”
He shrugs as if that doesn't matter. “Sometimes you just want to be cozy.”
I nod and then politely smile as he opens the door, but all I can think about is the grumpy face Jesse would have made if he saw me slip yet again in these.
“You know what I was watching last night?” I ask twenty minutes later, turning to Wren.
We’re sitting at a four-top table, Kevin next to me, Adam beside Wren with his arm over her shoulder.
“Our Lips Are Sealed.” Since settling in, the night has been fine, and a fraction of my desire to head home instead of spending the night out has died down, and I’m enjoying myself for the most part.
“The Mary-Kate and Ashley movie?” she asks with a laugh, and I nod. “Oh my god, I haven’t seen those in years. We loved them.”
“I know. I found out Emma’s never seen any of them.”
“My sister liked those,” Kevin says, and when I look to him, his nose is scrunched up. “They were so bad.” I tilt my head a bit and force a smile, shrugging.
“That was kind of the best part. It added to it. Plus, they were a sign of the times, you know?”
“I suppose. There are just so many great movies out there—I can’t imagine intentionally watching them as an adult.”
I let out a laugh, trying to lighten the mood. “Would this be the wrong time to tell you that I rewatch them regularly? They’re kind of a comfort watch for me,” I admit.
He shakes his head and lets out a little huff of a laugh. “No, it just means we’ll just have to watch some of the classics, broaden your horizons a bit.”
I blink and then nod, unsure of what to say.
I’m sure he means well, but it grates against my nerves in a way that can’t be a great sign.
Wren gives me a strange look, and I put on a friendly smile, shrugging it off, but all I can think about is Jesse staying up all night, even though he was dead tired from working all day, to watch it with me.
Thankfully, Wren takes over the conversation, talking about the kids in her class, and I’m grateful for the distraction as I look around. At the bar, I catch Colt’s eye, and he gives me a skeptical look, but I just give him a polite smile and a shrug.
“I’m gonna go grab another drink,” I say, a bit too loud. “Anyone else?” Everyone shakes their heads no, and I’m relieved when Kevin doesn’t follow as I walk over to the bar where my brother is standing.
“What’s going on over there? You look like you need me to rush over with an emergency to save you,” Colt says with a laugh when I walk over to him, and I let out a laugh, shaking my head, the tension leaving my shoulders.
“No, no. It’s all good. It’s kind of a blind date, someone Wren works with. Can I get a Coke, please?” I ask, deciding that one cider would be enough.
“What is a kind of blind date?” Colt asks, reaching for a glass and filling it with ice.
“We got coffee together earlier this week, and he seemed normal.”
“But now?”
“Now…” I shrug. “I don’t know. We don’t have much in common.” He tops the drink with dark soda, then adds a straw and slides it to me.
“Well, at least Wren is with you to make it less weird.”
I nod, agreeing, but before he can say anything else, the door opens, a bell jingling up above it. All of the heads in the bar shift to the entrance as always happens, and the air halts in my lungs as Jesse and Madden walk into the bar.
“Well, looks like tonight got a bit more interesting,” Colton murmurs, and I turn to him with a furrowed brow, but he grins at me and gets a wave over to a customer as I watch the King brothers walk straight to my table with a mix of relief and overwhelming dread.
Jesse ignores me for the first twenty minutes he’s here, grabbing a beer for himself and Madden. We shift to one of the large tables so we can all sit together, Madden sitting on one side and Kevin on the other side of me, while Jesse sits directly across from me.
“So how long have you two been going out?” Madden asks, sitting back. He looks at me with a smirk that I can’t quite decode, and honestly, with the dumpster fire that is becoming this night, I don’t want to.
“Oh, this is our second date,” Kevin says, then loops an arm around my chair, smiling at me.
I return it, but it feels forced, and I hope no one else picks up on it.
Eyes burn on me, but I don’t let myself look across from me to where the glare is coming from.
I lift my cider and take a sip, but find it’s empty.
Sullenly, I take a sip of my soda and wish I’d gotten a second drink instead.
“Want a sip of mine?” Kevin asks, tipping his beer in my direction. I open my mouth to decline, but I’m cut off.
“She doesn’t like beer,” Jesse says, the first real sentence he’s said since he sat down.
Wren snaps her head to me, a questioning look on her face, but I ignore it, smiling again at Kevin.
“No, thank you,” I say, trying to be as polite as possible, then tipping my soda in his direction. “I’m good.”
Finally, I direct my gaze to Jesse, giving him a dark glare.
He doesn’t even flinch.
The conversation continues painfully with Madden and Wren tugging it along.
We ordered some food—a bunch of random appetizers, since that’s all The Mill offers—and even though I don’t order it, Colt sends out a big pile of fries for me.
When they arrive, Kevin grabs the ketchup and moves to start squirting it all over the top of the fries, and I flinch.
Before he can, though, Jesse reaches across the table, grabbing the ketchup from his hands and setting it to the side.
Then, as I’ve done so many times before, he slides half of the pile of fries to a separate plate and adds a small pile of ketchup to the side before handing the plate to me without a word.
I sit in silence, incredibly annoyed and uncomfortable, but also inconveniently touched, the feelings warring in my chest as the table sits in awkward silence.
“Hallie doesn’t like the ketchup to touch anything,” Wren explains with a kind smile.
“Oh, shit, sorry,” Kevin starts, but I shake my head before he can continue.
“No need to be sorry. They’ve all known me almost my whole life, so they know my silly quirks.
” I look to Jesse, all kindness leaving my face.
“There’s no way you could know that after just two dates.
” Jesse holds my eyes for a beat longer than necessary before looking away and grabbing an onion ring and eating it.
Ten minutes later, we’re all chatting, and for a moment I think I can survive the night. Kevin tells some stupid joke that I don’t want to laugh at, but when he looks at me with a wide grin, like he’s proud of it, I let out a little laugh.
“That was the fakest laugh I’ve ever heard,” Jesse says with his eyes burning on me.
“Dude,” Adam says low, a hint of entertained humor in the word.
“Jesse,” I say low, but he ignores me.
“It was. She hates jokes like that.” Jesse’s speaking to Kevin, but he doesn’t even look at him. His eyes are locked on me.
“Jesse, stop it,” I say through gritted teeth.
“I’m not wrong,” he says. “You hate jokes like that. It was a fake laugh.” He stares me down as he takes a sip of his drink. It’s barely half drunk, and I can’t help but wonder why the fuck he’s even here. It’s clearly not to enjoy himself or have a drink with a friend.
I want to scream at him.
I want to make a scene. I want to ask him what the fuck is wrong with him and why he’s ruining this for me. He knew I’d be here, and there is absolutely zero chance he randomly and impulsively found a sitter for Emma and decided to come to The Mill tonight.
I said yes to the original date in an effort to move on quickly and efficiently from my one night with Jesse, but that’s proving increasingly impossible. Even more impossible now with the glaring reminder of who I can’t have while I’m out with the one I’ll allow myself to have.
“Sometimes it just takes the right person to tell the joke,” I say through a brittle smile.
“Bullshit,” he says quickly.
“Come on, Jesse, you’re being an ass,” Madden says.
“Jesse—” Wren starts.
“What? If someone’s going to date her, he should at least know the basics.” Turning to Adam, Jesse asks, “Don’t you think?”
Adam lifts his hands in surrender. “I am playing Switzerland here, I’m the newcomer,” he says.
“That’s smart, honey,” Wren says, patting his hand.
“What color are her eyes?” Jesse asks, eyes locked on my date, and Kevin stutters beside me.
“They’re, uh,” he starts, pausing, clearly unsure. I turn to him, and there’s an embarrassed blush on his cheeks.
“They’re green. Grass green in the winter, but they get closer to evergreen in the summer. Sometimes they’re emerald if she wears red or purple,” Jesse states.