Chapter 25 The Centre of Everything
The Centre of Everything
Deacon
Going to St. Michael’s now that the visiting ban had lifted seemed like the best way to prepare Jenny for dinner with my parents. The day was grey and drizzly, and today of all days, Jenny needed warmth and sunshine. There wasn’t much sunnier than a good dose of Ansel and Darlene.
And with Darlene being my grandmother, I wanted Jenny to know we had at least one family member in our corner.
A few of the nurses waved at Jenny as we passed by, shaking the rain from our heads. They must have discerned I was harmless because they eyed me with less reservation than usual.
We walked down the hall to the small family lounge and found Ansel and my grandma sitting together. It was busy as usual, but they had eked out a corner for the four of us.
Nerves assailed me, especially after noting the virus left both of them in wheelchairs.
“Ansel?” Jenny slowed her pace.
“Jenny.” He smiled weakly though his eyes shone bright. “You walk in and the whole world lights up.”
With my hand to the small of her back, I urged her forward.
“Ansel.” I shook his hand then leaned over and kissed my grandmother’s cheek.
“Hi, Darling,” she said.
“You okay?”
She shrugged. “Meh. A little tired.”
I pulled two chairs over for Jenny and me to fit in between their wheelchairs.
Jenny and Ansel sat with their heads together, laughing.
Giving me a serious look, my grandma tipped her forehead towards Ansel and Jenny. “If you’re going to ask him, you shouldn’t wait too long.”
I inhaled deeply. “She’s not ready.”
She patted my hand. “She doesn’t have to be. She just needs to know you asked and he gave his blessing.”
I smiled. My grandmother would have cleaned up in Vegas. “Think you can distract her?”
She winked at me. “Jenny, would you mind wheeling me down to my room? I want something from my closet, and it might be fun for you to see.”
Jenny stood, a wide smile on her face. “Sure, Darlene.” Moving behind her wheelchair, she leaned toward her and asked, “Do you want to go fast and stir up some trouble?”
Grandma snorted. “Like you have to ask.”
I laughed as Jenny wheeled her out, pretending to take the corner on one wheel. Once they cleared the door, Jenny broke into a jog.
One of the older nurses called after her, “Jenny Davis, I’ll tan your hide!”
“It’s the fuzz!” Grandma yelled.
Jenny laughed, the sound ringing like bells through the hallway.
I turned to Ansel.
He cleared his throat. “Let’s go for a little walk ourselves.”
I rolled him out, heading in the opposite direction as Jenny and Grandma.
He indicated a window along the wall, just out of range of the family lounge.
I took a seat on the wide window ledge and gave him time to pull his thoughts together.
I didn’t have to wait long.
He nodded toward the window. “Rain. We love it and hate it but there’s no doubt we need it.”
“Living on the farm, it seems my whole life revolved around rain,” I agreed.
He nodded. “On the farm, there’s either too much or too little, but every autumn you reap its promise.” He met my eyes. “Jenny has had more than her share of rain,” he paused “And so very little of its promise.”
I waited patiently. There was a time to talk and a time to listen. And this was his time to talk.
“After the storms she’s endured, she has a right to be afraid,” he stated, his voice raspy. “The Father is calling me home, Son.” He raised his chin and pinned me in place. “I can’t leave until I know she’s going to be okay.”
My stomach dropped, fear of what losing Ansel would do to Jenny burning the lining. “Ansel—"
His eyes sharpened. “I have a question for you, and I don’t want you handing me some bullshit line meant to pacify an old man. I want the truth.”
“And I’ll give it to you, Sir,” I replied.
“That girl’s like a daughter to me.” His cloudy eyes lit up, and he corrected, “She is my daughter. I claimed her when she was eighteen years old. Best decision I ever made.”
I reached into my back pocket and pulled out my cell phone. Opening my photo app, I found the pictures I sought.
“She’s mine, Ansel,” I asserted. “And more importantly for your concerns, I’m hers. I’ll protect her, look after her, and love her.”
My voice broke.
I looked down at the floor and swallowed hard. “She told me about the baby.”
He sucked in a sharp breath then answered softly. “It was a bad time. For everybody.”
Meeting his eyes, I expected to see censure. Instead, his sorrow reflected back to me.
“In retrospect, I should have found a way to get a message to you.” He tilted his head and considered me. “I did try.”
I snapped to attention. “What?”
“Now, seeing you together, I’m sorry I didn’t try harder.” He nodded slowly. “I’ve wrestled over whether or not to tell you, it was all so long ago. But I don’t want to leave this world without knowing I’ve done everything in my power to support you both.”
“I appreciate that, Sir.”
He stared off into space then shook his head.
“Time passed, you’d enlisted and seemingly gone on with your life. Jenny was finally back on her feet.” He met my eyes. “I was afraid it would backfire and send her back into the dark if I dredged everything up.” He laughed drily. “In all honesty, I figured you didn’t deserve her.”
“I don’t,” I readily admitted.
“That proves you’re a wise man.” His eyes twinkled. “When I found out Darlene was your grandmother, I might have put a little bug in her ear.”
I chuckled, though I was far from happy. There was a piece of the puzzle missing, and I suspected it was huge. “That explains a lot. She constantly pushed me to clear up the past with Jenny so I could move on one way or another. She even suggested there might be more to the story.”
He nodded. “Yes, your grandmother is a gem and a master chess player.”
I was reeling, my mind spinning. “Exactly how did you try to get a message to me?”
He met my gaze. “You need to know what’s blocking your path, Son. Jenny doesn’t know this, but I visited your parents and explained the situation,” he winced, “minus the baby.”
“They knew about the attack?”
“Yes.” He shrugged. “Whether they believed me is another story.”
“And?” I prodded impatiently. “What happened?”
“Your mother was upset; she started crying and left the room. Your dad promised he’d pass on the message but told me not to hold out much hope. Said you’d moved on.”
My knee began to bounce.
Reaching out, Ansel stilled the motion with his gnarled hand. “I’m not telling you to rattle you, I’m telling you because sometimes it’s the ones who are closest to us who hold the sharpest knives. Even when they think they’re doing what’s in our best interest.”
I blew out a furious breath.
“Show me what you were going to show me, Deacon. I’m tired and I need to lie down.”
I opened the pictures.
He scrolled through them one by one, then returned to the start and did it again. “That’s good, Son. You have my blessing.”
“Thank you, Sir.”
He waved a feeble hand. “Take me back to my girl. I want to spend some time with her before I sleep.”
Back in the family lounge, he made the appropriate admiring oos and aws over the necklace my grandma gave to Jenny.
Suspended on a long, sterling silver chain, the charm lay over her breasts.
“It’s a raindrop,” she said, touching it with her forefinger.
“We don’t always like the rain,” Ansel murmured. “But there’d be no flowers without it. And what good’s a life devoid of colour?”
“My husband gave me that before he went away to university,” Grandma explained. “Said it was to remind me of him.”
Jenny gasped then stilled. “You didn’t tell me that, Darlene. I can’t take this.”
“It’s yours,” Grandma murmured. “I think I’ve known for a long time it was meant to be yours.”
Jenny’s gaze locked on my grandmother’s. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.
Grandma smiled. “Make an old woman happy and accept it, beautiful girl.”
Jenny swallowed. Voice quiet, she answered, “Thank you.”
“You’re more than welcome.”
I looked at my grandmother, understanding the blessing, though Jenny might not.
Not yet.
I dipped my chin in thanks.
She smiled.
Jenny was quiet for the rest of the afternoon, and I couldn’t stop thinking about the baby.
If I’d stayed, if I’d talked to her, if I’d been there, would I be a father now?
My protective instincts were running wild, and the talk with Ansel did nothing to calm them.
But I carried his blessing with me, and that was something.
I had a set idea in my head of what makes a man, and I’d failed on almost all counts. I’d failed to protect her, I let others get between us, and I fucking left.
The small voice inside urged me to give myself some grace, and I did, but it didn’t change the consequences.
And it was those consequences we were now dealing with.
I was ready to rip the head off the next person who hinted Jenny was anything less than perfect. Which meant today was quite possibly the worst day to go to my parents’ place for dinner.
And yet, we stood on the path outside their door.
Jenny wore her new jeans and the same pretty sweater she wore to The Loose Moose. She’d even swiped on a bit of make-up.
I wished I knew if it was for armour or because she knew she deserved to celebrate her beauty.
And she was beautiful, inside and out.
“Before we go in there, I need you to understand that at the centre of everything it’s you and me, you got me? You come first, then us, then everybody else. Always.”
Before she could answer, the front door swung wide.