40. Justin
forty
She stays quiet. I kiss her where I know she can’t resist, where her neck meets her shoulder, then trail to her nape, all the while roaming my hands up and down her body.
I want her so bad. I can never get enough of her.
“What did you do this morning?” she asks me, killing my mood.
“I went to see my parents.”
“How’d that go?”
“Went alright.”
I wanted to break the news to Mom and Dad as soon as possible. Didn’t want the gossip mill to beat me to it. Shit happens in a small town, you tell your folks as soon as you can, or someone else’ll tell them for you and you won’t control that information. First impressions are crucial.
“I got some bad news and some good news,” was my opening. The good news was that they were going to be grandparents. The bad news, Chloe wasn’t the mom. Gisele was. They didn’t know Gisele, obviously, so I gave them a summary.
Dad cleared his throat. “You sure…”
I read his question. Am I sure I’m the father? “Nope. No, Dad. Not sure at all.”
“Right.”
Mom twisted her hands. It killed me to see her pain. She’d been worried about what she calls ‘my ways,’ and suddenly the weight of those were hitting me now.
“You’re doing a paternity test, right? There are noninvasive ones now,” Mom said on an exhale. “They take blood samples and test DNA or something. Doesn’t impact the fetus at all. My cousin Jessa’s son did that. You know Brian?” She doesn’t wait for an answer. “When is she due?”
Hell if I know.“I’ll find out.”
The front door opened on a bang and Hunter barked, “Mom! You hear ’bout Justin?”
Like I said. Small town.
“Been tryin’ to call’im. My friend says—”
“He’s right here, honey,” Mom cut him off. Ever the diplomat, trying to avoid arguments.
He skidded to a halt as he hit the kitchen. “Shit man, is it true?”
I didn’t need to answer.
“Fuck,” he added as he fell onto a chair, Mom not correcting his language—such was the situation—“did everything you could not to get attached and you’re screwed anyway.”
“Why don’t you tell us how you feel?” I snarled.
“Boys. A child is a blessing. Wait ’til you hold that little bundle of joy,” she said, looking at Dad.
Dad reached for Mom’s hand. “She’s right.”
Mom turned to me. “How is Chloe holding up?”
Hunter shoved his head in his hands, and just realizing the extent of the situation, let out a slow, “fuuuck.”
“You know her, Mom. She’s great.”
“I know she is. Doesn’t mean she wants in. It’s a lot to take in, and it’s just the beginning.”
“She’s my rock.”
“Dude,” Hunter whispered.
“If the test confirms… you know… you’ll need to bring Gisele here,” Mom said. “She needs to feel she’s part of the family.”
Part of the family? “Maybe later.”
“For the baby,” she explained. “Just always have Chloe with you, obviously.”
Hunter’s eyes widened. “Ooooh.”
“Just not right now, okay? Give it a little time.” I was pushing back, but I knew she was right.
Dad growled.
“It’ll be fine,” I said. “We’re adults. We’ll do what we need to do for the baby.”
“That’s my boy,” Mom said.
Chloe winces. “Your mom’s right, you know,” she says anyway, like I don’t see how hurt she is. “You need to go easy on Gisele, starting now. What if you’re really the father but you’ve been so difficult, she changes her mind and disappears? What if she bails out today and you never know if you were the father or not?”
That’s too much for me to consider right now. One thing after the other. “I looked up paternity tests after that,” I counter.
“Kay,” she whispers. “And?”
“Found a place in Burlington where they do the prenatal testing from a blood sample. No risk to the fetus. Takes a week to process. Made an appointment for tomorrow. That’s all I’m talking about with Jezebel today.” I get it. Maybe I’m in denial. But something was off with that woman today. If she refuses the paternity test, then I’ll have my answer. “I don’t want to talk about anything else until I know without a doubt I’m the father.”
“Can I say something?”
I pull Clover away from me just enough to look her in the eyes. “Always.” She’s my rock, and she needs to know that.
“Don’t antagonize Gisele. What if you’re such a dick to her she runs away, and you never see her or your child again?”
This again.“I’ll find her.”
“What if she moves across the country and raises your child to hate you?”
Shit. She could do that, couldn’t she? “Yeah… I guess.”
“Just humor her for a few days. Be decent. Show her you’d be a good co-parent. We don’t know what she’s after. Maybe it’s money. Maybe it’s the support of a family to raise her child. Maybe she just wants her child to have a father. Is that a crime?”
“My child.”
“Right. You get what I’m saying?”
I’m beginning to.
We meet with Gisele in my office. I don’t need to actively feed the gossip mill by a public meeting at the pub. I keep Chloe next to me, our hands intertwined. I don’t want there to be a fucking doubt in anyone’s mind, and especially in Gisele’s, that if this kid is mine, it will have a stepmom from the beginning.
Also, Clover’s presence keeps me in check.
She keeps me together.
Gisele agrees immediately to the test tomorrow, and I have to say, that’s depressing to me.
It means there’s no doubt in her mind I’m the father.
Fuck.
“We’ll have time to talk in the car,” Gisele says when I stand to show her the meeting’s over.
And I feel, down to my bones, Chloe going still and cold.
Fuckfuckfuck.
After Gisele is gone, Chloe pecks my cheek. “Thalia and Lucas will be at the restaurant any minute, and then I’m meeting with Kiara about our dessert menu,” she says. “I’ll see you—”
“I’m coming with you.”