Chapter 29
Kyle
What the fuck is wrong with me? I just can’t keep my rambling mouth under control can I? I told myself I was going to confess my feelings to Molly once I got home from Canada, not on a fucking phone call. I totally blindsided her into panicking and then hanging up on me, with only a tightly whispered, ‘night’.
The coach is driving so fucking slowly through these country roads, it’s making my skin itch. I can’t wait to get my hands on Molly, hands, tongue, mouth, fucking everything actually. I hope she’s forgotten about my little accidental love confession by now, it’s been three days and she hasn’t mentioned it in our usual nightly phone calls.
Sean sits next to me as the coach winds through the lanes towards Redwood, twisting and tossing us around, most of us with our faces buried in our phone screens. Sean’s incessant tapping is giving me a headache too. Really I'm just jealous, because I texted Molly when we got off the airplane an hour ago and she hasn’t texted me back. I keep checking my phone every three-seconds and after about twenty turns of the screen, Sean peers over at me with suspicious eyes.
“Mol not texting you back or something? You’re fidgeting like a fucking toddler.”
I huff a sigh, shoving my phone into my jacket pocket. “No, she hasn’t responded since we got off the flight and I wanted to see her straight away.” Sean’s heavy set bicep wraps around my shoulders. “She’ll be waiting for you man don’t stress, she’s missed you.”
“How do you know? What if she’s actually enjoyed the break? Or what if she has changed her mind about me? Or—”
“Shut up.” Sean groans, pulling his arm off me and jabbing me in the ribs with a sharp elbow. “Callie has told me what she’s been like whilst you’ve been away, moping around the dorm room, eating her weight in ice cream everyday.” He throws me a wink, dimples pulled in. “That’s what girls do when they’re missing their man, eat a shit load of ice cream and watch chick flicks on the couch.”
“Huh…really?” My face cracks into a shit eating grin that I can’t swallow, no matter how hard I try. “So, she’s missed me?”
“Yeah, she’s missed you, you big fucking teddy bear.” Sean chuckles, bicep wrapping around my head and fist rubbing a whole in my skull. It’s my turn to jab an elbow into his ribs, to release myself from his teasing. Molly has missed me and you best believe I’ve missed her, so fucking much I considered ditching my team a few times and just flying home to sink my face between her thighs. But as the coach finally pulls into the car park in front of Molly’s dorm building, my skin breaks out into a sweat. The anxiety pools in my stomach, sloshing around as I grab my suitcase and walk towards the double doors. Sean and I clamber up the stairs, overfilled suitcases dragging behind us and creating a squeaking sound that’s scratching at my brain. I let Sean go first, shoving his key into the lock and turning it with a click, revealing the bright living room of Callie and Molly’s dorm. The sunshine is filtering in through the tall windows, making the room swim with light and warmth. The familiar smell that hits my nose creates a flutter in my chest, as my eyes search the room for my own sunshine. But I don’t see her, or hear her for that matter.
Callie comes flying around the corner, eyes bright and shining before she launches herself at Sean. “Thank god,” she murmurs into his shoulder, as he lifts her from the ground into his arms.
“I missed you,” he says, peppering rapid kisses all over her skin and bracketing the back of her neck possessively. Watching the two of them love on each other like that, is only serving to make me more queasy about the fact I still haven’t seen Molly. I squeeze past the lovebirds and head for her bedroom, peering around the open door and noting the neatly made bed and lack of feisty blonde. Her running shoes are also gone though, so maybe she’s out for a run around the park or at practice, but it’s a Sunday, so the latter is very unlikely.
I head back out to the living room, where Sean and Callie have finally detangled themselves from each other. “Hey Cal, do you know where Molly is?”
Callie swipes the back of her hand across her mouth, that’s currently stuffed with an iced pop tart that Sean brought back from Canada for her. “Yeah,” she nods, “she said she was going out about an hour ago.”
“Ok…did she say where?”
Callie shakes her head, dark curls moving with her. “No, just said she wouldn’t be back until tomorrow.”
My fingers find my temple, scratching nervously. “What the fuck? Where could she have gone?”
Is she seeing someone else? She’s definitely seeing someone else right? Why would she not respond to any of my messages today, then go out and plan to stay out all night without texting me? My chest is heaving, lungs lifting and falling faster the more I let my anxiety take over my rational thoughts. Ok, ok, I need to calm the fuck down. Maybe I'm reading this totally wrong, maybe she’s just at a friend’s place, or at a party, or-or…or maybe she’s fucking done with me and this is it.
I run a panicked hand down my face, sweat prickling the back of my neck. “Ok, I'm going home then.” I sigh, grabbing my suitcase and slamming the front door behind me. Sean comes running out after me, his hand grabbing at my elbow.
“You planning on waiting for me? You don’t have your car.” Sean’s fucking cocky eyebrows are high on his forehead, as his teasing smile stares back at me. He knows I'm panicking, my heart racing as I think about the fact that Molly may be potentially ghosting me now.
I swallow hard, chest rising and falling fast. “I’ll just erm, get an Uber or something, so you can stay with Callie.”
He shakes his head. “No, I'm coming back later anyway, so I’ll take you home first. Plus, I need to shower and the one here is shit compared to my extra powerful, electric shower at home.” He ducks back inside to tell Callie he’ll be back soon and I take the chance to check my phone again. Nothing, fucking nothing from her.
By the time we pull up outside our house my heart is beating so hard, thumping in my ears, that I can barely see straight as I go inside, suitcase dragging behind me. Sean throws his shit on the floor as usual and dives head first into the fridge, yanking out an armful of nonalcoholic beers and landing on his ass on the sofa. Nick and Lewis are already engrossed in the Xbox as usual, headphones covering their ears and neither of them even spare me a glance when I land between them on the couch.
“For fuck’s sake Lew, you’re dragging me down to your level here.” Nick complains, yanking his headphones off. “Just fucking quit now, you’re shit today.”
Lewis throws a controller at his head. “It's not my fault you’re cranky as shit and taking it out on the game.”
“God, can you two shut the fuck up?” I spit, elbows on my parted knees, head in my hands. “I’m not in the right head space to listen to your childish fucking bickering today, ok? I’m in a shit mood.”
Nick’s puzzled expression hits me. “Why? You’ve got a naked girl waiting in your bed, what’s to be fucking grumpy about?”
“What?” My eyes shoot up to Nick’s, before the wrinkle between his eyebrows softens and a smirk covers his face.
“You know she’s upstairs right?”
I stand up, looking towards the stairs, then back to Nick. This has got to be him just fucking with me. “You’re messing with me.”
Nick sighs, cupping a tattooed hand around his mouth as he yells, “You ok up there Mol?”
“Yeah, I'm good!” Her sing song voice calls back and my chest almost fucking explodes.
I scamper up the stairs, falling over my own feet multiple times and almost face planting twice, before I reach my bedroom door. I plant my hands against it and swing it open hard, the wood hitting my dresser with a crack that makes Molly turn to face me. Her creamy legs are bare, my jersey covering her torso and her taut nipples poking through the fabric, begging me to suck them between my lips.
“Jesus Christ,” is all I can croak out, sweaty palm scrubbing my jaw as I look at her. The beams of light sparkling from her smile, her ruby tinted cheeks, her tiny freckles, that platinum blonde braid hanging over one shoulder. She’s fucking breathtaking, and being away from her for so long made me forget how stunningly beautiful she is. How she quite literally engulfs my heart in sunshine and warmth, just by looking at the smile she’s wearing right now.
She gets to her feet, pursed lips and sultry gaze locking onto mine. “I missed you, now come over here and fuck me please.”
“Wh-what are you, weaaaring…” I stutter, blowing out a sharp breath as my eyes rake down her slender frame, letting every tiny detail of her body seep into my brain.
She shrugs, blonde braid falling down her back. “Your jersey, I found it on the floor and put it on, thought it was sexy.”
“Yeah, it is, sexy but…” Do I say it now? I really fucking want to say it now. “You know what that means right? You wearing my jersey like that?” Her confused eyes flicker up to mine, her gaze catching the already achingly hard boner that presses against the zip of my jeans.
“It means nothing Davis, now are you going to touch me or what?” She fists her hip, eyebrows rocketing towards her hairline, in that sassy way that they do. She’s getting impatient with me and she doesn’t understand what I'm getting at, I need to stop talking in riddles and just fucking tell her. Come on Kyle, be a man and tell her what you want…her.
“Molly I—” before I can finish my sentence she falls to her knees in front of me, yanking at the elastic of my boxers and letting Lieutenant Davis bounce out, touching her bottom lip when he escapes. She opens her mouth, taking me deep into her throat and forcing the words I was about to say back into my stomach when I swallow them.
“Oh fuck Mol,” I hiss when she swirls her tongue around my tip, quickly taking me deep into the hot, wet heaven that is her mouth again. As fucking unbelievable as this feels, I have to stop it now, before I totally chicken out of my confession. “Molly, get up.”
I pull my dick out from between her moist lips with a pop and haul her up to her feet again. Of course, she’s sassy as fuck the moment she makes eye contact with me and why wouldn’t she be? I just told her to stop sucking my cock like a maniac, who the hell wouldn’t want Molly Crawford’s lips circling their boner like that?
I take her hips in my hands, lowering my voice to a murmur. “You wearing that,” I tip my head, gesturing to my jersey that practically drowns her slim body. “It means you’re mine…like,” I break eye contact, the nerves getting the better of me. “My girl…”
Her deep blue eyes swim with confusion as they narrow at me, a glint of humour woven through their storminess. “Have you taken too many pucks to the head over the last month?”
I flatten my hand on her lower back, pulling her closer. “I’m serious.” “So am I Ky,” she steps out of my grip and creates a bubble of space between us, which I fucking hate. I want to touch her, it makes me feel safe, like she’s not going to end this, like she’s already mine no matter how much she denies it. “You know I don’t want a relationship, I ended things with Ollie for the same reason.”
My chest is heavy, tight. “I’m not Ollie.”
Her eyes soften and she steps into me again, chest pressed against mine as she whispers, “I know, but I'm still not ready for anything that means more than what we already have going on.”
“That’s the point though, isn’t it? This thing between us is already more than just sex and you know it, that’s why you’re panicking right now.” Molly holds my gaze for a beat, the intensity of her bright blue stare creating a galloping in my chest. Until she breaks apart from me again, this time blinking away any chance of her giving in to me, accepting what I'm offering her. She bends down, collecting her jeans from the ground. My neck beads with sweat. “What are you doing? Are you leaving?” Panic, panic, panic, that’s all I feel.
Molly hauls her jeans up her legs, whipping my jersey from over her blonde tresses and dropping it to the ground, before pulling her own t-shirt back over her. “I knew we’d regret this eventually, we should have never started hooking up like this, Callie said it would end in tears.”
Tears, yeah, like the ones that prickle at my eyes right now, blurring my vision and trailing an icy path down my hot cheek. My skin is burning, neck sweating as I watch her get ready to leave me, walk out of here like this means nothing to her, like we mean nothing.
I sniff hard. “I never thought those tears would be mine.” I mutter, swiping a hand across my cheek, taking the moisture with it.
Molly’s face comes back into view and her eyes flutter with worry, as she takes my biceps in her delicate hands. “Ky, please don’t do that, I don’t—I can’t…” her face drops, fingers pressing into her temple like she has a headache.
I grab her waist, pulling her into me and tilting her chin with my thumb, forcing her uncertain expression to find me. “I don’t want to lose this, I don’t want to lose you.”
“I'm sorry Ky, but I can’t do this. I told you right from the start, I don’t want to be tied to someone.” She breaks away from me again, but this time I don’t care about my fucking dignity. I don’t care about looking weak because the truth is I am, I'm nothing without her and I can’t let her do this to me, to us.
“Molly please, don’t take this away from me.” I reach for her again, but she ducks away, her face wrinkling with hurt as she clutches her jacket to her chest. “You’re the one person in the world who manages to make me happy, without even having to try. I need you, you’re the only one who lets me breathe, be myself fully without needing to wear a mask and pretend I'm something I'm not.” I take one step towards her and this time she doesn’t resist, when my palms come to rest on her wet cheeks. “I don’t want anything from you baby, I just want to do life with you, that’s it.” Her lips part on a jagged breath, a tear running down my hand as I hold her rosy cheeks. Before she can say anything else to crack my heart in two, I kiss her, long and deep, gripping her waist when her knees buckle. She sighs into me, arms lightly hanging around my neck. I seal our mouths together, like this is the last time I’ll ever get to taste her sweet breath on my tongue. She breaks the painfully perfect kiss after a moment and takes a step back from me. “I should…go.” She croaks, the onslaught of tears still attacking her freckled cheekbones as she walks towards my bedroom door, the one that will take her away from me.
If I don’t say it now, I might never get the chance.
So before I can change my mind, chicken out and swallow my feelings as usual, I yell, “I love you Mol!”
She stops in her tracks, slowly turning to look at me from the open doorway. “What?” Her face is collapsing with pain, tears dripping from her chin onto the carpet.
“I love you, so fucking much it’s crushing me. We need each other Molly, you need me and I need you.” I choke out. My throat almost closes from the weight of anxiety as she stares back at me, her own expression coated in agony. I see the battle she’s fighting in her head, wanting to stay but letting the fear of what I'm telling her overwhelm every bone in her body, dragging her further away from me.
She sucks in a jagged breath, and with a whispered, “I'm sorry,” she turns on her heel and leaves. Her footsteps are heavy as she runs down the stairs, leaving me alone to collect the smashed up shards of my heart, that now lay scattered on my bedroom floor.