Chapter 18 A Point Of Change
A POINT OF CHANGE
My back yard looks onto another houses back yard.
Not the Wilder’s house. There’s a gate at the back of the Wilder’s property that leads to crown land that is woven with trails.
I’ve walked these trails so many times since moving to Rubble Ridge.
They’re populated enough that the townsfolk don’t carry the bear spray they carry on other hikes, farther from town.
There have been a few mountain lion scares, but nothing came of them.
The big kitty, for the most part, remains unseen.
Though the trail I’m currently on isn’t paved, it does branch off from the paved path that ribbons throughout the whole town, making the town easily travelled on bike or foot. In the mornings and evenings, it’s an especially popular route, packed with joggers.
So far, my night has been good. Maybe it wasn’t the dream I’d always had for my sweet sixteen, but it has been nice. The Wilder family feels like family. No, the Wilder’s are family.
I just miss Holt. Everything feels so off without him. Wrong, even.
I hear the river before I see it. The rushing of shallow water over water-polished pebbles. It’s only eight, so the sun is still lighting up the sky, though it’s starting to dip. The mountainous forest glows with the promise of a golden sunset speared with purple and peach.
Kicking off my sandals, I lower to the big smooth rock that many, many use as a nature-ready bench. It’s long enough to easily fit two people. I know, because I’ve sat here countless times tucked close to Holt.
In my pocket, my phone has been achingly silent since I last spoke with Holt. I can’t help but wonder what he’s doing and who he is with. I can’t help but wonder if he’s out there in the real world, with girls that aren’t me—
No. I can’t let myself think like that. Can’t let myself linger on insecurities like that. I have enough of them already.
Cold water rushes over my feet, soothing a little of the ache that is my missing Holt. I imagine it washes away a few of those pesky insecurities, too.
“Can I join you?” A deep voice asks. I wrangle in my flinch as I look over my shoulder to see Tate. He’s standing against a tree, like he’s been there a while.
Tate is the light to Holt’s dark. His golden hair isn’t so shaggy anymore, though it is longish.
Now, it’s swept up with gel. His sea-green eyes are framed in lashes that are darker than his hair, and his skin is far more tanned than it’d ever been while he’d been in school.
Working for the family company has not only darkened his skin, what with the long days under the summer sun, but it’s hardened his form quickly from boy to man.
The fact I notice the change has a shameful heat spilling into my cheeks. I turn away quickly to refocus on the river, but I hear him push from the tree.
“How long have you been there?”
“A while.”
I don’t look at him. I can’t. “Why?”
“It’s your birthday and you look sad.” He sits beside me, and I twist my hands in my lap.
“I’m fine.”
“Yeah?”
I nod and scoot away just a little. “This feels—”
I can feel his eyes on my face even though I refuse to look at his. “What does this feel like, Faye?”
“Wrong.”
Tate chuckles. “You’re my brother’s girl. Believe me, I know that.”
“I just mean—”
“We’re friends, Faye. Been friends since you moved to town. We’ve hung out tons.”
“Never alone.”
“That’s not true. I’ve driven you home plenty. Sat with you while Holt played hockey, and even football at parties. We’ve talked.” He clasps his hands between his knees and leans forward to land his elbows to his knees. His arms have gotten huge, but so have Holt’s, if I’m being honest.
Working for Wilder Builds and Renos is good for the body, apparently. Before I’d noticed the change to Tate, I’d thought Holt’s new muscles were owed entirely to hockey and his training for hockey.
I shake out my discomfort. Maybe I feel so uneasy with Tate because I’m worried about who Holt is with and what he’s doing with them. I know he’s handsome. The kind of handsome that has girls quickly forgetting that he’s taken. But in Nashville, they don’t know he’s taken.
A wave of something hot and ugly moves through me and a sickly heat prickles my skin. I must make a noise, because Tate’s head whips to me. He peers at me through green eyes that says he knows exactly what I’m struggling with.
“He loves you, Faye.”
The hot prickles of unease fade away under his assurance. I don’t know why I’m so insecure. Holt’s never given me a reason to feel this way.
Maybe it just comes with the territory of being a girl?
“I know.” I do my best to shake off those girlish insecurities. “I just feel off today.”
“We all have those days.”
“Yeah.” When my smile comes, it’s real. I’ve always been comforted by Tate. Probably more than I should, being that he’s my boyfriends’ brother. But there’s something about Tate that feels like family, too.
We sit for a long moment in silence. The river never stops rushing, and the sun continues its slow descent into the horizon.
I break the silence first. “He’s going to be famous one day, isn’t he?”
“Yeah. He is.”
I nibble my lip to contain my resigned sigh. “I want it for him,” I admit honestly. “I’m just so afraid of what it could mean for me.”
Tate twists to look at me. I can feel his eyes burning against my now cool skin, but I don’t look at him.
“You don’t have to worry, Faye. Holt will take you to the end of the earth with him.
I’m not joking around when I tell you he loves you.
He loves you in a way most our age can’t comprehend, you know?
” Before I can answer, he says roughly, “He loves you for real.”
I don’t know why, but there’s something different in the way he says it now. The way he tells me Holt loves me. He’s told me before, so many times. Still, this time feels harder somehow.
I bump his side with mine. “Thanks, Tate. You’re a good brother, you know that?”
He makes a noise in the deep of his throat. It sounds both reluctant and pained. He forces a harsh, “Yeah.”
“I’m serious. Holt is lucky to have you.”
He looks down at me, but he doesn’t smile. “Guess that means one day you’ll be lucky to have me too, eh?”
“What?” His eyes watch the wrinkle of confusion appear between my brows.
“He’s going to marry you one day, Faye.” Warmth spills into my belly at the thought of becoming Holt’s wife. I want it like I want air. Tate croaks, “One day I’ll be your brother, too.”
This makes me smile wide up at Tate. He looks a little struck as I tell him honestly, “I’ve always wanted a brother.”
“We should get back before they eat all the smores.” Clearing his throat, Tate stands. He offers a hand to help me up, and I take it happily.
I feel like tonight was a point of change for me and Tate. A good change. One I’m excited about.
I’m not married to Holt. At least, not yet. But I feel like I’ve already gained myself a brother in his.
“Do you happen to have any more peanut butter cups?”
Tate swings green eyes my way. “For you, always.”
“You’re already the best brother a girl could ask for!”