Chapter 15 Do You Feel It’s Time?
DO YOU FEEL IT’S TIME?
Ican’t stop thinking of the words Holt gave to Owen in the park. The forgiveness Tate finally received. It lightened a weight I hadn’t been aware I’d carried in my own heart. A weight for Tate. A weight I know, even in death, he’s felt the release of.
I know Tate never regretted his life with me.
The way we began was unconventional and less than ideal, but it was our story.
As much as I loved Holt, even through my love for Tate, I could never and did never regret my life with Tate.
My love for Tate was just as intense, even if entirely different, than my love for Holt.
Still, I knew Tate sought Holt’s forgiveness. I also knew Holt denied it. Until now.
My work cell rings, and I answer, “Wilder Builds and Reno’s.”
“You’re not texting me back. Why aren’t you texting me back?”
I roll my eyes before glancing at my purse where it sits on the floor tucked under my desk. My phone sits somewhere in the mess of it. “I’m working. You know that thing I do five days a week to feed my spawn.”
“I know you have your phone.”
“Andy…” I lean back in my chair. “It’s in my purse, probably on silent.”
“I’ll remind you; you have spawn. Shouldn’t that thing be on bust?”
My eyes roll to the ceiling. “Everyone has my work number for this reason.”
“None of this excuses why I haven’t heard from you all week.”
My brows inch high. “You haven’t been texting me all week.”
I’m digging through my purse for my phone to confirm this when Andy huffs a dramatic sigh.
“Nooooo. I’ve been waiting for my friend to text me so that I don’t seem like I’m being the pushy friend who wants the deets on what’s happening now that she’s working with her ex-lover slash brother-in-law.
The ex-lover slash brother-in-law who is killer freaking hot, I might add. ”
“Sounds pretty pushy to me.”
“Exactly. You forced my hand, babe. A whole week? Seriously?”
I can’t help myself. I laugh. “You’re being ridiculous.”
“Do I have to pry this shit from you? Honestly, it’s like pulling teeth.”
“Probably more painful.” I wince. “But sorry to disappoint, nada has happened.”
“Nada?” Andy snaps. “Bullshit.”
“Nada,” I confirm.
“That’s funny. I heard you, Holt, and Owen were sighted at the park, looking mighty cozy.”
“We were spotted?” My pitch is rising. “By whom?”
“I don’t give out my sources. Quit being shady.”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“Don’t you dare. I’ll drive my ass to Rubble Ridge and be waiting in your house with tell-all torture serum.”
“You mean wine,” I mutter dryly.
“Red wine. Your headache will be splitting.” I swear I hear bottles clinking in the background. She singsongs, “Sounds an awful lot like torture to me.”
“Are you in the liquor store?”
“Desperate times, babe.”
“Andy…” My eyes roll from the ceiling to land on Holt. Prickly heat moves through my body, slithering along my bones. “It’s not even eleven in the morning.”
“Like I said, desperate times. I’m thinking something aged in a whiskey barrel.”
“You are not coming to my house tonight.”
“Eh, not tonight. I’ll come tomorrow. Tell Memaw she’s on kid duty.”
“Andy.”
“It’s cool. I’ll call her.”
“Andy!” I shout. Holt leans into the wall, crossing one booted foot over the other.
“I’ll be there Saturday.”
“For freak sakes, Andy shut up.”
“I’m going to get you so drunk—”
“I have a date Saturday,” I snap. But my eyes are glued to Holt, so I see the dark shadow that passes through his already dark eyes. See the nearly imperceptible twitch to the muscle that clenches in his jaw. Note the way his broad chest expands on a sharp inhale.
My entire body reacts.
“Wait, what?”
“I’m hanging up now.”
“With who?” Andy shouts. I know for a fact, Holt hears.
He pushes off the wall, moving closer. I feel like I’m being stalked. Hunted.
“Tanner,” I whisper his name.
“For fuck sakes. Don’t be a fool, babe.” I know Holt hears that too, because there’s a twitch to the hard set of his lips.
“Bye, Andy.”
She’s muttering something, but I don’t catch it because like I said I would, I hang up.
Holt doesn’t give me a moment to catch my breath before he clips low, “You’re really going out with Tanner?”
Breath shudders where it’s trapped inside my lungs. Somehow, I manage a quiet, “Yes.”
“I didn’t realize you were dating again.”
“I—I haven’t. But—” I look away. I can’t look at him. Into those dark eyes. “Everyone says it’s time.”
“Do you feel it’s time?” I don’t expect the softness in his voice. The gentle, heartbreaking care. I can’t help but look at him now.
“I don’t know,” I admit honestly. “I guess I’ll see.”
His eyes drift over my face. Like I used to feel so long ago, I feel completely seen. Like he can read all the hidden parts that craft the story of me. Every lash of pain and stroke of pleasure. All the wonder I’ve lived, and the dreams yet to come to pass. My shame and hurt…
He sees it all now like he saw it all before.
“Holt…” His name cracks from somewhere deep inside of me. Maybe it’s that first fissure in my heart where he spurred himself deep when he bent low to kiss my skinned knee.
Holt pushes off my desk. “I’m heading out, but I should be back by two.”
I say nothing, too stunned by the shift, as he walks out the front door.