5. Callum #3
“Hey, Mr. Sheriff, I don’t want to interfere with your gossiping, but do you mind coming here and doing your job ?” Luke shouts over the colorful curses that are flying across the circle.
Funny, I mouth, shaking my head.
The idiot knows very well I don’t gossip or participate in any of the LC’s madness, but hell if he’ll miss a chance to mess with me. Thank God, he doesn’t know about the fiasco I had last night with that Sophie girl, or I’d never hear the end of it.
Some things just never change, and in this case, I’m glad that the friendship between Luke, Griff, and me is one of those things. As soon as I joined those two back here, everything fell right back into place like we didn’t spend even a day apart.
Sure, I tried to murder Griff at first, and all three of us now have additional weight on our shoulders, and stories we’d be glad to forget, but the rest is the same.
Luke is still the grumpy asshole. Griffin is still very much in love with my sister and I…I…I guess, same can’t be said about me. Because there’s very little, if anything, left of the guy I used to be apart from my connection with them.
But that’s all thoughts for later. Or never, actually.
In normal situations, normal towns, people are usually at least somewhat afraid of law enforcement, of authority.
In Loverly Cave? Nope. So, I do the only thing that will work, stepping in between the raging chaos, I stick two fingers in my mouth and let out a searing whistle, stunning them for a second.
“The next person to throw out a curse or a punch or a death threat will be banished from town workouts, karaoke nights, and monthly chakra cleaning indefinitely.”
“You can’t do that!” Mrs. Loves protests, still smacking poor Alec’s arm to let go of her, and I pierce her with my most menacing glare .
“Watch me!” I say slowly. “I’ll camp right out here every night to make sure that person doesn’t get to participate. Or better yet, I’ll keep you locked up in my cell.”
Yes, this is what my life’s been reduced to.
If only my fellow Seals could see me, using chakra cleaning as a threat.
“You can’t do that!” It’s Suzie’s turn to protest, and I turn the glare her way, but she just challenges me back.
“He can’t, but I sure as hell can,” Fanny says, appearing out of nowhere, arms crossed. I guess she already locked Linda away.
And what do you know, these two didn’t take me seriously, but when Fanny gives out the same threat, they shut up right away, almost slumping in Luke and Alec’s hold.
“Come on, shoo out of my square.” She makes the gesture with her hand for them to scramble. “You three are not welcome until you either stay away from each other’s body parts or learn to share. And Doug?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re banned from my town workouts!”
“What? Why?”
“Because you’re an idiot! Who gets the same outfits for two women you are seeing?”
“They had a buy-two-get-one free!” Mr. Loves says, and the square goes deadly quiet again.
Fuck…here we go again…
“Where is the third one, you old bastard?” the two women shriek, but before they can get into it again, I snap the handcuffs on one and then the other.
“Okay, one more word and instead of Fine Wine Senior Living, you’ll all be relocated to Metal Bars Heal All establishment.”
“Doug! Why are you just standing there, doing nothing?” Mrs. Loves asks.
“He’s probably thinking he still has a chance with the third one,” Suzie grits out.
“Bastard,” Matilda confirms. “Who do you think it is?” she asks Suzie .
“Probably that snake Linda. I saw her smiling at him the other day.”
“Linda? What a snake!” Matilda gasps. “I loaned her my eggplant print dress! How dare she take our man! Let’s go rip it off her.” Mrs. Loves nods to Suzie who nods back, and they start moving.
Stunned with the turn of events and alliances, Luke and Alec loosen their grip on the women.
“Hey!” I shout, watching those two walk with purpose even though their hands are handcuffed behind their back. “Where do you think you two are going?”
They stop, looking at me over their shoulders. “We’re going eggplant picking.”
“In handcuffs?” I raise an eyebrow as two women exchange an exasperated look and then in a blink of an eye, they free themselves from the cuffs letting them dangle on their fingers.
“Rookie mistake, Sheriff. I use these on regular basis,” Matilda scoffs.
“Did you do that one thing with Doug wearing those?” Suzie asks her like they’re not talking about the same man.
“Oh, yes! You too?” Suzie nods. “Bastard probably taught Linda, too.”
“How dare he!”
“Move away!” they instruct the crowd. “We have an eggplant to broil!” The circle of people parts and then swiftly follows the two women, leaving us standing here speechless.
“Did that just really happen?” Alec asks.
“Does anyone else think that Linda will not make it out alive today?” Jacob quips from the side.
“Fuck, where are my deputies?”
“Relax, Cake pop. Fanny got it handled,” she tells me and follows them.
Just then my backup finally arrives.
“Hey, boss, sorry, we got held up on another call. Where do you need us? ”
“Just go follow that crazy woman.” I point to Fanny. “And bring the other two crazy women who are about to kill the husband’s mistress back to the station.”
They nod as if that rubbish made perfect sense and leave.
“What the hell happened to our workout?” Jacob cries. “I had a whole new routine planned out. Wanna see?” he asks me, and I hope my look conveys the big Fuck. No. I’m feeling.
“Now I understand why you needed all that Navy training. You got some real tough cases over here, Sheriff,” Luke says, looking after the crazy parade that’s heading toward the senior living facility.
“Oh, shut up,” I tell him as the idiot laughs. “What are you doing here anyway? Came to see the new routine?” I smirk.
“Now, who’s the hilarious one? No, I was on my way to help my wife because that stubborn woman never listens, and knowing them, there will be more giggling than actual work happening.”
“Them?” I ask, raising an eyebrow. Is he talking about Grace’s sisters?
Luke starts to say something, but his phone rings and a nauseating smile overtakes his face.
Give me a moment to go barf in the sand. Do all men become complete idiots when they’re in love? I don’t remember ever being like that.
He exchanges a few words with her and turns back to face me. “Come on, Grace needs help.”
“And? I’m not holding you. Have fun.” I gesture for him to pass by me.
“And you’re coming with me to help.”
“Last I checked, she’s your wife, not mine.”
“Last I checked, you’re my best friend which by extension makes my problems your problems.”
“Where again did you read that? I need to find that book and burn it.”
“Less talking, more moving.”
“Go ask Griffin, he’s Mr. Nice.”
“He’s on duty, he can’t.”
“Oh, and I’m not?” I swing my arms up.
“Call it volunteer hours. You can even write it off.”
“Wow, brilliant. Why haven’t I thought of that?” I roll my eyes.
“Because I was always the brains part of our trio. Now, come on, we have to hurry before my pregnant wife decides to prove she can do it all and move a fucking couch.”
With a groan, I follow my idiot best friend.
Told you, guilt is the fucking worst feeling.
Love Hive:
CookieJ: Fanny we need a report! How did he like the pictures you brought this morning?
Toughtolove: He didn’t even look at them.
Ninasunshine: Perfect!
Infullbloom: What do you mean, perfect? We’re supposed to be happy about this?
CookieJ: Lily, have we ever steered anyone wrong yet?
Infullbloom: I know, I know, but I’m so worried about Callum. The son that came back home is almost a stranger. I’m afraid we waited too long to interfere.
Willoflove: Oh, honey, don’t let your spirits dampen. We need that aura nice and clean. Do you want me to read tea leaves for you this morning?
Infullbloom: Yes, please.
Ninasunshine: Trust us, he’s still in there, we just need to shake off the dust and cobwebs from his heart while letting him think he’s in control.
CookieJ: Mm-hmm, what Nina said.
Toughtolove: He’s a tough cookie, but if we made an honest woman out of Joy, we can do anything.
CookieJ: Amen, sister!
Joydon’tpissmeofflevine: Can you all feel my glare right now?
Toughtolove: No, go practice some more on that ducking husband of yours and leave us alone. Your turn is long over.
CookieJ: You guys, this might be my favorite plan we’ve come up with yet !
Ninasunshine: I second that.
Willoflove: Me too.
Toughtolove: Duh…I’m the leader for a reason.
CookieJ: She just had to go and ruin it.
Toughlove: Accept defeat graciously, Jenny. Also, a reminder that no one is allowed to rent their place to Callum.
Infullbloom: I reallyyyyy hope this works.