25. Aurora
T here has been an ache inside of me that won’t go away.
It’s sharp and constant, and feels like something is physically pressed against my heart, threatening to break it in two.
I’ve replayed Harden’s words a thousand times, and it doesn’t matter how many times I hear them, absorb them, feel them, they still hurt just the same.
After over a week of nothing but silence I should just be happy he spoke, but the pain overwhelms everything else, and I don’t know how to make it stop.
Not when I now know what he endured for so long, not when he’s out there alone still falling apart.
I’ve spent the last forty-eight hours trying to write him a letter, trying to put pen to paper, like I’ve done a hundred times before, and tell him how sorry I am, but I can’t.
What use are my insignificant words against everything he has suffered?
Harden has been missing for two days, and I know Everest and Griffin have looked everywhere for him with no luck, but we need to do more.
He needs us, we’re his friends, his family, and we have to make this right.
I can feel Everest burning a hole into the side of my head as he glares at me, no doubt willing me to say something, anything, but what can either of us say?
That we’re sorry? That we failed him? Again, it would just be insignificant words that mean nothing.
So instead of pushing me, he remains quiet, flipping the bacon on the stove before going back to his bowl of pancake mix.
We haven’t slept, not really, we just laid in the dark by each other the same way we used to when we were little, and I could tell all he wanted to do was make this right, but not even he can fix this.
I hear a creek on the stairs, and since I know Bishop already got up and went to class, I brace myself to see Griffin.
He’s taking this the hardest out of all of us, which isn’t surprising since the two of them are the closest. I can’t bear to see the look of pain and regret in his stare, not when all I need to do is look in the mirror to find my own.
I steel my spine and take a deep breath, lifting my chin as his footsteps get closer, preparing myself to not sound how I feel, as he rounds the corner and comes into view.
“Morning, Griff, how’d you sle…” I start, before my voice trails off, as a familiar figure appears behind him.
I’m off the counter where I was sitting, watching Everest cook before I can even take my next breath, rushing round the island as Harden meets my stare, only stopping myself at the last second from throwing my arms around him.
“Harden, you’re home!” I choke out, forcing the tears now itching at the back of my eyes to not fall, I know he wouldn’t want that, but fuck do I want to cry at the sight of him.
My legs almost buckle with the need to touch him, to comfort him, to try and take away his pain, and like he has a sixth sense, Griffin reaches out and grips my arm, pulling me toward him.
His hug is so tight that it steals my breath, but I understand the meaning behind it.
He's telling me to pull myself together, not fall apart when Harden needs to.
I nod against his chest, swiping my now wet cheek against his skin, and he tightens his hold even more, as if he needs the comfort as much as I do, before he pulls away and forces his usual cocky smirk to his face.
When I look back at Harden he is watching us both, a strange look in his eyes that I can’t work out the meaning of, and instead of apologizing, or yelling at him for disappearing, I only smile.
When he returns it, I feel like my chest might explode, my heart hammering against my rib cage, as his hands come up and his fingers start to move.
Good morning, Aurora. He signs, as if nothing has happened, and I get what he needs.
I understand him more now than I ever thought possible, his confession not only unraveled everything he kept secret, but it gave reason behind why he is the way he is.
His aversion to touch, his need to silence his voice most of the time, it’s all a shield, a way to protect himself, and the danger might be dead and buried, but his scars will remain forever.
I assure my voice is even, as I reply, “Good morning, Harden.”
His smile widens a little at my words, before he slowly moves past me and takes a seat at the counter. Griffin and I both watch him go, seeing nothing but a shared nod of understanding between him and Everest, before Ever lifts his gaze to us.
Griffin takes the bait instantly, tossing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me in close, as we head back toward the island. “Any breakfast for me?” he asks, no doubt enjoying the narrowing of Everest’s stare, as it wills him to let go of me.
“No,” Everest replies flatly, as I slide into the seat beside Harden, still desperate to reach out and comfort him.
We’ve sat like this a thousand times, side by side yet not touching, and I’ve lost count of how many times I wished I could, but it’s nothing compared to now.
My hands land on either side of my thighs, gripping the edge of the stool to keep them from doing just that, when suddenly I feel the heat of his skin.
Dropping my eyes I find his hands flexed around the edge of his own seat in the same way, his right hand perfectly aligned with my left, our knuckles grazing.
We aren’t holding hands, not like we did the night we found out about his mom, but that was out of necessity, this doesn’t feel the same.
No, this is something else entirely, and it feels like everything around me just fades into the background.
Everest has pushed me over the edge and made me see stars, Griffin has kissed me until I was dizzy, and now Harden is giving me skin to skin contact that has me feeling like miracles do come true.
The three of them make my head spin until I don’t know which way is up, and I’m not sure how I’m going to navigate it.
“Dick,” Griffin tosses back to Everest, taking the seat on my other side, still smirking, as he slowly trails his eyes over me before adding, “You look very well rested, sweetheart, Everest must not be doing a very good job at keeping you satisfied.”
His words hit their intended target with precision, and I roll my eyes as Everest slams down the spoon in his hand to glare at his best friend.
“Do you want another busted lip?” he spits, nothing but warning in his tone, but Griffin only shrugs as he reaches over and steals a piece of bacon from the pan.
Harden's hand shifts slightly at the threat, and for some reason our secret barely-there touches feel completely forbidden.
“Go ahead, I’m sure your girlfriend will kiss it better,” Griffin tosses back, popping the piece of bacon into his mouth with a wink, and a panicked laugh leaves me, my head swimming with confusion.
“Griffin,” Everest grits his name through his teeth, just as his phone starts ringing on the counter.
We all spy Archer’s name flashing across the screen, and Ever barely nods his head at me before I snatch my free hand out to grab it, holding it up facing him, so they can talk.
“Hey, mountain man, how’s your little pack of wolves?” Archer greets, and Griffin snorts a laugh, making Everest glare at him again, before he focuses back on our brother.
“Don’t call us that,” Everest snaps back, and I have no doubt that Arch is rolling his eyes at his bad mood.
“I miss when you used to enjoy my jokes,” Archer drawls, and Everest’s scowl only deepens.
“I’ve never enjoyed your jokes,” he replies in all seriousness, before adding, “Why are you calling?”
“Damn, someone is pissy this morning. Is the third member of your merry little boy band still missing?” He asks, and I cringe a little, as my stare flies to Harden, but to my surprise, he only rolls his eyes at Archer’s question.
“No, he’s not. What do you want?” Everest pushes on, removing the bacon from the pan, and grabbing another for the pancakes.
“What’s the matter with you? Are you not getting enough pussy?” Archer questions in a serious tone, and I almost choke on my breath, as Everest’s stare lifts above the phone and locks with mine.
“Baby, you really shouldn’t be asking your brother that.” We all hear Daemon say in the background, but it does nothing to diffuse the tension in Everest’s stare.
“I’m getting the best pussy I’ve ever had, so mind your fucking business,” he claps back, and my cheeks feel as if they heat to a thousand degrees, as Harden flexes his knuckles against mine and Griffin curses under his breath.
“Okay, okay, whatever,” Archer replies, clearly not wanting to deal with Ever's pissy mood. “I was only calling to see if I need to put four VIP tickets aside for you guys for the team party?”
Ah, that’s right, he asked us about this at the funeral and we never really gave him an answer.
Everest flicks his stare to Harden silently, as the man in question nudges me and reluctantly lifts his hands.
What party? He signs, searching my stare.
“Some team event at a club in New York, Archer invited us all,” I quietly whisper back.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Everest tells Archer, watching us both closely.
We can go . Harden signs, and I’m sure he can feel the weight of all our stares at his response.
“Are you sure?” Everest asks, searching his stare, as Archer asks what’s going on, but Ever ignores him completely. “It might be a bit soon, given everything,” he adds carefully.
I could do with the change of scenery. He signs in response, and Everest is silent as he weighs up his answer, and the truth behind it, before he sighs.
“Yeah, okay, Arch, count us in.”
Well shit, I guess we are going partying in New York.