35. Harden
M y heart hammers in my chest the whole way back to the house.
It’s so loud I can hear it in my ears, like a deep, thumping bass that just won’t quit.
Everest is marching up front, one hand biting into the skin of Aurora’s arm as he pulls her along with him, and the other gripped around her bag.
Griffin is barely a step behind them, as if he can’t bear to be too far away from her, and I can’t help but watch them both.
They fucked.
Griffin and Aurora fucked.
My two best friends fucked.
Which shouldn’t make me feel any kind of way considering I listened to her fuck Everest two days ago, but this wasn’t Everest. This was Griffin, my best friend in the entire world, and the one I jerked off with to the sound of her getting fucked.
The two of them fucking should be just as hot as that.
So why does the thought of it make me sick with jealousy?
Who am I jealous of? Him? Her? Both of them?
I don’t even fucking know, because I’ve never felt like this before.
I’ve spent my entire life feeling nothing but pain, and it suited me just fine.
I never searched for something more, knowing it would never change my past, so it felt pointless.
I was happy to just exist, to let my trauma control everything and get nothing in return.
I could watch Aurora from afar, allowing myself simple pleasures like her letters to get me through.
Even after I let myself kiss her, I knew I would never cross that line again, that I would never let myself, because a part of her wasn’t enough.
Truth be told, I was glad that Everest commanded us to stay away from her.
It was better to not have any of her, because at least that way it didn’t breed hope.
Yes I missed her, of course I missed her, but every day got a little easier, until the night she walked into that party a few weeks ago, demanding an explanation.
Still, I knew Everest wouldn’t allow us to give in to our desires, so it didn’t matter, but then just like always, my mother ruined everything.
Her death was welcome, an escape I never thought I’d be granted, but with it, came them.
Aurora with her acts of service, doing anything she thought might make me happy, and Griffin with his silent support at my side.
They tended to my every need, not realizing they were leaving new ones in their wake, and I should have stayed in my cage.
I should have let myself wither back into the silence I protected myself with, but then I kissed him.
I kissed Griffin, and it tilted my world upside down, because now it wasn’t just Aurora I coveted, it was him too.
Bishop is sitting at the counter when we push inside the house, and he looks like he’s doing some homework.
However, the second his attention trails over us all, taking in the tension and the paint stains, he slams his book closed.
“Oh fuck no, I’m not getting in the middle of whatever this is,” he grunts, gathering up his stuff, and I’m half-tempted to beg that he take me with him.
Everest grunts, watching him flee, his hold on Aurora still not relenting as Griffin smirks, and I know he’s about to fan the flames.
“We should get cleaned up sweetheart.” His eyes dance with excitement as he turns toward them.
“Why don’t you come shower with me?” His voice has that sensual edge to it that I heard the other night, and I fucking hate the way it makes goosebumps rise along my arms.
“Do you have a fucking death wish?” Everest takes a slow, measured step forward, stepping in front of Aurora slightly, and I find myself taking one toward Griffin, in case he tries to put hands on him again.
“What’s the matter, Monroe, is it that mine’s bigger than yours?”
For fuck sake. My best friend really does have a death wish.
Everest’s stare narrows as he takes another step, this time toward Griffin. “Careful, Blake, the complex your parents gave you is showing.”
It’s a cheap shot, we all know it, but Griff just smirks.
“Aurora, I think you better take your boyfriend upstairs, he needs his ego stroked,” he tosses back with a wink.
“You might wanna clean me out of you first though, we both know he’s a jealous dick.
” He emphasizes the last word, and when Everest takes another step forward, Aurora moves, putting herself between the two of them.
“Guys, just stop, please.” Her words seem to be the only thing that dulls the tension that has clung to Everest ever since Griffin left the gym earlier.
Her eyes move between the two of them, studying them both before she sighs.
“Come on, Ever, just come upstairs with me while I shower and get changed.” She pushes gently on his chest, offering Griffin a sympathetic look, and I can tell she doesn’t want to leave him, not after what happened between them.
Everest doesn’t say anything else as he lets Aurora drag him away, his hands finding her hips as they make their way upstairs.
Griff and I both watch them leave, before he turns to me and rolls his eyes, as silence settles between us.
He opens his mouth to say something, before he sighs and gestures to himself.
“I should go and get cleaned up.” He doesn’t wait for me to respond, not that I’d know how to, before he turns his back on me and makes his way up to his room.
I’m not sure how long I stand there, but it’s long enough for indecision to claw its way through my veins, until I feel like I’m bleeding from the inside out.
My feet are moving before I can stop them, taking forceful steps as I make my way to his room.
When I push inside, it’s empty, but the door to his bathroom is partially open, and the sound of him moving around in there draws me closer.
When I reach the threshold, I push the door all the way open, pulling his attention straight to me, as he reaches behind his head and takes off his shirt.
My eyes dance down his torso, taking in the splotches of paint that cover him everywhere, and the fresh red lines now etched in his chest. She must have scratched him.
A thought that shouldn’t heat my blood, not after I’ve felt the pain of such injuries, but I’m sure it would be different coming from her.
So you fucked her then. I sign, and it’s not a question, but still he sighs, and I’m not sure if it’s at my statement, or the fact I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud.
“Yeah, Haze, I fucked her.” My last name sounds so wrong falling from his lips now, my throat bobbing slightly, and I swear his stare zeros in on the movement.
“Why? Are you jealous?” he asks, taking a slow step toward me, and I catch the scent of his sweat still clinging to him.
Yes. I nod, unable to bring myself to admit it anymore than that.
“Then make your move with her, you already know she wants you.”
I stifle a laugh. As if it’s that fucking simple.
I’m not just jealous of you having her . I sign furiously, shaking my head as I do, because I’m still trying to make sense of all of this myself.
How do I want him? How do I want them both?
The paint on his chest is like a fucking beacon drawing me in, and unable to stop myself, I reach up and trail my fingers along the marks she left on him.
He hisses at the contact, leaning into my touch, his eyes never leaving mine, and I feel that connection spark between us.
The one that’s always been there, the one I thought meant something else.
“What do you want, Harden? What’s happening here?” This time my name sounds like a fucking dream, so soft and filled with need, that I want to fucking swallow it down.
It feels physically painful to draw my fingers from his skin to respond. I don’t know. And it’s the truth, I don’t know what’s happening here, I only know I don’t want it to stop.
“That’s bullshit and you fucking know it,” he snaps, erasing the last bit of space between us, until we are barely a step apart.
My head is already shaking, my eyes eating up the skin he has on display, as if I haven’t already seen it a thousand times before. I can’t explain it. You're my best friend, Griffin, you always have been, but now … I pause when words begin to fail me, my fingers coming to an abrupt halt.
“Now what?” he pushes, sounding almost desperate for the answer, and it makes me shudder, because it sounds like he wants this. Like he’s thought about this as much as I have.
My voice shakes, as I force myself to whisper, “Now I want more, Griff.”
The words are like dynamite between us, as my fingers reach up to his chest and trail the marks there once more, before my palms flatten against him.
I can feel the rapid thumping of his heart as it races, for me .
Our chests are heaving with the weight of our breaths, my hands still exploring the planes of his chest, mapping every inch of it.
Griffin keeps pressing against my hold, bringing himself closer and closer to me, until we are almost touching everywhere.
“Kiss me,” I gasp against his lips, before sealing my mouth to his without waiting for his response, and the second I do, heat burns through my body, and it’s the sweetest relief.
There is no pain, no trauma.
Just my best friend, and his sweet fucking mouth.
A groan escapes him as I claim him, allowing me to slip my tongue between his lips to massage it with his own.
He tastes masculine and husky, with a slither of something else, and it’s only as my tongue battles against his that I realize what it is.
Fuck. He tastes like her . Aurora’s sweetness clings to him like a phantom, and nothing has ever tasted better.
I kiss him harder, deeper, fucking his mouth with my own, my hands clawing at his shoulders, as I spin us and press him roughly into the sink.