13
Brodie: Hey neighbor. Just checking in to see how it’s going.
Brodie: Squirrel wise I mean.
Lizzy: Oh hey! That’s so sweet of you—all is well, no animals staring straight at me after my shower tonight. THANK GAWD **fans self**
Brodie: That’s good.
Lizzy: Yup. Nothing to worry about—at least not right now. Everyone is home, so I’m safe. HA!
A few moments go by.
Brodie: Yeah, so I heard you were interrogating my roommate on your date last night. What”s that all about?
Lizzy: Ha ha, yeah, I did do that. Ha ha oops! I couldn”t resist asking about you. You know, since you barely spoke last night.
Brodie: I spoke!
Lizzy: Why did you move to the couch when you thought I was asleep?
Brodie: I wanted to give you privacy.
Lizzy: Said no warm-blooded male, EVER.
Brodie: I was being polite.
Lizzy: I know, I know. I’m just giving you shit. Anyway yeah, while I was with Sully, I was gathering intel for future reference.
Brodie: WHY?! What kind of questions were you asking?? He wasn’t specific, all he said was it was nonstop.
Lizzy: OMG we talked about other stuff. We did NOT just sit and talk about YOU. Why would I do that? It would have been rude.
Now I’m confused. Was Sully full of shit when he said all she did was ask about me, or is she denying it because she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want me to know?
Guess I’ll never know.
Brodie: I figured he was being dramatic.
Lizzy: He seems like the kind of guy who has a fragile ego, but don’t tell him I told you that he he.
Lizzy: AND he didn’t tell me anything about you that was juicy, just the usual roommate gossip—whether you”re single, if you”re secretly in love with me, that sort of thing LOL
Secretly in love with her?
The fuck he didn’t.
Brodie: You did NOT ask him if I was in love with you lol
Lizzy: I’m teasing. Obviously. I must still be loopy from that mojito… I had to chug it so it wouldn’t go to waste (I hate wasting food and drinks and to get through the date.) Don’t tell Sully that either LOL. But enough about me and my questionable dating habits...
Brodie: Questionable dating habits???
Lizzy: Yeah. It’s probably a red flag asking one guy about another guy on a first date. I haven’t told my roomies yet—I already know what they’re going to say.
Brodie: What will they say?
Lizzy: Only that he’s never going to want to go out with me again, and that it was probably super annoying, and that they wouldn’t blame him if he’d have gotten up and walked out.
Brodie: HARSH.
Lizzy: I’m just guessing that this is what they’re going to say **shrugs**
Brodie: Speaking of questionable habits—how”s the squirrel situation inside the house?
Lizzy: Ah, those effing squirrels. They”ve been causing chaos as usual, but so far they haven’t heard any noise in my wall.
Brodie: I saw one steal a sandwich on campus this morning.
Lizzy: No way! Those little bandits are getting bolder by the minute, and by bandits, I mean bastards.
Brodie: I was literally about to say bastards lol
Lizzy: Well, if anyone can outsmart them…IT IS NOT US.
Brodie: I tried. I tried to outsmart them…
Lizzy: Did you try, though? Remember when I heard you screaming? Like a girl?
Brodie: Don’t scream shame me. It lunged at me.
Lizzy: He did not in fact lunge at you… CAN squirrels lunge??? Is that a thing?
Brodie: We should put that on a laptop sticker: WE TRIED.
Lizzy: Mama tried LOL
Brodie: I”ll have to start brainstorming some squirrel-proof defenses for next time…
Lizzy: OMG. THERE WILL NOT BE A NEXT TIME!
Brodie: Never say never…
Lizzy: **blinks rapidly**
Brodie: So back to the date with Sully…
Lizzy: Ughhhhhh **drags arms on the ground**
Brodie: Really? You’re dragging your arms on the ground? Like a child?
Lizzy: Yup LOL anything to evade whatever question you might be about to ask like the chickenshit that I am.
Brodie: Okay. I won’t ask any more questions.
Lizzy: Phew! Really??
Brodie: No, not really. I’m going to ask.
Brodie: Why were you asking about me?
Lizzy: It wasn’t a big deal—I didn’t think. I was curious. That’s it. Your roommate is more forthcoming and chatty than you are, and I had wanted to ask YOU last night but didn’t think you wanted to be bothered—so I took advantage of Sully.
Lizzy: I didn’t mean that like it sounds. I just knew he would be a good sport about it—and he was. I didn’t mean anything by it, cross my heart.
Lizzy: Was he pissed?
Brodie: I don’t think so. Maybe. First thing he did when he got home was burst through my bedroom door to cry about it.
Lizzy: He CRIED about it?
Brodie: Not literally.
Brodie: Whined. Bitched. Moaned? Those better?
Lizzy: Much.
Brodie: So. Any plans for another date with Sully again?
Lizzy: Ha ha, not likely. I’m sure the interrogation about you was enough for him to handle.
Brodie: I doubt that would be enough to turn him off. He’s a pretty chill dude.
Lizzy: Eh. Even so, I don’t think I was feeling it, KWIM?
Brodie: Ah, gotcha.
Lizzy: I think I need to focus on more important things—like helping you defend against the squirrel invasion.
Brodie: Helping ME defend the invasion?? How did your problem become MY problem??
Lizzy: I don’t make the rules I only enforce them LOLOL
Brodie: Wow. Just—WOW. LOL
Lizzy: Stop, you think I’m cute, admit it.
Brodie: Cannot confirm or deny.