32. Sydney
thirty-two
sydney
Maddy has inadvertently become my confidante.
It’s not that I don’t trust Brandon and Dylan. I love our friendship and actually quite appreciate their discretion, but Maddy and I just seem to hang out more. Especially since bonding after the fight.
We’re holed up in my apartment on Halloween night watching scary movies. There was a party—I was invited to it, actually, and so were my three friends—but the idea of being surrounded by people in masks scared me.
I’ve been having more nightmares lately. I’m not sure if I was having them before and simply not remembering, but this week I’ve been waking up in a blind panic, covered in sweat while my heart tried to escape my chest.
Anyway. I finally admitted to Maddy the rest of the story from the warehouse. About Bear. She already knew something was up from Oliver’s behavior at the fight. And Penn’s. But she didn’t question me about it at the time.
Now that she’s all filled in, she heartily agrees that a Halloween party would be traumatic. Even the scary movies are a little hard to stomach.
“Where do you think your mom went?” She returns to the couch with a giant bowl of popcorn, handing it to me while she cocoons herself in blankets. “Did you ever find out where she’d go when you were a kid?”
I lift one shoulder. “Best guess is somewhere like Atlantic City. She’d come back with cash… I feel like that’s where you go when you want to do that kind of thing.”
Whore herself out.
Gamble.
Maybe some combination of the two.
“Maybe she’s there. Stuck like Percy Jackson in that Lotus Flower hotel.”
Another thing about Maddy? She’s secretly into stuff that probably wouldn’t win brownie points with the cool kids. Star Wars , Lord of the Rings , Greek mythology, Harry Potter … she holds on to knowledge like a sponge, but with the strange ability to spit out random trivia.
It only came out after we’d been hanging out for a while, but it’s definitely gotten more frequent. And don’t get me wrong—I love it. I love the references that I don’t always understand because it means she trusts me to be herself.
And that seems like the greatest compliment after living with someone like Scarlett, who has never been real a day in her life.
Thinking of Scarlett reminds me that she slept with Oliver. Maybe Penn, too. That gives me the major ick. Also, she witnessed some form of my supreme humiliation and did nothing to save me. Which should put her at the bottom of my list of people I’d save in a fire.
Maybe right above Bear and Andi, but definitely below Miranda and Kate.
Not that I want to think about fires.
Or Bear, Andi, Miranda, or Kate.
Talk about a mood killer.
I restart the movie once she’s settled. We only have one lamp on in the corner, adding to the scary effect. I keep flinching, spilling popcorn across my lap, which causes Maddy to cackle.
I’m not a good horror flick person.
“We’re watching Halloweentown next.” I grab my phone and head to the bathroom, although the movie keeps playing. I do not need to see the girl running from the scary chainsaw guy get caught. The faster this one is over, the better.
There’s a text from my mystery guy.
L.
Bedroom.
What?
Me
What do you mean?
The one thing that wasn’t doxed by that stupid fucking gossip page was my address.
I wait for him to reply, but there’s nothing. I finish in the bathroom, peek into the living room to make sure Maddy is still enthralled in the movie—she is—and head back to my bedroom. The door is mostly shut.
I push it open and tiptoe in, half expecting someone to be lounging on my bed. Because that would totally make sense, right? Wrong .
Should’ve known better.
Someone grabs me from behind, their hand around the lower part of my face, keeping my jaw shut and muffling the sound that squeaks out. He’s wearing thick leather gloves. He wraps a blindfold around my eyes, only releasing my mouth long enough to tie it in quick jerks. I’m walked toward my desk, until my thighs touch the edge. He folds me over, my cheek touching the surface. One hand stays on my spine.
My pants come down.
My heart is beating out of control, and I grip the edge of the desk.
He doesn’t fuck me. Instead, I feel him lower himself down, his breath warming my bruised ass cheeks. He seems to inspect it, cupping the one with Carter’s name and mauling it in his gloved hand. Then the glove disappears, and his bare fingers dig into the bruises.
I let out a whimper.
His other hand is already bare, and he parts my cheeks. My mouth opens, but I don’t let any sound come out. Not with Maddy?—
His tongue rims my asshole without warning. I jerk away from him, but there’s nowhere to go. He dances around it, then thrusts in. My fingers tighten on the desk until my nails threaten to break. His fingers go lower, slipping down my center.
I’m fucking wet. It’s embarrassing.
It’s not how I wanted to meet him.
He inserts two fingers inside me, seeming to almost experiment with how I react. Waiting for me to turn my face into the desk, for my body to shudder. He brings me right to the edge, when my muscles just start to clench and pulse, and he withdraws.
I groan.
His mouth moves across my ass cheek. Something lightweight but hard hits the desk. It sounds like a plastic cap. Then another sensation brushes my skin.
Pen?
Marker?
I shiver as he seems to write. A message for me or someone else?—
He rises, and I let out a slow breath. I’m strung tighter than a wire, everything in me screaming to peek at him, to beg to come. To say something—anything.
But is this it? He’s just going to bring me to the edge and go?
There’s another noise, one that doesn’t make sense until cold liquid drips down the crack of my ass. His finger follows the same path his tongue did, around and around my asshole, then pushing inside. My muscles grip at him, but he works his finger in and out until I groan.
I know what’s next.
And in a moment of supreme clarity, I am one hundred percent sure I could straighten and tear off the blindfold and he wouldn’t put up a fight.
Or maybe he would.
His finger is replaced by something larger. It pushes against my ring of muscles and just keeps going, finally gaining entry—but it seems never-ending. It hurts, the pain unexpected, and then suddenly gives way to something else.
I want to cry out, but all my sounds are bottled up in my throat.
After a long moment, his hips touch my ass.
He releases a slow breath—the only sound he’s made so far.
“Sydney?” Maddy calls. “Are you okay?”
We go still, and I clear my throat. “J-just changing my clothes.” I can’t remember if I closed my bedroom door. I don’t know if L. did in the case that I didn’t. “The butter left a stain…”
“Okay!” Her voice is cheery, not at all suspicious.
He moves. Withdrawing and thrusting back in, his one hand now splayed across my back and the other on my wrist in front of my face. Maybe ensuring that I won’t surprise him and tear it off.
His fingers dig into my skin as he fucks me harder. My ass aches, pain collecting in my nerve endings, sparking and mixing with pleasure. Like being spanked in the woods.
Why do I like pain?
My mouth is open, my breath coming in sharp pants. I won’t come like this—I’m pretty sure I won’t. With him not touching my clit, this is just another form of torture, and it seems to roll on and on and on.
Until he finishes inside my ass without a word. Just a quiet grunt, a quivering of his thighs against the backs of my legs, as he pumps slower and milks out the last of it.
He pulls out, but his hand on my back keeps me down. Not that I’m in any danger of moving. My legs are jelly, and my core is pulsing. I strain my ears for any hint of what he’s doing, but it just sounds like fabric rustling. Then something cold touches my asshole.
It slides in, helped along by his cum, and my sphincter closes around an indent.
Butt plug , my mind supplies.
He leaves me like that, the window sliding up, the little scuff of his shoes and rattle of metal as he hops onto the fire escape.
I open my eyes, then tear off the blindfold. My phone is right in front of my face.
L.
Leave it for one of your guys to find.
Jesus.
It feels… I’ve never had anything in my ass like this. I lift myself up off the desk and quickly drag my clothes back into place.
It’s there, persistent, for every move I make.
Notice me, notice me, notice me .
I almost go back out into the living room, but I change my shirt at the last moment. There’s writing on my ass cheek, too. But that will have to wait for later.
Maddy eyes me when I return. “You okay?”
“Yeah, sorry, Dad was texting me.”
Her attention flicks back to the movie, which seems to be winding up for some grand finale. “Your relationship with him is doing better, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, actually.” I sit. Almost wince, but manage to hold off.
The movie ends. We watch another one—not Halloweentown, because apparently the scary one has a sequel we need to watch—but halfway through, Maddy yawns. Stretches. Yawns again. I don’t say anything until the credits roll.
“I’m going to head home,” she says. “Thanks for inviting me over. Rain check on Halloweentown ?”
“Anytime.” I follow her to the door. “I appreciate you spending it with me instead of…” I motion toward the window.
“Parties stress me out,” she confesses. “This was a godsend. We can repeat it next year, if you want.”
We share a smile, and she promises to text me when she gets back to her dorm room. As a sophomore, she can still live on campus. Next year will be a different story for her, but she mentioned moving in with Dylan. So that will be good, at any rate.
I turn on all the lights in my apartment and go straight for the bathroom. I spin in the mirror and pull down my leggings, trying to decipher the scratchy handwriting. It’s bled and smudged a bit, but I think it says, You may have had her first, but her ass virginity belongs to me .
I groan.
Is it true? Yes.
Did I tell anyone that? No. Why the fuck would I go around advertising it?
Actually… I think back to my quick fling with Carter the previous year at SJU. Did we ever talk about it?
Is he L.? It’s possible, I guess. He had my number, but he could’ve easily lied and said he got it from that post. I have Oliver’s and Penn’s numbers both saved in my phone now, too. L.’s doesn’t match any of them.
There are workarounds to that, of course.
But I should also consider that it’s someone else entirely.
L.
You okay?
Me
That was…
Too much?
No.
Everything.
How’s the plug?
Driving me nuts. I didn’t finish, by the way.
Obviously not. Don’t worry, Sydney, if I want a girl to orgasm, I know how to make it happen.
“a girl”?
You. If I want *you* to orgasm, I know how. Pinky promise.
Maybe you should get back here and help out with that.
You could stay awake for Penn. Isn’t he your nightly visitor?
Or do we think Carter will be so bold tonight?
Oliver will only break into your house if you steal something important from him.
Are you saying that because you’re him?
One of the three? Or do you have a specific guess?
I don’t want to guess and be wrong. But you know an awful lot about them…
Oliver doesn’t know about Carter. That rules him out, I guess.
Doesn’t he?
Doubt floods through me. I don’t know if Penn would say anything. Their relationship confuses me. Best friends, sure, but do they share those secrets? They shared me, once upon a time…
I squeeze my eyes shut and drag my blankets higher up my body.
He seems to think someone’s going to sneak into my house. That I should wait up for them just in case. My hand slips down between my legs just as another text comes through.
L.
Don’t touch yourself.
Groaning, I drag my hand back up. The few strokes only took me higher. It seems to be the only fucking thing I can think about, and it’s worse when the plug shifts inside me.
Me
I hate you.
I’m not sure why I’m even listening to you.
L.
Because you like the game.
I’m on the street. Your savior is coming now. Do me a favor and pretend to be sleeping on your stomach.
To showcase your note?
Well, it wouldn’t be much fun if they don’t see it.
I sigh and slowly turn onto my stomach. I cup my breast, rolling my nipple between my fingers. I was going to sleep in panties and a t-shirt, like usual, but I couldn’t even bear that much fabric touching me.
Under the blanket, I’m completely naked.
I pinch and tug, my knee hiked up to the side and my face pressed to the pillow. I don’t even care if I fucking suffocate like this. My hips move, slow circles that give me no relief.
The window slides up, but I can’t stop. I’m desperate with it now.
“Princess.” Penn strokes my hair. “What a sight for sore eyes.”
I don’t respond besides a whimper so he knows I’m awake.
He pulls the blankets from my body, and goosebumps rise on my arms. He goes still when the blankets fall to the floor, staring at me for so long, I peek up at him.
His expression is rabid, and he touches the writing. Parts my cheeks and sucks in a breath at the plug. I don’t know what it looks like, only what it feels like.
“Oh, princess,” he breathes. “Carter plug you up and leave you high and dry?”
I shake my head. “Not him. Please, Penn.”
He rolls me over. I stare up at him, my hips still moving.
“Reduced to dry humping the air.” He goes to the window for a moment, then returns.
I got dark Penn tonight.
He drops his jeans, and his erection tents his boxers. He loses those and his shirt, his shoes and socks already off. And he fists his length, slowly stroking himself harder while his gaze devours me in the low light.
“Touch me,” I beg. Both hands are on my breasts, still, impossibly following L.’s instructions. Maybe he is right, and I like the game. I know in the back of my head that this is one that can end at any moment anyway.
He grabs my legs and drags me around, until my ass is on the edge of the bed. He keeps hold of my legs and goes to his knees, putting them on his shoulders. He kisses the inside of my thigh, trailing higher.
“You’re killing me, Penn.”
“Wonder if we’re going to have company,” he says, more to himself than me. “We’ll give him a minute, princess. See if your ex wants to play with us.”
Carter.
He means Carter.
His lips track a slow path closer to my pussy, but he draws it out. It takes him forever to get to the crease of my inner thigh. He sucks one of my outer lips into his mouth. One digit slides inside me.
I gasp and buck, silently urging him for more. He presses down. The butt plug shifts.
“Oh, no,” I cry. “No, no.”
He pulls at the plug. Not enough to withdraw it, but he takes out the widest part, then pushes it back in. He does that a few times with his finger inside me.
I fist my sheets. Sweat dots my brow, and I look down my body at him.
“Why?” I pant. “Just fuck?—”
My front door opens and closes.
“Oh God,” I groan. “You assholes.”
Carter arrives in the doorway. His expression is fucking murderous.
Penn pulls out and releases the butt plug. It slides back into place while he puts my legs back on the bed. I curl away from them and try to calm myself. I need to be rational and reasonable if they’re going to fight?—
“What the fuck are you doing?” Carter asks Penn. “Did you mean to point a fucking laser at my window? I thought she was in trouble.”
“I wanted to get your attention,” he says.
“You’re naked.”
“You probably will be, too. Look at her.”
Footsteps approach. Cool hands touch my ass, then, like Penn did, Carter gets a peek at the plug.
“Wow.” He traces his name. “This will scar nicely.”
I shudder. My hands have crept up to my chest again, cupping my breasts, using pain to try and stave off the ache.
Bad system.
Zero out of ten, do not recommend.
My gaze sticks on Penn’s face. “Why are you watching me like that?”
“Because you’re fucking perfect.”
Ugh. “I’d be more perfect with a dick in me.”
Penn hums. “But you taste so good, and I was just getting started.”
Carter glances at him, his expression darkening. It’s not the wild chase side of him I saw before, but he seems curious enough to not leave. Or throw a punch.
“Please,” I whisper.
Penn moves for me. He crawls between my legs and places a kiss on my pubic bone, then trails his lips down. He licks everywhere except my clit. His tongue slides into my pussy, which squeezes at him, and he finger-fucks me while he teases all around.
“Please,” I beg louder. “Please touch my clit. Oh my God, Penn, I can’t stand it. I need to come.”
“The thing is, princess, you’ve been naughty.” Penn looks up at me.
I stare down at him in disbelief.
He licks his lips and crawls over me, stealing a kiss from my lips. He’s gone before I can even kiss him back.
“You let someone fuck you,” he says, his voice grave. “Who?”
I gulp. “I don’t know.”
“Was it consensual?” Carter asks.
I manage to nod.
“Do your breasts give you relief, dream girl?”
I pause, then nod again. Slower.
They exchange a glance. One fully dressed, the other naked and not giving a shit. They move simultaneously, grabbing my wrists and hauling them up. I yelp and fight them, alarm fluttering in my chest. I struggle, but Carter ends up straddling my stomach and holding both while Penn hunts for a restraint.
He comes back with the blindfold left on my desk.
“He really wanted to make sure, hmm?” He drags the end of the blindfold over my face. He undoes the knot and ties my hands together, securing both to the headboard.
Fingers slip along my thigh and push into me. Three, stretching me gloriously. I stare at Carter, who’s reaching behind where he straddles me to finger-fuck me. Three fingers. My hips start bucking again, the greedy need all I can think about.
Thinking—no, there’s no thinking.
It’s all primal.
He removes a finger, using just two. Pumping and coaxing at my G-spot, twisting inside me. His knuckles bump along my lips, but it’s still not on the bundle of nerves that need pressure and friction to explode.
He takes away another finger, and then he stops entirely. I clench and groan, gripping at his finger, while he chuckles softly.
Penn returns. He shows Carter something on his phone.
“What?” I gasp.
Carter climbs off me, but he doesn’t go far. He leans over and claims my lips, kissing me hard. I bite his lower lip, trying to incite something, but he just nips back. Then his finger is replacing his lips, smearing my arousal across my mouth.
“I’ll see you later,” he promises. “I’ll pick up your pieces after they break you.”
I shiver. I have no idea what he’s talking about, and I can’t mask the ripple of excited fear that slips down my spine. It pebbles my already sensitive nipples. Goosebumps rise all over.
“This should be fun,” Penn says, stopping beside me.
“What is it?”
“A little experiment.” He crouches and traces one of my ribs. “Oliver goes to extremes for you, you know? But he thinks because you wear my necklace and sweatshirt and kiss me in public that he can’t have you. Even though we’ve both tasted you. Right?”
My body trembles for a whole new reason. “Is he…?”
“On his way over? Yes. Not great on the timing. I was hoping Carter and I would get to play with you.”
“Didn’t think the goaltender would be the one trying to share.” I tug at my wrists again. “Didn’t you say you were going to make me pick?”
A shadow crosses his expression. “Of course. We’re endgame, you and me. But that doesn’t mean I want you to question if someone would’ve been better.”
“What are you going to do about the person who left me like this for you?”
“Kiss him on the mouth?” Penn’s eyes narrow. “Or put him six feet under. We’ll see.”
We’ll see.
“Oh, one more thing.” He pulls out a strip of fabric and covers my eyes. He ties it gently around my head, running his fingers through my hair. “Don’t worry, princess. I’ll leave the door open for Ollie. Maybe he’ll put you out of your misery.”
A second later, noise canceling headphones slide over my ears, and the world outside myself fades away.