34. Sydney
thirty-four
sydney
I’m half-asleep in Oliver’s arms when Penn returns. He lifts me out of bed, cradling me in his arms, and carries me to the bathroom. The water is already running in the tub, and he settles me into the warmth.
My head lolls against his arm, which he keeps around my shoulders for a moment. He moves a little, taking his arm away and gathering my hair. He ties it up on top of my head, then returns to my side at the edge of the tub.
“What time is it?” I lick my lips.
He supplies a glass of cold water, holding it to my mouth and tipping it for me.
I swallow eagerly. It soothes my throat and wakes me up a bit, but my eyes still feel heavy.
“It’s a little after four,” Penn replies.
“PM?”
He chuckles. “Morning.”
I groan.
“I know.” He shuts off the tap when the water reaches mid-upper arm. He dips a cloth into the water, then squirts soap on it. With slow, firm strokes, he cleans my skin. Starting at the back of my neck and working his way down, he operates in near silence. I hold the edges, my head leaned back on the lip as soon as he finishes with my back.
When it moves between my legs, I moan.
“How many times did you come?”
I sigh. “Four? Fourth felt more like a hallucination.”
“Good.” He continues cleaning. Stroking.
Teasing.
I crack one eye open. “I know what you’re doing.”
He smirks. “Yeah?”
“I hurt.”
“You like pain.”
That’s true .
His gaze goes to my wrists, which are a little red. Nothing crazy, but they might bruise in a few days.
“We’re going away next weekend,” he says in a low voice. “We have two games out of state.”
I nod carefully. “I looked at the schedule. Dylan’s first volleyball match is that weekend.”
His gaze travels across my face. “You’ll be okay?”
“I don’t have anyone to worry about, do I?” I squint at him. “Oliver took care of Bear, your necklace solves my bullying problem. The only ones who still torture me are you two, and I like it.”
“You did like it?” Oliver stands in the doorway. He tugged on his boxers, but his cock is very obviously at half-mast.
My cheeks heat, and I nod.
“Which part?”
The part where he came in, or before? Is that what he’s asking?
Carefully, I say, “I don’t know if I like not knowing who L. is, but I liked what he did tonight.”
It’s the first time I’ve said his name—initial—out loud. First time I’ve admitted that he exists. Not even Maddy, bona fide confidante, knows about him.
“The butt plug is a fun toy.” I draw up my legs and lean forward, wrapping my arms around my knees. “The waiting was torture.” My gaze goes to Penn. “The torture was torturous.”
He smirks.
I look to Oliver. “There’s something in me that trusts you, and I have no idea why. But I feel safe even when I’m tied up. And I…”
“Say it,” Oliver demands.
It’s easier when he orders it.
“I like the pain and fear that comes with pleasure. That’s why Carter fits. He scratches that… craving. He’s more brutal with me.”
Penn grimaces. “Guy’s a dick.”
“He probably thinks the same of you two,” I point out. I grip the edge of the tub and hoist myself up. Water rushes down my body, and I crane around. I touch his name on my ass. “He didn’t ask me about this. Penn didn’t ask to spank me for it.”
Oliver and I lock into a staring contest, and he finally nods. “Variety is the spice of life.”
“Right. Now you both need to get out while I use the toilet.”
I dry myself off and take care of business, brushing my teeth and wrapping myself in a towel. When I emerge, neither of them are in the hall. They’re in my bedroom…
Making my bed?
“We should probably tell her,” Oliver is saying. “Especially since we’re leaving.”
Penn makes a strangled noise. “Well, I was trying?—”
“Tell me what?”
They whip around.
I raise my eyebrows and move to the desk, perching on top of it. Funny, since less than ten hours ago I was bent over it, kicking off this insane series of events.
It just leads me to question, once again, who L. is.
My main suspects are standing in front of me.
“Tell me,” I say.
Oliver glances at Penn, then leaves him with the sheets and comes toward me. His expression is… sympathetic.
“Bear’s real name is Henry Bernstein,” he says. “Obviously we call him Bear for more reasons than one. His last name has something to do with it.”
“Great.” My stomach flips. “Why are we talking about him?”
“While I thought he’d go home, it seems he lied about a lot.”
“That doesn’t sound good,” I mutter.
“It’s not.” He reaches for me, steadying me with a hand at my waist. “His dad is in jail for murdering his mother. His brother is a drug dealer.”
I wait for more.
“And the brother has a record.” He winces. “Of sexual assault.”
There it is.
Penn joins us. “Nothing is going to happen to you,” he promises. “In fact , we don’t know anything will happen at all. It’s just stuff that my private investigator found out.”
My lips part. “Private investigator?”
“Yeah, well, someone needs to keep track of stuff.” Penn lifts one shoulder. “He’s also my uncle.”
Oliver snorts.
“ So ,” Penn continues, “while Bear and his asshole brother live one town over, there’s been no hint of retaliation against you or Oliver. Or me.”
“Great.”
“You said that already,” he points out.
Oliver elbows him. His gaze is warm. Not hot or smoldering, just… warm. “You should go to bed,” he advises. “And we’re going to leave you to rest.”
“But—” I grab at him. “No.”
“No?” He steps closer.
There’s something about these guys getting into my space that gives my heart an extra pep in its step. I look up at him and shake my head.
“Finish what you started.”
As in, please don’t leave me . That’s what I mean, even if I can’t say the words out loud.
There’s no way in hell I can process the night I just had, and I won’t process it as long as one of them is here. Penn left me hanging—on purpose, clearly. But his brows furrow watching the two of us, and I wish I could smooth it away.
There’s no way this is going to end well.
“I will.” The words are husky leaving Oliver’s mouth. “But only if you ask your dad about joining us next weekend.”
I stop.
Dylan made the three of us promise that we would be there to cheer her on. If I go with them—their games are Friday and Sunday—then I will absolutely miss her Saturday game.
I like these guys, but I’m quickly learning to put in the work when it comes to treasuring my friendships. They’re the ones who surrounded me when everyone at FSU hated me. They’re the ones who didn’t shy away from me or join the crowd in throwing stones.
“I can’t.” My gaze falls to the floor. “I can’t miss Dylan’s game.”
He’s not going to stay. Simple as that, right?
“That’s the thing with ultimatums.” I slip between them. “You don’t set them if you’re not ready for the wrong outcome.”
I drop the towel and snatch my sleep shirt from the floor. I put it on and ignore the way my hair raises on my neck. How they’re probably both staring at me like a lunatic. I climb into the freshly made bed, with clean sheets, and curl up facing the wall.
“Get the light on your way out,” I say. Loud enough for them to hear that my tone is normal and I am perfectly fine.
The light goes out.
Footsteps walk away.
My throat closes, and the backs of my eyes burn. It doesn’t matter that I shut them as tight as I can—a tear slips loose anyway. It rolls down my temple.
I can’t think of a time when intimacy hasn’t ended right after sex. And as much as I hoped that it would be different with these two… they’re going to walk out of my room any second. The loneliness strikes hard, crackling in my chest.
The bed leans as new weight is added. Cool air brushes my naked legs, the blankets lifted, and a body slots in behind mine.
“Fuck ultimatums,” Oliver whispers in my ear. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like that.”
The tears don’t stop. My breath comes in ragged inhales. He doesn’t say anything, just loops his arm over my hips and pulls me snug into his body. He buries his face in my neck, kissing it softly.
My mind is fucked. He seems to sense that, because he stays still and solid behind me, his breathing even while I work through the mess in my head.
So much for not processing until I’m alone.