Chapter 22 - Scarlett
Scarlett
I squeezed my eyes shut.
The first thing I recognized was the pain, the second was how dry my tongue was.
I whimpered, sliding my hand over my arm, feeling the bandages wrapped around it. It hurt so much. Why did getting shot hurt more than getting cut? There was no logical sense to it. None at all.
My eyes fluttered open as I shifted in bed, trying to alleviate the pain. It was dark. Everything was dark, the moonlight streaming in through the windows. I didn’t know what day it was or how long I had been asleep, but it felt like a long time with how sore my muscles were.
Although, I had never been shot before, so it could have just been that.
When I couldn’t rid myself of the pain, I shoved myself to a sit and looked around the room, groggy and a little dizzy.
With another shake of my head, I forced myself out of bed, feeling the pain as soon as I tried to put weight on my left leg.
I glared at it, hating that it betrayed me. It was my body. I was in control, not the pain.
But as I tried to stand again, again I collapsed.
I snarled under my breath, gripping the edges of the bed. I hated that man. He took away my ability to walk. To fight. He deserved whatever had happened to him while I had been asleep.
I looked around the room for anything that could help me walk, only to find a cane leaning against my nightstand.
I straightened and shoved my unruly hair back before reaching for it.
It was a deep, cherry red, about as tall as my hip, and at the top curled in an almost jagged, sharp fashion. It wasn’t as beautiful as Azrael’s with his deer head, but I was sure mine was made to be used as a cane, nothing more.
I grabbed it and forced myself to a stand, wincing and biting my tongue against the cry of pain I felt sliding up and down my spine, my hip. This was going to be hard. Forcing myself to heal was going to be difficult, but I would do it. I had to do it.
It took longer than I wanted to get to the closet and find a black robe with long sleeves that opened up so wide, they nearly touched the ground while the bottom of the actual robe did drag the ground. It was sheer, but the bottom, the collar, and the sleeves were all lined in black fuzz.
I tied the rope around it, securing it shut, the fuzz barely covering my breasts, falling straight down to cover my pussy too.
I was completely naked under it, but I wasn’t going to waste precious time getting completely dressed, struggling through the entire process.
No, this robe was far quicker. Besides, I actually really liked this robe, but I never had a chance to wear it.
With a deep breath and a pounding heart, I started the slow trek to the offices.
It took four times as long as it normally would to get to the offices. When I did finally make it, I found Poppy sitting on one of the couches across the room. All the desks were empty.
My heart fell a bit. Where was Azrael?
“He’s in the basement,” Poppy said, pulling my eyes over. “He hasn’t left since taking you to bed.”
I watched her tuck her phone under her thigh, reminding me that I also had one. I could have just called him. It was difficult getting used to the idea of having one. I half wondered if I ever would.
As it was, I was exhausted from the effort that it had taken to get here, so I hobbled over and took a seat in the chair adjacent to where she sat.
“How are you doing?” she asked genuinely. “Getting shot isn’t easy, I would know.” She laughed lightly. “Not all of them were enemy fire either.”
I studied her carefully, my eyes furrowing. “Azrael?”
She nodded as if hearing me. “Azrael,” she confirmed.
“We had a fun go at things for a while.” Her smile fell a bit, and she picked at her very tight, holey jeans.
“Things have changed this last year. It’s strange to say but…
I think I miss the days when he was poisoning my food, running, and waiting for me to catch him.
” Her blue-green eyes met mine, more green today than the last time I had seen her.
“It’s not a bad thing, but change is hard, even if it’s good. ”
I searched her eyes. “Where did you come from?” I signed, knowing that there was a chance she wouldn’t know what I said.
She watched my hands for a long time, her mind working. “Are you asking me where I’m from?”
She was learning. “Yes,” I signed. “But not a place. How did Malachi meet you? Who were you before now?”
Again, she studied me, her mind working. After a second, she shook her head, a laugh meeting her lips. “Sorry, I’m still learning. Are you asking how I ended up here? What my past is?”
I nodded, proud that she was able to get that much.
Her shoulders visibly tensed, her smile becoming pained. She glanced towards the door and then shook her head. “He has cameras everywhere, doesn’t he?”
I nodded again. “He likes to watch me,” I smiled. “I like being watched only by him.”
Her smile brightened a little. “I know that smile. You’d be the first to be enjoyed being watched by Azrael Thorin.” Her smile fell slowly. “Can I ask you a question? I know I might not be able to understand the answer, but I still need to ask.”
I nodded. I would do my best to sign in a way that she would understand. Maybe spelling out my answer if it was short enough.
“Why do you like being watched by him after they watched you for so long? After they recorded you and kept those tapes for themselves.”
I swallowed and tightened my hand around my cane. That felt like a complicated question. There were emotions that came up with her words, memories, reactions, but I suppose the simplest answer would be, “He was my fire when I was stuck in a perpetual winter.”
Her eyes glistened. “I can tell that what you said was kind, I’m sorry I don’t know what it was.” She picked at a thread around the tear on her thigh. “Nobody has ever spoken about Azrael in a kind way. It’s strange to hear.”
“You never thought of him as kind?”
“Kind, I know that word. Um,” she thought about it.
“I saw more of him than the others. Understood more. I thought I understood enough, but it’s clear that even the glimpses he allowed me to see were nothing compared to what was truly there.
Azrael is far more complex than I ever thought, and I feel…
I feel guilty because I allowed myself to stop playing his game. ”
My brows furrowed. “His game?”
She studied my hands for a long time before shaking her head. “I’m sorry—”
“G.A.M.E?”
“Oh, yeah.” She chuckled. “So, I didn’t meet him until long after he came back.
After the asylum and everything. I knew it would be a challenge, I had heard all the rumors about him, but when I met him?
I was…” She sighed, her smile widening. “I was in awe. He just had this presence about him that was so…commanding. He held power that not even Malachi could stand up to, yet Az folded himself into something smaller just to be there. You know? It’s like the whole lion bowing down to a sheep thing. We’re all sheep.
“In the beginning, it was so much fun. I thought it a challenge. Every time I avoided being poisoned, every time I came this close,” she went on, putting her finger and thumb close together, “to catching him, it was a thrill. One nobody could ever understand. Maybe you, now, but then? I was the only one who was allowed a glimpse of his world. I was the one he had his sights on. It was me and him for so long, playing this game of cat and mouse that was so…endless. I thought it’d be just us forever.
Me chasing him, him allowing me to get within inches of touching him before he disappeared again. ”
She stared off to a place I would never see. A Wonderland of her own making, one I hoped she treasured always.
“That’s not to say that we never talked,” she went on. “We talked a lot. On the phone, or in those moments when we just so happened to be in the same place at the same time. God, I felt…I felt unstoppable being in his shadow.”
She shifted, and I saw her change, her expression melting, her eyes softening.
“But then I met you. Not in the church, but here, in the lobby, on the floor when he was branding you. I met you just…being you. Communicating with him in a way I would never be able to. Hearing him. Seeing him. Thriving. And I realized, Scarlett, that I would only ever be in his shadow, but you?” She smiled, her eyes glistening and half wild.
“You are his equal. The queen who owns his heart, who is his heart. Psychotic when it calls for it, matching him in every way, but soft too.”
I refused to let the emotions enter my face, but soft? I wasn’t soft. They trained me not to be soft. What did soft mean to her? Was it good? Was it a weakness? I didn’t want to be his weakness.
Weakness meant death, and if I caused his death?
If I caused his death, I would ruin this world.
Poppy inhaled sharply and straightened. “I’ve been with Azrael since 2017.
It was a challenge since the start, but I was prepared as much as one could be.
It wasn’t long before he started attending the church, actually.
Sometimes I wonder if our game ever would have started had he never found out about it.
He only ran because he didn’t want me getting to close while he started his research, as you know.
He couldn’t risk me coming in so early.”
“Who were you before him,” I asked, cutting her off. “Before Malachi.”
She went quiet, and I knew she knew what I said. She knew what I wanted, she was just trying to avoid it.