Chapter 3 #3
When the lift door opened, Damien closed his mouth. Insults wouldn’t get anything around here fixed. Godfrey stood waiting with a lightbulb. The burly maintenance man wore stained overalls. His black moustache and goatee had traces of dirt. A thick cloud of smoke followed him into the lift.
‘Reception,’ Godfrey grunted.
‘Heather will be delighted that you’re fixing the lights.’ Damien pulled the lever.
Delilah covered her nose, trying to make it look like a cough. ‘The water fountain is also broken –’
Godfrey snapped, ‘I’ve got seven floors of sins to look after, so mind your business.’
Delilah’s eyes narrowed. She spent the rest of the ride in silence, her nose buried in her shoulder.
At reception, Godfrey stomped out of the lift and threw the lightbulb at Heather’s desk. ‘Here. You can stop bugging me about your lights.’
Heather looked up. ‘I could use help changing the bulb too – you’re taller than me.’
He sighed very deeply at this imposition. ‘I’m busy. Call someone else on the crew.’
Delilah whispered, ‘If Godfrey is just a regular employee, then why does he talk like he’s better than the rest of you?’
Damien whispered, ‘I have a word for Godfrey but I’m not supposed to use profanity in front of guests.’
By the fifth failed attempt, Delilah had replaced her depression with a look of grim determination.
Eyes on the black light, she said, ‘I lost at the tables this time, but that’s okay.
I have to take a few risks to win big. I understand the dealer’s style and strategy now.
The ghostly hands don’t know how to bluff. That will be a fatal weakness.’
If only he could tell her that all her hard work would be for nothing. Turning away to hide his expression, Damien pulled the lever. The cable shrieked more horribly than usual. Delilah put her hands over her ears. The lights overhead flickered.
Nefertiti said, ‘A family of leaves was trying to change a lightbulb. A squirrel walked by and asked why they hadn’t changed the bulb yet. What was the leaf’s response?’
It was a more childish riddle than usual, and that made Damien pay attention. ‘We keep falling.’ He knelt down and petted her back. ‘Yeah, I’m worried about the lift too, but what can I do? Godfrey insists it’s in fine shape.’
Nefertiti vanished again, a sure sign she didn’t want to risk another ride.
‘I’ll tell Heather we had another near-blackout,’ Delilah said. ‘In fact, I’ll march to maintenance and bug Godfrey myself.’
‘That will put the fear of Purgatory in him.’ Damien chuckled. ‘Heather says you’ve stopped half a dozen of the most difficult guests from bothering her with your secret watcher rumours.’
‘It’s a shame they’re not real. I think that would be a better test of character.
I wish I could talk to whoever designed this hotel.
’ Delilah pinched the bridge of her nose.
‘Fine, the tests are supposed to be difficult – I get that – but at least make the poker game more interesting, maybe vary it up with some blackjack.’ She glanced over at him. ‘What was your test like?’
Damien hadn’t thought about it in years.
(Except late at night when he was unable to sleep, because ghosts didn’t sleep.) ‘I got sent to Floor Limbo. They placed me in a dull office cubicle where I had to fill in endless questionnaires. What food do you want for dinner? Red or pink shoes? Where would be your ideal vacation spot?’
‘Chicken Parmesan, red, Las Vegas,’ Delilah answered automatically. ‘I see how that would get boring really quickly.’
Damien had been less bored and more stressed. It took energy to make so many decisions, and he’d over-analysed each one, terrified that his preference for steak might mean he didn’t have enough compassion for farm animals and send him straight to Hell. His palms prickled just remembering it.
‘The questions never stopped coming. No one would tell me how many remained. Eventually I couldn’t keep going, so I left.
After that, I couldn’t face the idea of starting the test all over again from question one.
’ He shivered. ‘I applied for a job instead, and I’ve been operating this lift ever since.
’ The lift had freed him from further choices.
He couldn’t leave, so of course he couldn’t take his test again. The world became simple.
‘What a ridiculous test!’ Delilah’s arms waved as she expounded on her subject.
‘How does answering personal questions assess if you’re a good person or not?
And you are a good person, Damien, you’ve helped me out ever since I came here.
How does my test assess greed when I couldn’t keep the gold if I wanted to?
’ She patted his shoulder. ‘Good for you, opting out of an unfair system. You didn’t let them keep playing games with you. I respect that.’
Damien would have loved to reframe his failure as a civic protest against Heaven and Hell. But in truth, he’d been too scared to try again, convinced that surely he would fail. Just like how he was too cowardly to express his growing crush on Delilah.