20. Limbo
twenty
Limbo
EWAN
The monster is weakening. He has been for a long time now. Just like he grew stronger during his confinement, I'm growing stronger in mine, and he can no longer keep me locked down in my own mind, silent and subservient.
He's a creature of appetite, ruled by his simple needs, and such a mind is only as powerful as his urges. I have mapped the borders of his control, and I'm finding ways to the light. I'm fighting back, and that is the reason for his weakening.
I've been surviving at the back of my own body for too long, floating in limbo. I don't know how much time has passed. To me, it feels likes eons, but if I trust the leaves on the trees, only four seasons have come and gone. A year trapped in my own body.
Have people looked for me? My parents and siblings, no doubt.
After a week or two of silence, they must have travelled to Edinburgh to look for me and found my flat empty.
University must have told them I never came back to class.
Are my teammates from the rugby team worried?
Did they replace me already? Of course, they did. I've been gone for so long.
The only people who know of my fate are my friends at Lynch Hostel. Do they think I'm dead? Is James missing me or is it just wishful thinking?
I hope he does. Probably not as much as I miss him, but I'll take comfort in imagining he thinks about me sometimes. It was great while it lasted, wasn't it? What we both shared.
God I feel so lonely.
I wonder if anyone thinks about me now.
The monster's control slips, and I feel a sudden tingling in my hand. A sensation foreign now that I've been possessed for months. I know what it means. I focus and tighten my fist. The monster stops walking.
That's right, I think. This body is mine. My fingers tremble as I reach for my own neck and squeeze. Get out! I roar.
We're both struggling now, battling over the control of my flesh.
It's just one hand, but one hand can do a lot of damage, and I'm too far gone to care.
I just want it to be over. If I die now, at least I'll have a fighting chance against the spirit who kidnapped me.
Ghosts can face other ghosts, as proved by what the entities did to the monster when he died.
The monster is beating the hand I'm controlling with the other, trying to make me let go. He's growling like a beast, but I'm not relenting.
We fall on the ground as my vision darkens, and I hope this time it'll be the end my misery.
Once I'm dead, will I be able to travel to the hostel and haunt it? It would be lovely, to spend eternity in the place where I shared so many great memories with James and the others.
I feel my grip loosen as I lose consciousness.