8. Jacks
Chapter 8
L eo, Gabe, and Xan were late last night. At least they called to let me know, but damn, my lasagna was disgustingly dry by the time they got home. You can only keep pasta under the warmer for so long before you have a big noodle brick.
It’s just as well they brought takeout instead of trying to eat it. Though, once again, if they had let me know in advance I wouldn’t have bothered cooking.
Assholes.
Plus they were eating cookies, fucking thin mints–love those things. Leo and Gabe both denied it, but I could smell it. I wouldn’t have been so upset if they had just brought me some, but no. Stuck at home with no chocolatey mint deliciousness.
I am fine with getting takeout, but there is other shit that needs done too. If they aren’t even going to appreciate the time and effort I put in-
Full stop–I’m staring down at the mess in front of me, banana bread batter slopped over the side of the bowl. Taking my aggression out on baking is clearly not working. I set the mess aside and go to wash the crushed banana mixture off my hands before taking off my apron and dropping it in the top of the washer.
Reaching up to fist my now clean hands in my hair, I tug hard. I need to get out for a while. They don’t like me to leave the house, especially unsupervised. However, since I’ve taken over most of the household duties, I’m taking it upon myself to go to the grocery store. Maybe, if I am feeling particularly benevolent, I will take them all some lunch, after I buy myself a box of cookies–that I won’t share.
While part of me wants to pry the hard lasagna out of the pan and box it up, I know they would eat it, just to make me happy. So instead I go to the fridge and start getting out all the parts for an awesome loaded sub for myself…and the stuff to make Leo, Gabe, and Xander’s favorites. Because their taste is shit…but I digress.
Twenty minutes later I have bag lunches all packed up, two turkey and Swiss overloaded with veggies and some freaky sort of mayo called aioli for Leo. Roast beef and cheddar, plain for Gabe. Ham and cheddar with mustard, mayo, pickles, and onions for Xan–thank goodness I don’t have to breathe around him this afternoon. I toss in a few different flavors of chips, and some bottles of water and I am just a fucking happy homemaker. God, I would make the perfect fucking housewife, not that these assholes appreciate it. Oh, I should probably toss in a few fruits too; none of them eat enough fruit.
I leave the house at exactly 11:45. That should be just enough time to drop Leo’s lunch off at his office before his break, and make it over to the garage for Gabe and Xan’s before their 12:30 lunch break, then go by the store. We share the shopping app, but they never remember to update anything when they use it…we’re almost out of tortillas, if I want to make tacos this week. Everybody agrees on tacos.
Humming, I get into the Jeep, it really is overkill to take it, but I don’t want to walk six blocks back to the house carrying bags, or risk missing their lunchtimes. The whole needing a license thing is overrated anyway, I know how to drive, so everything else is legal shit.
Turning on the radio I crank the volume way up as Paint it Black comes on, before hitting the gas and bumping down the driveway. Ugh, I need to see about having a fresh load of gravel brought in. We live just outside the city limits–I use the term city loosely.
When we moved here a few years ago, we were able to get a few acres out of town, it’s not huge, but with Gabe's garage and Leo’s veterinary work, we are doing well enough. Xander works at the garage for, or with, Gabe–not sure how that works exactly. I know I heard the word nepotism thrown out once but fuck it, they went to college together, and the place could easily be Gabe and Xan’s Garage, but I don’t think Xan likes to have his name on government paperwork for owning anything. He is a bit of a freak, but I love him.
Singing along as the song switches over to Born on the Bayou , I pull into Furry Friends. Hopping out of the Jeep, I grab the first bag of food and an apple from the pile of fruit I brought. They always argue over who gets stuck with the orange when I bring them lunch, so fuck it, they don’t get a choice.
I swear sometimes it’s like dealing with toddlers–not that I actually know what that’s like–but I’ve heard it often enough to have an idea. I head inside and wave to Laura on my way through. She pales, but doesn’t dare say anything. Most people don’t talk to me–I’m not sure why, but whatever, just making a delivery, then I can be on my way.
I push my head into the main office looking around; a pretty beta with short brown hair is sitting at the desk texting on her phone.
“Hey, you seen Leo?”
She lets out a little scream, before turning startled brown eyes my way. “Crud, you scared the heck outta me,” she says putting her hand on her chest as if to hold in her runaway heart. “Yeah, sorry…um, Dr. Leo is with a patient right now, can I help you?” She has on her professional face, wondering why the receptionist didn’t tell me, but since I haven’t met this one before, I am going to guess she doesn’t know anything about Leo’s packmates yet. I smile my thanks and she pales slightly but keeps her professional going, gotta give her props for that. I’ve been told I look a little crazy when I smile. I don’t see it, but I rarely look at mirrors anymore, so maybe they’re right. My smile always feels forced unless it’s with my pack. Maybe I’m doing it wrong.
She starts to stand up, “Let me just go see if I can get him for you, ok?” she shuffles sideways past me to get out the door as fast as possible and almost runs down the hallway. In less than a minute Leo is stalking up the hallway, glaring at me. “What are you doing here, you know better than to be out without me or Gabe? Wait, is Gabe with you, I don’t…” He swivels his head around, doing a great impression of a black headed heron…and I can’t hold back the guffaw that bursts forth at that mental image or the look of confusion on his face at my outburst.
I clutch my stomach, trying to breathe through the laughter, and hold the bag out with the other hand. “Lunch,” I manage to get out through my reaction at his perplexed expression.
Fuck, some people have no sense of humor.
I shake the bag at him a few times until he takes it, and I finally manage to collect myself. The laughter tapering off to giggles and then fading completely.
“You okay, Jacks?” He puts his hand on my bicep, squeezing gently, and trying to make eye contact.
Eye contact makes me twitch, I don’t like it.. Hell, people in general make me twitch. But with my pack, I don’t expect them to do me dirty, so it’s ok, I can handle this.
“Yeah, just, dinner was a bust last night, and I wanted to bring you lunch. You didn’t tell me if you have any plans, I hope it’s ok.…I mean…you don’t have to eat it if you already have something going on.” I reach out to take the bag back, but he pulls it away.
“No, thank you. I…I appreciate it. I was just worried.” His hand slides up to cup my cheek, tilting my head so I have to look at him.
“No,” I know I sound like a surly kid, “My lasagna was ruined, you guys didn’t bring me any cookies, and I’m going stir crazy sitting at home all the time. I feel like I’m losing what’s left of my fuckin’ mind, and I just…why am I so broken?” I have no idea what brought on this sudden bout of introspection, maybe I’m just as bat-shit crazy as everyone thinks, but I hate the desperate pleading in my voice when I feel like this. Something is missing, something is broken, and I can’t fix it.
The last few weeks have felt like something is building up, and ever since last night it has felt like ants marching up and down along my skin–a deep inner itch–and I don’t know what’s wrong or how to fix it. I give up the fight, and lean into Leo, letting him wrap his arms around me, just breathing in his familiar scent for a few minutes and letting the comfort wash over me.
Finally, he pulls away, ducking his head to try to catch my eyes again.
“Ok, so, if you can give me 15 minutes to finish up this paperwork, we can go over to the park and have lunch, sound good?” Sometimes it feels like they are all waiting for me to break again. They have to handle me with kid gloves so I don’t fracture into a million pieces, and I understand, sort of. It already happened though, and while they helped me get my pieces all stuck back together, the cracks show if you look too close.
So nobody looks close. They all just pretend it’s normal, and try to ignore when everything spills out again.
Shit…he’s still looking at me…what was the question?
“Oh, I can’t. I have food for Gabe and Xan in the Jeep, and I gotta get over there before they go on lunch. But tonight–text me what you want for dinner, ok? I’m going to the store after this, and can get it picked up, yeah?” I’m pulling away because his face is turning a rather unsettling shade of red, and I can feel the frustration spilling through our pack bonds. Normally they all stay closed off, but sometimes things slip through and this has to be pretty strong for me to even get a taste of it.
He looks like he’s working himself up to a good rant, but I am trying to make it out of the building as fast as possible. He has to work here and we don’t need a scene. Making a break for it, I practically run out of the building–to the wide eyed stares of the people in the waiting room, and the slack jawed gape of Laura. I take a deep breath and let out what I am sure sounds like a mad cackle. Gods, I needed this, just the fresh air and to get out for a while. Or maybe it was feeling connected to my pack mates again. Things have been so busy lately, and affection has been strained. No one has time for snuggles on the couch or movie night anymore.
Taking a deep breath, I get into the car and buckle myself in. It’s only a couple of blocks, but I don’t want to add in any reasons to get pulled over. My foot on the brake, I reach up to put it in reverse and the pack bond blows wide open from Gabe’s end with lust.
I freeze.
Then drop my hands, take my foot off the brake, and take a couple of deep breaths. What the actual fuck…This is the most awkward erection I have had in a few years, especially since I have no idea what’s happening. Suddenly Leo is climbing in the passenger side of the Jeep.
“Go, we have to get to the garage, and Gabe.”