30. Candice
Chapter 30
X an is in a good mood. I can’t take all the credit for that. Apparently after he came home for lunch with Jacks and me, he went back to the garage and got two more interviews set up. He also called in a glass company to get my back door fixed, and I’ll need to be there most of Monday for the install. He says he just enjoys getting shit done, and I can relate to that.
I’m a little worried though, he and Leo and Gabe have all alluded to needing to sit down and have a long talk about Jacks and his sister. I know they want to discuss it before we go too much farther in our relationship, and that makes sense. In truth, I want to know more about all of them, but they’re worried this might be a deal breaker for all of us. Which is ironic since Jacks is the only one I’m completely comfortable with. It’s Friday, so hopefully this weekend we can get everything sorted out .
While part of me wants to reassure them that no matter what the problem is, it will be fine. I know deep down that isn’t true…sometimes things are not fine. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, things turn out bad. Sometimes happily ever after is just bullshit.
And now I am just depressing myself.
Do I not want to offer reassurance because of anxiety? I can think of at least three different scenarios where things aren’t going to be fine. Four…six if I dwell on it.
What if he is really sick, like, has some kind of horrible disease and is gonna die…oh fuck, I can’t lose him now, I need him.
STOP.
Take some deep breaths. Count of four in…and out.
I need to go find Jacks now and get a hug.
I unfold my legs and stretch. I’ve been sitting on the floor in my temporary room, sorting through sketchbook pages. I can’t express how much I appreciate Jacks and Xan doing all this for me. But like I told them, I know the stuff better than anyone, so I’ll need to be the one to sort through it all for where to put it. I might be able to trim some torn edges and put things in sheet protectors and a binder, or clean up and tip the pages back into the book…but first things first with sorting, then after my heat I’ll have plenty of time to take care of the rest of it.
Stretching my back and shoulders, I stand up and pad out into the hall and towards the stairs. I know I lose track of time when I’m working, but I am still surprised to see how dark it is outside the window. My stomach lets out a loud rumble, and I realize I haven’t eaten since after Xan went back from lunch.
Jacks jumps off the couch and wraps me in a hug as soon as I reach the bottom of the stairs.
“Are you ok? Did I do something wrong? Did one of them do something wrong? Are you pissed at us?” My mind spins with the rapid fire questions, and I bury my face against his neck, breathing him in to ground myself.
“No, sorry, I just got hungry and figured I should come see if dinner was ready.” Jacks and Xan exchange a look over my head, before Xan sandwiches me between them in another tight hug.
“Sorry love, I came by twice to tell you about dinner, and Jacks stopped in once…we just figure you were mad at us…sorry if we were too rough earlier.” He kisses my forehead and then leans over me to kiss Jacks too.
“Oh, shit…sorry. I don’t even remember you guys stopping in, I was just super focused.” I reach both my hands up to pull their faces down. “And I really enjoyed what we did earlier, like, a lot, so please don’t apologize. You apologize too much already”
Hello Kettle, this is the Pot calling, you’re black.
My stomach takes this time to give out another loud grumble and Jacks squeezes me tighter for a moment before letting go and heading toward the kitchen.
“I made you a plate, and put it in the oven, so it’s still warm. And it’s not lasagna so it should be fine.” He says looking pointedly at Gabe, still sitting on the couch–as he carries a plate out to the dining area for me and sets it down .
Not gonna lie, having a guy who can cook this well, and does so, for me, regularly–they are going to have to roll me out of this house if I don’t start exercising again soon.
I dig into a big slice of shepherd’s pie, and it’s so good. Xan heads back to the living room and sits down beside Gabe again, resuming whatever discussion I interrupted. Jacks seems intent on hovering until Leo comes over and tells him to sit down. He watches me intently as I finish dinner, offering me seconds, a drink, or dessert. All of which I decline. I glance over at the clock, and notice that it is already 7:30. I must have been really focused to have zoned out through them trying to call me down for dinner three times.
I let Jacks lead me over to the second couch and pull me into his lap, where he starts purring for me, and all I really want to do is curl against him and sleep. With my heat getting closer I get hungrier and my body is tired more often. But if we need to have The Talk before it hits, then we should do it now.
“Hey, Gabe,” I say, trying to pull out of Jacks’ snuggles. “The shop’s closed tomorrow, yeah?” It isn’t really a question I need answered, I know they’re closed tomorrow, but my mind is whirling with how to start this discussion and I know I’m stalling.
“Xan and I were thinking of going in, just to do some cleanup, and get organized for having to be out part of next week for your heat, why?”
Well, shit, there goes my knowing the answer .
“Oh, well, um, you said before we go through my heat we should talk to each other a little bit more about backgrounds…how you guys became a pack, how I started living with my Grandpa, stuff like that. And I wondered if you wanted to do that tonight, or this weekend…or…sorry, I’m not great at talking about myself.” I feel like my ears are on fire as I bury my face in Jacks’ chest, but he is suddenly stiff underneath me.
I swallow thickly, pulling away, suddenly worried I’ve said something wrong, as I climb off his lap and settle in at the other end of the couch. He puts his hand towards me and my stomach sinks when he suddenly lets it drop and stares intently over at Leo and Gabe.
Fuck, and I ruined the mood! Good job!
“U-Unless you d-don’t want to. I…I didn’t mean to pry. It’s just come up a few times, and with my heat next week, I just thought…” I trail off, nausea threatening to make the shepherd’s pie a return performance.
Xan comes to sit between us, turning to pull Jacks into a hug, and rocking him back and forth.
I hear murmurs and then Jacks, a little louder, “No, no, she needs to know, right. It wouldn’t be fair for her to get any deeper with my broken ass without knowing. But I..I can’t. Okay? I’m just…I’m gonna go.”
Xan is still wrapped around Jacks bigger body, but Jacks is standing up pulling him with him as he makes for the stairs. A fat tear rolling down his cheek. Xan finally lets him go, but watches him go upstairs and turn towards their shared room. I don’t hear the door close.
“I’m gonna go check on him, y’all can start without me.” He says before plodding after his mate.
Leo comes to squat in front of me, and takes both my hands, looking into my eyes. Even crouched down, he is still taller than I am sitting on the couch. I’m eye level with his chin right now, so I think this is as close as we are going to get unless he sits flat on the floor, and I don’t see the fastidious veterinarian doing that.
“It’s not your fault, you know.” He tells me, leaning down to kiss my forehead before sitting on the couch beside me, pulling me sideways into his lap, and wrapping his arms around me. Gabe watches us for a moment before he too comes over and sits beside Leo, behind me. He touches my shoulder, offering silent comfort before Leo continues.
“ We moved to Shreveport when I was 13, and Gabe was in my class...”
I didn’t realize that big tears were running down my cheeks as Leo finished talking.
My poor broken boy .
What the actual fuck .
“What happened to that bastard, the one who…” I trail off, I can’t finish.
Gabe speaks up behind me, hand still running up and down my spine. “He went to jail for a while. But he was young, and his parents argued that one mistake shouldn’t ruin his life. He was an alpha with a lot of promise, an athletic scholarship for college.”
His hand stops rubbing, and I can feel the tension in his arm where it rests against me.
“He got out after a couple of years, though, I’m honestly surprised that they convicted him at all. Fucking bullshit that he got off with a slap on the wrist after…” His choked sob makes me jump, and Leo continues, “Janey was basically an older sister to all of us. Gabe grew up next to her, and Jacks and Xan were friends for years before I even moved to the area.”
I’m aghast, “So that bastard is just running around free now, like nothing happened?” I stare up into Leo’s pinched face.
“No, he died about six months after he got out of prison.” I jump; I didn’t realize Xan had come back. He’s leaning on the banister at the foot of the stairs.
Gabe’s head snaps up, “What? Why didn’t I hear about that? What the fuck happened.”
“Car accident.” Xan looks indifferent about the subject, staring up the stairs, towards their bedroom.
“Brakes…” he mutters, then clears his voice to speak a bit louder .
“His brakes failed. He shouldn’t have been driving at night, not after he’d been drinking, and certainly not with his depth perception issues.” His dead stare swings back to Leo and his head tilts to the side as they lock eyes.
Gabe grunts behind me. “So, Little Omega, now you know. Jacks is kind of…broken. After everything went down he turned inward, he eventually got his GED and did online school for computer programming. Not that he needed it, but it was a good springboard for him to learn more. He doesn’t really leave the house.” There was a long pause. I tried to crane my neck to see him. “Well, until you. He gets in a mood every so often, twitchy and out of sorts, and Xan will take him in for a tattoo or a piercing.”
I turn again to Xan, feeling like my head’s on a swivel, but he’s walking towards us, stopping behind the couch, he leans around Leo and rubs his jaw over the top of my head. “He says when he gets a tattoo or a piercing the pain helps him feel.”
I barely recognize my own voice, “Feel what?”
“Just…feel.” Xan has finally lost that emptiness to his eyes, but the broken look that’s replaced it isn’t any better.
I take his hand and drag him around to the front of the couch to sit beside Leo. His legs unhinge and he collapses onto the cushion by my feet, his head falling into his hands. We all sit quietly, each of us deep in our own heads.
Finally, Xan scrubs his face a few times and raises his head, looking directly into my eyes. The intensity is unnerving .
“Bottom line, Pretty Lady, Jacks is broken, he wasn’t exactly normal before this.” He uses air quotes around normal. “But ever since Janey died, he's gotten worse. He takes care of us because he can’t take care of himself. He’s under some kind of fucked up belief that he owes us something because we were there for him after what happened, when his own family wasn’t. He doesn’t owe us shit, we all love him…Not like that you perv.” The corners of his mouth tip up in a smirk as he looks at me, but I know he’s just trying to lighten the mood.
Leo strokes my hair. “As Janey was like an older sister to us, so Jacks is the baby brother that neither Gabe nor I had. His family fell apart when she died, and we were there to pick up the pieces.” Gabe’s hand starts it slow trek along my spine again. “That’s why we needed to tell you love, we need you to understan’ that Jacks is part of us. He may be broken, but I think it’s pretty damned obvious to everyone how much he loves you already. And while we all want you here, he needs you. It’s just gonna get worse the longer your around. And if he helps you through your heat…well, it’d kill him if you found out about all this afterwards and left.”
I’m struck dumb for a moment…too surprised to react appropriately.
“Ok, what the actual fuck?” I slide out of Leo’s arms brushing away Gabe’s hand, and turn to stare hard at the three Alphas sitting on the couch. “You actually fucking think I would do that. Fucking seriously? ”
I start pacing, needing to move. “I know we haven’t known each other that long…but fuck me guys.”
I am breathing heavily and spots dance across my vision. I’m so livid my stupid accent has come out to play and it makes me even angrier.
Fuck, gotta calm down.
“Nice to know you have such a high opinion of me fellas. I care about Jacks. A lot…and while I will fully admit that how much I care about him already kind of scares the shit out of me…I just…Fuck…Really?!”
If looks could kill I would be surrounded by dead alphas. “You seriously think I could do that? Leave Jacks just because someone fucked up his life?”
I turn to Xan, “You think I would leave him because he’s not normal ?” I mimic his earlier air quotes.
“Cause let’s be honest, y'all aren’t exactly looking at the textbook normal omega. I’m squishy. I live alone–which is super illegal. I draw porn for a living. Lets not forget the depression, crippling social anxiety, and an aversion to physical contact.” I check each statement off on my fingers, staring into the eyes of a different alpha with each one.
“I would list my dark and disturbing sense of humor as well as my penchant for severely outdated music and antique cars as other down sides, but considering who I’m talking to, I don’t think those things are gonna be a problem.” My eyes jump from Xan to Leo to Gabe, daring any of them to challenge me .
Gabe looks like I slapped him, Leo is staring at his hands in his lap, and Xan is just grinning at me. I take a deep breath, trying to stabilize my scattered thoughts and harsh breathing.
“If that’s really all the confidence you have in me, then I’m out.” I walk towards the stairs, trying not to cry.
I hate angry crying. I can camp here overnight, and then head back tomorrow. Hell, if Xan and Gabe are gonna be gone maybe I can get Jacks to help me move my stuff over. I don’t want him to choose between his pack and me…but fuck these guys.
I skip the nest and go straight to my bed room, and like the calm fucking mature adult I am, I don’t slam the door. I do however pull all of my nesting material over into the corner on the far side of the bed, as far from the door as I can get, before I curl up into it and cry myself to sleep.
I wake up sometime later, and the room is dark. Strong arms are wrapped around me and I recognize the coffee and cinnamon scent that is Jacks—the only alpha in this house I am not pissed at. I drift back to sleep to the sound of his purr and the feel of its deep vibrations against my back.