Chapter 6 #2
Or why the jerk had to go and make it personal.
But something had clearly triggered him, so I put my feelings aside for the moment. Even though anxiety prickled my skin like nerve damage from an old wound, and my fear of hurt and loss reared its ugly head.
Max was hurting right now. And all I wanted was to stop it.
“Whatever you’re telling yourself I will or won’t do in your head, that’s not me. That’s your fear. And I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me about it. The only thing I want is honesty, remember? So I can decide what I can and can’t get past.”
To be fair, I also wanted his open-mindedness to resolving things with Kingston and Landon, and his help coming up with a plan to stop Drake, so we could get on with our why-choose lifestyle, but that seemed like a fight for a different day.
“She’s supposed to give me a birthday gift,” he snapped, practically spitting the words out as if they tasted like poison on his tongue. “She’s waiting in one of the rooms so I can unwrap her. How’s that for honesty?”
My eyes widened. “Well, it was definitely honest. But I’m assuming you told her you weren’t interested?”
His head snapped up, eyes meeting mine. “Of course, I did.”
I released a breath, relief flooding me that, even though we’d fought, he still wanted to assure me of his refusal with that much intensity.
But his admission didn’t seem to lessen his unrest.
“So, what’s the problem? No means no, Max. Even for girls.”
He stared at me, his dark eyes racing through a million thoughts, jumping between mine as he held my gaze. And I couldn’t make sense of what he was thinking, or what more there was to say. If he’d told her things were done between them, then that was that.
But my heart clenched when he dropped his eyes, and whispered words I didn’t expect.
“It’s not that simple, Quinn. Not here.”
Without hesitation, I went to the bed and sat beside Max, pulling one of his clenched hands from his lap and lacing his fingers with mine.
“It is that simple, Max. Always. It should be, at least. So, please, for your sake, if not mine, tell me what exactly that means before I spiral. Because right now I’m imagining her blowing you in a coat closet, and I—”
He scoffed, filled with hatred. “You think she’d deign to get on her knees in a closet?”
I frowned, struggling with the thought. “I did find that one hard to picture…Not that I wanted to think about it. Or enjoying doing so right now.”
His history with Vivian was the last thing I wanted inside my brain. I’d have to rinse out my skull with bleach after this conversation already.
“But why is that what everyone says about you?”
Pulling his hand from mine, he stood back up. “I don’t want to talk about this.”
I watched him pace the room again, seconds from throwing the first item he picked up. “Max, if this affects you this much, don’t you think it’s something you should share? Not even for us, but just for you. I’ve never seen yo—”
“Can’t you just let this one thing lie? It’s in the past. A rumor twisted by—” He growled. “I’m asking you not to push this, Quinn.”
His use of my name bothered me almost as much as his evasion, but something about the wild look in his eyes made it hard to get as angry as I wanted to be. Whatever this rumor was tied to, it had cut him deeply.
I took a deep breath and slowly let it out. “Okay, forget the rumor. Talk to me about why, if you told her you didn’t want that, Vivian expects you in her room.”
“It’s not—Vivian and I—”
He turned away from me, and I waited, giving him space.
I wanted to pick a fight. I wanted to do something—say anything—so he’d open up to me. But I didn’t know how hard to push without him running, and I didn’t want to go too far.
“I told you that you needed to leave.” He shook his head, staring out the window and refusing to look at me. “I told you we’d deal with whatever happened.”
“What does that mean, Max?” I rose from the bed. “You’re not honestly trying to claim that what Vivian wants you to do is on me, right?”
“That’s not what I said.” But something about the way he looked at me felt…different. “Quinn, just forget it.”
I froze on the carpet, just shy of reaching him.
“Max, I can respect it if you don’t want to talk to me about this. I understand if you’re hurt and angry with me because I didn’t tell you what had happened with them, but…” I walked toward the door to my room. “I do hope you’ll talk to someone about it. For you.”
I didn’t want to push him, but he made it sound like a hell of a lot more than a stupid rumor. He made it sound like things weren’t done between them, and like he had to go through with it. Unwrapping her gift.
Assuming that meant her legs, I also couldn’t sit there and pretend that type of secret was one I could get past. Not as bile rose in my throat. Not as my hands shook, or my chest tightened at the thought.
After what we’d shared, I couldn’t pretend this was okay.
Or that it didn’t hurt, even if we weren’t officially together.
Whatever the hell that meant at this point.
Maybe, given that I had feelings for two people besides him, that made me a hypocrite. But I’d been honest with him about my feelings for Kingston and Landon from the beginning. Even with keeping what happened between me and them a secret, I’d been honest about how I felt about losing my virginity.
And I’d been honest about how I felt about her.
I had to step back if he couldn’t share more.
Max turned around as I reached the door. “Wait. Where are you going?” His face fell. “Qu—Princess, stop. Don’t. Why does it have to be like that? Why can’t you let this go?”
“Why can’t you just talk to me?”
He scrubbed his face with his hands, shaking his head.
And I’d never seen him act like this. I wanted to give in, to have mercy on him, so whatever was tearing him up would stop.
But I couldn’t.
“It’s okay, Max. Whatever it is, I can see how hard this is for you, and I’m not going to push you to share with me.
” A hint of relief flashed across his face before he realized that didn’t mean I’d stay.
“But a secret like this? The thought of accepting that you might go through with it because you won’t talk to me? That’s really hard for me, too.”
His features hardened, his jaw working as he fought whatever he was facing in front of me. “Right. Because I’m not them. If I was, you’d be just fine with secrets.”
I sucked in a sharp breath. “If that’s what you think, then maybe you don’t know me as well as you thought.”
He glowered at the door to his room, like he wanted to leave. But before he could, or either of us could say anything else in the heat of the moment, I opened the door to my room.
It occurred to me I hadn’t asked him the biggest question.
Not outright.
“Are you going to do it?” I asked with my hand on the doorknob, gripping it tightly to stop the tremor in my fingers. “Are you going to let her…give you your gift?”
His silence echoed loudly between us, but when his features crumbled, his voice breaking as he stepped toward me, my heart ached as if he’d reached into my chest and pummeled it.
“Quinn, please, I—”
“Oh.” My chin trembled, my whole body shaking as what he was telling me sank in. I forced it still, lifting my head higher and staring him right in the face. “So much for being the only one here who hasn’t hurt me, then. Huh?”
I turned and walked out of his room, sealing myself inside my own. Leaning against the door, I locked it.
A loud crash came from the room behind me.
What he’d been holding shattered into pieces, and I bit down hard on my cheek, smothering the small cry fighting its way past my lips.
But I still heard the muffled sound of his.
And he didn’t come after me this time.
Somehow, that made it hurt even more.