Chapter 11 #2
I drew in an inhale with a hiss. This girl definitely didn’t pull her punches.
I scoffed as I shoved my hands into the front pockets of my jeans and shrugged.
“I have to. I’m a Morrison.” Saying Dad’s line felt like acid on my tongue.
It was lame and a cop-out but what else was I supposed to do?
Her jaw worked as she crossed her arms over her chest. “You could have told him. You could have tried to explain.”
I shook my head in frustration. Out of everyone I knew, I would have figured that Collette would understand why I had to bail. She understood the pressure I felt to please my father.
But what did I know? After all, I thought she was single and I was apparently very wrong about that. I was such a fool.
“Explain what? That I like playing guitar? What would that change? He still wouldn’t have let me skip the most important meeting of my life.”
Was I exaggerating? Maybe. But that was how my dad would see it. This was everything I’d been working toward. This was everything he’d been dreaming about.
“This is your first chance to play with the band. You’ve been practicing every day, to do what? Never play live?” she said, scowling up at me like I was the enemy here. “What’s the point of practicing if no one will ever hear you play? Is that the kind of future you want?”
Was she serious? How could she say these things to me when she was doing the exact same?
It stung, hearing these words escape her lips. How could she ask me to pick between my future and music? How was this any different than what my father was doing?
“The meeting with the recruiter is my future,” I shot back.
I looked around, noticing the stares we were starting to get and let out a long exhale to relax.
Why was I even defending myself? Of course I’d rather play with the band then stand around being scrutinized by my father’s friends at his ridiculous party, but for some reason, her reaction to me had me on the defense.
This was stupid. We needed to talk, somewhere away from all the prying eyes.
“Come on,” I said, snagging one of her hands and dragging her after me as I took off toward the locker rooms. There was a back exit that led directly to the parking lot but no one went out that way, preferring instead to gather up front to mingle and congratulate the team.
We turned two corners before she tugged her hand out of mine. “I don’t need you to hold my hand.” Her words sounded tough but her tone was soft. Broken.
I stopped to face her. “What is going on here?”
Her face was flushed, dark curls escaping from her ponytail and framing her face. She looked so pretty…or she would have if she wasn’t shooting death glares in my direction. “You’re dragging me down a dark hallway.”
I huffed. “Don’t play dumb. You’re pissed at me—”
“Of course I am,” she interrupted. “You had the perfect opportunity to step up to your dad and tell the truth for once in your life and—”
“For once in my life?” I echoed. “Since when am I the bad guy here? Yeah, I’ve been lying to my dad about our private sessions, but you’ve been lying too.”
Her mouth snapped shut and I felt an inexplicable surge of guilt. “It’s not the same,” she said.
“How?” I threw my hand out to the side. “Seriously, how is this not the same?”
Her cheeks turned red with anger as she took a step forward and jabbed me in the chest. “It's totally different for you. You could pursue your dreams if you wanted to.” She shook her head. “Your dad’s opinion is the only thing standing in your way. If you wanted to be a musician, you could go to Juilliard.”
I stood there stunned by the sheer anger in her voice.
At first, I thought her anger was because of me, but now, I was beginning to think this was about something completely different.
Something I didn’t quite understand, but I wanted to.
Oh, how I wanted to understand this beautiful, complex woman in front of me.
I took in a breath, trying to calm my anger before I spoke.
“You’re right it is different for me, because I don't have dreams of making this my future or my career. You do,” I said. “Yale is my future. Juilliard is yours.”
“Don’t you get it?” Her expression was pinched with anger, and the pain in her eyes was hard to witness. “I can’t be a dancer”. She gestured to her body. “I will never be a dancer—”
“You don’t know that.” Why did she keep saying this about herself? She was amazing, she had to know that.
“I do,” she whispered. Her anger had morphed into pain. Deep, soul crushing pain. It was etched on her face. “I’ve been told that on a daily basis for years by people who know.”
“Well, they’re wrong. They’re idiots, and—”
Her snort of disgust cut me off. “You don’t know anything about my world so please don’t lecture me.”
“I wasn’t trying to—”
“You live in this perfect world where everyone falls all over you.” She wrapped her arms around her middle. “Including me.”
I almost missed the last part because she’d said it so quietly. Almost to herself. My heartbeat changed from one of frustration to one of hope. But doubt crept in just as quickly and I began to fear I was making things up in my head.
But I needed to know. “What did you say?” I asked.
She stared down at the ground and frustration had me clenching my hands into fists to keep from shaking her. “Why didn’t you reply to my last text?”
Her head shot up. “What?”
I thrust a hand through my hair, which was still wet from the showers. I took a deep breath and tried for calm. “Did you read it?”
She shook her head, her eyes focused on my T-shirt now, like she couldn’t quite meet my eyes.
“I asked if you have a boyfriend.”
Her eyes flickered up. “Were you mocking me?”
I narrowed my eyes as I tried to make sense of this non sequitur. “What? When?”
She licked her lips and glanced away. “Forget it. I shouldn’t even care.”
“Care about what? What am I missing here?”
“You know, I thought…” I watched her swallow and try again. “We’ve been hanging out alone so much that I guess I just forgot…”
I stepped closer, gripping her arms so she would look up at me. “What are you trying to say?”
“I saw you with those cheerleaders,” she said. “That’s the kind of girl you like, right? I don’t know why I thought…” She closed her eyes and took a step back so my hands fell to my sides.
I had this horrible feeling like I was watching her slip away even though she was standing right here. “Collette Boucher, do you or do you not have a boyfriend?”
She bit her lip and then she looked up at me and my heart freakin’ took a tumble off a cliff. I was falling. My whole body felt like it was free-falling.
“No,” she said softly, and relief nearly knocked me over. “But—”
I gripped her arms again and I pulled her close. I didn’t wait to hear her buts. I wanted to feel her lips on mine. I wanted…her.
I let instinct take over as I stepped forward and cradled her cheek with my hand. I leaned forward, desperate to show her in one kiss everything that I felt.
Collette was quick-witted and snarky, but this was one conversation I knew I could win.
I pressed my lips to hers and electricity shot throughout my entire body. From the gasp that escaped her lips, I knew she felt it too. At first, she was hesitant, like she didn’t know what to do, but then, her hands made their way to my shoulders and then the back of my neck.
I took that as my cue to deepen the kiss. Everything about Collette, from the way she tasted to the way her body fit perfectly against mine, made me realize that out of the mess that was my life, Collette was the only perfect thing that existed.
I kissed her deeper, slanting my lips over hers as a surge of something so pure hit me, it had my head spinning.
My arms ached with the realization that at some point, I was going to have to let her go.
I slid my hands to her back and held her tight, reveling in the feel of her soft skin and her warm lips and the sweet sincerity in the way she kissed me back.
I could have kissed her like that forever, but she pulled back. She blinked once. Twice. And then she was staring up at me with wide eyes that were filled with…
Fear.
My chest tightened as I worried what that meant. I could feel her pulling away and there was nothing I could do about it. I went to reach for her but she took another step back, shaking her head. “I don’t…I don’t know what that was.”
“You’re amazing, Collette.” I took a step forward but she started backpedaling quickly.
“No, I’m not,” she said. “Please stop.” Her hands were raised as if she were worried I’d keep advancing.
“You are.” A strange sort of desperation crept into my voice as I tried to make her see how I’ve been feeling these past few weeks. Surely she’d felt it too, right?
She had to have felt it too.
Her eyes met mine and she shook her head.
“I’m not amazing. You don’t know what you’re saying.
I’m not…” Her voice trailed off as tears brimmed her eyelids.
Then she shook her head and glanced up at me.
I could see the determination in her gaze.
“You barely even know me and I…I definitely don’t know you. ”
She took off before I could stop her but her words stayed. They lingered and they stung.
Hurt lanced through me at what I knew she’d meant. I’d let her down when I hadn’t stood up to my dad. I’d failed her and now she saw who I really was.
She’d seen the real me…and she wanted nothing to do with him.