Chapter 15
FIFTEEN
ETHAN
To say I was miserable was an understatement. It was strange. I knew I should hate Collette for treating me that way. I knew I should hate Bianca for ruining our moment.
I knew I should hate my team for putting me in this situation in the first place.
But I didn’t.
I was just…numb.
Ryan must have noticed my mood during lunch on Thursday because suddenly he shouldered me. Annoyance shot through me and I growled as I glanced over at him.
“What?” I barked.
He raised his eyebrows. “Whoa. What’s with you?”
I shoved my tray away from me and leaned back against my chair and folded my arms. “Nothing.”
He studied me like he didn’t believe a word I said. I just shrugged as I finished off my Coke and crumpled the can with my hand. The jagged metal jabbed into my hand and made me feel something. I wasn’t going to lie, it felt good.
“Whatever, man,” Ryan said as he threw up his hands. “Are you coming tonight or not? I don’t want to deal with a prima donna and if you’re going to be moody, don’t come.”
I cleared my throat as I glanced over at my friend. Sure, I was being a jerk. But I was hurting. In a way that I’d never hurt before. Losing Collette was one of the worst things to happen to me. Which just made me sound pathetic.
Maybe she was right. I did live a cushy life. The worst thing that happened to me was my dad not letting me play guitar. I was lame and Collette knew it. That’s why she never called or texted after I left the studio on Monday.
And I didn’t blame her. I wouldn’t call me either.
I sighed and shrugged as I pushed around some crumbs on the table in front of me. “Sorry. I’m just…going through something.”
Ryan fell silent and when I looked over at him, I saw a spark of sympathy.
“Your dad?” he asked.
If there was any of my friends who understood what it was like to have a rocky relationship with his father, it was Ryan. At least for me, my dad was still in the picture. Ryan’s bounced in and out of his life like a ping pong ball that was hit too hard.
“Yeah, that and other things.” I was always going to have a problem with my dad, but right now, my frustration with my father was the easier of my rocky emotions to understand.
“Ah,” Ryan said, his typical, obnoxious demeanor returning.
“That hottie from the dance school haunting your thoughts?” Then he leaned in and gave me a wicked smile.
“Because she’s haunting my dreams. I keep imagining her as the teacher and I’m the tardy student.
” He made an obnoxious whipping sound, completely oblivious to the fact that I was glaring at him.
Anger coursed through me as I imagined Collette being the star of his raunchy fantasies. “You dream about Collette?” I felt my hand fisting as it rested in my lap. He was my friend but I had no problem decking him.
Ryan furrowed his brow. “Who’s Collette?” Then recognition passed over his face. “Oh, that chunky girl from the hallway? You have a thing for her?”
His words had me standing and towering over him. “Don’t call her that.”
Ryan’s eyes widened. “Call her what? Chunky? Isn’t that why she isn’t allowed in that ridiculously prissy school?” Ryan raised his hands. “It’s not a bad thing. She’s hot too.” His gaze landed on my fist and then back to my face.
“Calm down,” Cooper said on my other side as he rested his hand on my shoulder.
I stared Ryan down but then realization passed over me. Punching my friend wasn’t going to make me feel better. Punching Ryan wasn’t going to bring Collette back.
So I growled, grabbed my backpack, and headed out of the lunch room.
Once I got to my locker, I punched the metal, allowing the feeling of pain to shoot up my arm.
Then I sighed as I leaned against it and closed my eyes.
I was an idiot if I thought fighting was the answer to my solutions.
If anything, it would just result with me in detention and an extra lecture about keeping up appearances from my dad.
And with the way I was feeling, anything my dad had to say would just tick me off more.
“Are you about done throwing a fit?” Ryan’s voice piped up from behind me.
I opened my eyes and turned to see that he was approaching me cautiously. Feeling defeated, I shrugged and focused my attention on opening my locker. “What do you want?” I asked as I swung the door open and stared aimlessly inside.
When Ryan didn’t speak right away, I peered over just to make sure he was still there. And he was, leaning against a nearby locker with his hands shoved into the front pockets of his jeans. His brow was furrowed as he studied me.
“You made a promise to me, dude. You told me you’d play with my band. I paid the deposit and everything. Where am I going to get someone else on such short notice?”
I sighed as the responsibility to help everyone else but myself settled on my shoulders. Ryan wanted me to stick it to my dad and play in his band. Coach Reynolds wanted me to be a better leader. Dad wanted me to be the perfect Morrison. And Collette? Well, she wanted everything but me.
My life sucked.
Also, I sucked because I’d been hemming and hawing over this stupid gig all week. I’d been avoiding giving Ryan a straightforward answer because I hoped…
Ah heck, I didn’t know what I’d hoped. That my life would magically sort itself out?
Life didn’t work that way. “I wish I could but my dad set up this thing with a recruiter. I told him I had something else going on but…you know my dad. He’s a loser.
” I shoved my hands through my hair and shrugged.
Ryan snorted in a mocking way and it just made the heat under my collar burn hotter. I turned and glared at him.
“What?” I asked.
Ryan didn’t flinch. Instead, he straightened and met my gaze with as much stubbornness as I was dishing out.
“You’re the reason your life sucks, dude,” he said as he reached out and shoved my shoulder.
I glared at him. He had no idea why my life sucked. “Just leave me alone,” I said as I turned to face my locker.
“Why? Man, I’m so sick of your martyr act.
You seriously have every opportunity laid out in front of you.
” He raised his voice in a mocking manner as he grasped his hands and placed them next to his cheek.
“I’m Ethan. My dad wants me to go to Yale and I not only have the grades for it, but the money as well.
I’m the quarterback of the football team and a hot ballerina wants me.
I have ridiculous talent when it comes to music but my life still sucks. ” He blinked his eyelashes a few times.
And I wanted to punch him.
“That’s how you see me?” I asked.
Ryan straightened and cleared his throat as a sophomore walked past, eyeing him like he was crazy.
He shot her a smile and then glanced back at me.
“Pretty much. You’d get everything you want if you’d just stand up for yourself.
Life is hard. No need to make it worse by putting limitations on yourself. ”
He shifted and pulled his backpack strap up higher on his shoulder. “It’s pathetic and lame.” Then his expression turned serious. “And my friend, Ethan? He’s not pathetic and lame.”
I stared at him. I hated it, but he was right. Not wanting to admit it, I turned to my locker and focused my attention on the few books I had lined up on the top shelf. So many thoughts were swirling around in my mind and yet I had no idea how I was going to say any of them.
Ryan was right, my problems started and ended with me. If I wanted a different life, I needed to be forward about it. Even if that meant disappointing my dad.
The bell rang and Ryan sighed as he shifted his weight.
“I really hope to see you tonight. I’ll keep a mic open for you. But if not, I get it as well. My life will go on.” His hand landed on my shoulder. “Just know that I don’t think you’re a wuss like your dad does. You’re so much more than a junior senator to his president.”
He squeezed my shoulder and left.
I stood in front of my locker, a turmoil of emotions crashing into me as I tried to process what I was going to do.
Truth was, I was sick of living in my father’s shadow. I was tired of trying to live up to his expectations. But what did I know about my future? How did I know if my plans were really what I wanted?
How does anyone know?
Maybe it had just been easy, following the path my parents wanted. At least then, I didn’t have to worry about failing. They were a safety net that I was used to having and the idea of jumping without the knowledge that they were there scared me.
More than I wanted to admit.
I guess Collette and I had more in common than I thought. My parents and their plans for me were my own personal hoodie. If I truly cared about Collette, I’d take my own advice. I’d get over the stupid insecurities that were holding me back and I’d be the man I wanted to be.
I’d be the man Collette deserved.
My heart pounded as I slipped into my parents’ room that afternoon. I wasn’t normally a ninja, but right now, I didn’t want to face my father and his disappointment. But I also didn’t want to lose Yale and my potential to go there.
Sure, I’d decided that I didn’t want my parents to dictate my life but I also didn’t want to throw my future away. Being a rock star really didn’t pay like being a lawyer did. And I wasn’t na?ve to think I had enough talent or musical ambition to make it big.
Truth was, I wasn’t sure what I wanted for my future, other than Collette. I guess I just wanted the chance to figure it out for myself. College was the ideal place to do that, and a great university would offer every opportunity I could imagine.
So I settled with the next best thing. Sneaking around behind my parents’ backs. There was a chance I could still meet with the recruiter and play in Ryan’s band. If my plan worked.
My parents’ room was still and pristine. I felt like I was walking into a hospital room with how white and shiny all their surfaces were. My parents took appearance seriously—even into their bedroom.
I rolled my eyes as I tiptoed over to my dad’s desk and began to riffle through his papers on it. Bills. Proposals. Emails.
All of it was boring stuff. Not at all what I needed.
I turned my back on the door and focused on the bulletin board above Dad’s computer. I was looking for the recruiter’s number or information. Any way of getting a hold of him. Or her. I wasn’t really sure.
“What are you doing?” Chrissy’s voice made me jump.
I knocked over a container full of pens as I whipped around. Wincing, I scrambled to keep them from falling on the ground. “Geez, Chris,” I said as I glared at her.
She giggled as she walked over and helped me clean up. “What are you doing?” she asked again.
When we finished putting everything back in place, she straightened and folded her arms. I knew that look. She wasn’t going anywhere.
I sighed as I turned my attention back to searching. “I’m looking for something.” I hoped that would appease her, but it didn’t and when I glanced over at her, I saw her raised eyebrows and her finger tapping her forearm.
“Okay,” I responded. “I’m looking for the contact info of the Yale recruiter.”
“Why?”
“I want to invite them to something.” I shot her a pleading look. “Can you help me?”
She narrowed her eyes. “If you tell me what the something is, I’ll tell you what I know.”
I scoffed. I did not appreciate the shake down my little sister was giving me. But on the other hand, I was proud of her tenacity. “Ryan wants me to play with his band tonight. If I invite the recruiter as well, two birds, one stone.”
She furrowed her brow. “There are birds in the band?”
“What? No. It’s just a saying.”
She snorted. “Yeah, an old saying.” Then she stepped forward and lifted the corners of the paper and let them fall.
“I fulfilled my end of the bargain. Now it’s your turn.”
She studied me and then nodded. “Well, I don’t know his number but I know his name. Will that help?”
I pulled out my phone as my heart began to pound. I found my search tab and pressed it so the cursor was ready. “Yeah, that will work. What’s his name?”
Chrissy sighed. “But Dad is going to freak, Ethan.”
I held her shoulders and bent my knees so I could look her straight in the eyes. “I’ll deal with Dad. I’ll explain everything to him later.”
She bit her lip. “When?”
I squeezed her shoulders. “When it’s too late for him to stop me.”
Her tension faded with a grin. “Boris Blakely.”
I nodded as I typed his name. Then I added “Yale” at the end and a few seconds later, I found his information on the school website.
I glanced up at the clock and saw that it was only two o’clock.
I still had a chance of catching him before he left.
Or at least his receptionist would know how to get a hold of him.
As the phone started to ring, I moved toward Chrissy and waved her out. I couldn’t wait to get to the safety of being anywhere but snooping around in my parents’ room.
As soon as I’d latched the door to my bedroom the ringing stopped and a high pitched and preppy voice asked, “Mr. Blakely’s office. How can I help you?”
I closed my eyes as I pumped my fists in the air. I was finally taking control of my future and it felt great. I could have my cake and eat it too.
Just watch.