Chapter 9
Unknown: Not really my business, but if I were you, I’d want someone to warn me. Your boyfriend had a blonde over at his house. And honestly? She was stunning. He looked downright relieved you weren’t there.
I stare at the message. Not blinking. Not breathing… but not buying it.
My thumb hovers over the screen before I swipe it away in frustration.
Again.
They found me again.
I scrubbed everything, haven’t been on social media in years, changed my number countless times, and kept to myself, but the trolls always manage to find a way back.
“Earth to Honey?” Jenni waves her hand in front of my face, her blonde hair swinging as she leans across the lunch table. “You've been staring at your phone for like, a full minute. Did you even hear what I just said?”
I slip my phone into my pocket and force out a smile. “Sorry, I’m just… distracted.”
“Is everything okay?” Her eyes narrow slightly as everyone around us packs their bags. “You seem off today.”
I suck in a harsh breath, the tension from my discussion with Zach last night still sitting heavy in my chest. I call it a discussion because it wasn’t an argument—we didn’t raise our voices.
Once he got over the initial shock, he was actually supportive.
So why does the conversation keep replaying in my head like I got something wrong?
You’re too creative for that. You’ll hate it.
I might hate law, but if it frees Tiff and Ella… then why not? What else do I have to offer people if not a way out? The only class sparking my attention is Creative Writing, and even then, I’m not sure if it’s because I’m any good or because it’s the only class I actually have friends in.
“You look like you’re about to hurl,” Jenni says, scooting closer. “Want to talk about it? I’m great at fake psychology and really mediocre advice.”
I let out a breath, trying to steady myself.
Zach says I shut down too much. That I disappear into myself and expect people to understand what I won’t say out loud.
The only other person who could ever reach me was Olivia, and I haven’t talked to her in weeks.
It’s not her fault. It’s just hard when we’re both at colleges on opposite sides of the country.
Besides, if I try to talk to her about it, she’ll bring up all the other issues surrounding my father. The same issues that Zach brought up.
No. I need someone who isn’t close to the situation to help, and so far, Jenni hasn’t done anything to betray my trust. In fact, she’s the only one who’s genuinely tried to help me. Maybe it would be good to have someone else besides Zach on this campus I can talk to.
“Okay,” I say slowly. “It’s my boyfriend.”
Jenni smirks. “Oh, your boyfriend. Yeah, I heard about him.”
“Y-you did?”
I knew it was too good to be true. She knows all about Zach, doesn’t she?
“Chris mentioned you had one the other day.”
“He did?” A flicker of guilt trickles down my spine. Not only did I judge her, but they were talking about me behind my back. I hate it. I hate that my mind always goes to the thought that they must be bitching about me.
She hid it? She’s too good to tell us who her boyfriend is? Doesn’t she trust us?
“He didn’t say much,” Jenni interrupts me mid-spiral with a shrug. “We thought it was weird since you never mentioned him before.”
“That was kind of the point,” I say despondently.
“Why? Is he not a nice guy?” she asks quietly.
“No. It’s nothing like that. He’s a great guy, it’s just—”
Well, here goes nothing.
“He’s, uh, well, he’s kind of a big deal here.”
Jenni raises a brow, and I wait for a second. Mainly for her to finally admit that she knows who he is, but nothing happens. She just continues to stare at me blankly.
“He’s the quarterback for the football team. Zach Evans.”
“Zach Evans. Zach Evans. Zach Evans,” Jenni repeats, her brows knitting together. “The name sounds familiar, but I can’t place him. Is he the main quarterback?”
Main quarterback? Does she know anything about football?
“You sure? There’s literally a poster of his face outside the lunch hall.”
She whips her head toward the door, and I have no doubt she can see his face through the small window slits on the door.
The poster is huge. That’s when I see it all clicking together.
“Wait, that blond guy is your boyfriend?” she chokes out, staring at the door in surprise.
“I didn’t realize he actually went here.
I thought he was just some random model or something—”
She stops before she finishes the sentence.
For some reason, her reaction hits me hard, because if Jenni doesn’t know who Zach is… then she really does just see me.
“Nope,” I say with a pop and watch her reaction carefully. “He’s my boyfriend.”
I see her expression shift from shock into intrigue.
“Wow.”
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “When people find out, they tend to… change.”
“What do you mean?”
Taking a look around, I make sure no one can hear me before I continue.
“It’s like…” I pause, searching for the right words.
“When people find out I’m with Zach, something shifts.
Their tone, their body language, hell, even the way they look at me.
Girls who used to smile in passing suddenly pretend I don’t exist.”
“Seriously?”
“Strangers are the worst.” I let out a bitter laugh. “They either hate me or want something from me. There’s no middle ground anymore. I stopped being a person and became a… name in someone else’s story.”
Jenni frowns. “That’s insane.”
To emphasize the point, I pull out my phone, swipe to my messages, and slide it across the table.
“Here. This is what I mean.”
Jenni scrolls through the random numbers who have texted me over the last year. I’ve changed my number five times since I started here, but it’s all the same.
“This is…” She pauses on one and reads it. “Hope you’re enjoying your spot as placeholder?” She looks up. “That’s messed up.”
“That’s one of the nicer ones.”
I take the phone back before she sees anything worse.
“I deleted my social media back in high school after my ex-boyfriend, Jamie, cheated on me.”
“Girl, same. I haven’t been on social media since I found the DMs my high school boyfriend was sending other girls.
After that, he tried to gaslight me through Instagram stories, so I deleted him and the app.
I hate the asshole, but it doesn’t make it easier to see him online, flaunting his new relationship.
It feels like he’s mocking me, you know? ”
I find myself nodding, maybe a little too quickly.
Her words ease a part of me I didn’t realize still felt so raw.
She actually gets it. The cheating, the lying, the way it makes you feel crazy even when you’re right.
I know I should be over everything that happened with Jamie.
I’ve been with Zach for a year, but sometimes it still feels raw when people bring up my past, or make up shit about it.
“I just wish those girls would stop looking for more ways to find me.”
Jenni leans forward, her voice softer now. “Why would anyone come after you just because you’re dating a quarterback? I mean, he’s cute and all, but there are plenty of cute guys on campus. Chris being one of them.”
She raises her brow pointedly, and she’s right. There are plenty of good-looking, athletic guys at St. Michael’s, but Zach is different.
“It’s not his looks. It’s because he’s Zach Evans,” I say with a sigh. “He’s been put on a pedestal by the college, and the money he’s earning from his NIL deals is public. People want him, and they think I’m in their way.”
She’s quiet for a moment, and that same flicker of doubt comes creeping up my spine. Have I said too much?
She reaches for her water, takes a sip, and says, “So you’ve basically been living in a football-induced fishbowl and didn’t tell me, because you were what? Afraid I was going to lose my mind over your boyfriend?”
I nod, but the way she says it makes me almost embarrassed for thinking like that in the first place.
“It’s just easier sometimes,” I say. “To be anonymous.”
She shrugs. “Honestly, I don’t blame you. The girls on this campus are thirsty for blood without you being some football hunk’s girlfriend. Adding that dynamic makes everything ten times messier, and you don’t deserve to be collateral damage for someone else’s spotlight.”
“Thanks,” I mumble.
Then Jenni gives me a knowing smile. “Makes sense now, though. Why you were so quiet and private when we first introduced ourselves.”
“Yeah…sorry.”
She shifts in her seat and leans forward. “Is that why you’ve been weird lately? Did something happen with Zach?”
I hesitate, chewing the inside of my cheek, not sure I should say more, but something about her smile makes me feel safe enough to express myself. “We talked last night about some stuff.”
“Did you fight?”
“No. It wasn’t really a fight, but it kind of felt like one.”
Jenni watches me closely. “Is he giving you crap about something?”
“No. Not exactly.” I glance down at my water bottle, twisting the cap.
“We’re just figuring things out. He wants me to move in with him, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that level of commitment.
Everything around here is clouded by Zach.
” I scrunch my nose, feeling like I’m not articulating myself well.
“I just want something that’s just mine, you know? ”
“Oh,” Jenni says slowly. “And do you have any ideas what might give you more ownership?”
“I’ve been offered an internship,” I blurt. “At a law firm which would count toward my credits this year.”
Jenni perks up instantly. “Oh, my goodness! That’s incredible. People would kill for an opportunity like that.”
“Mhm.”
Maybe they would. Maybe they’d deserve it more than me too. I don’t deserve it. I don’t know if I even want it, but here I am contemplating selling a piece of myself just to protect the people I love.
Zach would do it without thinking, and yet, here I am, still contemplating it over a week later.