Chapter 6 #2
I close my eyes, shaking my head. Again. Yet again, other people are choosing my life for me.
Dr. Reeves would tell me to set a boundary with Olivia, but what the hell am I supposed to do? The damage is done. I’m on this cruise ship. He’s on it, too. Getting angry at her would only burn down the only functioning relationship I have at this point.
“Was the pregnancy thing even real? Or did you just make that up, so I’d come here alone?”
Silence.
“Liv.”
I hear her take a deep breath. “I mean, technically there is a rule about how far along you can be, but Mike's a lawyer, and we were planning our baby for a while. He checked everything before we booked. I’m technically safe to go, but after thinking about it, I’m not sure it would’ve been right anyway.
With all the morning sickness in the first trimester, I don’t want to risk feeling sick the entire time, you know? ”
My stomach churns.
“Unbelievable.” I press my palm against my forehead. “So you all conspired to trap me on a cruise ship with my ex-boyfriend, and didn’t bother to give me a heads-up?”
“Well, you wouldn’t have gone if we had.”
“That’s exactly the point.”
“This is so bad.”
“It’s not that bad.”
“It is bad, Liv!”
“Or,” she says hopefully, “it's fate? It's that universe using its mallet again.”
“Did you rehearse this with Zach? He said almost exactly the same thing.”
“We didn’t rehearse, but maybe the fact that we're all saying it means something?”
I let out a long breath, staring at the ceiling. The room sways gently with the ship's movement. My stomach churns again, but there’s no rush to the bathroom, so I must be feeling a little better.
“I can't believe you did this,” I say quietly.
“Really?” Her voice goes soft. “You can’t? You dated Zach—surely you knew it could be a possibility.”
I shake my head even though she can’t see me.
“Madison mentioned the cruise to him, and then when he got the idea in his head, we couldn’t talk him out of it. Believe me, Mike tried, multiple times, but the guy was hell-bent on spending the next two weeks with you.”
It should sound romantic. It doesn’t.
“Did you know he offered us a million dollars for my ticket? A million, Honey.”
“Did you take it?”
“Of course not. We gave it to him for free. Told him it was our wedding gift to you.”
“We’re not—”
I don’t finish that sentence. Honestly, I don’t know how to right now. Clenching my fist in annoyance, I blow out a breath that’s supposed to be calming. It’s not.
“He really does love you, Honey,” she continues as if I don’t already know that. “We all see it, and we think—I think maybe you do too.”
“There’s no question that I love him. He’s the first person who made me feel seen, and I know he loves me. That's never been the problem. The problem is, I still haven't figured out who I am without that love, and the longer I put it off, the longer this pattern keeps going.”
“I get that, Honey, and I want you to have this, but you’ve been dangling yourself in front of Zach since you broke it off with him.
Either cut him off completely or do the work with him by your side.
What you're doing now is just hurting both of you. I’m not sorry we did this.
If anything, I think this might force you to figure your situationship out. ”
“I don't dangle myself in front of him, and we’re not in a situationship.”
“You’re not? Didn’t you kiss him when you told him you were transferring out of St. Michael's?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. I knew I shouldn’t have told her.
“That was a mistake, and I told him as much.”
“Sure, a mistake. Completely get that. It’s like when Mike leaves the toilet seat up. Mistake, but what do you call fooling around in the bathroom at his cousin's wedding?”
I close my eyes, knowing full well I'm not going to win this argument.
“That was—”
“Another mistake? You can't keep taking what you want from him and calling it a mistake instead of confronting what that means.”
“I know. I know.” I swallow down the guilt. What I’m doing isn’t fair, and I do need to really talk to Zach about things, but do I want to do it here? On a boat that I can’t get off of? I guess I have no choice. “I promise I'll figure out whatever this is and talk to Zach.”
“That's all we're asking, Honey.” There’s some noise in the background. “Oh, darn. I’ve got to go. That’s the crib delivery. I’ve got to go help Mike. No doubt he’ll get them to leave it in the kitchen if I’m not there,” she says. “Good luck, Honey. I know you can do this.”
“Thanks,” I mutter.
We say our goodbyes, and when the line is dead, I toss the phone to the side and stare at the ceiling, still trying to process how I’m going to survive with Zach right next door.
Two. Weeks.
I’ve got two weeks to figure out my life and what I want, but can I do that—with him here?
Maybe that’s the real test.
Maybe without all the noise of college and our friends, I can do both.
Or maybe this will all blow up in my face.
Either way, Zach Evans and I are about to spend two weeks together on this ship, and there's nowhere left for me to hide.