Chapter 13
“I’m going to kill her,” I mutter, taking another tentative step up the treetop tower somewhere in Grand Bahama.
This is not the treetop canopy tour I was expecting when Olivia suggested I still come to this since she'd already paid for it. I thought it would be gentle bridge walks with a tour guide quietly telling me about the beauty of the landscape.
In no way did I expect it to start with a zip line through the trees.
My clip clinks against the structure, my knees knock, and the only reason I'm still making my way to the top is because I don't want to disappoint my bus buddy, Gabe, again.
The guy hogged all the under-seat storage and grumbled under his breath every time I so much as moved. He’s now right behind me, muttering under his breath about how long I'm taking.
Right, because I’m clearly the problem—not the man who willingly reads books about the evolution of coffee filters for fun.
When I tried to ask him about it, I earned myself another eye roll, so I stopped trying.
Who am I to try to understand his taste in reading when all I've been doing the last six days is stare at a blank page.
That's right. Six days of massages, sunbathing, swimming and having someone cook for me has done absolutely nothing for my writer's block.
Can I call it writer's block when I haven't written a word?
“The line's moving,” Gabe chirps up behind me.
If only we weren't all attached to the same wire, they'd be able to pass me, and I'd be able to head back to the bus and cower in silence.
“I know,” I say, forcing myself up another five steps of the grated stairs. Did I forget to mention I can pretty much see the ground? Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm at least 100 feet above ground now.
The people in front of me take another few steps.
Come on, Honey. You can do this.
One step.
Two steps.
Three.
When I finally reach the platform, I should feel relieved that it’s almost over. I don’t. Not even a little. The drop is terrifying, and people keep stepping off like it’s nothing, trusting their lives to a wire they haven’t questioned for a second.
How old is that wire? Who checks it? Is there a guy? Has it ever snapped? Are those frayed bits... decorative?
“You okay there?” I look up to the voice, grateful for literally anything that isn't the giant, life-threatening drop in front of me. “I'm Jonny,” he says, holding out his hand to me.
I take it, unbothered that he can feel how much my hands are shaking. “I'm Honey,” I say with little confidence.
“Nice to meet you, Honey.”
Behind me, Gabe sighs. “Some of us would like to go today,” he mutters.
Jonny's expression tightens as he looks past me and nods. “Give me a second.” He lifts the wire over my head so he can move around me, and without looking at Gabe, he unclips him from the tower and onto the first line.
“You can go ahead,” he tells Gabe. “As long as you're okay going alone?”
Gabe looks over at me and then back to Jonny. “Yeah, that's fine.”
I instinctively step back a little, holding on as tight as I possibly can to the clip and close my eyes. The platform shakes under Gabe's jump, and my stomach rolls.
“Hey,” Jonny says quietly as he works on the next couple. “You don't have to rush this. Take a second. There's enough room on the platform.”
“Okay.”
It'll be fine. I just need to build up my nerve, and then I'll jump down like everyone else.
It’s been forty minutes since Jonny said I could take my time, and I can see the regret in his eyes.
Three busloads of people from the cruise have already gone through, every single one of them smiling and happy to jump. I’m the only one still standing here, too chickenshit to move.
“Okay, so we have one more bus from your cruise, then we’ll need to start thinking about options for you, Honey,” he says gently.
I nod, peering over the edge and immediately regretting it.
It’s just so high.
“I’ll do it,” I say unconvincingly, but Jonny nods, nonetheless.
“We could try now while no one is around to put any pressure on you?”
“I’m good. I just want to watch a few more techniques.”
He nods, checking the line and the clips, and I’m relieved that I can hear voices coming up the stairs. Once there are people here, maybe Jonny will forget about me.
“Honey?” Bella steps onto the platform, taking her sunglasses off and pushing them to the top of her head. “I didn’t know you were on this trek.”
“I, uh, wasn’t. I was on the earlier one. I just haven’t moved yet.”
“Oh.” She laughs just as Drew comes up behind her. They shuffle forward, taking their spots on the zip line as Jonny harnesses them in.
Bella’s standing close to me as she looks down into the gully peacefully.
“It’s not that bad, I promise,” she says reassuringly. “I did one of these in a mall just outside London once. The second you’re off the platform, it’s fine. It’s amazing, actually.”
I look down into the valley, my lip curling a little. This seems a little more intense than the mall version.
She takes my hand and squeezes. “You can do it. I know you can. Do you want to do it with me? Drew can go down on his own in a second.”
I glance up at her in surprise and shake my head. “Oh, no. This is your vacation; I’m good. Jonny’s going to help me get through this.”
“If you’re sure?”
I nod and give her a smile. “I’m good.”
“Ready, Belly?” Drew asks, placing a hand on the small of her back.
She glances over her shoulder. “Yes.” Then she looks back at me. “Good luck, Honey.”
“Thanks.”
Then he takes her hand, and they step off the edge together.
Just like that, they jump.
Drew’s cheers and Bella’s laugh echo off the trees below, and I watch them until they are so far gone I can’t see them.
How did they make that look so easy?
They just walked up, clipped in, and jumped.
My fingers tighten around the clip, my pulse loud in my ears.
This is my problem, isn’t it?
This is exactly why I’m stuck in the same pattern. Waiting for the right college, for the right story to come to me, for the perfect sentence to write. I’m always waiting for the perfect moment where something just clicks.
But nothing clicks when you’re standing still. Nothing happens when you don’t move.
I glance back at the wire, then down at the trees, then at Jonny, who’s pretending not to watch me.
“I'm going,” I say.
Jonny’s head snaps up, surprise flickering across his face. “Are you sure? You can take your time.”
“I’m done waiting,” I say, defiantly stepping forward to the line closest to me.
Jonny clips me in and checks my harness.
“Good luck,” he says, backing away so I can step toward the edge.
The second I get there, I look down.
Big mistake.
I start to feel dizzy, and I clutch onto the harness.
“I don’t think I can—”
I take a step back, my foot catching on the grated platform slightly. I lose my balance. There’s nowhere to go, and I close my eyes, wincing as I’m pretty sure I’m about to go down the line whether I want to or not.
Two hands close around my shoulders, and before I realize what’s happening, I’m drawn back against someone’s chest.
At first, I assume it’s Jonny, but when my heart rate slows and I smell his cologne, I know who’s just saved me from a potential zip line catastrophe.
Zach.
“Easy,” he murmurs, his voice low and right by my ear.
When I turn to look at him, he’s fully harnessed into the zip line next to mine with a sympathetic smile.
“Hey,” he says.
I stare at him for a few seconds longer, taking in his concerned brow. I can’t even be angry with him because I know he didn’t follow me here this time.
“How long have you been standing there?”
“Not long.” He tilts his head toward the stairs. “Just at the end of my group. Uh, didn’t realize you were here,” he says as though he’s waiting for me to throw a fit about it. “You weren’t on the bus.”
“No. She’s been here for about an hour now,” Jonny butts in.
Thanks, dude.
“So you just thought you’d watch me while I cried into a void and not say anything?”
He shrugs. “You said you wanted space. I was giving you that. I only stopped you from falling because I didn’t want you to hurt yourself.”
Closing my eyes, I try to stop the anger coursing through me.
“I—” I stop. “That's not—”
Jonny clears his throat beside us. “So, are we—”
“One second.” I hold up a finger without looking at him.
Zach clears his throat. “I could—” He stops. Tries again. “If you wanted, I could go down with you.” He says it to a point somewhere past my left shoulder. “Hold your hand or whatever. If that would help.”
I don’t answer. I’m too busy questioning the universe and how it always makes me end up in the same place.
“It might not help. I don't know. I just thought—”
He stops again.
I can feel the tension radiating off Jonny. If Zach goes down without me, I have no doubt Jonny is going to ask me about it since we’ve become family up here, and I don’t want that.
“Okay,” I say before I can think better of it.
He looks at me, suppressing a smile. “Okay?”
I hold out my hand, and he accepts it immediately. My fingers curl around his, and he holds me tight. His hand is steady and warm, and suddenly all the nerves coursing through my body start to calm.
“Don't make it weird.”
“I'm not making it weird.”
“You're already making it weird.”
“Okay.” Jonny steps between us, grinning for the first time since I got up here. He’s probably just happy he doesn’t have to share the platform with me anymore. He looks at me. “Ready?”
No.
“Yes,” I say.
Zach squeezes my hand.
We don’t count. He just follows my lead as I take a step forward and close my eyes.
“Now,” I say, jumping with all that’s in me.
The platform disappears beneath my feet, my stomach drops somewhere into the trees below, and a scream tears out of me before I can stop it.
The wind rushes past my ears, drowning out everything—my thoughts, my fear, even my own voice.
The only thing constant is Zach’s hand.
“Holy shit—” I gasp, my fingers tightening around his hand.
“I’ve got you,” he calls over the wind.
I force my eyes open, and the ground is so far away it doesn’t even feel real anymore. It’s just a blur of green rushing beneath us. Trees stretch out in every direction, and the sunlight cuts through the canopy in streaks that flash past too fast to focus on.
That’s when I notice the shift.
The fear is still there, but it’s... different.
It’s not suffocating me anymore.
It’s sharp and electric.
The wind hits my face, pulling at my hair, stealing my breath in a way that doesn’t feel like drowning anymore. It feels like flying.
I feel alive.
A laugh bubbles up out of nowhere, catching me completely off guard.
“This is incredible,” I say.
“It is,” Zach replies, and I can hear the grin in his voice without even looking at him.
When I glance over, he’s watching me the same way he did when we were teenagers in his car about to go to some stupid party. He’s looking at me like I’m the view and the only thing that matters.
As the trees start to clear and we reach the end of the line, I unclasp our hands, more confident than ever to hold myself up.
When we get to the bottom, I easily land with both feet.
As the assistant unclips my harness, I look back up to the platform I was just on.
I did that. I actually did it.
Zach’s shoulder brushes against mine as they unclip him.
I don't say anything. He doesn't say anything. We just stand there together for a second, breathing hard, looking back at where we came from.
Then he says, very quietly, “You did it.”
I close my eyes, and despite absolutely everything, I feel my mouth pull into a smile I wasn't planning.
“Yeah,” I say proudly. “I did.”