Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
Sophia
“You look frail. Like, girl, you’re not an old lady, why are you so skinny?”
“I know. I can’t really summon up the energy to eat much these days.”
“Depression diet much?”
“I’m not depressed.”
“Really? Look around. You should be.”
God, I’ve missed her. Her banter, her bullshit. Her ability to tease the truth out of me – to joke away some of the pain.
I laugh but it turns into an almost cry.
“I’m not even twenty years old, I’m a single mother and I live at home with my parents because the man that fathered my child can’t keep his hands to himself or his veins clean. I’m broke, I’m tired, and I’m overwhelmed. You’re right, maybe it is a depression diet.”
Her tough mask slips and I see for a second just how broken up she is over what’s happened to me. I never thought when she moved here during high school that we’d end up being as close as we are, but she’s my best friend now. I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it.
I need her, even if it’s from a distance these days. She brings me out of my shell and hypes me up to believe in myself. She’s strong, opinionated and bossy, but she loves and cares so fiercely.
She reaches out and squeezes my hand. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here.”
I shake my head quickly. “It’s okay. I managed. We got through it. Plus, I’ve got no one to blame but myself, really.”
“That’s bullshit.” She snaps. “You have him to blame. We all have him to blame, Sophia, and we all do.”
I know she’s never liked Josh, but this time she’s right. Maybe she was right all along.
“He put his hands on you, Soph. Nothing about that is your fault.”
“I know, but I stayed when I shouldn’t have. I put Aria in danger. I was weak.”
“You’re not weak. Aria is fine, she’ s happy, she’s safe. The fact that you got yourself out of there just shows how strong you are. It doesn’t matter how long it took or how helpless you felt. You did it.”
“Yeah, thanks to Bryson.”
Saying his name hurts my heart. I don’t blame him for keeping his distance – I wouldn’t want to be involved in this hot mess of a situation either, but I miss him. Life is cruel sometimes. It’s dangled Bryson in front of me since I was a young girl, but just kept him always slightly out of my reach.
I don’t really want to talk about him, but I know she’s not going to let me off that easily, she’s been dying to know what the deal was with the two of us since she discovered that it was him who actually got me out.
I’ve been ignoring her probing texts for weeks. I didn’t know what to say.
“About that… are you going to make a girl beg?” she asks, raising one perfect, dark brow at me.
I sigh.
“There’s nothing to beg for. He helped a friend in need and was an excellent host. There’s no more to it than that. No exciting story, no passionate love scene, just a friend helping a friend. I stayed a while to hide from the world, and then it was time to leave and go back to reality.”
“Boring,” she quips.
“Sorry to disappoint.”
“I am disappointed. ”
That would make two of us.
She twirls a strand of hair around her finger. “Not that I’m like, trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation, but surely you could have let him get to second base or something. You know, for his efforts or whatever.”
I know she’s joking, but she doesn’t know just how much I wish it had happened like that. A girl can dream.
“I don’t think he’s looking for a teenage single mum with nothing to her name but a suitcase full of issues.”
“Pfft. His loss anyway. He always was a bit different.”
He is different. That’s what I’ve always liked about him. He’s got the potential to be like every other guy. He’s hot, rich and talented. He could be cocky and full of himself. He could be the stereotypical jock type who has opportunities handed to him on a silver platter, but he’s not like that at all.
He’s modest, hardworking and humble. He’s not afraid to get his hands dirty and put in the hard yards.
“Are you going to be okay? Because I’m seriously about one decision away from quitting uni and moving back here to look after you.”
I snivel and laugh. “Don’t even talk about something so ridiculous. If you think I’d consider letting you do that, you’ve lost your mind. I’m going to be fine. My parents are being incredible, and I’m getting all settled into my place this weekend. I’m okay. I’ll be okay. I’m not going to let Josh ruin my whole life. Not forever anyway.”
“I should have punched that prick in the face when I had the chance. I never should have told you to hook up with him in the first place. I can’t believe I thought for even a second that he wasn’t total scum. This is probably all my fault if you really think about it.”
“Most things are your fault if I really think about,” I tease her.
She gives me a sad smile.
“I’m fine, B. Really. I just need some time to get back on my feet and figure out what I’m going to do with my life.”
“You’re a great mother, Soph, and an even better person. Your life is going to work out just fine, honey. I promise.”
I stopped believing things as na?ve as promises a long time ago, but I want her to be right. I really, really do.
“I hope so,” I whisper.
“So, what’s happening with Josh? Does he get to see Aria?”
I shake my head. “The judge ruled in my favour and agreed that taking her to a prison to see him would do more harm than good, and besides, the protection order I took out against him is still active so there’s no way I would be taking her in myself. No one from his family is allowed near her either, so he’s out of options. He hasn’t seen her since the day he got arrested.”
“That’s good. She doesn’t need that piece of shit in her life, trying to fuck it up. I still can’t believe he got sent to jail.”
“I know. Like selling weed in school was bad enough, but who actually cooks P? I mean for real, what would make him think that was a good idea? And then to be using as well, I still can’t believe it.”
“Do you think you’ll let him see her when he gets out one day?”
I shrug. “I might not have a choice. If he’s here, he’s clean and he wants to see her, I guess I’d be willing to see how it went. I could take him to court if I didn’t think it was what was best for Aria… it’s all going to depend on him.”
She mutters something under her breath that sounds an awful lot like a threat to kill him if she gets the chance, but I ignore her. Sometimes it’s best not to encourage her rage.
She’s loyal to a fault, and I really don’t think it’d take much convincing to get her to do something we’d all regret. As it is, Mum had to stop my dad and Uncle Cole from going nuclear. We don’t need another liability in the family. There’s enough jail time being handed out in this town already.
“Tell me about uni. I want to hear about you and Cullen and all the wild parties you’re going to, and all the stupid, fun stuff you’re doing,” I ask her, snuggling deeper into my spot on the couch.
“I didn’t come here to talk about me.”
“I know.” I look at her with wide eyes, on the verge of tears again all of a sudden. “I know that’s not why you’re here, but I need to hear it. Just let me be a normal teenage girl for ten minutes. I want to hear about all the things I’d be doing if my life wasn’t such a ginormous fucking mess.”
She softens again and nods her head. “Fine. Ten minutes of gossip and then we’re going to wake Aria up so I get to see my baby.”
I squeeze the pillow in my lap in excitement. It’s sad how much I’ve missed a good serving of harmless, piping-hot tea. My life is so sad. I can’t believe I’ve become the town gossip, instead of being someone hearing about it.
“Okay, so… oh my god, did I tell you about who Laura has been doing?”
I don’t even know the answer yet, but I feel better already.
“You’re really good at that, you know. You should teach people how to cook things.”
I look up from the tray of bread rolls I’ve just shaped in my hands.
“I don’t think I’m qualified to teach anybody anything.”
Mum shrugs. “Maybe not on paper, but you’re the best cook and baker I’ve ever met. I don’t mean you should run classes at the local culinary school or anything, but sometimes when I Google how to do things, YouTube videos and stuff come up. I bet you could do that.”
For a boomer, she actually might be onto something. I swear half the time they think you can just put something on ‘The Facebook’ and two minutes later it will have ‘gone viral’, but credit to her, it isn’t a half bad idea this time.
I am a good cook, and a good baker. And more than that, I love it. Getting in the kitchen is like therapy for me. Maybe this would be something that could be good for me.
“You think so?”
“I do. You’re a beautiful girl, got a face made to be behind the camera,” she teases. “But really, you’re practical, good at budgeting and you don’t waste anything. Maybe it might be a nice break from having your nose permanently stuck in a book?”
My mind starts running away with ideas. I love watching online tutorials and videos, and I bet Berlin has learned enough in her marketing degree so far to be able to help me make a website, or a blog or something basic.
“You know what, Mum, maybe I might just do that.”
She looks pleased with herself for thinking of it .
I am too. I doubt anyone would watch, or care, but it would give me something to do while Aria naps. I’ve always liked making videos and reels, so all in all it seems like something I wouldn’t hate doing. I could use a creative outlet, if nothing else.
Mum picks Aria up from the floor, taking her with her as she leaves the room, and I’m grateful for the peace; my mind is whirring with ideas.
I’m grateful for Mum in general, actually. Dad too. Hell, even Toby has been a godsend. It’s not easy raising a baby or toddler on your own, but with the three of them back in our lives in the way they should have always been, I don’t feel like I’m doing it on my own anymore.
I look back at myself, the scared woman who let herself get isolated from her family and friends, and who thought she had nowhere to go, and I’m baffled by her.
I always had somewhere to go. I always had my family.
I can’t figure out why I ever doubted that. Maybe it was the shame. Maybe it was the trauma. Maybe that’s how those kinds of situations go. I know I lost my confidence.
I might never know why I thought or behaved the way I did, but I know one thing, I’ve got them now and I’m never going to let anything, or anyone come between us again.
I cover the bread rolls and carry them over to the window seat so they can rise in the sun. I’ve got soup cooking in a huge pot on the stove, and half of a new recipe I created for a chocolate mud cake in a bowl on the bench, waiting for me to come back to it.
Music is playing in the kitchen, and I know I’m in a space where we’re safe, loved and appreciated. Life is pretty good today.
I go to the pantry for the last of the ingredients I need, and as I set the containers down on the bench, my phone rings, and I’m beyond happy to see the name on the screen. I haven’t talked to Cat for a little while, and I miss her.
There’s no way I want to go back to my old life, but I miss the way things were between us when she was just my friend, and not the officer who helped me escape my drug dealer ex-boyfriend. We’re still close since it all went sideways, and she’s been amazing at checking up on me, but I want my friendship back the way it was before there was pity hidden in every look.
I scoop up my cell and hit answer as I sit down into one of mum’s big cushy armchairs. “Hello, stranger.”
“I could say the same thing to you.”
“I’ve been busy slaving away in the kitchen, what’s your excuse?”
“I’ve been flat out making this town a safer place, one speeding ticket at a time,” she drawls.
I giggle. “They’ve got you on ticket duty? I’d have thought you’d be running the show after the big bust.”
She snorts. “You act like I single-handedly saved the day.”
“That’s the story we’ll tell our grandkids.”
We always joke about Max and Aria getting older and becoming a couple. Dreaming about how our kids could have kids together and then we’d get to be grandmothers to the same baby.
It’s nice to laugh and joke around with her again.
We fill the next five minutes with chatter and nonsense, laughing and catching up.
I pick at a piece of fluff on one of the cushions as we fall quiet. “Do you want to go to the pools or something with the kids next week?”
I hear her let out a breath. “That would be perfect.”
“I’ve really missed hanging out with you.”
“Me too. I just wasn’t sure if you’d want to keep hearing from me. You know, negative associations and all that.” She sounds nervous, she must have really been worried that I’d feel that way.
“You’re ridiculous, you’re about the only positive association I have in this whole clusterfuck.”
She giggles. “I love it when you swear. It seems so out of character.”
“I swear all the time.”
“You do not . You swear like the word ‘fuck’ only got introduced to your vocabulary twelve months ago. I think I’d pass away if I heard you say ‘cunt’.”
“Seriously, you’re ridiculous.”
“So you keep telling me.” She laughs.
“So, pools next week?” I confirm, hopeful.
“Just try and stop me.”