Chapter Eighteen
Greylan
I sank to my knees, head in my hands on the cold floor, thankful that Valyx understood my difficulty and took her away. I wanted to bite her, to bond her. The instinct I denied having was riding me hard. The desperate longing to complete our connection. It was a physical thing, thrashing inside me, struggling to get out. I didn’t know how much more of this gnawing hunger I could take.
Nausea rolled in my gut, and I launched myself at the trash receptacle, breakfast spewing forth like I wish this feeling would. Panting, I leaned over the metal can, head hanging, cold sweat dripping into my eyes as I sucked in a breath. Her honeyed perfume was still saturating the normally sterile air, more potent than the foul odor of bile and half-digested food. Betas weren’t usually so sensitive to smells, but maybe I was, because it was her.
The serum I’d been working on nagged at me from the top of the stainless-steel counter. It wasn’t ready for testing, let alone use. It might never be ready, but I was at a loss for other options. The idea behind the injection was a spin on the hormone inhibitors used in heat suppressants. The hope was that it would repress my body’s bonding instinct. Something had to.
Space was the only thing that reduced the pull, but that also made me sicker. Did I continue to keep my distance and waste away, or did I stay close and endure the painful clawing I felt when she was near? The irrational need was rapidly turning into a physical ailment.
The half-formed bond ate at me, and every possibility turned into a dead end. I continued to wonder if bond sickness could kill a person. I didn’t want to find out.
The others were looking for solutions, but not making any forward progress. The small cache of books Lex recalled mentioning bonds were missing, and I knew the risks of bonding multiple mates. It wasn’t something I could allow Saphyra to do without more information. It could kill her, and that was unacceptable. Something had to give, or I didn’t know what would happen to me. The one thing I was sure of was that I would die before I let my issues endanger Saphyra.
My legs shook as I maneuvered alongside the crisp, white exam table, using it to steady myself. With some effort, I made it to the comms unit and connected to Axion. “Come to my office as soon as you’re free. There’s been a development.” I worked hard to cover the quaver in my voice, but I must not have done a very good job of it.
“Are you okay, Grey? You don’t sound okay. Should I call—“
“ No .“ I cut him off. “No, I’m all right. Just, whenever you have time, I’d like to talk.”
“I’m on my way. You in your clinic? Yeah, never mind, I see you. Two minutes.”
That meant he was taking the lift and wasting costly energy. I told him it wasn’t an emergency, but he seemed disinclined to believe me. I hated myself for my weakness. If I was stronger—if I were an alpha—I’d be able to endure this burden.
Knowing he’d be here soon, I cleaned up my appearance the best I could. But there was no helping my sallow skin and sunken eyes. My failing health was becoming harder to hide.
He knocked, but didn’t wait for an answer before letting himself in.
His eyes narrowed, and his nostrils flared. “Was Saphyra here?”
Strange he would comment on that first, of all things, but maybe her perfume lingered.
“She left with Valyx, just before I commed you.”
“I can still smell her.” His attention darted around the clinic, no doubt noticing the scent of sickness in the room, but was too polite to bring it up.
“Yes, I’d imagine so. They’ve only been gone a few minutes.” As much as I preferred to avoid the topic, I changed the subject to remind him why he was here. “I need to talk to you. The incomplete bond. It’s… affecting me. Have you made any progress with your research? Have you found a course of action, or information on what to do about the situation?”
He was still sniffing the air, his brows furrowed in thought. “Nope, nothing yet, sorry. As soon as we find anything, I’ll let you know. Did they say where they were going?”
He didn’t seem to be paying much attention to me or my concerns, but I understood. She wasn’t far from my thoughts, either. And yet, he was more distracted than I would’ve expected.
Resigned to my predicament, I decided giving him the information he asked for would be the fastest way to get back to my own seemingly futile research. “No, but it looked like Valyx had been fighting. His shirt was bloody, but he was almost entirely recovered by the time they got here. Perhaps they went to get a change of clothes.” I leaned back against the edge of the exam table, my head still swimming.
“Yeah, probably. Don’t worry. We’ll find something soon. We must be getting close. Stay here and rest. Everything will be fine.”
He’d left before I had a chance to answer, and the door clicked shut behind him. I had to agree. I just needed a moment to clear my thoughts. There was no reason to panic. I hoped he was right about their search for answers, though. Because I was worried about what would happen if they ran out of resources and still didn’t have a solution.