Chapter Twenty-One
Saphyra
T he rest of the day passed more quickly than I would’ve liked. One of my alphas was most likely outside, bored, guarding my door. But I didn’t check. I was still upset with them and had no interest in seeing them right now.
Lex brought me replacement soap and removed the old one to avoid confusion. I did my best to ignore him and to hide the pang of hurt when he didn’t stay long, saying he had things to see to.
The new soap had a particularly neutral, milky smell that I should’ve noticed. I placed it in the shower and made a mental note to be more careful in the future. My hope was that it wouldn’t be necessary much longer. Once I was properly bonded, my scent would change, and that would stop being a concern.
Violet delivered a late lunch and helped me pick out a gown for dinner. But once she was gone, I found myself bored without much else to do.
My curiosity got the better of me, and I gave in to something I’d wanted to do all day. I went into my dressing room.
I saw everything with new eyes. The first time I’d only seen old clothes, but now they were memories. I pulled down a dress and sniffed it. An overwhelming scent of dust and a whiff of ash tickled my nose, but under all that was the faintest trace of caramel. That sweet smell triggered a spark of soft, brown eyes and spun gold hair.
I held the garment to my face and sat down on the floor, inhaling measured breaths. The sound of my mother’s laughter echoed through stone corridors as warm, summer sun streamed through open archways. My father’s cheerful smile flashed for a moment and then was lost to shadows.
Memories danced at the edge of my mind like the faint whisper of wind chimes far in the distance. I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly, trying to hold on to the last scrap of my parents’ faces, but darkness whisked them away. I’d known their love once, and the warmth of it suffused my body even if the memory was fleeting.
There was more in the closet, so I continued, digging through the long-abandoned dresses, chasing anything that might awaken hints of my past.
Clothes went flying, and the more I explored, the angrier I got. All those missed years because the Imperatrix had stolen them from me. The life I should’ve had. Taken. The things I could have learned from my parents. The love that I still felt like the ghost of a breath. All ripped away from me in a single day.
That one single day.
The hint of ash in the air ignited a memory of smoke billowing past arched windows as I ran, looking for my mother. My tiny legs were so short and no match for the adults. Hands grabbed at me, familiar hands, and a soothing, sweet anise smell engulfed me. I let them catch me because I knew them. At first, I thought they were there to help, but I was passed to a soldier in an unfamiliar uniform. No, I didn’t want to go with them. I wanted to run to my parents. But no matter how hard I thrashed and screamed, I couldn’t get away.
“No! Leave me alone,” I shouted, gripped by the remembrance of that terrible day.
“Your Majesty?” Violet’s tentative voice pulled me from the memory, and I blinked at her through watery eyes.
She stood slack jawed, framed by the closet door. Chaos reigned around me. Every scrap of fabric—the once carefully hung gowns and folded clothing—was now piled in a heap with me sprawled on top.
I dashed the tears from my eyes as I stared around at the devastation I’d caused. “I’m so sorry, Violet. I don’t know what came over me.”
She waved off the mess, but carefully waded through the destruction to my side. “Are you all right, Your Majesty?”
The kindness in her eyes was like a dagger to my heart. I said the only thing I could say. “I don’t know.”
“We’ll figure it out.” She offered me her hand, and I took it.
Someone had handed me to the enemy. Someone I’d known and trusted.
With Violet’s help, I descended the mountain of clothes. My legs wobbled, and I stumbled over something hard before I gained my equilibrium. I looked behind me and didn’t see anything that could have caused the trip. There shouldn’t be anything hard in a pile of dresses, nothing that I’d noticed on my first inspection, so I detangled myself from my maid’s helpful grip and turned back to see what it had been.
Nothing looked out of place as I surveyed the mound. Even when I toed through the fabric, everything seemed ordinary. Violet was looking on, no judgment in her eyes, just curiosity when I knelt down in the clothes.
My hands moved as if on their own, patting the material. So many memories had been dredged up by the dresses. It might have been my own naive, wishful thinking, but I found myself wondering what an object might conjure.
As if guided by the Stars, my fingers landed on the edge of something solid. Whatever it was, it was tangled in a length of gold brocade. I worked almost frantically to free it from the depths of a deep pocket in the skirt of the dress.
I gasped.
In my hand, I clutched a small leather-bound book. The scent of caramel was strong alongside the leather and parchment, for such a small and forgotten object. I traced the edges of the uneven pages with fingers that trembled. It seemed familiar to me, but no particular memories surfaced.
Embossed on the front of the leather cover was a curved archway surrounded by starflowers, and when I opened it, rows of flowing script met my eyes. Doodles of floral patterns, wildflowers, and bees were squished into the margins. Each page held new treasures, all in my mother’s hand. She had held this. These were her words.
Violet stood off to the side of the dressing room, seemingly unsure if she should leave me or help me. I didn’t know what I wanted her to do either, but I knew one thing.
“Tell no one,” I said, clutching the book to my chest.
Violet nodded solemnly, understanding the situation without words. She knew where the dresses had come from and who they belonged to. No further explanation was needed.
I didn’t know why I was sure, but I was positive this had to remain a secret. Things kept going wrong and after the flash of betrayal from my memories, I didn’t know who could be trusted.
Dinner was fast approaching, and I still had to get cleaned up and changed. Violet helped me strip off the dress from earlier and into the shower. I didn’t let the journal out of my sight, setting it on a table next to the bath. I didn’t suspect Violet of any malicious intent, but I didn’t know who might stop by while I was getting ready.
Maybe it was stupid to trust Violet. So many things had already gone wrong. But if she wanted to betray me, I would address that if it happened. What if it already had happened, though?
My pulse picked up speed, and my eyes remained on the book as I called out to be heard over the rushing water. “Violet?” I waited for her to reply.
It took a moment, but her shadow fell through the open bathing room door. “Did you call for me, Your Majesty?”
I stepped from the shower and turned off the water, trying to keep my breathing at a calm and steady rate. “Violet, remember the day you gave me the soap?”
She nodded slowly, as if unsure of where I was going with this.
“You said Alexi had brought it for me to use. Did he hand it to you directly?”
She shifted nervously, her skirt swishing around her ankles. “No, ma’am. Aster told me he left it for you earlier.”
Stars! Aster!
I should have known. But was it just a stupid prank from someone that perceived me as a rival, or something more than that?
“Thank you.” I breathed out a sigh of relief, glad that she wasn’t behind the swap, and grabbed a towel to dry off with. “I’m sorry for the odd question. It’s been that sort of day.”
Violet helped me dress and did my hair, smiling and making small talk. She told me how wildflowers were bursting with color all over the mountain, and crops that’d been parched and struggling were thick with blooms. It was getting late in the growing season, but if the early frosts held off, there would be a good harvest this autumn.
Her idle chatter may not have meant much to her, but hearing that there would be food and water for the people through the cold months did something to me. Warmth and contentment washed over me like the embrace of a loved one.
My responsibility for the people grew alongside my sense of belonging, but so did my unease. I wanted happiness and peace, but there were unknown factors working against me.
I didn’t know if I was ever going to be worthy of being the queen. But I was going to try.