Lucy
Her stomach was rumbling, but she hardly felt it. Her meagre number of coins didn’t run to buying food at a café, so she’d have to go without. The evening was drawing in, and she wondered whether she might blend into the dusk, simply vanish away like a bundle of leaves in a light wind.
It was how she felt: insubstantial. She’d lost her way, made bad decisions based on lies and deception. Was that all she was worth?
After a pause, Caroline went on. ‘I’m sorry about what happened with Richard.’
A group of birds swept out of a tree and circled the playground below them, their soaring wings perfectly synchronized, as if nothing could set them off course.
Unlike Lucy. She’d gone so far off course, she didn’t know if she’d ever be able to go back.
Caroline reached an arm across her shoulders. ‘I’m sure everything will be fine once it settles down.’
‘No, it won’t.’ Lucy pulled away. ‘I lost my job, and I don’t know how to begin getting another one.
There’s nothing at home for me, back in Cornwall.
Mum’s only interested in her new family, her new husband.
She hates the sight of me.’ She sighed from the exhaustion of it all.
‘I can’t even make my name as a singer. I was never that good after all. ’
‘Why don’t you stay here with us? We can help you get a job and—’
‘Do you know what the real problem is?’ Lucy interrupted, glaring at Caroline. ‘The problem is that my mum’s right. I am stupid and na?ve, and now I’ve degraded and humiliated myself, too.’ Inside, she felt drained, hopeless. ‘I wouldn’t want me, so I don’t know why anyone else should.’
She was expecting Caroline to try to pretend everything was fine, but instead, Caroline pointed to the city rooftops in front of them.
‘Do you see all the houses down there? Each one contains individuals, women like you and me, and every one of them has made mistakes at some point, big and small. It’s what they do with those mistakes that makes them into the people they become. Even the queen makes mistakes.’
Lucy looked around. ‘Does she?’
‘She’s surrounded by people telling her what to do: her private secretary, her mother, her husband. She can’t keep everyone happy, and sometimes she’s bound to feel that she should have done things differently.’
‘What does the queen do when she makes a mistake?’
‘She doesn’t wallow in it. If she did that, she’d never get anywhere, would she? No, she tries to learn from it. If you take stock, see where you went wrong, you can move forward. Mistakes are often what make us braver and all the more resourceful.’
‘That sounds hard.’
‘It’s something I should have done years ago,’ Caroline said, half to herself. ‘It seemed easier to try to make everything look all right on the surface, when I should have had the guts to accept what had happened and forge ahead in my own way.’
Only a few weeks ago, Lucy had looked at Caroline with scorn and pity, but now she saw how brave she’d had to be.
‘You were right when you said Richard was using me. He said you were jealous and old-fashioned, but now I can see that every line he said was used to coerce me into doing what he wanted.’
Someone was heading up the grassy hill towards them – Miranda. As she recognized them, she hastened her stride. Out of breath, she slumped down on the other side of Lucy. ‘Thank goodness we found you!’
Gazing up at her, Lucy bit her lip. ‘I thought you’d hate me!’ She put her face into her hands. ‘I hate myself, so why shouldn’t everyone else?’
Briskly, Miranda peeled her hands away so that she could look at her.
‘Promise me never to say that again, Lucy. That man took advantage of you. He’s the one we should hate.
You were innocent and susceptible, neither of which are hateful.
’ Stonily, Miranda added, ‘I hope Richard’s wife isn’t sacrificing everything for him.
According to Sinclair, he’s involved in all kinds of deals.
One of the waitresses at Wheelers is his full-time mistress. ’
Lucy bit her lip to stop from crying. ‘I tried to be the woman I thought he wanted, but he didn’t even want that, did he? Why is it never good enough to be just myself?’
Caroline sighed. ‘Everyone wants us women to be perfect these days. We have to be ideal wives, good wage earners and sex objects for men, but what about the characterful, carefree girls we were? We need freedom, not all these expectations. Lucy, don’t let this moment define who you are – it’s one small, unfortunate incident.
Hold on to your dreams and know that you don’t need a well-to-do man or to be on a great stage to be happy.
Your audience could be just us, at home, enjoying each other’s company.
Life isn’t always about big events. It’s about the meaningful everyday moments, too. ’
‘Look who’s coming!’ Miranda pointed to the path.
There, slowly making her way to them, was Betty. They shuffled up to make room for her beside Lucy.
‘There you all are!’ she said, puffing. ‘I have some good news, and after I’ve caught my breath we’ll have to get home. I managed to convince the head housekeeper that letting go of a valuable wardrobe assistant wasn’t useful at such a busy time, so you have your job back, Lucy.’
‘There,’ Caroline said. ‘You see, it’s not a complete disaster. Now, come on, let’s go home and have dinner, shall we?’
As they trudged down the hill, Lucy felt a weight lifting from her shoulders. ‘But what about Richard? Won’t he make sure I’m sacked?’
Miranda laughed. ‘Not if he has any sense.’
‘I wonder what his wife would say if she found out.’ Caroline frowned. ‘And what about that waitress at Wheelers? Lucy, I don’t suppose you know which one of them it is?’
And without having to think, Lucy knew. ‘It’s Nancy, Nancy Peterson.’ She looked at Caroline. ‘You would do that for me?’
But Caroline only tucked an arm through hers. ‘Whatever happens, Lucy, remember that you’ll always have us.’
‘But what’s Shirley going to say, and the others—’
Betty cut her off. ‘No one else needs to know. In any case, they were worried about you because they care. We all do. Shirley told us about how difficult it was for you growing up, how awful your mother was to you after she remarried.’ She took her other arm.
‘Well, now you’ve got us, Lucy Jones, whatever happens. ’
And Lucy felt the warmth flowing back into her veins as Betty pulled her closer.
She might have been exhausted, but for the first time in weeks she felt that things were going to be all right.
She’d never known anyone doing anything kind for her without her having to do something for them first, and yet here they were, this motley collection of friends, looking after her as if it were second nature.
Back at the house, there was a letter waiting for Lucy on the mat.
She stood looking at the writing numbly while the others went to put the kettle on.
Her mother had never sent her a letter before.
She wondered whether she should just put it to one side or throw it in the fire.
Surely nothing good could come from opening up past wounds.
But with the sound of her friends in the kitchen, for once she felt able to face whatever was inside.
The letter was brief.
Dear Lucy,
I hope you’ve managed to sort out your problem.
I felt awful after your telephone call, and I knew I had to write.
There’s a lot of things I should have said to you a long time ago, and perhaps it took something like this for me to set the record straight, in case you think you are the one at fault.
Although I love Stan, he has not always been a good man – men will be men, after all.
As you grew up I could see that he was taking you out, buying you gifts.
It’s never easy for a wife to know her husband favours another woman, especially if it’s her own daughter, and I blamed you for leading him on.
But when I came in and saw you sitting on his lap, I knew it looked wrong. Believe me when I say I acted for your own benefit when I sent you out of the house. I was relieved that Shirley got you the job in London as I didn’t know how else to protect you.
Now that you’re a grown woman maybe you’ll understand. I don’t feel good about how we left things, but for now it’s best that you stay in London.
Take care of yourself,
Love, Mum
Lucy tore the letter in two, then again. Her mother couldn’t be more wrong! It wasn’t the fault of either of them – only Stan was to blame. And as for the ‘men will be men’ comment: was she letting him off the hook?
However, her mum was right about one thing: Lucy was grateful she’d left.
She went to throw the torn scraps into the fire, but then, as if remembering something, she looked at them and hurried into the kitchen.
‘Betty, Miranda, Caroline, wait until you see this!’