Chapter 15 Andy
Chapter 15
Andy
I leave Chi, fuck-drunk and passed out in the bed, knowing that it may be the last time I get to have such fun with her. I put everything into this last round. I’ve shown her the few little added skills and kinks I’ve never brought to the bedroom with her before.
To be honest, I don’t often need to bring them there. Usually, I can hold them in and get what I need from her with our usual games. But I’m on edge. This war is bad, and Cas is preoccupied with Mara. As usual, I’m going to have to be the voice of reason. And I’m not sure why, but I feel like I might not make it out of here. Like maybe my time has finally come.
Cas and I take care of some business with Mara’s brother and cousin just before I talk Cas out of running head first into a battle with a man who has more money and power than God. After all of that, it’s time to win or lose this fucking thing once and for all.
Chi and I have been doing anything short of fornicating all over the table, but I haven’t actually spoken much to her. To my knowledge, she still knows little about what is actually going on and seems content to keep it that way as long as she gets to eat my face off. Which is just fine by me.
Cas and I are ready to leave the next night for the confrontation, and when I turn around, I see Chi standing at my door with a hesitant look on her face. She doesn’t usually seek me out, but when she does, it’s certainly not with hesitancy.
“Hey. What’s up, Chi?”
She licks her lips, still seemingly having no idea what to say to me, but pushes herself a few steps into the room anyway. “What do you think… do you think you’ll be okay?”
I freeze. This is definitely not a topic I’d like to discuss and especially not with Chi. Because the truth is… no. I do not think I will be okay. I’m actually pretty certain I won’t be. But I’m not about to say that to this sweet, beautiful young woman, destined to be someone else’s queen.
“Yeah, Chee-chee. I’m always okay. You shouldn’t be worrying about this, baby. It’s not your fight yet.”
She rolls her eyes. “I feel like you’ll also be saying this when I’m head of the Yakuza, though. If it’s yours and my father’s fight, then it’s my fight, too.”
I don’t know why she includes me in that sentence with her father, and I understand even less why it makes me feel so good that she does. But I push on. “Well, I’ll be fine, like I always am.”
Suddenly, she’s grasping onto my bulletproof vest and pulling me closer. “Andy, I don’t think you get it. I’m not a child. I know you could die. Cas could die. Even… even Mara.” She gulps, and her eyes drop from mine as she grapples with the idea. I remember all over again that she has never had to deal with a war in her life. I, on the other hand, have seen this all before. It’s just a different war and a different battlefield. This might be the reason why the idea of death for her sends shivers down my spine; for me, death is just something I live with, knowing I can’t outsmart it forever. I stared it in the face so many times that it doesn’t really faze me anymore.
She’s never seen this fighting. If she’s seen her father torture or beat men, that’s about as much as her eyes have been privy to. “Don’t die.”
Her little outburst would normally just make me laugh inside while I used it as insincere fodder for my next meeting with whatever girl was pulling on my shirt at the moment. But from Chi, right here, right now, I want to be honest and level with her. I think after everything we’ve been through together, she deserves that much.
“Yeah, I could die. But… I’ll try not to,” I say, awkwardly attempting to be sincere and flippant at the same time.
She doesn’t roll her eyes or slap me good-naturedly. She stares dolefully into my gaze and puts her hand on my cheek. I imagine what we must look like and am shocked to consider the fact that it’s something I’ve never had and always wanted: someone to see me off. All the years I was in the military, no one ever said goodbye like this. Even my mother, who never wanted this life for me. And my father, who was killed because of it anyway, no matter how hard he tried to stay away.
Chi tucks a wayward lock of hair behind my ear. “I…” She bites her lip, and I feel how much there is to say between us. I think we both know that whatever we’ve been doing these past few weeks is more than just fucking. But there’s no way to express that. There’s no way we can say everything we want to say right now, and no matter how much Chi wants to, I know she won’t.
“I’m going to miss you,” she finishes lamely.
I give her a crooked smile. “I know.” Now I’m trying to bait her into hitting me, but she barely even registers what I’ve said. So, I give in and give her what she wants. “I’m going to miss you too, Chi.”
She slips her arms around me for a hug. I’m not sure she’s ever initiated this sort of contact before. It feels more intimate than anything we’ve done. More intimate than the sex or the 24/7 mauling of each other’s faces we’ve been doing for the past two days. I think I might actually like it better than all of that.
It’s over too soon, and I have to go. “Duty calls, babe,” I say, trying to push any feelings this encounter may have brought to the surface out of the way so that I can do what needs to be done.
“Andy,” she says, as I reach the door.
I pause and look over my shoulder as casually as possible. “Yeah?”
She swallows and lifts her pointed chin, looking every bit like the queen she’ll be one day, giving her knight an order. “Don’t fucking die.”