Chapter Fourteen Cameron
Chapter Fourteen
Cameron
“Stop staring at her all the time,” Dean said beside me.
He startled me a little, but not enough to pull my eyes away from her.
“You’re gonna creep her out,” he added. Then, after a pause, “You’re even creeping me out.”
I sighed. “What do you want, Dean?”
“That drink you promised me,” he said, stepping in front of me. Dean was a big guy, and he completely blocked my view.
“You’ve been backing out for a month now. I’m collecting. A promise is a promise.”
“Stop bothering me,” I said, furrowing my brows. “Go bother Ben.”
“Ben’s busy,” he said, glancing over his shoulder like he was trying to spot his husband. “I don’t even know where he is right now.”
“Don’t you have a surgery to do?” I asked, already feeling irritated.
He raised his eyebrows. “Don’t you have a surgery to do?”
“I’m done for the day,” I said flatly. “It’s fucking seven-thirty, Dean. But you usually work longer hours than I do.”
“I’m done too,” he said with a grin, adjusting the strap of his duffel bag over his shoulder. He was already changed and ready to head out, just like me. “So let’s go. Let’s get that drink.” Then he paused. “Wait. Don’t you need to pick up Harper?”
“She’s staying at my mom’s tonight,” I replied. “Sloane’s going out. She texted me earlier.”
“With Gabriel?” he asked in a low voice.
I shook my head. “Probably. I don’t know. Didn’t ask.”
“Man.” He clicked his tongue. “How are you holding up?”
“Miserable.”
“Then let’s go drink until we’re wasted!”
“I don’t feel like it,” I said quietly.
“Cam.” His tone softened. “You’ve been wearing yourself out with work, then locking yourself away in your apartment.
It’s the same cycle every day. Come on, go out with me.
We can ask Ben to come too, if you want.
Tomorrow’s your day off. Mine and Ben’s, too.
We can drink as much as we want tonight. ”
When I didn’t reply and tried to peek over his shoulder, he sighed. “Come on, stop it, okay? Just go out this once. Have a good time with me.”
I looked at him, noticing the concern in his eyes. He was genuinely worried, like he could see how broken I was.
Then I exhaled and said, “Okay.”
The big guy practically jumped with excitement.
“Come on. We’ll take your car since Ben took ours home. I’ll text him later to see if he wants to join.”
He turned around, and I started to follow. Then I saw Gabriel walking over to Sloane, who was sitting in the crowded waiting lounge, completely absorbed in whatever she was watching on her phone.
Yeah, a drink or two—or five—might be precisely what I need tonight.
“Okay, this isn’t fun,” Dean complained after we’d been sitting at the bar for more than an hour, me silent and nursing my third drink. “We need to talk about things.”
“What things?” I asked, taking a sip.
“Like what’s going on inside your head. I know you’ve got a ton of stuff you need to let out.”
“Don’t feel like talking about it,” I mumbled.
“I want to know if you’re okay, Cam,” he said, sounding sad. “I’m worried about you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about,” I said. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re not,” he replied. “Cam, it’s me. I know a great deal about the two of you, even if neither of you likes to discuss it. You know you can trust me.”
“Well, the divorce has been filed. We agreed on shared custody. I’ll have Harper two nights a week and every other weekend, and I’ll stay at Mom’s with her on those nights. Everything else is settled. That’s it.”
Dean was silent after that, before he asked, “Don’t you want to fight for her, Cam? You love her so much.”
Then it was my turn to go quiet.
Sloane’s words kept playing in my head, over and over, like they had for the past month.
I couldn’t stop hearing them. Couldn’t stop feeling them.
They clung to me, heavy and sharp, no matter how hard I tried to push them away.
“When we had that meeting with her lawyer,” I began, swallowing hard, trying to push the words out. “Sloane said something to me. And that’s what pained me the most.”
“What did she say?” he asked.
“She said she was in love with me. All this time, she was in love with me.” I turned to him, desperation clawing at my chest, and the words spilled out before I could stop them. Maybe it was the alcohol messing with my head because I rarely talked about feelings like this with anyone but Sloane.
“She finally said that to me, Dean. And now all I can think is—why didn’t I fucking see it? Why only now, when it’s too late? Why the fuck was I like this with her?”
Dean turned in his chair to face me, listening but staying quiet.
“She showed it to me in little ways, and I held on to those with everything I had. I thought she loved me, but she wasn’t in love with me.
I was so certain about that. There were so many nights I sat alone, replaying all those small moments, trying to convince myself it was enough.
But I wanted more. I selfishly wanted more. ”
“Cam...” Dean’s hand went to my arm and gripped it. “You’re shaking.”
“And she was, Dean. She said she was in love with me.”
I shook my head, bowing down as my jaw tightened.
“That’s what fucks me up the most. Because now it’s too fucking late to do anything about it. And the regret... It’s killing me.”
“Fuck, Cam. I don’t have any advice. But I know how hard you fought for that marriage.
I saw how she pushed you away every time she was upset about something.
She didn’t treat anyone else like that. I know how much it hurt.
I still can’t excuse what you did, but I can see how it broke you.
Because you did have the patience of a saint, Cam, right up until you crossed over to the dark side and went full villain. ”
“Our fights just kept getting worse. We fought over everything. Even the smallest things. Often when we fought, she would tell me to leave—leave the house, leave her. Saying she didn’t need me and that she’d be better off without me.
At first, I didn’t listen. I thought she didn’t really mean it.
But eventually, it got to me. I started to believe she meant it.
And then I betrayed her. I cheated on her. And I moved out of our home.”
Dean was looking at me, but seemed lost for words for a moment.
“I didn’t handle it the right way, Dean. But I wasn’t like this before. I don’t know when or how I changed, but I know it was for the worse, not for the better.”
“And then you cheated...” Dean said carefully.
I let out a bitter laugh. “Yeah. I’m a fucked-up, broken mess, Dean. There’s no saving me.”
“So now you’re going through with the divorce?”
“Yes.” I sighed deeply. “She couldn’t accept me betraying her. And I know she never will.”
“But you ended it with that woman, right?”
“Yes.”
“So why not fight for Sloane?”
I stared at him for a moment.
I honestly didn’t expect him to suggest that, not after everything he’d seen, not after witnessing how bad we were to each other.
And especially not after what I did to Sloane. I knew Dean didn’t accept it. Couldn’t.
“I want her to find someone better, Dean. Someone better than me.”
“Fuck, Cam. It’s not going to be easy for anyone to understand her.”
“Maybe Gabriel will,” I said, resigned.
“I don’t really like the guy, you know.”
I looked at him. “Why? He seems okay.”
“There’s just something about him...” He trailed off, thoughtful. “I don’t know. Ben didn’t like him, so maybe I’m just projecting.”
“I’m still going to be there for her. If she ever needs me. At least until there’s someone else who can take care of her. If it’s not Gabriel, then I hope she finds someone who will.”
“But you know what you did wrong, Cam, and you regret it. You know now that she was in love with you, so why not fight for her? Try to build something real this time, the right way. The way she treated you wasn’t fair, but staying silent and just taking it wasn’t right either.
Eventually, it built up and exploded, and you did the worst thing you could’ve done.
There has to be a better way. Some way to meet in the middle. ”
“Don’t you think it’s too late?” I asked. “After what I did?”
“Cameron, you love her. It’s fucking heartbreaking how much you love her, and honestly, it still blows my mind that you could betray her. But you do love her, and you know she loves you too.”
“We had many sweet moments together, too, you know,” I said, reminiscing. “It wasn’t always like this. We didn’t fight as much before.”
“So why’s that?” Dean asked, sounding confused. “I’ve known her about as long as you have, even if not as close. I know she’s usually closed off, even to you, but she wasn’t like this before, not so angry with you all the time. What changed?”
“I think because I’ve started to talk back. To get angry back at her.”
“I believe this is one of those messed-up situations where pain and love get tangled. People sometimes hurt the ones they’re closest to, not because they want to, but because that’s where the rawest emotions live. You both did that to each other.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Sounds like you’re psychoanalyzing me.”
“I am,” he grinned.
We both jumped when Ben suddenly appeared behind Dean and slid in beside us, facing the bar.
“Don’t look,” he whispered sharply. “Don’t look behind me.”
Naturally, we both looked.
“Goddamn it, I said don’t look!”
“What? Why?” Dean asked, confused.
“Gabriel and Sloane just walked into the bar.”
I froze. A wave of dread rushed over me.
“I probably screwed up,” Ben admitted. “We were on our way to the lobby, and Gabriel asked if I was heading home. I said I was probably going to a bar with you and Cam. Then I suddenly got called back upstairs.”
“Did you tell him exactly which bar?” Dean asked.
“Not exactly,” Ben said. “I didn’t know where you’d end up at the time since I wasn’t sure if Cam wanted to go. So I just said maybe Noir—because you mentioned wanting to try it since it’s new.”
“Do you think they showed up here on purpose?” Dean asked, sounding unconvinced.