Chapter Twelve
Bryce
He wasn’t quite sure what he was doing here.
Yes, he had promised he would help her out, but he was certain Emma would have understood his reasons for not fulfilling that
promise. Now that he was here in the bookshop with Pearl stretched out at his feet and Emma across from him, Bryce realized
he didn’t want to be anywhere else.
“Tell me how your mom is really doing,” she said, sipping at her own water. “We didn’t have a chance to talk about it earlier.”
“It was a tough day,” he admitted. “She doesn’t understand what’s happened or why she has to be in the hospital, out of her
comfort zone at the care center. She was so agitated, they finally had to sedate her.”
“How scary that must have been for her. I’m so sorry. That couldn’t have been easy for either of you.”
The compassion in her voice touched him. Emma had always been caring and kind to everyone they went to school with. She was
the first one to stand up to the bullies, the first to fight injustice. It was one of the things he had always liked most
about her.
He lifted a shoulder. “It is what it is. I’ve always hated that expression, but it fits in this case. I can’t change her condition.”
“Right.”
“I also can’t go back in time and pick a different dad, one who wasn’t a selfish ass and didn’t leave us penniless by walking
out.”
As soon as he said the words, Bryce wished he could yank them back. He never talked about his dad or the scars that still ached from Mark Kendall’s abandonment of them.
He took a long sip of his water. “The only thing I can do is move forward. Try my best to get through it.”
“Sounds like that’s exactly what you’re doing,” she said. “Trying your best.”
“Most of the time it doesn’t feel like my best is very good,” he admitted.
“Don’t be so hard on yourself. Most of us feel like our best isn’t quite good enough. Will your mom be able to go back to
the nursing home after she’s released from the hospital?”
“Yes. But she obviously won’t be as mobile as she was before, at least until the new hip heals. She will have to be watched
more carefully. It puts a big burden on the staff, but they’re really caring there. I’m sure they’ll do a good job of keeping
her safe.”
“How long has she been in the memory care center?”
“Two years. It probably should have happened at least a year before that, but I did my best to get by with home health and
a caregiver I hired during the day while I was working.”
“And then you took care of her in the evening, after spending all day at jobsites?”
He didn’t like to remember the bleakness of that time. His mother had been slipping away for a long time, but those early
years after her dementia diagnosis had been nothing short of hellish.
“It wasn’t that bad,” he lied. “She slept a lot, so I was able to have a bit of downtime after she was in bed.”
“Still, 24/7, with no vacation or sick leave allowed.”
“The world is filled with a silent army of caregivers, quietly doing whatever is necessary. I was only one of millions.”
“I think it’s wonderful,” she said. The admiration in her voice left him deeply uncomfortable and eager to change the subject.
“What about you?” he asked. “How are things going at home with your mom?”
“You probably know more about my rocky relationship with Rosie than I wish you did,” she muttered.
“I don’t know much at all,” he assured her. “Only that she is really glad to have you back in Wood Briar. She worried all
the time about you when you were in Vegas. It was tough on her.”
Emma looked uncomfortable. “I was fine. Okay, maybe not the first few years after I left but eventually I was able to put
my life back together. For the most part.”
“That couldn’t have been easy.”
“No. It wasn’t.”
Her simple words concealed what he knew must have been a Herculean effort.
“How did you get clean?” he asked, genuinely interested.
He thought at first she wasn’t going to answer him. After a long pause, she spoke in a low voice.
“When I found out I was pregnant with Emma, I quit everything cold turkey. I had no choice.”
“That must have been rough.”
She gave a tight laugh that told him far more than her words ever could. “You could say that. Would not recommend. One star
out of ten.”
“Good to know.” He wanted to smile but her bleak expression stopped him.
“It helped that I had stopped using regularly before I got pregnant. A combination of reasons, really. I had a job I didn’t want to lose.
I was thinking about going back to school.
I was trying to get out of a bad relationship.
And then I found out I was pregnant. The timing couldn’t have been worse. ”
“Why did you keep Olive? Most people wouldn’t have.”
She again was quiet, looking down at her hands. “I’m not sure it was a conscious decision at first. I sort of did what I knew
my mom and dad would have expected me to do, and then, I don’t know. Somehow everything changed. I came to love her. She was
mine, and I wanted her.”
He nodded, touched at the fierceness in her voice. “And you were hers.”
“Exactly. I’m not sure I can adequately convey the miracle of feeling her move inside me for the first time. It felt like
the first distant star in the middle of a dark, dark night.”
He hated knowing she had endured such a difficult time after she left Oregon. He wanted to make it right for her, to give
her back those years she had lost to despair and hopelessness.
She gave a little laugh. “As you might expect, Olive’s father wasn’t exactly thrilled at the possibility of being a dad. Kevin
wanted me to give her up. Not terminate, necessarily, but consider adoption. I did. Believe me, I did. It would have made
the most sense for her. I even had a couple of appointments with a social worker but in the end I couldn’t do it. The most
selfish thing I’ve ever done, in a lifetime of selfish things.”
“What happened with you and Kevin?”
Bryce wanted to drive to Vegas right then and find the son of a bitch, give him a few lessons about how real men took care
of people they loved. He had never liked the guy. Now he loathed him.
“He signed away his parental rights before she was born, which I thank God for every day.”
“So you went through with the pregnancy all alone.”
He had a sudden wild wish that she had come home at that time. Hadn’t she believed Rosie and Sylvia would be there for her?
He would have liked to have been there for her, too, even though he knew he had absolutely no right.
“I wasn’t really on my own,” she assured him. “By that point, I had a job. Friends who rallied around me.”
“That’s great.”
“And I was luckier than most people my age. I had a small inheritance from my dad to help fill in the gaps. Nothing huge,
but enough to help me get by. My mom blocked access when I was using, which infuriated me at the time, as you could probably
guess.”
“I’m sure Rosie was only trying to protect it for you.”
“I know. I can see that now, at twenty-five. If I could have accessed my trust fund after I first took off, I would have drained
it within a month. When I was seventeen, I thought she was only trying to punish me because I left and she could no longer
control me.”
Bryce found it desperately sad that she and Rosie had turned away from each other after Gary’s tragic death. How much pain
could they have avoided if they had leaned on each other instead?
“I’m sure she wasn’t. She was only concerned about you.”
“I know. For a long time I didn’t want to touch a penny that came from her, even indirectly. Finally I had to swallow my pride.
I knew my dad would have wanted me to take care of his grandchild.”
Her voice broke on the last word and she looked instantly horrified.
“Sounds to me like you did exactly the right thing,” he said quietly and he couldn’t resist reaching out and covering her
hand on the table with his own.
They both gazed at their entwined hands for a long time. Bryce was aware of each slow inhalation of breath she took, each pulse beneath her skin.
He wanted to kiss her.
The urge was almost overwhelming, his body leaning forward slightly, his breath catching.
But before he could even consider asking, she shoved her chair away.
“Thanks again for all your help. I think that’s all I’m going to do tonight. I’m not ready to start painting. I’m sure Olive’s
in bed by now, but I don’t want my mom to have to worry about keeping an eye on her all night.”
He nodded, and the moment was gone. The air between them seemed to cool instantly, the connection they had shared seconds
ago evaporating like morning ocean mist in sunlight.
Bryce felt a pang of disappointment, but he understood. They both had responsibilities, lives that extended far beyond this
quiet moment.
As Emma busied herself gathering her things, Bryce stood, shoving his hands in his pockets to resist the lingering urge to
reach for her. He watched her move about the room, graceful yet hurried, and wondered if she felt the same mix of attraction
and hesitation that churned within him. But now wasn’t the time to explore those feelings.
Instead, he focused on helping her tidy up, their movements careful and distant, a stark contrast to the intimacy they’d nearly
shared.
When they finally said their goodbyes and he gathered up Pearl and headed for his pickup, Bryce couldn’t shake the feeling
that something significant had shifted between them, though whether it was a beginning or an ending, he couldn’t quite tell.