Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
They sat in a private booth that overlooked the stage below. Just Celestine and Edward, alone, their last night together.
The show had been going for close to an hour by that point, and while Celestine had never been a huge fan of the opera, she found that tonight she hardly noticed it at all. The colors. The majesty. The music. It was white noise, a mirage that she could not focus on, just as she wanted it to end.
Although, its end would also mean an end to this evening, and an end to her engagement with Edward. A month ago, she might have jumped at the chance for such an occasion, and if she had been told then how upset she would be tonight, she would have laughed as if it was a joke.
This should not be nearly so difficult. I want this! I know that I do.
As Celestine had been doing all evening, she glanced side-ways at Edward. He sat right beside her, his hands folded in his lap, his attention focused squarely on the performance below. It looked as if he was engaged and entertained, his only thoughts for the music and the actors and nothing else.
Celestine felt a pang in her heart, perhaps even anger. That she struggled so much with what was to come, and that he hardly seemed bothered by it at all… it felt wrong to her.
“Are you enjoying the show?” she asked in a whisper.
“Hhmm?” He turned to find her looking at him.
“The show,” she repeated. “Are you enjoying it?”
“I am,” he said. “Are you?”
“Oh yes,” she lied. “It is wonderful.” She smiled as if it was the truth and then turned back to watch the stage.
As she did, she felt Edward’s eyes on her. Did he know that she was lying? Did he even care? Why would he? He was not the type who cared about anyone other than himself, and he was likely counting the minutes until this was over.
No… that isn’t true either.
Celestine did not know Edward as well as she could have done, but she knew him better than she had.
All that was said about him, the rumors and the gossip, was false and highly exaggerated.
She had seen with her own eyes how much he cared about Millicent, and what he was willing to go through to ensure that her debut and her reputation were not ruined by his own actions.
What was more, she thought back to two days ago, when he had distracted Emily from her worries about Ariadne, playing a role that he did not have to do but did anyway. He had wanted to help her, to shelter her from sadness, to be there for her when no one else could be.
And after that… when they had been alone… he was kind and caring, he was tender… he was not wicked, dispassionate, or self-involved. He truly did worry about Celestine and her family, done when nobody was watching, and when there was nothing to gain from it.
“I…” Celestine spoke before she could stop herself. “I must admit, however, I am not nearly so captured by it as I thought.”
“Oh?”
She looked at Edward, found his probing eyes on her, and looked back at the performance. “I guess I am just distracted, is all. Thinking about what we must do after this.”
He chuckled softly. “In truth, I am the same. It promises to be rather awkward.”
“Lucky then that you are such a fine actor.”
“Am I?”
She looked at him flatly. “From what I have seen, you might have missed your calling.” She indicated to the stage. “Since the moment this all began, you have played your part to perfection. A little too well…” Her heart started to race. “Why, you almost fooled me.”
“Is that what you think I was doing?”
“We – were you not?”
He did not speak right away, but she felt him watching her. Through the darkness, the music from below sweeping over them, she sensed his thoughts as if they were his own. Just as she sensed his struggle.
“I was, for the most part,” he said carefully. “In those earlier days, especially. But Celestine…” His hand moved from his lap and rested on her thigh; she caught her breath and her heart leapt through her throat. “It was not all an act.”
“Wh – what do you mean?” she asked, not daring to look at him.
“There are some moments that I regret,” he said. “Just as there are moments that I will miss.”
“Such as?”
His hand squeezed her thigh gently. Her body turned stiff. In ordinary circumstances, she might have asked him to remove his hand, even warning him off it. But there was nothing ordinary about this circumstance…
“In truth, many things,” he said. “You were not what I expected, Celestine, and I enjoyed my time with you far more than I thought possible.”
“Oh…”
“As to what I regret...” He squeezed her thigh again and then started to slide his hand upwards. She gasped and looked at him, and her eyes widened when she saw the look in his eyes. It was not one that she had seen before, but she knew what it meant.
Celestine’s heart raced. Her body grew hot. And her mouth turned moist as her mind returned to that single kiss they had once shared. It had been so random, she had wondered at the time if he was just teasing her, but now she suspected there was more to it than that.
His blue eyes shone in the dark as they flicked to her mouth. She knew without having to ask what he wanted. Common sense told her to turn away, to deny him before things went too far. But now was not the time for common sense, nor was it the time for behaving.
“And what do you regret,” she asked as she held his eyes.
“Oh, you might laugh at me if I tell you.”
“Tell me anyway.”
Slowly, he turned his body and his other hand moved to her face. He cupped the side of her face, his thumb stoking gently under her chin. It sent a pulse through her body, and she flushed from head to toe.
This is wrong… so wrong…
“You know what I regret, Celestine,” he whispered as his hand squeezed and his thumb stroked. “And while this engagement must end, I cannot help but wonder if we should not…” A smile then, his eyes flicking once more to her lips. “If we should make this last moment between us count.”
“I do not… count how?”
“Do not ask questions to which you know the answer,” he breathed as he gently guided her face forward, just as he leaned in. “And for once, do not pretend that you do not want this. You forget how well I know you.”
“You don’t know me at all…”
“Well, you know me,” he whispered as they came close. “So, try not to act too surprised.”
Celestine closed her eyes just as Edward guided her lips to his own. They met, the music below reached a crescendo, the crowd clapped and cheered in ecstasy, and Celestine and Edward shared their second and their last kiss.
It was a kiss that Celestine felt not just on her lips but in her chest. It swept through her entire body, in fact, silencing the world so that she and Edward were alone and lost completely in one another.
Their mouths parted, his tongue licked and lapped the inside of her mouth, and she moaned and trembled as she gave herself to him fully.
How long did that kiss last for? She could not say. Sitting together in that private booth, nobody to see them, to judge them, they kissed as if the world was about to end and this was their last chance to share in something that both wanted more than life itself.
As they kissed, as wonderful as it was, Celestine felt a pang of regret. For something that was so perfect, that felt so right, she knew that it would never lead anywhere. This was it, nothing else would come, so she best enjoy it as much as she could.
And oh, how she enjoyed it.
Slowly, Edward pulled away. She gasped when he did, trying to follow him, but he held her back. She snapped open her eyes, she saw him smiling, and she did the same.
“There,” he said as he gently released her face and removed his hand from her thigh. “Something to remember you by.”
“I… I…” Her thoughts whirled. “Thank you.”
“For?”
She shook her head and smiled. “For this last month. It was better than it ought to have been, just as it reminded me that…” She winced. “That not all men are wretches.”
He chuckled. “Only most of us.”
Edward turned back to watch the remainder of the opera. Celestine did the same, or she tried to. But as she sat there, as she forced herself not to look at Edward, she realized finally and without argument how wrong she had been about both him and what they were doing.
Their engagement was about to end, but the taste of him on her lips, the way her heart beat against her chest, had her questioning if it should do. Worse still, she knew just as well that there was nothing that she could do to stop it.
Once again, Celestine would be alone, only this time, it felt nowhere near as triumphant or necessary as it used to. Not even close.
“Are you ready?” Edward asked Celestine.
She was not ready. In fact, more than once, Celestine had considered pulling Edward to the side and telling him that perhaps they should wait. She wasn’t willing to tell him why they should, and even she was not certain of the reason.
Besides, I doubt he would want to…
She looked at Edward, noted the determination on his face, and swallowed her thoughts. The kiss they just shared was a goodbye, and while it had touched her in ways she could not have fathomed, she doubted the effect was the same for him.
No, this was for the best. It was, after all, what was promised.
“I am,” she said with a deep breath. “Shall we?”
He chuckled and shook his head. “Not really. Although, it is not as if I am not used to being talked about behind my back. Let us begin…”
They stood together in the lounge area of the theatre, one reserved especially for members of the peerage. The show had just concluded, and moments like this one were used for drinking with friends as discussions were had about what was just witnessed.
No doubt, the fellow attendees had enjoyed the show and were eager to unpack it and air their thoughts and grievances. Little did they realize that the show had only just begun.
Edward strode ahead, cutting through the center of the lounge.
“Edward, please do not walk away from me.” Celestine followed him, pitching her voice loud enough so it would carry, but not so loud that she was forced to shout.
He sighed and turned around. “What other option have you left me? Should I just stand around while you level base accusations at me all evening? I should sooner return home.”
“I am not accusing you.”
“It sure sounds as if you are.”
He stood in the center of the lounge, positioned so that the two score of guests were able to turn with ease and see what had caused the disruption. The conversation that had drifted across the lounge area came to an immediate stop, all eyes on them.
Celestine stopped short of Edward. Her body trembled, her throat constricted, and she focused squarely on Edward as if he was the only person in the room.
“All I did was ask who you have been writing to in secret. I did not accuse you of anything.”
“And as I told you, it was nobody. Merely…” He waved his hand away. “An old friend from Eton.”
“A friend whose name you refuse to tell me.”
“I should not have to tell you anything.” He put his hands on his hips. “I would expect you to respect my privacy.”
“And I would very much like to,” she said innocently. “But forgive me for saying…” She grimaced.
“Say it,” he growled.
“With your reputation, you might understand why I wonder at why you are behaving so secretively.”
“I am not –” Edward caught his tongue and glanced about the lounge as if only just not noticing the people watching them. He winced and lowered his voice. “We will not have this discussion here, Celestine.”
“Why? Do you have something to hide?”
He scoffed. “Very well, if that is how you wish to be.” With that, he turned and strode from the lounge.
“Edward, please!” Celestine hurried after him.
As she raced across the lounge, she heard the whispers follow her. A few gasps. Many rolled eyes. A few people even nodded along as if this was expected.
Edward waited for her in the hallway. When he saw her coming, he chuckled and shook his head. “Well, how did we do?”
“It went exactly as you said it would,” she said softly, unable to summon any enthusiasm whatsoever.
“I knew it would,” he sighed. “These people, they are so predictable. It is like throwing meat to wolves.”
“Yes…” She bowed her head, not wanting Edward to see how upset she was. Indeed, things had gone as he said, and she had no doubt that by tomorrow word would spread of this fight. But was that such a good thing? “You were right.”
“Shall we?” He exhaled and indicated down the hallway with a flick of his head. “Let us hurry home before anyone else sees us. Better that way as it allows for their imaginations to run rampant.”
Edward turned and strode quickly down the hallway, leaving Celestine to follow him. Their plan had worked, tomorrow they would announce an end to their engagement, and not a soul would be surprised to hear it.
Finally, things would be back to normal. Only, as Celestine was now forced to concede, there would be nothing normal about her life from this day on, and nothing would ever be the same again.